What happened to Jenny?

As I was reaching for something from the fridge the other day a friend of mine casually/sarcastically asked me, "What happened to Jenny Craig?" I politely replied, "I sat on her!" I had a series of blood work completed last week and I have a beautiful cholesterol count, normal blood pressure, no signs of diabetes... healthy. So here's my new plan for a while until my size 18/20's get too tight and I have to roll out of my car, I am going to work hard at loving me for me. Fat rolls and all! I'm going to TRY not to overeat but also not feel guilty for looking at hostess cakes. Yep, thats the plan. With that said, I have some Blue Bell ice cream callling my name!

This blog isn't really a complete story its more of what I like to call, "Sorting of the Mind." For me, this could take a while! No, seriously, just some thoughts I've had and thought I'd share. First of all, on the way home from WV I rented Dr. Phil's book on CD about loving smart. He usually gets on my nerves with his high and mighty attitude but I thought, "what the hell?" I must admit, it was a good book. So, it suggested that a good way to meet potential dates is to try the internet dating thing. As reluctant as I was I decided to join YET ANOTHER website and give it a try. My internet dating fiascos almost outnumber my weightloss schemes! As some of you already know, I have NOT had good luck with the whole internet thing. Anyway, I feel like I'm trying to sell my car when I do those ads. You know, I don't want to lie about my weight so I always check the box that states "could lose a few." "Runs Great vs. Could Use a Tune-Up" So far, I've only had offers from African Americans and 50-58 year old men who look like they should be on the pedofile list at school. I know you're thinking, "African Americans... ooh, Janie, you're racist! Well, no, I'm not. I've dated my fair share of other cultures, especially AA and I always find out that there is a "baby's mamma" or another "white chick" out there. Not playing that game again! As for the 50-58 year olds. I had a daddy. A good one. He's dead. I have a step-dad. I don't need another daddy. No offense to anybody who is in a great relationship with either an AA or an older man. I'm glad it works for you. So, the bottom line is what the hell is wrong with my ad? If you get a chance to look at it, go to yahoo personals and look me up.

My anxiety is on high this week. I went into my new classroom and realize I have ALOT to do before August 14th! Deep breath. I still have 2 weeks. I mean I used to inventory classrooms and rearrange them in a matter of 3 days. I CAN do this. Its just can I do this without hurting people's feelings by throwing shit out that doesn't promote developmentally appropriate practice? My Teacher's Assistant is absolutely wonderful and she helped me prepare the room for cleaning on Thursday. Friday, I cleaned the carpets. I took today off but tomorrow I will be going back at it. I used to get so pissed at our maintenance person at my old school b/c he was so anal about taking care of the building. Now, I understand why he did that. This new place does NOT have the same maintenance guy in charge.

I'm ending this blog on a happy note... my mom and I took some friends to Thomasville, GA today to get a car. After we dropped them off, she and I made a day out of it and shopped. I actually found a dress from Dillards and capris from Lane Bryant at the Goodwill IN MY SIZE!!!! I've been looking for this palm called a PonyTail Palm. We found them today at Lowes. I was thrilled b/c their not poisonous and I think it'll be cute at school. I introduced Mom to sushi and she liked it! We had a great day together. I didn't feel on edge and she even said she had a great time. You know, I live in a trailor, I drive an 8 year old CRV that's driver side window won't go down, and I don't have a penny in my savings account (sorry Molly, but I don't!) but I feel sooooo blessed. I have friends far and near who love me and I love them. My family is amazing. We have our differences but they always support me. I have the best job in the whole wide world... I get to play all day! For these things... I am thankful. Love you, J

Trailor does not equal white-trash

About a month ago, when Alberto came through a tree fell on my "new" house. Fortunately, it caused minimal damage. My house shook and as a result a shelf and some pictures fell off the wall. It scared the hell out of me and I'm sure I got whiplash from tensing up when the tree hit the roof. I collect Willow Tree angels and Dreamscicles. They all broke but I was able to super glue them back together. Oh yeah, so the point of this story...

The tree that fell was a huge oak that belonged to the property behind my house. That property is currently under construction so I had to go through the construction company to find out who owned it. It took two phone calls before I actually talked to a person. At which point the old man argued with me that nobody lived in that "old trailor" behind his property. So, I politely told him I had recently moved in about 3 weeks ago. Nevermind the fact that I've had people working on the place for a month before that! Well, the old man came and got the tree off the roof but left the damn tree trunk along with the debris in my backyard!

I realize that yes, I live in a 1970's mobile home and yes, the hitch is still attached to it but that does NOT make me white trash! I hope I don't offend anybody by using that terminology. I waited a week and nobody came out to move the tree. I went on vacation and nobody moved the tree. I called twice more and still no response. So, this Saturday morning, with trembling hands and a shaky voice, (remember my anxiety and how I HATE confrontation???) I called and luckily got the answering machine. My shaky voice became stern and I used my best teacher voice to say, "I've waited patiently for someone to remove this tree from my yard. I've called and no one has responded. If someone doesn't remove this tree by Monday afternoon, I will have to contact the property appraiser's office and my attorney. Thank you and have a nice day." Guess what I was awaken by this morning? The sound of a chain saw removing a tree from my backyard! Praise God, b/c I sure do not have an attorney!

While my house may not be valued at $200,000 and yes, you can hear creatures stirring underneath it, its my house. I am sooooo proud of it. My mother gave me the down payment for it and I've put alot of sweat and tears into making it comfortable. The land alone is worth so much. I didn't appreciate that construction goob head putting me off!

Wakulla...

If you've never been to Wakulla County, you should give it a try. Where else can you take your dog to the beach for a swim AND drink a beer. I am sooooo happy to be back home. I never thought I'd say that, but I am. Yesterday, I took Missy, my dog, to Shell Point. Did I mention I live 10 minutes from the beach? We had a great time walking on the beach. It was so hot though that I decided to go for a swim. I couldn't leave Missy on the shore by herself so I took her with me. What's the first thing you think of when you hear the name Labrador Retriever? Swimming, right? Not my princess. She did swim, but not without force from her momma pulling her in the water. You should have seen us. This 5'3 woman carrying a 70 pound dog in the water! She acted like she was gasping for air and her heart was beating 90 to nothing! Poor thing.

My house is coming along nicely. My uninvited house guests have moved on (mice.) I finished painting my kitchen cabinets today. My yard is looking better, I'm just waiting on my grass (yes, the legal kind!) to grow. I'd like to have a housewarming in August before school starts. Those of you who come will need to have an open mind though. While I think the place is absolutely fabulous, some of my friends may not. My tub is avocado green. Many of my closets and cabinets are covered by hand made curtains, need I re-emphasize hand made. (this means they are not even and could possibly fall at a moments notice, as they were rigged by me) Its a cozy sort of place. I figure one day I can have 3-4 bedroom house with a garage and garden tub, but right now this 1 bedroom mobile home with the 8x8 office will do just nicely!

I'm so grateful for this summer. I have enjoyed working on my place, spending time with neice and nephew and shopping with my mom. I am learning to slow down. I know its cliche, but 10 years from now, Nobody will remember that I planted sod in my front yard, but my nephew will remember that I watched him jump off the high dive at the city pool.

Our little angel

My new neice or nephew! Isn't s/he beautiful? I think s/he looks like me! My sister and brother-in-law came into town this weekend for a quick visit. My brother-in-law's aunt is a nurse. She was able to get Molly in for her first ultra sound! For those of you like me who are ultra-sound illiterate, that circular thing that looks like a fingerprint is the sac and the little dot is the embryo. (I think those are the correct terms??!) My friend's husband said it looked like a boob to him. I guess he hasn't seen any boobs in a while! It was quite exciting and an honor to be present for my neice or nephew's debut. I am on top of the world about this baby. I don't care if its a boy or girl. Molly is going to have another ultra sound done with her doctor in Kenner on the 31st of July. They will be able to hear the baby's heart beat and determine if there is more than one baby! Her hormone count was so high that we aren't sure how many are in there. Right now, her due date is March 10th.

F-A-T vs. PHAT?

My neice Kayleigh was over at my house Friday watching me put on make-up to go out. She said, "Aunt Janie, you are so beautiful. I want to be just like you when I grow, just not as fat." Hmmm, how does one reply to a statement like that? I thanked her and told her that she was beautiful too. Of course then I pondered the statement. It didn't hurt my feelings and it didn't make me cry (surprisingly, it didn't.) But it made me realize just how much my life revolves around my weight and just how often I talk about it when Kayleigh is around me. The poor girl has been to Weight Watchers, L.A. Weightloss AND Jenny Craig all with her Aunt J! It also made me think how sad it is that at the young age of 6, she already recognizes that being heavy is not a positive thing in our society.

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day about weight-related issues and how it affects my self-esteem in regards to dating. She mentioned that until I felt comfortable in my own skin it would be hard for me to find someone. I totally agree. I know that I am a beautiful person, but I do NOT like being heavy. Let's face it, the majority of men don't like heavy women.

I know some people reading this blog are probably thinking, "well if you don't like being fat, then get off your lazy butt and do something about it." I'm not writing this to get responses from people telling me that I'm pretty or how to exercise. I know what I need to do lose weight. I'm just writing this b/c its been on my mind alot lately and when Kayleigh made that comment I thought now would be good time to write about it. I'm not sure where I'm going with this entry either. The bottom line is I love food. I enjoy eating with family and friends. I love sweets, especially cakes from Publix! I have realized however that I do use food as a crutch and that's not good. I don't like to exercise. For one, that means I have to wear unflattering work out clothes and get my hair messed up. Second, I hate to sweat. Third, I don't care what anybody says, exercise hurts. I'm not one for pain. Don't worry, I also know that diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure runs in my family. I try hard to stay active and walk as much as I can. I'm just not consistent.

So, I guess I'm wondering, where is a happy medium? I don't want to look like Jabba the Hut, but I'll never be a size 8 either. For one day I'd love to eat and not look down at my stomach only to realize it sticks out farther than my boobs (nice image, huh?)I guess I'm the only one with the answers. I'm going to try to love me, ALL of me, and treat my body with the care it deserves, while eating my Publix cake, too! If I happen to lose a few pounds, great, if not, oh well, as long as I'm healthy. Oh yeah, last night on 'Oxygen,' Monique sponsored a beauty pageant for large women. It was great! Thanks Monique!

Home again, home again, jiggety jig

Wow! Its been almost a month since my last post. I've been busy. I have so much to write about yet, don't know where to begin. My "new" house has been one big adventure after another. A special thanks to my stepdad for helping me.

I finished up summer school on the 28th of June and left the next morning for West Virginia. I tell you what, teaching those kids this summer was probably the best thing I've done in a long while. I have learned so much. They reminded me to appreciate the simple things in life, to laugh at my shortcomings and most of all, to SLOW DOWN! I often go way too fast. I think it might have to do with my anxiety. My mind races faster than my body will work. This in turn causes extreme exhaustion. I have hypothyroid and despite taking medicine for it, I often feel like I'm walking in a fog. Anyway, enough of that, just trying to explain what I'm like sometimes.

My trip "up north" was terrific! I rented an absolutely perfect Chevy Malibu and made it a road trip. (I know you are laughing about the Malibu, but if you have ever driven with me in my car, you'd understand.) I spent the night in Cherokee, N.C. and enjoyed a little sight seeing on Friday. I only spent about $4 at Harrah's Casino. You know, I figured it was for a good cause!

On Friday, I ventured to Charleston, WV to visit my best friend Maggie in her new home. We had a fantastic time. It was great to see how happy she is. She has the most wonderful boyfriend and I am so glad for her.

Saturday, we drove to Pennsylvania for a friend's wedding. Thank the Lord Maggie was with me. First of all, I didn't realize just how far away this wedding was. We were about an hour south of Erie! If I'd of brought my raft, we could have went to Canada! I'm not complaining. Now I can say I've been to PA. Don't plan to go back anytime soon, though. The wedding was quite beautiful but it was a Catholic wedding and I had no clue as to when to sit or stand or what the heck to say. It lasted 2 hours!

Sunday was spent shopping and visiting with Maggie's parents. I feel right at home with her family. Monday I drove to Maryland to visit a college friend of mine who is expecting. We had a great visit. I got to have dinner with her family. Again, another family I feel welcomed by. Tuesday and Wednesday I stayed with Maggie in Charleston. It rained all night on the 4th so we didn't see any fireworks. That's ok b/c I was able to watch both episodes of 'Dog, The Bounty Hunter.' I usually don't get to watch it b/c I teach on Tuesday nights. Thursday was spent driving home. It was sad to leave but I was anxious to get back to C'Ville.

I don't know what it is, maybe its the summer school thing or maybe its turning 30 but I really appreciated this trip. I enjoyed the scenery: mountains, trees, flowers, etc. I bet I stopped at every visitor's center and picked up brochures for my new classroom. I also was reminded of how rich I am. I have so many people who love me and I them. It was comforting to know I had friends and family back home taking care of my place and asking me to check in while traveling. I could go on and on, but I need to eat breakfast. Wish me luck, I'm back with Jenny Craig. I'm really close to considering gastric bypass or duct tape for my mouth. Either should work!

Oh yeah! I got the best news on my way home. I'm going to be an aunt! My sister and brother-in-law have been trying to have a baby for the past 11 months and things have finally paid off. If the doctors are right, she is 5 weeks along. Please pray that things will go well for them. Have a great week

Men your age don't climb trees...

As you know, this summer I'm teaching students who are labeled, 'Trainable Mentally Handicapped.' I am having a blast. My kid who makes phalic symbols with the play dough has "graduated," so things have eased up a bit. I do miss my blind student, who by the way told me his mom was friends with the lady who took the cat I got out of the shed by my house. Anyway, he now has the cat! I love small towns! Anyway, the point of my blog tonight...

One of my students asked me if I had a boyfriend. Then she corrected herself by saying, "Oh no, you should have a husband." I laughed and said, "No, honey. He hasn't fallen out of the sky yet." My motto is until a man comes to me with a sign from God that says, "take him he's yours," I'm not dating anymore! Of course my sweet little student didn't understand my whole joke about falling from the sky. So, she giggles and says, "Miss Tucker, you're so silly. Guys your age don't climb trees!" Man, do I love my job! Hey, I guess I better stop looking up then.

Tonight, I dropped off birthday presents to my surrogate neice and nephew. As I was about to leave my 5 year old neice, who ran out of the bathroom wearing ONLY her costume jewelry, puts her hands on her hips and says, "Aunt Janie, you're NOT leaving until I get a kiss!" How sweet!

I love children. I love all kinds of children. I don't even mind typical high schoolers as much, now that I don't teach them. My neice had her summer dance recital Saturday evening. It was absolutely terrific. However, it was absolutely long! Next time, I'm bringing a pillow to sit on. Just kidding. Besides sitting on the seats, the other hard part was watching all of those kiddos and wanting one of my own. I know God has plans for me. I also know his timing isn't mine and lord know's I can't exactly have a child right now (no husband, no room, $$). It just wouldn't be fair to the kiddo. Well, that's enough blabbering for now. Oh, the picture at the top is of my neice and I at her dance recital. Is she a princess or what? Who does take after? Love, J

Life, or something like it...

So, I'm teaching summer school. Its funny b/c at my last school you had to beg to teach summer school. At this high school they begged me to teach b/c nobody wanted to do it. I figured, whats a month? Besides, I could use the money. I never know when somethings going to need fixing around my new place. Anyway, I am having the best time. I had my doubts at first and almost quit. I knew I was going to teach students who are labeled 'Trainably, Mentally Handicapped.' I was looking forward to it. I'd planned on taking them on field trips and just basically having a great time. Then on Tuesday morning when I arrived they gave another student. He is a typical kid except that he's visually impaired. He has tumors that are causing him to go blind. He is in summer school to improve his Science grade. The problem is since he can't see, guess what he needs me to do? Read and help him answer the study guides! So, I thought, how the hell am I supposed to devote all my attention to him and work with my other kids? I'm glad I didn't quit. I am having so much fun! The kid whose blind, is absolutely amazing. He is so cool with my two TMH kids. (sorry, that wasn't politically correct.) One of my TMHers gets really paranoid for no apparent reason and then gets irate with me. The VI kid will talk him out of it and helps him feel involved. My other TMHer has Down Syndrome. She is hillarious, and quite smart. She is in love with everybody and is always doing great, as she puts it. Anyway, its amazing how its all worked out. I've been able to put one kid at the computer while the other one does seatwork and I can work with my VI kid. The other two ESE teachers have been sending me kids who finish their assignments early and they will read with my VI kid so I can work with my TMHers. God really does provide! My latest issue however has been this new kid they sent me who is Emotionally Handicapped. He enjoys making fallic symbols with playdough and saying totally inappropriate things. Only five more days with him! He has spent quite a bit of time running errands for me and sitting in the hallway to read his novel he is using to earn his credit to graduate. That makes it not so bad. I love my job. There was a time not too long ago when I had lost my zest for teaching. Praise the Lord I think its back! Well, its late and my dog is telling me she needs to go out. Take Care!

Life in the Big Woods

As I mentioned in my last entry I am a princess. I don't know much about fixing things. My way of fixing things is to cover them up. I thought it would fun fixing this place up. Its something I've always wanted to do. It is fun, but it gets frustrating when I have to rely on other people. My parents have been absolutely terrific. I owe them big time! My friends have been awesome as well. Despite all the mishaps, I absolutely love it here. My yard is going to be gorgeous once I grow some grass... yes, the legal kind! I need to haul off some old metal and close in the ditch that goes to my well, too. I've really enjoyed making curtains, hanging pictures and coming up with themes to meet my creative style. The hard parts have been having tons of iron in my new well and having to change the filter weekly, coming home to a wet kitchen floor b/c the pipes are leaky. Discovering a soft floor b/c my dishwasher wasn't installed properly and now my floor has rotted, and then bending down to put my scale under my bathroom sink and noticing that the pipes are duct taped! On the positive side, I've called the guy I am buying the place from and he has made it all good. Its just a roller coaster ride not knowing from one day to the next what's going to happen. What is it with me and water???

Oh yeah, so now I'm living in what I'd like to call the country. I figure since I'm right next to the national forest, don't get reception on my cell phone unless I stand in a certain spot outside (remember the show Green Acres?) and Dominoes doesn't deliver, I can say I live in the country. Its relatively quiet except for the crickets and occasional snake slithering by. Its funny, I can handle police sirens and bass from cars driving down the road but you let me hear a bump or an animal rustling by and I'm freaked. I've decided that I have mice or birds living in my ceiling. Some nights I can hear them running back and forth making their little animal noises. I don't really like them being here since they don't pay rent but what can I do?

Today, I was out finishing my flower beds when I heard this crying noise. I tried to ignore it but soon realized it was a kitten. I'm a glutten for strays so I went over to see if I could find it. There is this old runned down house next to mine that has a shed behind it. The dad gum kitten was stuck behind the water pump inside the shed! I prayed a huge prayer and climbed into the shed and got the kitten. It was so cute and little. It couldn't even walk yet. I couldn't keep it so I took it to the animal shelter. I felt bad but I really don't need a cat. It ended up being a good thing b/c the lady at the shelter said the kitten was so small that it needed to be bottle fed every hour! Not me. I sure need my sleep. Well, I've rambled enough! Take Care! J

The Princess of Quite Alot

I am a princess... there's no doubt about it and for those of you who know me, you know that I am the girliest princess there is. I don't like to sweat, I own lots of pink, and I absolutely hate to get dirty. Anyway, I thought I'd "set the stage" with that lead in to tell you about my gardening experience. I don't know if its because I turned 30 last Friday or its my Grandma Tucker's genes coming out in me, but I've gotten into this planting flowers thing. I'm trying really hard to spruce up my "new" house. So, anyway, I went to ACE yesterday and filled my CRV with all types of flowers. Marigolds, Heathers, some bushes I forgot the name of, a small palm tree, those elephant ear looking plants and a plant that attracts butterflies. I bought a ton of potting soil and a couple of bags of mulch too. I forgot to buy a shovel so I had to go back inside and get one of those. Of course, I'd been collecting "yard ornaments," as my friend Jes would say, along the way. No pink flamingos, Rebecca! No, just those little windchimes, fake rocks and flower markers.

I'd been racking my brain as to what to use for a border around the plants when low and behold on my way home what to my wandering eye should appear but a huge area under construction. For those of you that aren't familiar with Wakulla County, its loaded with limestone. Well, tons of that stuff had been broken up into small rocks and it was lying everywhere! I pulled my car into the site and loaded it with limestone.

You should see my yard. Its looking better and better each day! I had to go back to ACE today and buy more flowers and bushes because I just didn't feel like the job was complete. I also stopped by my rock bed and loaded up on some more limestone. I sure hope that stuff isn't toxic.

So, anyway, back to me being a princess... Of course, I don't think to put on tennis shoes. NO, I had on my Old Navy flip flops. This would have been ok, if I hadn't of gotten a pedicure last Friday. Despite the scrubbing and lathering of lotion, my feet still look like I went mountain climbing! Its a good thing I stopped getting acrylic nails. My finger nails looked like I had been digging for worms! My mom bought me the cutest gloves but I forgot to use them. My body hurt soooo bad when I got finished planting. Needless to say, I slept like a log. When I get it all land- scaped I'll send you some pictures. Love to all! J

Until Further Notice...

CELEBRATE EVERYTHING!!! (Quite a change from my last entry.) Needless to say I am feeling better. I'm trying to lower my caffeine intake, there's only 2 more days left with my fantastic students, and my house is almost finished!

So, for those of you who don't know me, I'm a bargain shopper. No, I'm a bargain junkie. One day, on one of my numerous trips to Bealls Outlet I bought this cute little plaque that says, "Until Further Notice, Celebrate Everything." This is my new motto. When things really piss me off, I'm going to try and think about things to celebrate. So, here's my list of things to celebrate:

1. new boxes of Crayola crayons
2. hugs from little children that leave their handprints on the seat of your pants
3. blowing bubbles
4. mascara that really is sweat/tear proof
5. rebate coupons
6. doggie kisses

There are tons more things to celebrate but I since I started this post on the 17th of May I figured I'd better finish it and put it on display. I'll update you on my house and 30th birthday later.

List of Pet Peeves...

My awesome friend, Trisha, who also has a blog created a list of pet peeves/things people might not know about her. I'm borrowing her idea. Why, you might ask? Because, I am in a pissy mood. My students are out of control, my house is STILL not finished, and I've consumed way too much caffeine. Hopefully by doing this I will relieve some stress.

1. Why in the world is the women's plus size section located right beside the petite section? I already know that I'm fat and putting my size clothes right beside cute little petite clothes just rubs it in more!

2. Dealing with obnoxious teenagers. I've decided that I don't really like teenagers right now. At least today. They are mouthy, loud and terribly messy.

3. People who act like they carry the world on their shoulders. Some people are so dramatic. (like me, right now?) If you want to see people with burdens try looking at single parents wondering where they are going to get the money to pay their light bill, or a family with a child who has a life-threatening illness or severe special need.

4. Piles of old newspapers. My motto... after you read it, throw the damn thing out. I HATE clutter!

5. Rude people who work in retail. If you don't like people, don't be around them. Geez...

Thats about it right now. I know I'm not unique when it comes to pet peeves but it sure feels good to vent!

Somethings Gotta Give

Hi friends! I am happy to tell you that I should be moving into my "new" home next Tuesday! The guy I'm buying the place from will still need to put a skirt on the bottom and fix or should I say add a window to the spare room but it will be liveable by next week. I feel like there is so much to do but its all out of my control. I don't like that, but my anxiety hasn't gotten too out of hand so I'm ok.

I'm still praying for a job at either the pre-K or CES. Please continue to pray for me. I know that I'll be happy at either place. High school is NOT my cup of tea! I am definitely looking forward to working on my house and doing some landscaping. Don't laugh, its actually quite therapeutic. Who'd of thought, the girl who hates to sweat enjoys gardening???

LeeAnn Rhimes has a song out called, "Somethings Gotta Give." That song is all about me. I will be 30 years old in exactly one month. While I know that I'm blessed with all that I've done in my life, my fantastic family and friends and the places I've traveled, I still don't feel complete. I know my timing and God's is different so I need to be patient but come on... my time clock is ticking here. I want a husband and kids.

My mom wanted to see the Chip-N-Dales so for Mother's Day, my sister and I bought her tickets to see them in Gainesville. I know, most daughters buy their mothers passes to health spas or take them out for tea, not us. Since I live the closest and am single, I got the priviledge of taking Mom to the show. It was better than I thought it would be, despite being in Gator territory! I've never seen so many horny women in my life. It was kind of scary. The whole time all I could think was, "Gosh this is disgusting." All I want is one man, he doesn't even have to look like these men, just someone who is stabile, will love me with 10 extra pounds and make me feel like the diva that I know I am. Is that too much to ask for? I don't think so and so, I will NOT settle!

By the way, I'm back on Jenny Craig. I need something to get my fat behind in shape. Until next time... Somethings Gotta Give!

Please tell me its 5' O Clock Somewhere???

I'm tired. No, I'm exhausted. I don't even have the vocabulary to describe how I feel today. Can you hear the violins??? I know I'm not the only one who is tired. We all have our issues. Lord, my students were out of control today. Everytime I'd go to teach a lesson or present an assignment someone would piss and moan about it. I finally told about three them to shut up, or go home. Yes, I did! Ok, enough about school stuff. There's only 5 weeks left with these kiddos. Still no word regarding a job for next year, though.

Spring Break was terrific! I spent time at the beach, worked on my house, got a new tattoo, visited friends and family and just basically relaxed. I thought I'd pretend to be back in college and drink all week. I've decided I can't do that anymore! After drinking myself silly on Tuesday, I spent Wednesday hugging the porcelain god! Why do I think I'm still 21? I can NOT drink like I use to. My intestinal tract doesn't appreciate it, nor does the rest of my body. Those couple of hours of relaxation are just not worth the events of the next day!

I started back on Weight Watchers and joined a local gym. Its been ok this week. Today, I'm going to make myself go workout though. If not, I'll be in bed by 8pm! This getting up at 5:45am is killing me. I am NOT a morning person.

There's not much to write about so until next time... its 5'O Clock Here!

Life IS a bowl of cherries...

Hi friends! I've felt so out of sorts these past few weeks without access to a computer. My hard drive at school was considered evidence for an investigation (I was NOT involved in the investigation!)and so I just got it back this past Tuesday. I feel more in touch with the world now! My co-teacher has been terrific about letting me use her computer but I didn't feel comfortable writing blogs or searching for things on someone elses computer.

So, here I am back in Wakulla. I forgot how beautiful it is here in the spring. I wake up to the sound of birds chirping, as opposed to police and fire sirens! The early mornings are rough, as I have to be up by 5:45 am to be on time for work. We have to be at school by 7:25am but we get out at 3pm. I like having longer afternoons. Until my house is finished I am living with my friend Maggie in Tallahassee. She was gracious to let me and my dog stay with her.

My anxiety hasn't been too bad since I've moved back. I have been doing alot of deep breathing, taking walks and LOTS of praying. The kids I work with are tough. By tough I mean they are between the ages of 15-20 years old. Disabilities include language impairments, behavior disorders, learning disabilities and mild mental handicaps. They all are on special diploma which basically means if they want a real job after graduation they have to get a GED. Most of them come from rough family backgrounds. I have a couple who have done some time and a couple who I'm sure are well on their way. They can't pass the FCAT but are smart enough to know that they are in ESE. (Do you catch my drift?) Some of the boys enjoy making CD's. They are quite talented! Seriously... I have a couple who play football and basketball and one that's on the weightlifting team. There again, this is great but without a regular diploma, they can't get drafted by universities. (a couple have already been asked, only to find out they can't go to college with a special diploma!) The girls are all excited because prom is coming up soon. I'm kind of excited too. I think I may chaperone. Its fun being back here at the high school I graduated from. The other cool thing is that I remember alot of the kids from when they were an elementary school.

I was driving home from work the other day questioning my decision to move back. I was thinking about my HUGE cut in pay, leaving my centers on such short notice, etc. Then I was reminded that despite having no money (what's new???), I can pick my niece and nephew up after school. I can have dinner with my mom. My dog has a backyard to run around in. I feel like I belong. So, there's no questioning of my decision anymore.

I'm going home!

Well, this is it. My internet will be disconnected on Saturday, March 11th. Not sure if I'll be able to make it. I'm such a technology freak these days. I had planned to have dinner with my friend Rebecca last night. She called me and said, "I hope you don't mind, but I invited a few extra friends as well." I showed up to see about 12 people from work! It was heartwarming to see that many of my co-workers at dinner for me. Of course, it could have just been there excuse to drink! I really had a great time. They even gave a nice going away gift; a tartwarmer from Yankee Candle Company. I LOVE candles so it was a perfect gift. Rebecca paid for my dinner. We ate at Outback. It was yummy! The waiters and waitresses came out and sang to me and gave me the largest piece of cake you've ever seen. I shared with the people at the table and even had some left over for breakfast!

I'm exhausted. Not sure if its the stress of moving, hormones or all the crap I've been eating. Jenny Craig would NOT be happy with me! I hope that once I get moved I won't eat so much and can get back into exercising. I guess I should finish packing. I have to take down my curtains and put a few odds and ends in boxes and I'll be finished! What a terrific journey this year has been. Now I'm off to embark on new territory.

Peace...

Last night I wrote letters to my dad and my Grama T. Yes, I realize that they have both gone on to a Higher Place but I needed some closure. The letters were heartfelt. I had leftover guilt and anger towards my dad for dying so young. I felt guilty about not spending time with my Grama before she passed. In the letters I asked forgiveness, gave forgiveness and shared how much I loved both of them. I felt much better after writing them. Today I went to Publix and bought two helium balloons. My plan was to attach the letters to the balloons and let the balloons go. Yes, again I realize they wouldn't make it to Heaven. Symbolism, here people! Anyway, the letter was too heavy and weighed the balloons down. I shouldn't have left the balloons in the car so long. Damn heat! I took the balloons to my Grama's memorial since my daddy is buried in Wakulla. I let the balloons go. At first they just sort of stayed in place. I thought, "My goodness, I'm trying to let go of some guilt. Come on here!" Finally they began to float in the air. Then they got stuck under an eave of a roof! After a couple of minutes and much needed prayer the balloons finally flew up, up, up and away!

I had to post this entry because one, to share a way to provide closure and two, to point out the humor in things. Lord, you should have seen those balloons. I didn't think they'd ever fly away! As I was leaving the cemetary, I noticed these signs labeling the road. They all had 'peace' written on them! Pretty cool.

I'm getting a bit anxious about this move. I'm worried that all those old feelings of anxiety are going to come back. I'm nervous that I'm not going to have enough room in the moving truck for all my stuff. I'm scared to be starting a new job in the middle of the school year. I know that everything will be ok. I've been praying.

Thoughts to share...

Its funny how I came to West Palm Beach looking for Mr. Right. At this point, Mr. Right Now would be nice! Just kidding. I didn't find Mr. Right but I sure have gained some closure on some things. While some are funny, others make me teary.

A funny one deals with when I was about 3 years old, I went to Lion Country Safari here in Palm Beach County. While I was there, a goose bit me on my back. I remember it to this day. For the past 27 years, I've held a grudge on every species of birds. Up until a couple of months ago I was petrified of ducks and geese. I finally realized the other day that that was just one goose. Who knows, maybe I was in his territory? Anyway, as I was looking out at the lake behind my apartment I happened to see a momma duck with her little ducklings. My heart softened! They were so cute and the momma was so protective. Maybe I've actually overcome my fear?

On a more serious note, I've come to let go of some old guilty feelings I've stored up for over 17 years! I'm learning to enjoy life. Stop and smell the roses. I feel incredibly rich because of all the places I've been and the friends I've made along the way.

While I'm nervous about teaching high school I know it'll be ok. I've done it before, I can do it again. Its only 2 and a half months, right?

I guess that's all for now. Take Care, J

Adios Amigos!

Hi friends! Alot has happened since I last wrote. For starters, my head grew into my mushroom hairdo! I went to Tally to present at the Early Learning Conference. My friend Maggie and I presented together. We did a fabulous job. So good that people were upset because our first session filled up so fast that not everyone who wanted to attend could. The coordinators asked us to present again in the afternoon! We had only planned to present during one session. The CEO of Kid's Inc personally thanked us! This conference did wonders for my self-esteem. A special thanks to all my friends who were willing to help me with materials and quotes regarding inclusion.

Ok, so on my way to Tally this Friday I received a call from Wakulla County Schools asking me if I'd be willing to come back and teach at the high school. As you know, I've been planning on moving home, just not this soon. I don't like being this far away from my family and want to be where I am needed. Anyway, I am moving back to Tally Tuesday, March 14th. While I feel guilty about leaving my present job on such short notice, I feel that this is what I need to do. I've been praying about this for quite some time now and God has made a way for me to go home. Maggie is willing to let me stay with her until my house is finished. An old friend of the family has a job for me this summer. I was able to get out of my lease without getting into trouble and to top it off, my step-dad is coming down to help me move!

Some may think that I am scattered and flitter around from place to place. That's fine, let them think what they want. I believe that God has a plan for us all. Some of us just take a while figuring out what that plan is! For the first time in my life I finally feel complete and satisfied with my decisions. I came to West Palm Beach looking for Mr. Right...oh yeah and a new chance at life. I haven't found Mr. Right, but so many other great things have happened since I've been here and I've been able to tie up some unfinished business I've had for some time.

Professionally, I have grown in so many ways. I know more about early childhood education and hope to use what I've learned when I return to Wakulla. My self-esteem has soared tremendously. I know that I can make it, where ever I am. I am not obsessed with losing weight but instead I am working on trying to be healthy by exercising, eating right, and taking care of my body. Spiritually, I have come to depend on God more than I've ever done before. He really does provide!

I will not be on blogger for a while after March 10th, as this is when my internet service will be disconnected. Please know that I keep all of you in my prayers and cherish the relationships I have with you. My e-mail address will remain the same and I'll check it when I can. I'm going to keep my same cell number for a while. I will let you know when I change it.

Some say I'm crazy for wanting to go back into the classroom. Maybe I am. My therapist says I am fine and I tend to believe her! We shall see... In the meantime, thanks for all the prayers. I know they are what keeps me straight!

I'm in a funk!

Reason number 200 for moving back to Wakulla: My hair dresser. Ok call me shallow, but there's nothing worse than getting a bad haircut! Today I went and got a haircut. I showed the lady the picture and everything. I guess I should have emphasized "Long Layers!" Now I look like I have a mushroom growing on top of my head! I am presenting at a conference next Saturday and I look like a shroom! Thank goodness I have a week to figure out what to do with this mess. Maybe I can get a wig. I am so bummed right now.