Inside my head

I don't know if its this way for all people with generalized anxiety but for me it can be really exhausting. I was thinking about it the other day and discovered that if I'm not worry about something, I'm feeling guilty for not worrying! I'm always on guard waiting for something. Not necessarily something bad but just anticipating the unknown. I don't like these feelings. The good news is I have begun to recognize times when I'm not having these anxious moments. I am learning to soak up these moments in hopes to generalize them.

An example... this weekend. I had planned to spend Sunday working in my classroom. There' s nothing urgent there that needs to be done but I just wanted to clean and change out some toys. So Saturday I kept thinking how I really didn't want to go and if I went then that meant my Sunday routine would be out of wack, but if I didn't go then it would mean I'd have that much more to do on Monday. Can you see how this can be tiring and over something really unimportant?

It's 6:00 am Monday morning and if I go back to bed, I can get another hour's worth of sleep! Bye!

It's now Wednesday night and I'm trying to finish this blog.
Another one I face daily... is worrying about making someone angry. You know, its one thing to actually do it, apologize and move on. Its another to stew over it. An example... this past Friday, I was late to work. I didn't call in but I had been sick the day before so I figured if I was a few minutes late they know why. My boss met me at my classroom. She wasn't angry with me, she just reminded me that if I'm going to be late to call. No big deal, right? Not for Janie. NO, I obsessed over the whole day. There are other issues but if I share too many you'll know all my secrets. Well, I'm tired. I need to go! Bye!

Mickey moved back to Disney!

Update on the the rat situation... I think we found the culprit. I don't know what I'd do without my mom and stepdad. I called them on Tuesday afternoon as I was rushing out the door to teach my evening class to tell them that I smelled something bad in my kitchen but I couldn't find where it was coming from. My stepdad came over after work and found one dead rat in the trap. I feel kind of bad typing it but those little cheeseheads (ha ha literally) have caused me so much grief. knock on wood, since Tuesday, I haven't heard or seen any evidence that there are more rats anywhere in my house. Keep your fingers crossed.

Picture It...

You know, I love my job but it sure is exhausting. The other morning as I was showering I realized I washed my hair with my shower gel! Good thing the Preparation H is kept AWAY from the toothpaste! Just kidding, I fortunately don't have to use PH just yet.

Picture it... 18 three and four year olds all of whom have some type of developmental delay with two teachers in a room without a bathroom! Half of our little friends aren't completely potty trained so that means when they gotta go, they gotta go! This year, I've heard several comments that my co-teacher and I have the most neediest class they have ever seen. Gee, go figure??? I have one who is a runner, who is on the low end of the autism spectrum. You know, he screams for what he wants because he can't talk. He still uses a sippy cup and is NOT potty trained. My other most challenging little guy is developmentally at about an 18 month old level. He is in diapers and doesn't seem to respond when you call his name to go somewhere. Our other 16 friends vary from time to time in their developmental age so there are days when it looks like I 'm teaching a bunch of people who are bi-polar.

I'm not complaining, just setting the stage... the funny thing is, despite all our bi-polar behaviors (me included sometimes!), I think I'm where I belong. I love getting hugs and being able to make a boo-boo better just by kissing it. I love it when my friend with autism grabs my hand asking me to swing him. Its exciting to see a child try to make the first letter of their name.

So, I guess it frustrates me when we have the county's most precious resources and nothing is being done to help them. 18 kids with special needs is way TOO many for two teachers to do an effective job. Valuable teaching time is wasted going back and forth to the bathroom. Most of our walkways aren't covered and due to construction, the children have to walk in the rain to get places. We have the most beautiful gym and can't use it because its where the county stores chemicals! My co-teacher and I bring bottled water from home each day to give to the children because the water in our classroom smells like sewer water. Don't get me started on field trips! There's no money in the budget for that. The list goes on and on. I'm saddened yet I don't know what to do or where to begin doing it. I guess its all politics and until my little 3 and 4 year olds start taking the f-cat nothing will be done!

My Beautiful Niece or Nephew

Hi friends! These very tiny pictures that I can't seem to enlarge are of my niece or nephew. Thanks for all the prayers. Molly went for an ultra sound the other day and heart beat is really strong. From the beats, they think it may be a girl. Her placenta hasn't torn anymore and they things are going to be ok.

Molly didn't tell me just how traumatic her trip to the hospital was until the other day. When she noticed the bleeding she called her doctor right away. The stupid nurse told her she could come in if she wanted to but she was probably "just" miscarrying so there wasn't much they could do! Molly called Eric and told him to meet her at the hospital. hospital. He made it to the hospital just as they were doing the ultrasound. He said they were both crying and panicked only to look up at the ultrasound screen and see their baby looking right at them and waving! (see the middle picture) This baby is a fighter! She/he has guts and I personally think she/he has a pretty great profile. lol. Again, thanks for the prayers. Only about 20 more weeks to go.

Rat Poison and Mission # 4

Ok, so I don't know how to edit these things. You should read the post below this one first and then these pictures will make sense.

I dare anybody that I do not know to write some nasty comment about my method of rodent control. (I had to add this b/c a friend of mine, recently got some nasty comments from some really stupid people about a post she had written about her children. She is the most awesome mom and is so in love with her children and yet some bozos wrote rude things!)

Disney is the only place Mickey should be!

No, your eyes aren't playing a trick on you. Yes, this is a picture of my silverware drawer filled with not only silverware but tortillas, bits of chewed up napkins and chopsticks!

Before I explain how these items got here, let me explain the set-up of my kitchen... I have a cabinet under my sink where I keep my trash can. Next to that cabinet is my dishwasher. On the other side of the dishwasher is a row of drawers. This is what I found in my drawers!

If you haven't figured it out already, I have a rat. Can you imagine how mortified I was to open my silverdrawer and see this? The little f*@k&r had somehow managed to get trash from my trashcan to the drawer on the other side of my dishwasher! I immediately called my pest control guy who told me there was nothing he could do better than what I could do. So, after crawling around on my hands and knees to try and find any holes I had left open, (which I couldn't find!), I put down two little snappy traps. The next morning, the bait was gone from one of the traps and the whole trap missing from the drawer I had put it in. At this point, I am in tears. I am not a dirty person and I don't appreciate rodents! So, I call my mom. Mom talks to my step-dad who suggests I get sticky traps. So, this time I put out sticky traps. The next morning, both traps are gone! I am at my wits end at this point so I go to ACE and buy one more mouse trap and this thingy that supposedly puts off noise that only rodents can hear. This mouse trap is designed so that the rodent crawls into it, dies from the poison and gets stuck in the trap. Notice I said "mouse trap." This morning I wake up to see black stuff all under my cabinet. It looks like a black crayola crayon exploded. Obviously, I don't have a mouse. Whatever I have is larger than a mouse and since it couldn't fit in the trap it chewed its way through the trap to get to the bait. The black explosion stuff was the leftover trap! Today, I made a trip to Home Depot and bought the largest RAT trap I could find, almost lost three fingers on my right hand baiting it, and stuck it under my sink. I have also purchased some very lethal poison and distributed it around my cabinets. Don't worry, if you come over to eat, we'll have take-out! I also wash my dishes before each use!

This "new" house experience has taught me many things. One of which is, if someone says to you, "Boy have I got a deal for you. It'll just take a little fixing up." You'd better slap their face and run the other way! Well, there's a beer calling my name and I have a comfy couch to sit on. Ta Ta for now! Love you, J

I need some dating 101

Well, I had a very nice time this afternoon. The allotted hour went well. We had quite a bit to talk about. He isn't a troll and has an amazing smile. So, we ended our little meeting with both agreeing to meet again sometime. He even said, "see you later." Now, we'll see if that was just a conversation piece or if really meant it. I wouldn't mind meeting again.

Its funny though, I'm new at this dating stuff. I've only had one serious relationship and that relationship came about from being childhood friends. So, if I were to date this guy or someone else, I'm not sure what the next step is. I know I sound dumb, but what do people do on dates? I'm not talking anything sexual. Trust me, I'm just fine in that category! Not that I'm a slut... Geez, I'm rambling!

I think I worry way too much. I'm glad I'm going back to counseling next week! One thing that bothers me is that sometimes I think I'm way too simple and maybe I'm not dating material. (this isn't a feel sorry for me campaign, I'm just stating my feelings) I'm not into politics. I can't fix stuff, I can break it but I sure can't fix it! Sometimes I can't remember whether its the sun or the earth that revolves. I think its the sun. The earth rotates. I'm not that much into sports unless someone I know is playing. I like football but I don't understand it. None of these things matter to me but I'm not a slug. I enjoy people. I enjoy traveling. I love nature, as long as there's a/c and plumbing involved somewhere close! I love to laugh. Well, that's that. Sorry, Rebecca, no funny story this time!

Ok, I Lied...

Hi Friends! I've gone and done it again! I know I said I would NEVER participate in internet dating again, but its been nine months since my last fiasco, I'm bored and lonely, so, I gave it another shot. I'm meeting this guy for the first time tomorrow. I'm nervous as hell and have tried to come up with every excuse in the book to cancel. I did something smart this time and made dinner plans that begin about an hour after I have to meet this guy. So, if its bad, there's no, "lets meet again tomorrow," to end the date. I've learned my lesson!

You know, its not like he doesn't know what I look like. I've sent realistic pictures of me so he knows I'm not a size 6. I just feel so self-conscious about it. Which I know, its dumb, b/c its not like I try to do anything about it. I'll post tomorrow and let you know how this turns out.

As for my job, I love it. I'm tired though. I'm exhausted and lost my voice after the first week of school. I have ditched make-up b/c the stuff just melts off of my face due to the heat. I try really hard to not let myself get overwhelmed but I want to do it all and be perfect. That's really hard when you have 18 children and only two adults. All that crap I teach to my CDA students has gone right out the window. How the hell do you have time to change the water table between every use? And, come on, did any of us have to go to therapy for cutting out pre-made dittos? Come to think of it, maybe that's why I've been in therapy? On a happier note, I personally think I got all the cute kids, challenging but sweet. We have one who is on the LOW end of the autism spectrum. You know, non-verbal but screams. Doesn't eat anything unless it has about a 1,000 carbs in it. We have another who has a deleted chromosome disorder. He functions on about a 2 year old level and is also nonverbal. I've got one who poops his pants EVERYDAY on the playground and when I "encourage" him to clean his ownself he screams bloody murder. I'm learning alot and having fun doing it. I know it'll get better. I love getting hugs and watching them play. It makes it all worth it!

In regards to my "new" house, I'm having a love-hate relationship with it. I will NEVER purchase a used home again! That's all I have to say about that. I keep telling myself, "its only for a little while longer, the payment is cheap, you can do this."

Well, I think that's about it for now. I love you and miss you, J

Now What vs. Enjoying the Moment

Again... another attempt to sort out those anxious feelings...

Its funny how one day I can be peachy keen and then the next I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m learning how to appreciate those peachy keen days instead of anticipating the bad ones. When I get anxious my mind wanders and I’m flooded with guilt. I feel guilty about not exercising or eating healthy. I feel bad b/c interest has accrued on my credit card. I feel like a failure for not being able to meet the needs of all my students. Yadda Yadda Yadda… What I have to realize is that I am one person. I will exercise and eat healthy when I am ready. I pay my bills. I have a passion for teaching and with that passion I can do great things.

My friend Maggie moved back to West Virginia. While I am soooo happy for her, I still feel this deep sense of loss over the fact that she isn’t right around the corner. I fear we will lose that sisterly bond we have. What I have to realize is I can’t control this loss. My real sister moved hundreds of miles away 5 years ago and I’m closer to her now than I was when we lived in the same house.

Its taken several years for me to feel complete. I have a cute house on a beautiful piece of property. I have a wonderful job where when I’m not anxious, I can have so much fun. Its just that I can’t help but wonder, “now what?” Instead I need to enjoy what I have right now in the moment. Well, I’ve got to go eat dinner. Bye!

What happened to Jenny?

As I was reaching for something from the fridge the other day a friend of mine casually/sarcastically asked me, "What happened to Jenny Craig?" I politely replied, "I sat on her!" I had a series of blood work completed last week and I have a beautiful cholesterol count, normal blood pressure, no signs of diabetes... healthy. So here's my new plan for a while until my size 18/20's get too tight and I have to roll out of my car, I am going to work hard at loving me for me. Fat rolls and all! I'm going to TRY not to overeat but also not feel guilty for looking at hostess cakes. Yep, thats the plan. With that said, I have some Blue Bell ice cream callling my name!

This blog isn't really a complete story its more of what I like to call, "Sorting of the Mind." For me, this could take a while! No, seriously, just some thoughts I've had and thought I'd share. First of all, on the way home from WV I rented Dr. Phil's book on CD about loving smart. He usually gets on my nerves with his high and mighty attitude but I thought, "what the hell?" I must admit, it was a good book. So, it suggested that a good way to meet potential dates is to try the internet dating thing. As reluctant as I was I decided to join YET ANOTHER website and give it a try. My internet dating fiascos almost outnumber my weightloss schemes! As some of you already know, I have NOT had good luck with the whole internet thing. Anyway, I feel like I'm trying to sell my car when I do those ads. You know, I don't want to lie about my weight so I always check the box that states "could lose a few." "Runs Great vs. Could Use a Tune-Up" So far, I've only had offers from African Americans and 50-58 year old men who look like they should be on the pedofile list at school. I know you're thinking, "African Americans... ooh, Janie, you're racist! Well, no, I'm not. I've dated my fair share of other cultures, especially AA and I always find out that there is a "baby's mamma" or another "white chick" out there. Not playing that game again! As for the 50-58 year olds. I had a daddy. A good one. He's dead. I have a step-dad. I don't need another daddy. No offense to anybody who is in a great relationship with either an AA or an older man. I'm glad it works for you. So, the bottom line is what the hell is wrong with my ad? If you get a chance to look at it, go to yahoo personals and look me up.

My anxiety is on high this week. I went into my new classroom and realize I have ALOT to do before August 14th! Deep breath. I still have 2 weeks. I mean I used to inventory classrooms and rearrange them in a matter of 3 days. I CAN do this. Its just can I do this without hurting people's feelings by throwing shit out that doesn't promote developmentally appropriate practice? My Teacher's Assistant is absolutely wonderful and she helped me prepare the room for cleaning on Thursday. Friday, I cleaned the carpets. I took today off but tomorrow I will be going back at it. I used to get so pissed at our maintenance person at my old school b/c he was so anal about taking care of the building. Now, I understand why he did that. This new place does NOT have the same maintenance guy in charge.

I'm ending this blog on a happy note... my mom and I took some friends to Thomasville, GA today to get a car. After we dropped them off, she and I made a day out of it and shopped. I actually found a dress from Dillards and capris from Lane Bryant at the Goodwill IN MY SIZE!!!! I've been looking for this palm called a PonyTail Palm. We found them today at Lowes. I was thrilled b/c their not poisonous and I think it'll be cute at school. I introduced Mom to sushi and she liked it! We had a great day together. I didn't feel on edge and she even said she had a great time. You know, I live in a trailor, I drive an 8 year old CRV that's driver side window won't go down, and I don't have a penny in my savings account (sorry Molly, but I don't!) but I feel sooooo blessed. I have friends far and near who love me and I love them. My family is amazing. We have our differences but they always support me. I have the best job in the whole wide world... I get to play all day! For these things... I am thankful. Love you, J

Trailor does not equal white-trash

About a month ago, when Alberto came through a tree fell on my "new" house. Fortunately, it caused minimal damage. My house shook and as a result a shelf and some pictures fell off the wall. It scared the hell out of me and I'm sure I got whiplash from tensing up when the tree hit the roof. I collect Willow Tree angels and Dreamscicles. They all broke but I was able to super glue them back together. Oh yeah, so the point of this story...

The tree that fell was a huge oak that belonged to the property behind my house. That property is currently under construction so I had to go through the construction company to find out who owned it. It took two phone calls before I actually talked to a person. At which point the old man argued with me that nobody lived in that "old trailor" behind his property. So, I politely told him I had recently moved in about 3 weeks ago. Nevermind the fact that I've had people working on the place for a month before that! Well, the old man came and got the tree off the roof but left the damn tree trunk along with the debris in my backyard!

I realize that yes, I live in a 1970's mobile home and yes, the hitch is still attached to it but that does NOT make me white trash! I hope I don't offend anybody by using that terminology. I waited a week and nobody came out to move the tree. I went on vacation and nobody moved the tree. I called twice more and still no response. So, this Saturday morning, with trembling hands and a shaky voice, (remember my anxiety and how I HATE confrontation???) I called and luckily got the answering machine. My shaky voice became stern and I used my best teacher voice to say, "I've waited patiently for someone to remove this tree from my yard. I've called and no one has responded. If someone doesn't remove this tree by Monday afternoon, I will have to contact the property appraiser's office and my attorney. Thank you and have a nice day." Guess what I was awaken by this morning? The sound of a chain saw removing a tree from my backyard! Praise God, b/c I sure do not have an attorney!

While my house may not be valued at $200,000 and yes, you can hear creatures stirring underneath it, its my house. I am sooooo proud of it. My mother gave me the down payment for it and I've put alot of sweat and tears into making it comfortable. The land alone is worth so much. I didn't appreciate that construction goob head putting me off!

Wakulla...

If you've never been to Wakulla County, you should give it a try. Where else can you take your dog to the beach for a swim AND drink a beer. I am sooooo happy to be back home. I never thought I'd say that, but I am. Yesterday, I took Missy, my dog, to Shell Point. Did I mention I live 10 minutes from the beach? We had a great time walking on the beach. It was so hot though that I decided to go for a swim. I couldn't leave Missy on the shore by herself so I took her with me. What's the first thing you think of when you hear the name Labrador Retriever? Swimming, right? Not my princess. She did swim, but not without force from her momma pulling her in the water. You should have seen us. This 5'3 woman carrying a 70 pound dog in the water! She acted like she was gasping for air and her heart was beating 90 to nothing! Poor thing.

My house is coming along nicely. My uninvited house guests have moved on (mice.) I finished painting my kitchen cabinets today. My yard is looking better, I'm just waiting on my grass (yes, the legal kind!) to grow. I'd like to have a housewarming in August before school starts. Those of you who come will need to have an open mind though. While I think the place is absolutely fabulous, some of my friends may not. My tub is avocado green. Many of my closets and cabinets are covered by hand made curtains, need I re-emphasize hand made. (this means they are not even and could possibly fall at a moments notice, as they were rigged by me) Its a cozy sort of place. I figure one day I can have 3-4 bedroom house with a garage and garden tub, but right now this 1 bedroom mobile home with the 8x8 office will do just nicely!

I'm so grateful for this summer. I have enjoyed working on my place, spending time with neice and nephew and shopping with my mom. I am learning to slow down. I know its cliche, but 10 years from now, Nobody will remember that I planted sod in my front yard, but my nephew will remember that I watched him jump off the high dive at the city pool.

Our little angel

My new neice or nephew! Isn't s/he beautiful? I think s/he looks like me! My sister and brother-in-law came into town this weekend for a quick visit. My brother-in-law's aunt is a nurse. She was able to get Molly in for her first ultra sound! For those of you like me who are ultra-sound illiterate, that circular thing that looks like a fingerprint is the sac and the little dot is the embryo. (I think those are the correct terms??!) My friend's husband said it looked like a boob to him. I guess he hasn't seen any boobs in a while! It was quite exciting and an honor to be present for my neice or nephew's debut. I am on top of the world about this baby. I don't care if its a boy or girl. Molly is going to have another ultra sound done with her doctor in Kenner on the 31st of July. They will be able to hear the baby's heart beat and determine if there is more than one baby! Her hormone count was so high that we aren't sure how many are in there. Right now, her due date is March 10th.

F-A-T vs. PHAT?

My neice Kayleigh was over at my house Friday watching me put on make-up to go out. She said, "Aunt Janie, you are so beautiful. I want to be just like you when I grow, just not as fat." Hmmm, how does one reply to a statement like that? I thanked her and told her that she was beautiful too. Of course then I pondered the statement. It didn't hurt my feelings and it didn't make me cry (surprisingly, it didn't.) But it made me realize just how much my life revolves around my weight and just how often I talk about it when Kayleigh is around me. The poor girl has been to Weight Watchers, L.A. Weightloss AND Jenny Craig all with her Aunt J! It also made me think how sad it is that at the young age of 6, she already recognizes that being heavy is not a positive thing in our society.

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day about weight-related issues and how it affects my self-esteem in regards to dating. She mentioned that until I felt comfortable in my own skin it would be hard for me to find someone. I totally agree. I know that I am a beautiful person, but I do NOT like being heavy. Let's face it, the majority of men don't like heavy women.

I know some people reading this blog are probably thinking, "well if you don't like being fat, then get off your lazy butt and do something about it." I'm not writing this to get responses from people telling me that I'm pretty or how to exercise. I know what I need to do lose weight. I'm just writing this b/c its been on my mind alot lately and when Kayleigh made that comment I thought now would be good time to write about it. I'm not sure where I'm going with this entry either. The bottom line is I love food. I enjoy eating with family and friends. I love sweets, especially cakes from Publix! I have realized however that I do use food as a crutch and that's not good. I don't like to exercise. For one, that means I have to wear unflattering work out clothes and get my hair messed up. Second, I hate to sweat. Third, I don't care what anybody says, exercise hurts. I'm not one for pain. Don't worry, I also know that diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure runs in my family. I try hard to stay active and walk as much as I can. I'm just not consistent.

So, I guess I'm wondering, where is a happy medium? I don't want to look like Jabba the Hut, but I'll never be a size 8 either. For one day I'd love to eat and not look down at my stomach only to realize it sticks out farther than my boobs (nice image, huh?)I guess I'm the only one with the answers. I'm going to try to love me, ALL of me, and treat my body with the care it deserves, while eating my Publix cake, too! If I happen to lose a few pounds, great, if not, oh well, as long as I'm healthy. Oh yeah, last night on 'Oxygen,' Monique sponsored a beauty pageant for large women. It was great! Thanks Monique!

Home again, home again, jiggety jig

Wow! Its been almost a month since my last post. I've been busy. I have so much to write about yet, don't know where to begin. My "new" house has been one big adventure after another. A special thanks to my stepdad for helping me.

I finished up summer school on the 28th of June and left the next morning for West Virginia. I tell you what, teaching those kids this summer was probably the best thing I've done in a long while. I have learned so much. They reminded me to appreciate the simple things in life, to laugh at my shortcomings and most of all, to SLOW DOWN! I often go way too fast. I think it might have to do with my anxiety. My mind races faster than my body will work. This in turn causes extreme exhaustion. I have hypothyroid and despite taking medicine for it, I often feel like I'm walking in a fog. Anyway, enough of that, just trying to explain what I'm like sometimes.

My trip "up north" was terrific! I rented an absolutely perfect Chevy Malibu and made it a road trip. (I know you are laughing about the Malibu, but if you have ever driven with me in my car, you'd understand.) I spent the night in Cherokee, N.C. and enjoyed a little sight seeing on Friday. I only spent about $4 at Harrah's Casino. You know, I figured it was for a good cause!

On Friday, I ventured to Charleston, WV to visit my best friend Maggie in her new home. We had a fantastic time. It was great to see how happy she is. She has the most wonderful boyfriend and I am so glad for her.

Saturday, we drove to Pennsylvania for a friend's wedding. Thank the Lord Maggie was with me. First of all, I didn't realize just how far away this wedding was. We were about an hour south of Erie! If I'd of brought my raft, we could have went to Canada! I'm not complaining. Now I can say I've been to PA. Don't plan to go back anytime soon, though. The wedding was quite beautiful but it was a Catholic wedding and I had no clue as to when to sit or stand or what the heck to say. It lasted 2 hours!

Sunday was spent shopping and visiting with Maggie's parents. I feel right at home with her family. Monday I drove to Maryland to visit a college friend of mine who is expecting. We had a great visit. I got to have dinner with her family. Again, another family I feel welcomed by. Tuesday and Wednesday I stayed with Maggie in Charleston. It rained all night on the 4th so we didn't see any fireworks. That's ok b/c I was able to watch both episodes of 'Dog, The Bounty Hunter.' I usually don't get to watch it b/c I teach on Tuesday nights. Thursday was spent driving home. It was sad to leave but I was anxious to get back to C'Ville.

I don't know what it is, maybe its the summer school thing or maybe its turning 30 but I really appreciated this trip. I enjoyed the scenery: mountains, trees, flowers, etc. I bet I stopped at every visitor's center and picked up brochures for my new classroom. I also was reminded of how rich I am. I have so many people who love me and I them. It was comforting to know I had friends and family back home taking care of my place and asking me to check in while traveling. I could go on and on, but I need to eat breakfast. Wish me luck, I'm back with Jenny Craig. I'm really close to considering gastric bypass or duct tape for my mouth. Either should work!

Oh yeah! I got the best news on my way home. I'm going to be an aunt! My sister and brother-in-law have been trying to have a baby for the past 11 months and things have finally paid off. If the doctors are right, she is 5 weeks along. Please pray that things will go well for them. Have a great week

Men your age don't climb trees...

As you know, this summer I'm teaching students who are labeled, 'Trainable Mentally Handicapped.' I am having a blast. My kid who makes phalic symbols with the play dough has "graduated," so things have eased up a bit. I do miss my blind student, who by the way told me his mom was friends with the lady who took the cat I got out of the shed by my house. Anyway, he now has the cat! I love small towns! Anyway, the point of my blog tonight...

One of my students asked me if I had a boyfriend. Then she corrected herself by saying, "Oh no, you should have a husband." I laughed and said, "No, honey. He hasn't fallen out of the sky yet." My motto is until a man comes to me with a sign from God that says, "take him he's yours," I'm not dating anymore! Of course my sweet little student didn't understand my whole joke about falling from the sky. So, she giggles and says, "Miss Tucker, you're so silly. Guys your age don't climb trees!" Man, do I love my job! Hey, I guess I better stop looking up then.

Tonight, I dropped off birthday presents to my surrogate neice and nephew. As I was about to leave my 5 year old neice, who ran out of the bathroom wearing ONLY her costume jewelry, puts her hands on her hips and says, "Aunt Janie, you're NOT leaving until I get a kiss!" How sweet!

I love children. I love all kinds of children. I don't even mind typical high schoolers as much, now that I don't teach them. My neice had her summer dance recital Saturday evening. It was absolutely terrific. However, it was absolutely long! Next time, I'm bringing a pillow to sit on. Just kidding. Besides sitting on the seats, the other hard part was watching all of those kiddos and wanting one of my own. I know God has plans for me. I also know his timing isn't mine and lord know's I can't exactly have a child right now (no husband, no room, $$). It just wouldn't be fair to the kiddo. Well, that's enough blabbering for now. Oh, the picture at the top is of my neice and I at her dance recital. Is she a princess or what? Who does take after? Love, J

Life, or something like it...

So, I'm teaching summer school. Its funny b/c at my last school you had to beg to teach summer school. At this high school they begged me to teach b/c nobody wanted to do it. I figured, whats a month? Besides, I could use the money. I never know when somethings going to need fixing around my new place. Anyway, I am having the best time. I had my doubts at first and almost quit. I knew I was going to teach students who are labeled 'Trainably, Mentally Handicapped.' I was looking forward to it. I'd planned on taking them on field trips and just basically having a great time. Then on Tuesday morning when I arrived they gave another student. He is a typical kid except that he's visually impaired. He has tumors that are causing him to go blind. He is in summer school to improve his Science grade. The problem is since he can't see, guess what he needs me to do? Read and help him answer the study guides! So, I thought, how the hell am I supposed to devote all my attention to him and work with my other kids? I'm glad I didn't quit. I am having so much fun! The kid whose blind, is absolutely amazing. He is so cool with my two TMH kids. (sorry, that wasn't politically correct.) One of my TMHers gets really paranoid for no apparent reason and then gets irate with me. The VI kid will talk him out of it and helps him feel involved. My other TMHer has Down Syndrome. She is hillarious, and quite smart. She is in love with everybody and is always doing great, as she puts it. Anyway, its amazing how its all worked out. I've been able to put one kid at the computer while the other one does seatwork and I can work with my VI kid. The other two ESE teachers have been sending me kids who finish their assignments early and they will read with my VI kid so I can work with my TMHers. God really does provide! My latest issue however has been this new kid they sent me who is Emotionally Handicapped. He enjoys making fallic symbols with playdough and saying totally inappropriate things. Only five more days with him! He has spent quite a bit of time running errands for me and sitting in the hallway to read his novel he is using to earn his credit to graduate. That makes it not so bad. I love my job. There was a time not too long ago when I had lost my zest for teaching. Praise the Lord I think its back! Well, its late and my dog is telling me she needs to go out. Take Care!

Life in the Big Woods

As I mentioned in my last entry I am a princess. I don't know much about fixing things. My way of fixing things is to cover them up. I thought it would fun fixing this place up. Its something I've always wanted to do. It is fun, but it gets frustrating when I have to rely on other people. My parents have been absolutely terrific. I owe them big time! My friends have been awesome as well. Despite all the mishaps, I absolutely love it here. My yard is going to be gorgeous once I grow some grass... yes, the legal kind! I need to haul off some old metal and close in the ditch that goes to my well, too. I've really enjoyed making curtains, hanging pictures and coming up with themes to meet my creative style. The hard parts have been having tons of iron in my new well and having to change the filter weekly, coming home to a wet kitchen floor b/c the pipes are leaky. Discovering a soft floor b/c my dishwasher wasn't installed properly and now my floor has rotted, and then bending down to put my scale under my bathroom sink and noticing that the pipes are duct taped! On the positive side, I've called the guy I am buying the place from and he has made it all good. Its just a roller coaster ride not knowing from one day to the next what's going to happen. What is it with me and water???

Oh yeah, so now I'm living in what I'd like to call the country. I figure since I'm right next to the national forest, don't get reception on my cell phone unless I stand in a certain spot outside (remember the show Green Acres?) and Dominoes doesn't deliver, I can say I live in the country. Its relatively quiet except for the crickets and occasional snake slithering by. Its funny, I can handle police sirens and bass from cars driving down the road but you let me hear a bump or an animal rustling by and I'm freaked. I've decided that I have mice or birds living in my ceiling. Some nights I can hear them running back and forth making their little animal noises. I don't really like them being here since they don't pay rent but what can I do?

Today, I was out finishing my flower beds when I heard this crying noise. I tried to ignore it but soon realized it was a kitten. I'm a glutten for strays so I went over to see if I could find it. There is this old runned down house next to mine that has a shed behind it. The dad gum kitten was stuck behind the water pump inside the shed! I prayed a huge prayer and climbed into the shed and got the kitten. It was so cute and little. It couldn't even walk yet. I couldn't keep it so I took it to the animal shelter. I felt bad but I really don't need a cat. It ended up being a good thing b/c the lady at the shelter said the kitten was so small that it needed to be bottle fed every hour! Not me. I sure need my sleep. Well, I've rambled enough! Take Care! J

The Princess of Quite Alot

I am a princess... there's no doubt about it and for those of you who know me, you know that I am the girliest princess there is. I don't like to sweat, I own lots of pink, and I absolutely hate to get dirty. Anyway, I thought I'd "set the stage" with that lead in to tell you about my gardening experience. I don't know if its because I turned 30 last Friday or its my Grandma Tucker's genes coming out in me, but I've gotten into this planting flowers thing. I'm trying really hard to spruce up my "new" house. So, anyway, I went to ACE yesterday and filled my CRV with all types of flowers. Marigolds, Heathers, some bushes I forgot the name of, a small palm tree, those elephant ear looking plants and a plant that attracts butterflies. I bought a ton of potting soil and a couple of bags of mulch too. I forgot to buy a shovel so I had to go back inside and get one of those. Of course, I'd been collecting "yard ornaments," as my friend Jes would say, along the way. No pink flamingos, Rebecca! No, just those little windchimes, fake rocks and flower markers.

I'd been racking my brain as to what to use for a border around the plants when low and behold on my way home what to my wandering eye should appear but a huge area under construction. For those of you that aren't familiar with Wakulla County, its loaded with limestone. Well, tons of that stuff had been broken up into small rocks and it was lying everywhere! I pulled my car into the site and loaded it with limestone.

You should see my yard. Its looking better and better each day! I had to go back to ACE today and buy more flowers and bushes because I just didn't feel like the job was complete. I also stopped by my rock bed and loaded up on some more limestone. I sure hope that stuff isn't toxic.

So, anyway, back to me being a princess... Of course, I don't think to put on tennis shoes. NO, I had on my Old Navy flip flops. This would have been ok, if I hadn't of gotten a pedicure last Friday. Despite the scrubbing and lathering of lotion, my feet still look like I went mountain climbing! Its a good thing I stopped getting acrylic nails. My finger nails looked like I had been digging for worms! My mom bought me the cutest gloves but I forgot to use them. My body hurt soooo bad when I got finished planting. Needless to say, I slept like a log. When I get it all land- scaped I'll send you some pictures. Love to all! J

Until Further Notice...

CELEBRATE EVERYTHING!!! (Quite a change from my last entry.) Needless to say I am feeling better. I'm trying to lower my caffeine intake, there's only 2 more days left with my fantastic students, and my house is almost finished!

So, for those of you who don't know me, I'm a bargain shopper. No, I'm a bargain junkie. One day, on one of my numerous trips to Bealls Outlet I bought this cute little plaque that says, "Until Further Notice, Celebrate Everything." This is my new motto. When things really piss me off, I'm going to try and think about things to celebrate. So, here's my list of things to celebrate:

1. new boxes of Crayola crayons
2. hugs from little children that leave their handprints on the seat of your pants
3. blowing bubbles
4. mascara that really is sweat/tear proof
5. rebate coupons
6. doggie kisses

There are tons more things to celebrate but I since I started this post on the 17th of May I figured I'd better finish it and put it on display. I'll update you on my house and 30th birthday later.