Holy Cow...

Where has the time gone?!? I was looking at my blog and realized that I haven't written anything since early September! What a slacker. To be honest, its been crazy around here. Shortly after my last blog we welcomed Tucker Edward Clore into our family. Thomas Ralph Clore was proud to announce the birth of his baby brother on September 18, 2009. He weighed 7lbs 10 oz. He is a real cutey pie with a serious streak. He sort of goes with the flow as long as long as he's fed on time and has a clean bottom! That's not too much to ask. Thomas loves Tucker and makes him laugh at the drop of a hat.

Anyway, I love being an aunt and wish I had more time in the day to spend with them all.

The Little Things In Life

These days, it doesn't take much to get me excited. I was thinking about some of them at 1:15am this morning as I'm hacking my lungs up from one of those beginning of the year colds!
5 for $10 name brand cereal
cars that don't blow smoke out the muffler
not having enough dirty clothes to wash a full load of laundry tonight
making two meals tonight for dinner so that we don't cook tomorrow (notice I said, "we." My man is good!)
Spending the afternoon with my mom and nephew feeding ducks at Lake Ella (YEs, I did help feed ducks!)
There's plenty more but I think the coughing has subsided and I've got to get some sleep!

This Time Last Year...

This time last year I was on cloud nine because Josh told me he loved me. I was also confused and uncertain about the future and where that love would take me. This time last year I was slowly getting the hang of teaching 8 little friends with severe and profound disabilities. I came home exhausted but happy about their sweet enthusiasm.
Now... its that time, THIS year and I couldn't be more settled. Living in a double wide helping to care for my soon-to-be father-in-law.
...Knowing that at 5:15pm I can guarantee that the man of my dreams will be pulling into the yard from work. Anxously awaiting the birth of my third nephew. Taking in a roller coaster of emotions as I plan my very own wedding. Who'd of ever thought that!?! Time sure does fly and I'm trying to take in every minute and appreciate those little things in life!

An End To A Legend...

I've been living in denial for quite some time now. Reality hit me two Fridays ago. I was in the drive-thru at McDonalds when all of a sudden I hear a loud baboom as white smoke came swooshing out of my Honda CRV. I left the car at my parents' house and waited for the news. My step-dad called me and told me it was time to bury it. The compressor was bad, the radiator fan needed to be replaced, (not to mention he had just replaced the radiator a month before,)the transmission was skipping and the catalytic converter was well... we weren't sure when it was going to go but its been bad for over 5 years.(there were more issues but after 217,000 miles, who's complaining?) On August 28th, 2009, I said my final goodbye to my sweet ole Honda CRV. I tell you, I felt like I was giving a kid away. I even cried. I felt like a traitor driving home in my new 2009 Hyundai Santa Fe. Its been a whole week now and the grief is slowly going away. It helps that I have cold air coming out of the a/c vents and my driver side window rolls down with the press of a button. I'm blessed to have gotten a great interest rate and a reasonable payment.

Engagement Pics

Random Thoughts

Its 5:15am and I can't sleep because my sinuses are draining and I can't stop coughing. I decided to get up and blog so that poor Josh could get some sleep. I just took a Zyrtec and my nasal spray. Now I'm eating Wheat Thins and drinking Diet Mountain Dew. So much for my 3-day protein only diet! I figure if I continue to gain/lose the same 4 pounds I'll be ok. LOL!

Its hard to believe that I'll be Mrs. Joshua Register in less than eight months. While its got to be the scariest thing I've ever done, I definitely feel its apart of God's plan. The saying, "good things come to those who wait," is definitely true. Now don't get me wrong, the grass ain't always greener over on my side of the doublewide but it sure gets cut on a regular basis and I have unconditional love from a man who makes me feel like I'm a princess. Is it possible to grow more and more attracted to someone as time goes by? I guess I'm scared because of my past relationships, fear of being left alone and things I've seen happen in other people's relationships. ( I know that was so incredibly wordy, but hey... 5:20am!) Anyway, I just pray everyday and try to keep an open line of communication.

My friend Wendi's daughter will be going to school in St. Augustine in the fall. I am so excited for her. Wendi jokes and says she is me made over. While I'm honored, and I definitely see the similarities, I'd have to say Chellsea has a lot more spunk than I did at her age. Her self-confidence exudes her. Anyway, she told me the other day that her anxiety is building because of the unknown but she knows its all apart of God's plan for her. My advice to her was to enjoy every minute/opportunity she has and not to worry so much about the future. Gee... here's a thought... maybe I should take my own advice!

Well, I think the Zyrtec is kicking in. I'll blog later on. I have some wedding updates to share. Love, J

My Newest Nephew

Here are 3-D/4-D ultra sound pictures of Baby Tucker... that's what Thomas calls him. Poor kid... he'll be Baby Tucker even when he's 30. Anyway, he's already bigger than Thomas was at 27 weeks! Molly is huge. I told Thomas that Molly ate Baby Tucker and that's why she's so big. He looked at me very confused and asked, "Mamma, why you eat Baby Tucker?" In the first picture he's actually smiling. Molly said that after about 4 or 5 pics he got pissed and quit smiling. He's so big they had to poke and prod to get good pictures. I don't have a picture of the money shot, if you catch my drift, but lets just say... he and his brother will be no competition in the locker room!





Its funny how I've never even met this kid and yet I feel a connection. I am so excited about our newest edition. I can't believe all the love that surrounds me. Its overwhelming at times.

Change of Plans

We are getting married February 27, 2010 instead of April 3rd. Originally, I wanted to get married at a place called Bradley's Pond but they were booked for April 3rd. Apparently, everybody likes to get married in the spring. So, I decided to get married at the church I grew up in and have the reception at the Shriner's Club, just like my sister did. I set the April 3rd date not realizing that was Easter weekend. I thought that weekend would be perfect because it was the start of my spring break. When I called the church to find out when I could have the rehearsal they told me I couldn't because of Easter festivities going on that week. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really wanted to get married at Bradleys. Soooo, after discussing all of this with Josh we decided to go with Bradley's. February 27th was the latest they had available before my spring break so we took it!

Wedding Plans

Here is the website for our wedding: http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/JanieTucker&JoshuaRegister. Its a work in progress so bear with me. Since I can remember, I've dreamed of having the perfect wedding. Now the time has come to plan and I'm a bit overwhelmed. I never knew there were so many shades of teal! It'll all come together.

Thank the Lord... We did it!

As I've mentioned before, Josh's dad Tiny had a stroke back in late February. It left his left side pretty weak. Before the stroke he weighed around 350 pounds. He is now under 300. He is able to walk using a walker but his left knee is bone to bone and sometimes it gives out on him... get the picture.

Anyway, he had some errands he needed to take care of today so I took him. Uncle Larry came by and helped me get him in the car and then we were off. We had to take care of some things at the bank. I prayed very hard that I'd be able to help him get back inside the car. I realize now that my CRV is quite narrow and doesn't accommodate tall people. Anyway, the Lord was looking down on us today and all was well. Tiny got in and out of the car all with little help from me and he didn't have to go to the bathroom while we were out!

As I'm blogging this, I'm reminded of the people I saw this weekend in Orlando. I went to the Family Cafe. Its a conference for families and caregivers of people with special needs. My heart went out to the families I saw with older children in wheelchairs. Of course I felt for the children too. A lady had to change a 12 or so year old girl on a changing table designed for a small child. There are times I get disheartened because we can't just pick up and go like most young couples can then I'm reminded that there is a reason for everything. And, just when I think I have it bad, I think back to when I lived alone in my house and how I knew something was missing but didn't know just what it was. Life isn't so bad afterall!

My Boys

This is a picture of Josh and his daddy May a year ago at Kelley's wedding. I sometimes have to laugh at how humorous life can be. My daddy died when I was 12. My whole life I wanted nothing more than to have a daddy. Now that I am marrying Josh not only am I getting a husband but I got a dad too. (Although, he's more like our son most of the time, lol!)I guess its a 2-4-1 deal.

Janie and Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day!

If you've ever read this book you'll understand the title of my blog. Its a cute book about a little guy named Alexander who has a very bad day. That was me, yesterday.

See, I took this class with our district called Level II Leadership program. It was a wonderful opportunity to learn about administration and the Florida Leadership Standards. As a culminating activity, each candidate was required to go through something called Targeted Selection. In a true TS, its an opportunity for school board administrators to interview candidates who are applying for a principal/assistant principal's position. It involves a team panel of "big wigs" who ask you questions about your leadership experiences. Then, as you are answering the questions, they critique you on your answers.

I had on my calendar that I was supposed to go through TS on Wednesday, June 10th. Guess what??? My interview was Tuesday, June 9th. I'm teaching Voluntary Pre-K this summer. So, our school secretary called me out of the cafeteria around 8:30am Tuesday morning and says, "Janie, the HR lady just called and said you are supposed to be in an interview right now." I gulped! Fortunately another teacher was going through the same interview and was dressed for the occasion. So, she switched times with me. I, on the other hand, was dressed in flip flops, shorts and a t-shirt. I had a pair of dress pants in my car that I needed to return to a friend. My principal told me to go and do whatever I needed to get ready. So, I made a mad dash to Wal-Mart bought a $7 pearl set, blouse, pantyhose and a $2.50 pair of heels. I have to say, I didn't look too shabby.

Unfortunately, I went in to the interview with a complex... I was embarrassed about switching up the days and I also didn't study enough (i.e. I thought I had one more day.) To top it off, my very first principal was also in the room. I have the utmost respect for him. Talk about nerves! I felt like I was on The American Idol. The first guy to ask me a question, let's call him Simon, was brass and told me right away, before I even had time to show any emotion, that if I was emotional to suck it up because they were about to lay it all out there. That of course caused me to turn a bright red. Then, once I began answering the question he says in a loud voice, "stop right there!" and critizes my answer. Needless to say, the waterworks began. I haven't been this humilated since I tried out for the flag corp in high school. The head HR lady was in the interview with me and she suggested we go get a drink of water. I'm telling you, if I could have, I would have ran far, far away but she encouraged me to go back and give it my best shot. To make a long story short, I survived. While it was painful, it was definitely a great learning experience. I'm thankful to have been apart of it. I also know that unless I start taking testosterone shots (that was my nice way of saying, "growing balls,") I have absolutely NO desire to become a principal.

I pretty much cried off and on the rest of the day. That evening I was thinking about things and realized that maybe it wasn't so much the interview as it was I had doubled up on my birth control pills because I had forgotten to take them the night before. I think I OD'd on hormones, lol! Geez Louise!

That night, Josh and I were able to go to dinner. I had a very large beer and a great dinner. So, at least the day ended on a good note!

Mother's Day 2009

We enjoyed a delicious meal at Marie Livingston's again this year. No, Molly didn't eat too much. She's preggo! Tucker Edward Clore will be making his debut mid September. We are thrilled!

Hey Blogger Fans... I'm back!

I'm the biggest slacker ever. I just realized that its been 2 whole months since I've blogged! I do have good excuses though. About a week after I last blogged, Josh's dad had a stroke. It did some serious damage to his left side. It took us a week to get the neurologist to realize the seriousness of the situation. Then he spent a week in the hospital being evaluated. Finally, he went to rehab and was there for about 2 months. During that time, we were back and forth visiting him and making sure that he was being cared for.

During all of this, I was slowly moving my stuff into Josh's house while he was remodeling a bedroom for me. He finished it Mid march. It looks fantastic. I'll have to post some pictures. I put my house on the market in April for rent. My renters moved in May 15th. So, between April and May, Josh worked hard to patch holes and move heavy furniture out of my house.

Josh's dad came home May 1st. He is doing remarkable but he can't be left alone and needs assistance getting in and out of bed.

May 13th, Josh and I celebrated a year being together. I can't believe where the time went. It feels like we've been together forever though. Its funny how one person can complete my life the way he does.

This past weekend we went to St. Augustine for our anniversary and JOsh proposed! I was shocked. I knew it was coming but I had no clue as to when or where. I'll post pictures of the proposal once I get them developed. My camara died so I had to buy a disposable one. I'm working on a wedding website. Once I get some more details, I'll send everyone the link.

I know most of you have already seen the picture of the ring but here it is again:

I have dreamed of this day and now that it is here, I am still in shock! I feel like a princess. Ok, enough with the mushy stuff...

I'm actually the queen of this double wide trailor! LOL! Seriously, there's so much to be done around here. Please pray that God gives me the calmness I need to not get overwhelmed by it all. Its not like the boxes are going to go anywhere. And as for the remodeling... well, all in good time!

Valentine's Day 2009

This had to be the best Valentine's Day ever. Not only did Josh buy me the most beautiful bouquet of roses, he brought them to me at work! I was sick as a dog with a double ear infection on Valentine's so Josh took care of me and even grilled me a steak, made twiced bake potatoes and a salad to die for. I am one lucky woman.
I had to laugh when I looked back at last years post about Valentine's Day. Here is a picture I posted:

Things sure have changed for me!

I Hate Embarq

You know, you'd think after transferring my phone number and internet as much as I do, it would be a piece of cake, right? WRONG!!! Talk about sending me over the edge, this time about did it. I transferred my phone service to Josh’s house the second of February so Embarq assigned me a new phone number. (That would be the 574 # that I text to everybody, first.) The phone service was supposed to be connected on Wednesday, February 11th. I get home and try to call the number and guess what??? The 574 # doesn’t work! Instead I have a 575#. (That would be the second number that I text to everybody!) On Thursday, I called and complained. By Friday, not only was my internet not up and running, I had no phone service at all!!! After spending 3 days on the phone with Embarq and expressing my extreme unhappiness they fixed the problem. Those of you who know me from my “partying” days, know that I am notorious for transposing numbers so I figured it was my fault for the confusion. This time, it wasn’t!

Lots and Lots of Updates

I know, I'm a slacker. Its been a whole month since I've blogged. This has been for a number of reasons. First because, I've been spending most of time at Josh's house and didn't get my internet transfered here until last Monday. I will post a nice long entry about that fiasco in a moment. Two, things are going pretty well with the move situation and I'm afraid that if I blog, I'll jinx it. I almost had a nervous breakdown (not really but you know what I mean...) at the beginning of the month when I transfered my cable and phone services to Josh's house. At first I thought it was because I felt like I was giving up my brand new house for an older house that wasn't even mine. Then as the week progressed and I actually shared my feelings with Josh, I realized it wasn't so much the physical/cosmetics of the whole deal but rather that I feared losing my independence by living with him. Josh has been soooo patient with me and I now realize that it doesn't matter if we live in a tent. What matters is that we are together. I think I've found a keeper. Which of course is another big adjustment. I'm used to being on my own, taking care of me and basically doing things on my own. Its taking some getting used to but I'm slowing adjusting to having someone there to help me and love me for me. (you know what I mean, someone besides my mother, lol!)

The House On 59 Chickat Trail

I think I've finally decided to put my house up for rent and move in with Josh. I'm going to list it with a realty company so that I don't have to deal with crazy rentors. Please pray that I can even find somebody to rent it and that they will take somewhat decent care of the place.

The other day I was thinking about this house and just how much I love it. I've been going back and forth about this move because for one, it was such a big deal for me to buy this place and two, its mine... (well, actually it belongs to Chase for 29 more years) but what I mean is, I decorated it to my likings, I picked it out, and well, you get the picture.

It didn't hit me until this morning while I was getting ready for work, that this house has served it purpose. When I bought it, I was at a point in my life where I thought I'd never get married and I needed to make some plans for the future and settle down. Buying this house made me feel like I had accomplished something. It helped fill some of the emptiness in my life. Unbeknown (spelling?) to me, the man of my dreams was living 27 miles away and I was teaching with his cousin!

After thinking about the purpose this house has served I started thinking about the other numerous places I've lived and despite how small or old they were I always seemed to make them feel homey.

Ironically today, Amber brought in this cd recording of her pastor's sermon from last Sunday. In it he talked about worldly possessions and how none of them really matters. What matters is loving God and being in His will. The pastor also talked about being with/doing things for the people you love. That made me think of Josh. I truly love him and I feel at home when I'm at his house. I can decorate his house and make it just as homey as my house on 59 Chickat Trail.

Now that I've blogged my guts out about this matter, please pray that I don't have a panic attack and change my mind,lol!

I pity the day when...

my nephew Thomas plays team sports. Tonight I went out in the freezing cold to watch Noah, my oldest nephew play soccer. He is really good at it, by the way. Anyway, this bigger kid on the other team kept elbowing the players on Noah's team when they came in contact with the ball. I don't know much about sports but I do know that in soccer you are NOT supposed to touch the players. The coach from Noah's team discussed this with the refs at half time and they just laughed and shrugged it off. I'm not quite sure what came over me but when I saw the kid elbow Noah I jumped up and yelled as loud as I could, "get your hands off of him." It was sheer divine intervention that I didn't curse b/c those of you who know me, know that I have the mouth of a sailor. It was sort of funny the way it all happened because I didn't even think twice. I just instinctually yelled. I have a feeling I'm going to be the mom that's banned from the field!

Family Pic

Here is a picture we took on Christmas day. Again... bittersweet... bitter without my daddy, but ever so sweet because of Josh, Eric and Thomas. Anyway, I love this picture. I just notice that I think both Eric and Josh's eyes are closed. Too funny!

Hunting 101

I forgot to blog about my hunting experience back in November. While it was great to spend the day with Josh, let's just say I've decided that is his thing and from now on, we will leave it at that. He can hunt and I'll shop.

In case you ever decide to go hunting here are a few things I learned from my short lived experience...
1. take a bucket and a tarp in case you have to go potty (I'm not talking about peeing, if you catch my drift.)
2. take along a cell phone, books, magazines and/or a laptop (you will sit for hours!)
3. bring a lot of snacks (just incase the dogs get lost and you have to wait around to find them)

It ended up pouring down rain that afternoon and the only thing we saw was an 8 foot gator! I think Josh planned that so that I would never want to go with him again, lol! He asks me from time to time with a big grin on his face if I want to go and I politely tell him "h*!l no"

Christmas 2008

This Christmas was bittersweet. It marked the 20th anniversary (if that's the correct wording) of my daddy's death. It was also my first Christmas with Josh. He bought a beautiful diamond necklace along with some other things. He also gave me a card that he wrote a sweet message inside of. I sound shallow talking about the gifts. It wasn't the gifts that made it so special it was him being there. He helped me decorate my Christmas tree. He made gingerbread cookies for my kiddos at school. He also met my mom's side of the family and lived to tell about it! I'm not sure how I got so lucky to find such a good guy but I did. I've never had anyone treat me so good or make me feel the way he does. Maybe that's why this Christmas was so bittersweet. My sister said she sort of felt the same way this year. Life is going really well. So well that its scary. I know I can't live life in fear of what tomorrow will bring but its so hard not to. There were times this holiday season that I cried for no apparent reason. Looking back I think it was the fear of losing something so wonderful. Poor Josh, he's a trooper. I hope that I get better about this in time.

This is my favorite picture so far. It was taken on Christmas Eve. I'm not sure why Josh looks so red. He's not really!

Updates

I haven't blogged about anything serious in quite a while. The funny thing is I have a ton to blog about but am unsure how to put it all in words. Where to begin... Thanksgiving weekend Josh asked me about moving in with him. While I'm excited about this I am also scared as hell. First of all, I've been on my own for quite a while now. I love spending time with Josh but I also like that when I need a break I can go back to my house. Then there's the fact that there is no way I can sell my house with the way the market is right now. I think I can rent it out but my fear is that I can't. And if I can't, I can't afford to help Josh with his mortgage. (He laughed when I told him that and said that I'd be investing in our future by continuing to pay on my mortgage and not to worry about that.) However, my pride continues to get in the way...

On a positive note, its funny how comfortable I feel at his house. Its warm and you can tell that its seen alot of love over the years. It does need some cosmetic surgery but I think I can handle that. The house used to belong to his mom and dad so it's still decorated exactly the way his mom left it before she died. I explained to Josh that I feel like I'd be imposing if I came in and redecorated. He said he thought his mom would appreciate me changing things. We shall see... I've been doing things little by little. My plan is to wait until hunting season is over to make any major decisions about renting my place out and/or encouraging Josh to fix his place up.

One of my biggest fears about moving was lifted tonight at dinner. I was so afraid to talk to my mom about moving. I don't know why. I guess I was afraid I would disappoint her. This move would mean me moving 25 miles away from her and me giving up a house I worked so hard to get. My step-dad jokingly said to me tonight, "isn't about time for you to sell your house? You're never there." I casually mentioned that I didn't have enough equity in it but had thought about renting it out. My mom didn't even looked shocked. She said that would be a good idea until the market got better. I said I was scared to rent it out though for fear that things wouldn't work out between me and Josh and I'd be homeless. She rolled her eyes and said that I'd always have a place to live. So, now that I have her blessing, I feel much better.

While I love my house and am extremely grateful to have it, its just that... a house. It feels empty. When I'm at Josh's I feel warm. Not to mention the fact that I'm 12 minutes away from Osaka's, my favorite sushi restaurant!

Bottom line... I'm going to keep praying about it. We will see what the future holds.

Pet Peeves

I've been pondering this list for quite some time now and thought I'd share my list of pet peeves...
1. "fun size" candy bars: I mean really, come on... you have to eat the whole damn bag to make it count.
2. people who ask you how you are doing and don't wait for an answer
3. automated telephone services
4. those little napkin kits with the spork, salt and pepper. The napkin is rediculous!

January 1st, 2009

So, I started my diet December 31st 2007, and by June 15th 2008, I lost 50 pounds. I've managed to maintain that 50 pound loss give or take a few by some miraculous efforts. So, my plan is to start completely over to lose those last 20 pounds beginning January 1st 2009. This means, no more beer on Friday nights, no Twizzlers on Sunday afternoon, and for heaven's sake, no more Sonic grilled cheeses! I've got to get my fat behind back in gear with my running. I got sick a few weeks ago and since then I have found every excuse in the book not to exercise. No more excuses! I've got to do it for my health. I'm blogging this in hopes to keep myself accountable. We shall see. My prayer is that by my 33rd birthday I will be 140. That is not unreasonable.

Happy Thanksgiving 2008!

I can't express how blessed and thankful I am for all that I have. While its an overjoyous experience, its also a worrysome, scary feeling all at the same time. I'm not even going to address that right now. Those of you who know me, know where I'm coming from with all of this. I guess all I can do is pray, thank God for what I have and ask that He keep everybody safe during this holiday season.

Yesterday was great. We spent the morning at Josh's sister's house for his family's Thanksgiving celebration. Kelley took the picture I posted. Thanks, girl! Afterwards, we went to my sister's house for Thanksgiving with my family.

I didn't get up this morning and shop. I have a terrible cough that I can't get rid of. I feel fine except for this cough that keeps me up all night. Not sure what to do about it. I've tried Mucinex, Robitussin, etc. I'm one step from trying a shot of whiskey with honey!

I'm supposed to go hunting tomorrow so I have to get better! This will be my first experience. I've been woods ridin' and helped spot during bow season but this will be my first experience with dogs and rifles. We shall see! Poor Josh, with working otu of town and trying to spend time with me, he hasn't had much time hunting. I'm hoping he gets a big buck this season. Well, that's about it. Love, J

Thanks Aunt Sharon!

My Aunt Sharon sent me some old pictures from back in the day. Here are a few of them. It was really sweet of her and it brought back great memories...


Happy Birthday Cuz Erica!


Me with My Aunt Sharon


My Parents on Their Wedding Day... don't think I'll ever be fittin' into that dress!


The Last Time I Wore a Bikini...


Happy Halloween 1986

On Being Thankful

I'm stealing this quote from Trish's blog. "Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never ever have enough." I'm thankful for this quote. It couldn't have come at a better time.

I love Josh. I love him so much my heart actually aches when I'm not around him. (don't puke and no, I'm not smokin' dope) He's been working in Fort Walton Beach for the past month. We talk every night on the phone and we spend pretty much the whole weekend together but when he leaves on Monday mornings to go out of town, I cry. Its the strangest thing. At first, I think I was worried he would get over there and realize how much he misses his free time (you know, before we got together), now I think its because I worry that he's going to get hurt or worse. Is this normal? My sister says it is, but then again we both come from the same family. We're a couple of kiddos who lost our daddy when we were 12 and 8.

Will it ever get easier? I need to be thankful for what I've got and enjoy it all I can.

Halloween 2008

Here is a picture of me with my two favorite men on halloween!

City Girl Gone Country

Yep, that's me... this weekend I went "woods-ridin." This would be Josh's idea of spending time with me while still having the chance to go hunting. Romantic... I know. LOL! I figure hey, it kept me from racking up my credit card at the mall and I got to spend time with my man. Of course, my dumb behind didn't think about the logistics behind, "woods-ridin" and brought along a 32oz Big Gulp of Diet Coke! Guess what?!? There are no port-o-lets in the Appalachicola National Forest. Those of you who know me, know what a prissy missy I can be. I have a hard enough time peeing in public restrooms for fear that someone will hear me! There was no stoppin' this Big Gulp from comin' out of me, though. So, Josh pulled off the road and I walked down into the woods and yep, I peed behind a tree. I'm proud of myself too. I only peed a little bit on the bottom of my jeans. All I can say is thank God I've lost weight b/c there is no way in hell I could have squatted like that at 200 pounds!

6 months ago today...

I met the most wonderful man in the world. We met at Applebee's on Capital Circle and talked for nearly three hours! I was hooked, but scared. Three weeks later, he told me he really liked me and wanted to be more than friends. Four months into the relationship he told me he loved me. Now, its been six wonderful months. Its hard to believe that one person can make you feel so amazing.

I still haven't gotten my flowers, but from what I've heard from some friends is that those usually come after he's done something wrong, lol! I'm learning those things just aren't important. What is important is asking if he can help me when I'm sick, holding me when I'm crying for absolutely no reason, and calling me when he says he'll call.

Its funny too, because when I first met him, I thought he was ok looking, but now, after six months, I think he's the sexiest, most handsome man ever. Everytime I see him I think he looks better and better!

I'm learning to overcome fears and self-confidence issues through this whole process. Before Josh, I had built a wall around myself. I only allowed people to see limited parts of who I was. I was fearful of losing people I loved so there was no way I would ever let a man get close to me. That wall is slowly crumbling. I'm realizing that life is so much richer when you let people in. Yep, its still pretty scary but the rewards are so much greater.

Its true what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder. Josh is in Fort Walton Beach working for the next month and a half. Fortunately, he comes home on the weekends. I miss him so much.

As far as marriage and children are concerned... I don't know what the future holds. We've talked about both but there are some financial things we both need to work out. Josh also has some family obligations (no ex-wives or kiddos) that have to be taken care of. There are days when I think I'm ready for marriage and babies and then there are days when I feel like I have it good right now. I have my own house, he has his... you catch my drift. Please pray for me. Pray that God will give me the peace I need to wait and hear His plan in all of this. Pray that if it is His will for us to be together it will happen.

Hmmm...

Why is it that I always feel like I have to be the best at everything? Why...Why... Why can't I be satisfied with the status quo? I have a good job that I actually love and I'm good at. I am thankful to have enough money to pay my bills but yet I feel like I need to do more. This is the first time in 10 years of teaching that I leave on time every afternoon without taking work home. Last fall, I applied to FSU's Educational Leadership program. This is an on-line program consisting of 8 classes that would allow me to go into administration upon completion of the program. I was supposed to take classes in the spring of 2008 but backed out. One, I don't know if I have what it takes to be somebody else's boss. Confrontations make me sick and I have a problem with wanting people to like me. So, I really didn't want to pay $1,000/class for something I may never use. I'm still paying on loans I took out for my teaching degree!

Anyway, I was asked to be apart of our district's leadership program. Its a two part process that is ideally intended for people who want to go into administration. My principal recommended me for part one last year. She kept encouraging me to go back to school. I am honored that she thought I had the capabilities to do so. This year, I'm taking level 2. I leave each meeting feeling pumped and wanting to take classes, but then once I get back into my everyday routine, I think about the added stress of taking classes. My new principal keeps putting me in these leadership positions as well. Again, I am thankful. I just hope that I do a good job.

So, I'm just not sure what to do. I love my life right now, but should I be thinking about the future and take these classes just in case?

The Fat Girl Inside of Me

Despite losing 50 pounds since January 2008, I still see myself as a fat girl. (hope that's not offensive to anyone) Don't get me wrong, I don't have an eating disorder or think of myself as unattractive. I was beautiful when I weighed in at 209 pounds. I just didn't have the confidence to let that beauty shine through. Anyway, the point to this entry... There are times when I say things like, "I have to watch myself around that icing," or "I need to get my fat butt off the couch and exercise." I think by saying those things, I've offended some people, especially those people who didn't know me before the weightloss. Comments like that aren't made to poke fun at other people nor am I trying to draw attention to the fact that I have lost 50 pounds. Instead, its my way of keeping myself in check. Furthermore, I will always be able to relate to being overweight. I will always have to watch what I eat. I will always have to exercise. As long as I'm aware of these things, I think I will have a better grasp on keeping my weight down!

Josh's Granny's 91st Birthday Party

Josh's family have big get togethers for birthdays. There were 5 people's birthday to celebrate in October. I got to meet Josh's 91 year old grandmother. I sure hope I look that good at 91! Here are some pics. I had a great time on the lake with everybody. I feel pretty much at home with all of them.

Halloween Legs

I have always wanted a pair of these tights and now I finally have a pair! They don't make these in big girl sizes if you catch my drift so this is the first year that I can fit into them.

Camping 101

Some of Josh's friends invited us to go camping with them this weekend. Believe it or not, I'd really been wanting to try it so... I did. We spent all day on the beach. The weather was perfect. Not too hot, not too cold and there was a fantastic breeze. I still managed to get sunburned though. Josh put sunscreen on my back, neck and shoulders. I put it on the front of me. Guess where I got sunburned? All the places I put the sunscreen! My knee caps even got red. What is that all about? I enjoyed some very delicious fruity drinks while vegging on the beach.

Josh's friend, Ross loaned us a two-man tent to sleep in. Thanks Ross! The queen sized air mattress Amber loaned me didn't quite fit in it so we slept on sleeping bags. Yes, Amber I actually took it out and tried it! LOL! Thanks to you too. It wasn't too bad except there wasn't a screen and I kept getting clausterphobic so I had to sleep with the front panel of the tent cracked. Guess what woke us up in the morning? Yep, mosquitoes!

I was worried I would have to pee in the middle of the night but fortunately I didn't! I don't like peeing in the woods and I didn't want to wake Josh to ask him to walk me to the nearest bathroom.

So the next time I go, here is what I'll remember... a tent big enough to hold an air mattress, aerosol insect repellant, maglite (you know the big one that can give people concussions) and my battery-operated fan.

All in all, I couldn't have asked for a better first time camping experience. Of course, my first choice will always be the Holiday Inn!



All of this for one night!?!


Putting the tent together. Notice, I'm not in the picture.


The finished project! Is my man good or what?


Harry A's after a great day at the beach... Go Noles! Yay, we beat Miami!


Pretty wildflowers and butterfly!

Bloggin' When I Should Be Woggin'

Yep, its gorgeous outside and so I should be outside but I had this need to blog so here goes... Hormones! I probably don't even need to type anything else. Its amazing what PMS can do to a girl. At the beginning of the week I was pissed at Josh and couldn't really put my finger on exactly why. Everything was his fault. I gained 2 pounds, his fault. I mean even the cramps I was having,was his fault. I didn't find any humor in that until Jes pointed out that I couldn't exactly blame him for that.

Monday and Tuesday were rough. I just knew things with Josh were over and my life just basically well... sucked. Fortunately, today is Thursday and I see sunshine again. I have to say a big ole THANKS to Amber and Jes for listening and counseling me. Mag thanks for the e-mail. She didn't even know the details but she said she was going to call me and that made all the difference.

Its scary the toll hormones play on a person. I even take Yaz which does make a difference. Before I was on it, I never knew when I was going to get PMS and you could guarantee I'd get it twice a month! Talk about bad news. Fortunately, with the Yaz I know when I'm about to get it so I do alot of self-talk to get me through the week. The wogging helps too. I can't fool anybody, I'm not a runner. I do intervals of jogging and walking so I call it wogging. I stole that word from Trish.

Poor Josh. He's a trooper. Now, I'll admit, sometimes it is his fault that the waterworks (tears) start, but I don't think he really means to hurt my feelings. I'm getting better at being more assertive. Now, I just ask him what did he mean by a certain comment or to rephrase what he is trying to say. He does and apologizes for hurting my feelings. The funny thing is, its me who normally takes things the wrong way. I told him Tuesday night that I understood if he wanted to run away being how crazy(hormonal) I am. He hugged me and reassured me that I wasn't crazy and that its normal to have feelings. God, I love him even more just typing this!
So, until the first of next month, I guess things will be fine! Pray for me, please.

Sex and the City

So I bought the movie, Sex and the City. My friends and I used to religiously watch every single episode of the tv show when it was on. I can't believe I never went to the theater to see the movie but for some strange reason I didn't. So, I finally watched it last Tuesday night. It was a bittersweet experience. The whole time I'm watching it I felt like someone was missing... actually 3 people were missing: Maggie, Staci and Bobbie. It was wierd to watch it without them there.

Of course watching it only made my desire to go back to NYC even greater. Unfortunately, I have a bit of a cash shortage as do my friends. I don't think they would be offended for me admitting that. At least I hope not!

While the entire movie was great the last part of it really hit home. Carrie is at a book signing and she says something to the effect of, "why is it as women when it comes to relationships and marriage we can write our own vows, but we can't write our own rules?"

I'm at this point in my relationship with Josh where I really want to know where the whole thing is headed. We've said the "I Love You" thing. We see each other at least 4 days out of the week. (technically 6, if you count the next morning after spending the night.) So, what's next? Or, is there even going to be something next? Better yet, do I want something else or am I content with the status quo? Who freakin' knows? All I know is that when I'm not with him, I'm thinking about him. When I'm with him, all I can do is think about how handsome he is and how much I love him. Even when I'm pissed or confused with him, I'm still in love with him. Lord, I think I'm going crazy!

Dance Class Drop Outs

Well, Thomas and I didn't quite dig the whole "Aunty and Me" class so we dropped out. It was actually Thomas who plain as day told us that his dancing shoes were too tight and he didn't like going. He's 18 months old so we figured what the heck? Why make the kid dance if he hates it so much?

On a more positve note, my sister has been taking him to a "Little Critters" class at the Jr. Museum. He LOVES it. He pets snakes and baby alligators. I think we have a biologist on our hands.

My step-dad built a chicken coup and bought Thomas some chicks. Thomas thinks they're the greatest things.

Pictures, Pictures and More Pictures

Two Monkeys at the Zoo...

Missy aka "Mismee" and Thomas...

Too Hot for the Hot Tub...

I'm running again...

The weather has been fairly decent here in the great Panhandle so I've actually been able to run again. Today I ran for 8 minutes straight. I know for some that's not good but I had to start all over because I haven't ran since May.

It makes me feel really good when I run. I'm maintaining my weight. I fluctuate 4-6 pounds but overall I'm maintaining. I'm trying to sike myself up to lose the last 20 pounds but so far I haven't been successful. I enjoy beer way too much. Josh is leaving for Niceville in a couple of weeks. I'm hoping that while he's gone I can go on my 3 day protein kick and get back to the low carb deal. Wish me luck!

Good News

So I went to the dermatologist for a check up on my vitiligo and guess what??? The creams are working on most of the white spots so I'm slowly getting pigment back. Pretty exciting stuff.

On the downside of things, I am getting these ever-so-lovely dark spots above my top lip. Apparently birth control pills cause hormonal changes which cause the spots! So, the dermatologist gave me a prescription for a cream for that. When I went to get it filled I discovered that its NOT covered under my insurance so it costs a whopping $185!!! Guess I'll be using alot of foundation because there is no way in hell I'm paying that kind of money for cosmetic reasons.

Confession Time

I have a problem... it starts with a "b" and ends with a "g." Can you guess what it is? Its called "Budgeting." (Please note: this isn't a feel-sorry-for-me entry. I'm blessed to have money to pay my bills and a little left over for spending.) You'd think after 10 years of teaching, 7 of which I've lived on my own, I'd be a little better at budgeting. The problem is I have a Budlight taste for things and I'm living on a Natural Lite budget. Call me a redneck. I know its supposed to be wine vs. beer but I thought my analogy was funnier.

This month I'm going to try something new. I listed all my bills and paid them up front on paper. Then I subtracted the leftover money and divided it by 4. That's going to be how much I have to spend for each week. My problem is I can't say "no." I'm a sucker for fundraisers. I love to shop and eat out.

This summer I worked really hard to pay off all but one of my credit cards and wouldn't you know it... I've racked one up again! Lord, I hope this budgeting thing works.

I figured if I wrote it all down then maybe it help me be a bit more accountable. Who knows???

The hor(se) that bit my finger...

Those of you who know me well, know about my tremendous fear of birds. The only way I like birds are fried and from KFC! When I was about 3 years old my parents took me to Lion Country Safari. To this day, I remember the experience, vividly... picture it, a cute 3 year old blonde bends over to smell a flower and SNAP... a duck bites her back! I kid you not, 29 years later and I still hate birds!

I'm writing all of this to tell you about my nephew Thomas'experience with a horse. He is enamored with the Jr. Museum these days. So my sister got him an annual pass. He discovered that the horses like grass and insists on feeding them. (Little did we know that there is a big sign that says, "please do not feed the horses." Oops!)

Monday night at dinner he shows me his middle finger bandaged up and says, "Nanie, whore bit my finger!" He meant horse but it just came out "whore." It was really funny. Poor baby, he won't be feeding the whores anymore!

Marriage Material

How do you know if you're marriage material or not? Don't get excited... there hasn't been a proposal, but we've briefly talked about it. I remember in high school having to plan my dream wedding. I really enjoyed doing that assignment. I've dreamed of having the perfect wedding/marriage practically all of my life. While I still entertain the thought of it all, it really scares the crap of out me. Those of you who know me, know its taken me many years to discover myself and make my own decisions about life. (I won't get into all that here.) Then there's those rediculous yet realistic fears of mine from past experiences (i.e. him leaving me or dying.) I won't even discuss my feelings on being a mom. (talk about fear, exhaustion, and anxiety!)

I love my life. I have the best of both worlds right now. Josh comes to my house. I go to his. He does his thing, I do mine. It works. I guess my point to this is I'm not going to worry about getting married. I'm going to enjoy what I've got right now. If we continue to date and he proposes, then we'll see. Right now, I'm enjoying life one day at a time!

Its Crazy...

so I thought I'd post an entry on some crazy stuff related to me...

1. I will have lived in my house for an entire year on September 12th and the scary thing is... I still love it here! (those of you who know me, know my average stay is 6-10 months!)
2. I haven't been to the mall in a month! (that would be thanks to being in love)
3. I've been cooking and guess what? I enjoy it!
4. I've managed 4 whole months of dating the same guy and haven't tried to run away. (Lord, I hope I haven't jinxed that one!)

I'll post more later, but I thought this was enough for now.

Osaka's with Thomas

Here are some pics of Thomas attempting to use his "training" chopsticks. He likes the sticky rice too. He is such a cool kid! After we left the restaurant he likes to take home 2 "wocks" (rocks) from their rock garden. We may need to start returning those wocks before somebody notices!

Booty Ballet

My friend Jes and I have been taking a Booty Ballet class on Wednesday nights. Its alot of fun even though I am the most uncoordinated person in the class. I love getting to wear a leotard with cute tops that camoflage my tummy. (Still a stubborn spot that I must deal with... sorry I digressed...) Anyway, I also love the instructor. Ever since I was a kid I wanted to take dance classes with this lady but never did because, well... as I've mentioned before I suck at anything that requires coordination. Anyway, its an honor to take a class taught by her.

I think however, the best part of the class is going out for margaritas with Jes after the class. They are yummy, delicious. The only problem is, I like to eat the chips and salsa too. It probably defeats the purpose of exercising! Oh well...

Fishing

I went fishing on Labor Day with Josh and caught my very first catfish. By the way, its not true that you have to be quiet to catch fish. My daddy was wrong!

I had to laugh...

I love teaching and I love where I work but sometimes I just wonder where people come from. Picture it... second week of school, children with developmental delays, some have never left their grandma's front porch before coming to school and I hear a teacher complain, "my students can't even walk in a straight line!" I had to laugh to keep from saying something really inappropriate. Instead I thought to myself, "they need to thank God their students can even walk!" (that wasn't meant to be derrogative towards my students. that's just me putting things into perspective!)

Sometimes...

reality bites!!!

(As my friend Wendi says, "I have to set the stage first" in order to get to the point of this entry...) As most people know, I teach kiddos with special needs. Most of my experience has involved teaching children with learning and/or emotional disabilities... autism included. This years group is different. Different meaning, I haven't really dealt with so many motor/physical needs before. Don't get me wrong, I am LOVING it. They are all so sweet and cuddly. Its exciting to see enthusiasm for learning for a change. These students range in ages from 2-5. I have one with Down's Syndrome, 3 with other various chromosome syndromes, two with Cerebral Palsy, one with Spina Bifida and one, that's well... just delayed.

Ok, now that I've set the stage, I can get into the point of my entry. AS an ESE teacher I've always felt its my responsibility to focus on the positive. We focus on what these kiddos CAN do rather than what they can't. We try to be cheerleaders for their parents and advocates for them. With all this said, my heart ached this past Tuesday for both Sam and his family. Sam is an adorable 2 and a half year old with CP. Cognitively, he really has it going on. He does have some expressive aphasia (trouble getting out what he wants to say. His main issues are physical. He can't sit up without support and he can't walk. His parents recently got him fitted for a wheelchair and Tuesday was his first day riding the bus, not to mention the fact that it was his first day riding the bus in a wheelchair! His mom called to let us know that he would be coming in on the bus and that it was a very traumatic experience for him. She was in tears as she told me that while she hated it for Sam, it was his reality. He is going to need a wheelchair. He isn't always going to be able be carried and for motor/physical support, he NEEDS the wheelchair.

That afternoon, as I put Sam on the bus, I felt my eyes well up with tears. I smiled and cheered for him and told him he was a brave, big boy but inside my heart was breaking. I know I'm rambling and I've said this before, but I'm saying it again... my heart goes out to parents and families of children with special needs. There reality is not our reality and sometimes it well... just plain bites!