Part Two of Things You Shouldn't Skimp On

My aunt called after I wrote part one of this post and said I really should tell people my bra size on the internet. I told her, "Why lie? Its not like you can't see them!" I know what she meant. She's just has more class than I do. (Love you, Aunt Barbara!)

So, I got my January paycheck and went shopping. I decided to bite the bullet and go to Lane Bryant. I told the sales clerk, "Look, I teach preschoolers. I don't have time for my drawers to fall down to my knees all day. I'm a pretty decent size girl, but I don't have a butt. What do you suggest?" With a straight face, she suggested two types of underwear. I bought 10 pair! I told her if they didn't work to expect to see me back the next day to return them. Guess what... they stayed up! I also bought two bras. They came with these air pockets to put in them. You know what, they work! They actually help hold my ta-tas up. I look really good. I think it actually takes away from the rolls that my stomach creates. So, a little over $150 later, I have 10 new pair of drawers and two bras! I am a new woman.

Aahh... apartment living

Can I say that I absolutely LOVE my new apartment? It is tiny, but it is clean. There isn't any yard to play in, but there aren't any field rats either! Life got busy and I haven't updated in a while so here goes... I was really planning on waiting out life in the trailor until I found something to buy. I guess the straw that finally broke the camel's back was going without heat or air for the month of November. Let me tell you, if you've never lived in a mobile home you don't know what you're missing. When people tell you there's no insulation, there's no insulation! We had some nights back in November when it got down into the 20's! I am a well-insulated woman but I just couldn't take it. Family and friends were gracious to offer their homes but I don't like sleeping over at people houses. You're probably wondering why I didn't just pay to get it fixed. WELL, the DAMN thing was under "warranty." Unfortunately, the deadbeat who installed it kept putting me off and putting me off. I finally called the guy I'm owner-financing with and told him I couldn't deal with things any longer. He said that as soon as he got the place sold, he give me my down payment back. PRAISE GOD! He thinks he will have it sold by the end of January. Cross your fingers and toes! I'm just not sure what I want to buy so I decided to just rent for a while. For some, this is pissing away money. For me, its time to think. I tend to jump into things without thinking sometime. (you know, like buying a fixer-upper when I have no fixer-upper skills WHATSOEVER!)

So, back to my apartment, last night I heard this scurrying noise and panicked. Then I laughed. I paniced because I thought the rats were back. I laughed because I remembered I lived in an apartment and the scurrying was just my neighbors... humans.

This place is BRAND NEW. No one has lived here before. Its insulated. It has heat and air. Still no garden tub, but lets just say I'm not afraid of falling through the floor when I shower! I was even able to salvage my door bell from my old house and install it here. (am I crafty or what?) No weird smells or spider webs. Back at the trailor, Everytime I turned around I smelled something foul and prayed it wasn't a dead animal stuck in my ceiling. Well, that's about it. Take Care! J

My Merry Christmas Letter

I wrote this letter and sent it out with Christmas cards. In case I didn't put one in your Christmas card here is what it said...

Dear Family and Friends,
I hope this letter finds you safe and enjoying all that life throws at you. Let’s see , where to begin? Mom and Gene are doing good. Mom got a promotion with DCF. Gene works for Wakulla County Sheriff’s department and part time at Wal-mart. (Yes, Wakulla got a Wal-Mart!)

My sister and brother-in-law are expecting a baby. Thomas Ralph Clore is scheduled to make his grand entrance around the first of March. I can hardly wait! Molly and Eric are naming him Thomas after Eric’s father and Ralph after our dad. I love the symbolism behind the name. He’s the beginning of something really terrific for all of us.

As for me, I left Palm Beach County schools in March to move back to Wakulla County. I love d my job but was terribly homesick. I miss the great friends I made during my short stay and feel it was definitely worth the adventure. I purchased a half acre of land in Wakulla county that had an older mobile home on it. March-May was spent remodeling it. After six months of dealing with random catastrophes (i.e. a giant rat, a tree falling on my roof, and no heat or air during the month of November) I moved out. I am now renting a small BRAND NEW apartment in Crawfordville. Its cute and did I mention , free of rats?

I am teaching pre-k ESE children at Wakulla Education Center. Its hard work, but I’ve got the sweetest kids ever. I’m thinking about applying to FSU to begin work on an educational leadership degree in the fall. This degree will open more doors for me. I love teaching but retirement on a single teacher’s salary isn’t going to cut it! I turned 30 this May and still no sign of Mr. Right anywhere, so I have to be prepared.

I’m not the best with calling but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Call or visit when you can. I have a futon ! Oh yeah, one more thing Happy Holidays!
Love,
Janie

HI Friends! I hope everybody had a great Thanksgiving. My mom and I left Wakulla around 5am this morning and headed for LA to visit my sister and brother-in-law. Let me say, I amNOT a morning person. I thought I was going to die! It was worth the trip. I haven't been over since Katrina hit in 2005 so it was a shocker to see the leftover damage. One year later, people are still living in FEMA trailors, signs are blown out, and the trees on the interstate look like they were planted crooked. We haven't even seen where the real damage hit, so I can only imagine. My sister and brother-in-law almost have their house repaired but its been a slow process.

They took us down to the Quarter to eat at a restaurant called, 'Brennans.' We had to dress up to get in! Molly had made reservations and had asked if they would be serving lunch off the menu. They said yes. Imagine our surprise when we got there and all they were serving was breakfast! I didn't say anything but my mom and I looked at each other in confusion. Call me ungrateful, but we had not traveled six hours to eat poached eggs! Anyway, I opened my little narrow mind and called it a learning experience. I have forgotten how absolutely delicious food is here! We had the most amazing meal. The company was great too! We each had a three course meal. I got something called egg portuguese. I sure hope my Weight Watchers' leader isn't reading this. After we ate we hit a sale at KMart. It sucked so we went home. I took a 2 hour nap in a comfy recliner. By the time I woke up, it was time to eat again! So, we ventured out to an Asian Buffet. I can't believe I ate AGAIN!

My sister has a doppler so we got to hear Baby Thomas' heartbeat. I can't wait to meet this little guy. Molly looks so cute. For once, her belly sticks out farther than mine!

Molly has to work tomorrow. So, Mom and I plan to meet her for lunch and then do the casino. Yes, I know, we're real traditional kind of folks! I'm just too tired to venture out shopping. Besides, they serve FREE beer at the casino! Take Care! Love, J

Things You Shouldn't Skimp On

Ok, I've been dying to write about this. Some of you may think I'm getting a bit too personal or have totally gone over the edge but I just gotta do it. Growing up, my Grandma Tucker told me there were two things you should never skimp on. Now, for those of you who didn't have the pleasure of meeting my Grama T. you really missed out. She was a hardworking woman who gave her all. Despite her lack of book knowledge, she had the most wisdom of anybody I have ever met. (She also made me feel like I was the most beautiful, wonderfully made creature on this planet!) Sorry, I digressed... Anyway, she always told me, "Janie, there are two things you should never be cheap with. One is shoes and two is a good bra."

I've valued her words and kept them close to me for many years. There was a time, I have to admit that during college I bought cheap shoes just because they were cute. After nine years of teaching and gaining 50-60 pounds, I don't do cheap shoes ANYMORE!!!

As for bras, isn't that the truth? She'd say to me, "Janie, when your forty, you don't want your breasteses (yes, she said 'breasteses') to hang down to your belly button." Now, I've worn bras for the past 20 years. I've ventured from training all the way to a 44 C. Now we're getting personal! I've tried underwire, padded shoulder straps, lunch lady bras but I just can't find a bra that I really like! Once when I was in college, (remember the fen-fen days?), I wore a 36C and could wear Victoria Secret bras. Those were great but unfortunately, they don't make bras for the larger woman. So, if anybody can recommend a cute bra that actually holds my boobies up without using steel and straps that slide, let me know.

As I've aged with wisdom, I've decided to add to Grama's list. Two other things you don't skimp on are underwear and feminine products. I can't tell you the last time I've found a good pair of underwear. Who in their right mind can stand thongs? Who wants yarn going up their crack? then theres 'grannie panties.' They're great if you want the world to know what size and color drawers you have on everytime you bend over! I used to be a fan of Victoria Secrets' drawers but for some reason these days I notice they sag in the butt. You know what I mean. It looks like you took a dump and left it there. I bought these cute underwear from Hanes but after one wear the damn things end up under my butt cheeks instead of over them! (sorry, I know that's graphic.)

Another issue I've been dying to write about is femine protection products. Don't ever buy generics. Trust me, I've tried. You may as well use a corn cob for a tampon or cardboard for a pad.

So, if you've learned anything from this entry it should be this: don't skimp on shoes, bras, underwears or feminine protection products. Trust me on this! If I've offended anybody, I'm sorry but I've been dying to get this off my chest.

Just Checking In!

So, seriously, I should be up doing something but instead I'm here on the computer, procrastinating. Its just a beautiful day to do just that. My dog Missy is right here beside me procrastinating as well. I need to wash clothes, cook this organic meat I bought a couple of weeks ago before it goes bad, file, plan for my class, yadda yadda yadda. Instead I'm enjoying wasting time, with ok, maybe a twinge of guilt. Why, when we waste time do we feel guilty? Who knows?

My cousin had her baby this past Thursday. Its amazing how much the baby looks just like her big sister at that age. They are sooo cute together.

I'm going to visit my sister for Thanksgiving. I can't wait to see how big she's gotten. (She's pregnant, remember?) I went shopping the other night with some friends and found the coolest race track I want to buy my new nephew for Christmas. I should probably wait until he's born. We'll have so much fun with it. I can't wait for him to be born. I'm going to spoil him rotten. He's going to have his own toy box at my house and everything. (Am I a dork or what?)

The sweetest thing happened yesterday afternoon. I called my friend Maggie and she asked me if I wanted to pick out her colors for her wedding or should she go ahead and do it?I laughed and told her its her wedding and I'll just be there to support her. She said, "but you're my maid of honor. I want you to have a say." I was stunned. See, she isn't having a traditional wedding so I just figured she wasn't having a maid of honor. I was so overjoyed you'd think I'd have cried. Guess what? I didn't! I think the therapy is working!

You're probably thinking after reading this entry that I'm bi-polar, bouncing from one topic to the next. I'm not. Just catching you all up on things. Well, I really need to get busy. Take Care! Love, J

This time, I lost more than weight!

I thought some of you would appreciate this... You know how I'm on this Weight Loss kick with Weight Watchers. (12 pounds so far!) I normally go to the meetings here in Wakulla but on one particular occasion, my friend Jes and I decided we'd try a meeting up in town. You know, we wanted to see if they did anything different in the big city. Jessica and I took our seats on the back row and anxiously awaited to hear what the leader had to say. This leader informs us that we're going to get in groups and share. I don't know about you but I'm not one for "getting into groups and sharing" with complete strangers. Just as we were reluctantly about to get into our group my cell phone goes off. (I'm usually very careful about muting it but this one time I had not!) In an embarrassed panicked sort of way I managed to fumble through my purse and answered the phone. Jes and I hurried out of the meeting apologizing that I had an emergency and had to leave. Saved by the bell! Oh, but it gets better... We get down the road to do some shopping when I notice my wallet is missing. Guess where it was? Yep, at the Weight Watchers meeting! It had fallen out of my purse as I was fumbling for my phone. There's more... apparently, I don't have any kind of contact information in my wallet, you know like a phone number to call in case my wallet were to be found. What I did have was a check from my mother with HER information on it. So the Weight Watcher lady that found my wallet called my mom and told her they had found my wallet. To some this may be no big deal but if you know my mother you'd understand. Let's just say her anxiety is worse than mine! The good news is, honest people found my wallet, the bad news, I had to explain to my mother that I had lost my wallet. Yes, even at 30 years old, that still bothers me!

Happy Halloween

Have you ever felt like you had a hot air balloon on your shoulders for a head? That was me today. I think I'm allergic to something in my classroom b/c since school's started I've been in the doctor's office on a monthly basis for sinus trouble. I've been to the ENT too. I've had x-rays, but they can't find anything. GO FIGURE.

Today would have been alot of fun if I hadn't of gone from wanting to puke to wanting to stop my headache from hell. All our little friends came dressed so cute in their Halloween costumes. We had a parade around the school, stopping at various places to get candy. Afterwards, we had a party. It went off without a hitch. I am so grateful for all the parental support we got. The children had a good day. I have to admit it was a bit challenging trying to help Buzz Lightyear and the Fairytopia Princess go potty without peeing on their costumes but we did it! I was a red M&M. I've had that costume for 9 years! I wore it my first year teaching. It was alot looser back then.

I haven't made it to the gym this week and I have to admit I'm sort of bummed about it. I have had plently of time but just too sick to go. I managed not to gorge myself today so I shouldn't have gained anything. Hopefully tomorrow I can go. The doctor gave me steroid shot and I'm feeling pretty good.

Well, I should go. I' m tired and I think for the first time in 3 nights, I just might be able to sleep. TaKE cARE!

Put Your Big Girl Panties On and Deal With It!

How funny life is. I know that's probably not grammatically correct but who cares? I woke up this morning determined to wear my 'big girl panties' and deal with things. (Sorry, don't take that statement literally and you'll be fine!) I thanked God for my new furnace that heats my whole house and the electricity that allowed my alarm clock to go off so that I wouldn't be late for work. I got in my beat up ole Honda and drove the 3 miles to work, yes I said 3 miles and thanked Him for that. As I mopped up spilt milk, I had to laugh out loud at the fact that I make almost $40,ooo a year to wipe up spilt milk and play all day with people I truly love. I am truly blessed. I don't have money or a fancy car, but I have so many wonderful people in my life and for that I am grateful!

My Plan

So, my last entry was a real blagh fest. The whole time I typed it, I thought, "well Janie, what the hell are you going to do to fix things?" So here goes:
1. my weight, okay, Tammy, you don't have to write me a long sweet letter like the last time. I am beautiful. I know this, but when I can't breathe when I bend over to tie a kid's shoe, its time to take action. Rebecca, don't laugh, but I'm back on the weight loss train. This time its Weight Watchers. I actually feel in control. So far, I've lost 10 pounds in two weeks. Go me! I don't expect to lose that much from here on out but 1-2 pounds a week will suffice. I actually crave exercise. Is that sick or what?
2. my love life, I keep hearing people say, "when you're not looking it'll happen. So, I've decided to hell with it. No more internet dating, no more feeling lonely. I'm going to concentrate on me, have fun with my friends and see what happens.
3. my car, I can't buy a new one right now. Possibly in February or March. Until then, I will test drive a variety of cars, research prices on the internet and continue to improve my credit.
4. my home, currently I am doing an owner-financing deal. In June, I'll be able to get a loan from a bank and this place will officially be mine. At that point, I will put a big-ass FOR SALE sign out front and in the newspapers and get rid of this place. In the meantime, I am going to be looking for a NEW townhouse with minimal yard issues and trees that are firmly planted in the ground! Once I sell this dump, I will buy a new home.

So, that's my plan.

Keeping Up With the Jones'

Prologue... not sure if that is the right term, I have a friend of mine who says its setting the stage. Anyway, whatever it is, I started writing this entry on October 9th but put off finishing it because I wasn't sure what else to write. I also don't want people to think I'm a spoiled brat who isn't appreciative about what I have. Lord knows, I am! This entry isn't a feel sorry for me plea either. Just a girl expressing her thoughts...

Sh... sit real still. Can you hear it? Its the sound of silence. Why you ask? Well, its because my satellite is out of commission. You know the funny thing? I kind of like it without the t.v. If I didn't have a contract I think I'd have it turned off. Seriously, the power people came today to install a new pole and ironically now my satellite isn't getting a signal. It could be until Saturday before I get any t.v.! GASP!!! How will I ever survive? (By the way, I paid the bill, its not that)

Oh, before I write about my feature title, I should let you know that my sister is having a boy. We got the ultrasound photos last Wednesday and he is definitely a boy! Quite the gymnast too. He was standing on his head with his legs wide open for all the world to see his little manhood! Molly and Eric have decided to name him Thomas Ralph. He will be called Thomas or Tom. Thomas after Eric's dad and Ralph after our father. I know, not very popular names but its the sentiment behind them. Also, the placenta has reattached. Keep praying. Only 18 or so weeks to go. She's at 17 now.

While I'm so excited about this little guy I'm also worried. Shocker I know... me worry? Seriously, I'm afraid I won't get to bond with him because they live so far away. Also, I'll be the aunt he's not allowed to spend the night with because she lives with her dog in a trailor. We shall see...

Oh yeah, so the reason for my title. Its so funny how people compare themselves to others. One is never skinny enough, or lives in a nice neighborhood or drives a good enough car. Why are we like this? Why do I constantly compare myself to other people? I've been pondering this for a while now. Growing up, I always had to be the best. I had to make the best grades, look my best, etc. Funny, how despite the good experiences I have about growing up, those same memories are also contaminated with worries. If only I'd had meds and therapy back then! Now that I'm older there are times I am angered that despite having a master's degree as well as made several other accomplishments, all I have to show for it is a car with way tooooo many miles on it and a trailor that's so old that we're not really sure just what year it was made! There's a group of us that all graduated from college together. We call ourselves the 'London girls' because we all studied abroad one summer and became great friends. We try to see each other at least once a year. I love those girls. Of the six of us, though, I always feel less than, or not quite adequate. Crazy, I know but I do. They always seem to have it together. Most of them are married, with children. They all live in gorgeous homes, etc. Then there's my sister. Do you know how humiliating it is to call your baby sister to ask her if you can borrow her credit card because you don't have one of your own? Nevermind the fact that she's branch manager of a bank and drives a Lexus. I'm not a bad person. I work very hard for my money. In fact, I always seem to have at least two jobs. Why don't I have something to show for it?

Again, this isn't a pity parade for Janie. Maybe it is. I don't know. I've been harboring these feelings for some time now and felt the need to get them on paper. As I've mentioned before, I am grateful for the experiences in my life. The places I've been, the tasks I've accomplished, even my green CRV that I have to open the driver's side door when I'm in the drive-thru window b/c the window won't go down. So, why... why do I feel the need to be like everybody else? (I'm not asking for comments. Just questioning myself.)

Inside my head

I don't know if its this way for all people with generalized anxiety but for me it can be really exhausting. I was thinking about it the other day and discovered that if I'm not worry about something, I'm feeling guilty for not worrying! I'm always on guard waiting for something. Not necessarily something bad but just anticipating the unknown. I don't like these feelings. The good news is I have begun to recognize times when I'm not having these anxious moments. I am learning to soak up these moments in hopes to generalize them.

An example... this weekend. I had planned to spend Sunday working in my classroom. There' s nothing urgent there that needs to be done but I just wanted to clean and change out some toys. So Saturday I kept thinking how I really didn't want to go and if I went then that meant my Sunday routine would be out of wack, but if I didn't go then it would mean I'd have that much more to do on Monday. Can you see how this can be tiring and over something really unimportant?

It's 6:00 am Monday morning and if I go back to bed, I can get another hour's worth of sleep! Bye!

It's now Wednesday night and I'm trying to finish this blog.
Another one I face daily... is worrying about making someone angry. You know, its one thing to actually do it, apologize and move on. Its another to stew over it. An example... this past Friday, I was late to work. I didn't call in but I had been sick the day before so I figured if I was a few minutes late they know why. My boss met me at my classroom. She wasn't angry with me, she just reminded me that if I'm going to be late to call. No big deal, right? Not for Janie. NO, I obsessed over the whole day. There are other issues but if I share too many you'll know all my secrets. Well, I'm tired. I need to go! Bye!

Mickey moved back to Disney!

Update on the the rat situation... I think we found the culprit. I don't know what I'd do without my mom and stepdad. I called them on Tuesday afternoon as I was rushing out the door to teach my evening class to tell them that I smelled something bad in my kitchen but I couldn't find where it was coming from. My stepdad came over after work and found one dead rat in the trap. I feel kind of bad typing it but those little cheeseheads (ha ha literally) have caused me so much grief. knock on wood, since Tuesday, I haven't heard or seen any evidence that there are more rats anywhere in my house. Keep your fingers crossed.

Picture It...

You know, I love my job but it sure is exhausting. The other morning as I was showering I realized I washed my hair with my shower gel! Good thing the Preparation H is kept AWAY from the toothpaste! Just kidding, I fortunately don't have to use PH just yet.

Picture it... 18 three and four year olds all of whom have some type of developmental delay with two teachers in a room without a bathroom! Half of our little friends aren't completely potty trained so that means when they gotta go, they gotta go! This year, I've heard several comments that my co-teacher and I have the most neediest class they have ever seen. Gee, go figure??? I have one who is a runner, who is on the low end of the autism spectrum. You know, he screams for what he wants because he can't talk. He still uses a sippy cup and is NOT potty trained. My other most challenging little guy is developmentally at about an 18 month old level. He is in diapers and doesn't seem to respond when you call his name to go somewhere. Our other 16 friends vary from time to time in their developmental age so there are days when it looks like I 'm teaching a bunch of people who are bi-polar.

I'm not complaining, just setting the stage... the funny thing is, despite all our bi-polar behaviors (me included sometimes!), I think I'm where I belong. I love getting hugs and being able to make a boo-boo better just by kissing it. I love it when my friend with autism grabs my hand asking me to swing him. Its exciting to see a child try to make the first letter of their name.

So, I guess it frustrates me when we have the county's most precious resources and nothing is being done to help them. 18 kids with special needs is way TOO many for two teachers to do an effective job. Valuable teaching time is wasted going back and forth to the bathroom. Most of our walkways aren't covered and due to construction, the children have to walk in the rain to get places. We have the most beautiful gym and can't use it because its where the county stores chemicals! My co-teacher and I bring bottled water from home each day to give to the children because the water in our classroom smells like sewer water. Don't get me started on field trips! There's no money in the budget for that. The list goes on and on. I'm saddened yet I don't know what to do or where to begin doing it. I guess its all politics and until my little 3 and 4 year olds start taking the f-cat nothing will be done!

My Beautiful Niece or Nephew

Hi friends! These very tiny pictures that I can't seem to enlarge are of my niece or nephew. Thanks for all the prayers. Molly went for an ultra sound the other day and heart beat is really strong. From the beats, they think it may be a girl. Her placenta hasn't torn anymore and they things are going to be ok.

Molly didn't tell me just how traumatic her trip to the hospital was until the other day. When she noticed the bleeding she called her doctor right away. The stupid nurse told her she could come in if she wanted to but she was probably "just" miscarrying so there wasn't much they could do! Molly called Eric and told him to meet her at the hospital. hospital. He made it to the hospital just as they were doing the ultrasound. He said they were both crying and panicked only to look up at the ultrasound screen and see their baby looking right at them and waving! (see the middle picture) This baby is a fighter! She/he has guts and I personally think she/he has a pretty great profile. lol. Again, thanks for the prayers. Only about 20 more weeks to go.

Rat Poison and Mission # 4

Ok, so I don't know how to edit these things. You should read the post below this one first and then these pictures will make sense.

I dare anybody that I do not know to write some nasty comment about my method of rodent control. (I had to add this b/c a friend of mine, recently got some nasty comments from some really stupid people about a post she had written about her children. She is the most awesome mom and is so in love with her children and yet some bozos wrote rude things!)

Disney is the only place Mickey should be!

No, your eyes aren't playing a trick on you. Yes, this is a picture of my silverware drawer filled with not only silverware but tortillas, bits of chewed up napkins and chopsticks!

Before I explain how these items got here, let me explain the set-up of my kitchen... I have a cabinet under my sink where I keep my trash can. Next to that cabinet is my dishwasher. On the other side of the dishwasher is a row of drawers. This is what I found in my drawers!

If you haven't figured it out already, I have a rat. Can you imagine how mortified I was to open my silverdrawer and see this? The little f*@k&r had somehow managed to get trash from my trashcan to the drawer on the other side of my dishwasher! I immediately called my pest control guy who told me there was nothing he could do better than what I could do. So, after crawling around on my hands and knees to try and find any holes I had left open, (which I couldn't find!), I put down two little snappy traps. The next morning, the bait was gone from one of the traps and the whole trap missing from the drawer I had put it in. At this point, I am in tears. I am not a dirty person and I don't appreciate rodents! So, I call my mom. Mom talks to my step-dad who suggests I get sticky traps. So, this time I put out sticky traps. The next morning, both traps are gone! I am at my wits end at this point so I go to ACE and buy one more mouse trap and this thingy that supposedly puts off noise that only rodents can hear. This mouse trap is designed so that the rodent crawls into it, dies from the poison and gets stuck in the trap. Notice I said "mouse trap." This morning I wake up to see black stuff all under my cabinet. It looks like a black crayola crayon exploded. Obviously, I don't have a mouse. Whatever I have is larger than a mouse and since it couldn't fit in the trap it chewed its way through the trap to get to the bait. The black explosion stuff was the leftover trap! Today, I made a trip to Home Depot and bought the largest RAT trap I could find, almost lost three fingers on my right hand baiting it, and stuck it under my sink. I have also purchased some very lethal poison and distributed it around my cabinets. Don't worry, if you come over to eat, we'll have take-out! I also wash my dishes before each use!

This "new" house experience has taught me many things. One of which is, if someone says to you, "Boy have I got a deal for you. It'll just take a little fixing up." You'd better slap their face and run the other way! Well, there's a beer calling my name and I have a comfy couch to sit on. Ta Ta for now! Love you, J

I need some dating 101

Well, I had a very nice time this afternoon. The allotted hour went well. We had quite a bit to talk about. He isn't a troll and has an amazing smile. So, we ended our little meeting with both agreeing to meet again sometime. He even said, "see you later." Now, we'll see if that was just a conversation piece or if really meant it. I wouldn't mind meeting again.

Its funny though, I'm new at this dating stuff. I've only had one serious relationship and that relationship came about from being childhood friends. So, if I were to date this guy or someone else, I'm not sure what the next step is. I know I sound dumb, but what do people do on dates? I'm not talking anything sexual. Trust me, I'm just fine in that category! Not that I'm a slut... Geez, I'm rambling!

I think I worry way too much. I'm glad I'm going back to counseling next week! One thing that bothers me is that sometimes I think I'm way too simple and maybe I'm not dating material. (this isn't a feel sorry for me campaign, I'm just stating my feelings) I'm not into politics. I can't fix stuff, I can break it but I sure can't fix it! Sometimes I can't remember whether its the sun or the earth that revolves. I think its the sun. The earth rotates. I'm not that much into sports unless someone I know is playing. I like football but I don't understand it. None of these things matter to me but I'm not a slug. I enjoy people. I enjoy traveling. I love nature, as long as there's a/c and plumbing involved somewhere close! I love to laugh. Well, that's that. Sorry, Rebecca, no funny story this time!

Ok, I Lied...

Hi Friends! I've gone and done it again! I know I said I would NEVER participate in internet dating again, but its been nine months since my last fiasco, I'm bored and lonely, so, I gave it another shot. I'm meeting this guy for the first time tomorrow. I'm nervous as hell and have tried to come up with every excuse in the book to cancel. I did something smart this time and made dinner plans that begin about an hour after I have to meet this guy. So, if its bad, there's no, "lets meet again tomorrow," to end the date. I've learned my lesson!

You know, its not like he doesn't know what I look like. I've sent realistic pictures of me so he knows I'm not a size 6. I just feel so self-conscious about it. Which I know, its dumb, b/c its not like I try to do anything about it. I'll post tomorrow and let you know how this turns out.

As for my job, I love it. I'm tired though. I'm exhausted and lost my voice after the first week of school. I have ditched make-up b/c the stuff just melts off of my face due to the heat. I try really hard to not let myself get overwhelmed but I want to do it all and be perfect. That's really hard when you have 18 children and only two adults. All that crap I teach to my CDA students has gone right out the window. How the hell do you have time to change the water table between every use? And, come on, did any of us have to go to therapy for cutting out pre-made dittos? Come to think of it, maybe that's why I've been in therapy? On a happier note, I personally think I got all the cute kids, challenging but sweet. We have one who is on the LOW end of the autism spectrum. You know, non-verbal but screams. Doesn't eat anything unless it has about a 1,000 carbs in it. We have another who has a deleted chromosome disorder. He functions on about a 2 year old level and is also nonverbal. I've got one who poops his pants EVERYDAY on the playground and when I "encourage" him to clean his ownself he screams bloody murder. I'm learning alot and having fun doing it. I know it'll get better. I love getting hugs and watching them play. It makes it all worth it!

In regards to my "new" house, I'm having a love-hate relationship with it. I will NEVER purchase a used home again! That's all I have to say about that. I keep telling myself, "its only for a little while longer, the payment is cheap, you can do this."

Well, I think that's about it for now. I love you and miss you, J

Now What vs. Enjoying the Moment

Again... another attempt to sort out those anxious feelings...

Its funny how one day I can be peachy keen and then the next I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m learning how to appreciate those peachy keen days instead of anticipating the bad ones. When I get anxious my mind wanders and I’m flooded with guilt. I feel guilty about not exercising or eating healthy. I feel bad b/c interest has accrued on my credit card. I feel like a failure for not being able to meet the needs of all my students. Yadda Yadda Yadda… What I have to realize is that I am one person. I will exercise and eat healthy when I am ready. I pay my bills. I have a passion for teaching and with that passion I can do great things.

My friend Maggie moved back to West Virginia. While I am soooo happy for her, I still feel this deep sense of loss over the fact that she isn’t right around the corner. I fear we will lose that sisterly bond we have. What I have to realize is I can’t control this loss. My real sister moved hundreds of miles away 5 years ago and I’m closer to her now than I was when we lived in the same house.

Its taken several years for me to feel complete. I have a cute house on a beautiful piece of property. I have a wonderful job where when I’m not anxious, I can have so much fun. Its just that I can’t help but wonder, “now what?” Instead I need to enjoy what I have right now in the moment. Well, I’ve got to go eat dinner. Bye!