This One's For the Parents!

I think its Martina McBride that sings a song called, "This Ones For the Girls." She goes through the stages of womanhood beginning with teenage worries to old lady blues. All along the way, she cheers on women of all ages. I'm changing it up a bit and calling my entry, "This One's For the Parents."

When people ask what I do for a living and I tell that I teach pre-school aged children with "severe" disabilities I usually get a look of awe and a comment like, "It takes a special person to teach kids like that." Sometimes, I get a look of pity and a comment like, "I don't know how you do that day after day. I'd think that's depressing." And to that comment, Well, I'll admit that there are days when I've changed one too many stinky diapers or chased down one too many kiddos and I want to throw in the towel. Honestly, aside from teaching high school ESE (which those people should get an extra special place in heaven) this has got to be the most exhausting job I've ever had. The progress is slow, if any. Our facility is below standards. I'm CONSTANTLY second guessing myself: things like... If I'd have shown him the picture of the bus 4 times before it actually arrived we could have avoided a tantrum, is it really necessary to make him pull up his own pants if it pisses him off that bad? You get the picture.

Then there are the days when I realize that it is worth it. Days like Friday when a student signed "more" for the first time in the year and a half we've had him, or when another child said, "Hi, Janie." When I walked into the room.

Oh yeah, my point to this blog... see how self-absorbed I am? The parents. Way too many times, as teachers we place blame on the parents. I'll admit it. I've been that self-rightous-never-been-a-parent-but-I'll-sure-as-hell-judge-you-on-your-parenting-techniques kind of person. This year has been an eye-opener for me. We have NO IDEA what these parents go through. I've been quick to blame parents for their child's headbutting or screaming. Then I step back and think about my evening and compare it to theirs. I get off of work at 3:30pm, go to Wal-Mart alone buy whatever I want for dinner, walk in the park or visit a friend alone, have my dinner in front of the t.v., and go to bed when I'm ready, AFTER taking a bubble bath of course. Most of these parents are single, working until 5 or 6pm, driving 30-45minutes to and from work, have more than one child, and barely any time for themselves. Bubble baths are NOT an option because their child with autism can't be left unnattended and heaven forbid he go to sleep before 2:00am! Buying what they want for dinner? Not when you have a child on a gluten-free diet. Am I saying that these are excuses for parents of children with severe disabilities. Not at all. What I am saying is my hat goes off to each and everyone of them. Instead of placing blame, its my job to work alongside of them to help curb the headbutting and screaming. Its my job to point out the good things these parents do, like signing their notes everyday, sending their child to school clean and on time.

Back to the beginning of my blog. Yep, it takes a special person to teach these kids, but it takes an even more special parent to parent them. I go home at 3:30pm. Parents have nights, weekends and long-term care to think about. As for second-guessing, I can't imagine what goes through these parents' minds. I commend these parents. God has placed these special kids in your hands for a reason.

Ramblings of a Pre-K ESE Teacher

Happy Fall, Friends! I love this time of year. The leaves are turning colors, the humidity is dropping (wishful thinking) and it means one day closer to Christmas break!!!! I just had the urge to ramble so I figured I would. I've been in my new house for about 5 weeks now. I love it! Some nights I just sit on the couch and look up at my vaulted ceilings in awe. Please don't take this as me being vain. Nope, I'm very grateful for what I have. I know I didn't do it alone. Its just funny to think about how far I've come. My friend Maggie and I were laughing the other day about how we used to barely make rent each month (it was $280 for each of us!) It wasn't funny back then but it sure makes me feel good now.

I've had 3 housewarming parties. I LOVE having people over. I am very blessed and thankful to have so many wonderful people in my life. My brother-in-law and step-dad have also put alot of sweat into this place. I'm pretty much unpacked and have pictures on the wall. I have a big empty space above my sofa though. I'm keeping that space free in hopes of one day putting something really special there. That's all I'm going to say b/c I already sound like a huge dork!

Have you noticed just how many pregnant women are walking around out there? No offense to any of them at all. Its just funny, because for some strange reason, hormonal maybe, I'm going through this baby phase. There are days when I see these pregnant women and envy them. Don't worry, Its NOT going to happen. For one, Mr. Right has NOT fallen from the sky and two because of that I don't want to raise a kid alone for fear of screwing him or her up. I also know that pregnancy and childbirth are no day at the beach. I'm not crazy. I'm sure it's just a phase.

Other ramblings... you know, I never dreamed that I'd ever be settled enough to buy a house. For me, buying meant staying put, being trapped. I don't feel like that anymore. Which makes me wonder if maybe, just maybe, I can actually date without getting that sick feeling in my stomach, you know the one, where you're not sure whether you want to puke or do the other. The problem is where to meet guys. I'm too old and tired to go out clubbing, all my exes are married with kiddos, and church... nope, not happening (they're just not there.) I was waiting to lose lots of weight before finding someone but that's a pipe dream. I'm me, 5'3, size 16-18 (ok, ok, mostly 18-20) and I'm tired of feeling bad about myself for being a big girl. Its just not healthy.

I think that's about it. If you're ever in the neighborhood stop by! Love, J

Home Sweet Home!

Home Sweet Home!

I'm moved in...

Well, I closed on my house on Wednesday. I'm moved in... sort of. My step-dad, brother-in-law and a couple of friends came and helped load things up and move me in. Now, I'm just waiting on little things that I can't do. (putting up blinds, delivering my entertainment center, old bed to the Goodwill) I know I sound like a weinie but I carried, put together and loaded as much as I could. And now I have to wait. I HATE being out of control. Does anybody have any Xanex??? Just kidding, all that would do would make me MORE out of control. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful people to help me with things around here.

I LOVE my new house. Its so spaceous. I can't wait to send you pictures. I'm still in awe. Right now I feel like I'm housesitting for somebody else. I'm sure that feeling will go away real fast once I start making my house payments!

Well, the Badcock guys are here. Let me go check on things. AAAAGGGHHH!!!!

Should Haves and Would Haves

I was thinking the other day about life and just how things have turned out for me. I was thinking about all those wasted years spent feeling resentment for things not happening the way I thought they should have happened. I was thinking about my anxiety and the wasted nights nto sleeping but rather spent feeling guilty or worried about things I had no control over. After all that 'thinkin' I decided to make a list of 'Should Haves' and turn them into positives.

See from the time I was about 10 years old, I had my life planned out. So, these 'Should Haves' are things I thought I should have had by a certain age but am finally OK with the fact that it didn't happen.

*I should have moved away for college but if I had I would have missed out on family experiences.
*I should have married my high school sweetheart right after college but if I had I would have probably been divorced within 2 years. (All my close friends know this story all too well!)
*I should have had my first baby by age 25, my second one by 28 and my 3rd one would have been due any day now but if I had I would have been unable to enjoy the birth of my 2 nephews and niece. I wouldn't have been able to take them on trips or spend lots of money on crazy gadgets they talk me into. Thomas hasn't started that yet, but he will!
*I should have bought my first house by age 24 but if I had I wouldn't have been able to teach in China or Mexico nevermind packing up and moving to West Palm Beach for 10 months.

I guess thats about it right now. I'm sure there's more but I need to unload the boxes from my car. If all goes well I'll be moving into my new house next Tuesday!

Love, J

Happy Labor Day!

Good News! The seller took the bid on the house and I'll be closing September 11th. Eery, I know but that's 30 days from when the bid was made. So, my house is filled with boxes and I'm all set to go. Once I move in, I'll take some pictures and post them. I'm really excited about this opportunity. Scared, yet excited and proud.

Mom and I drove to Louisiana this weekend and picked up Thomas so Molly and Eric could put the final touches on their house. They should be here by Friday. Mom took the week off to keep Thomas. She and Gene painted Molly's old room, put down an adorable rug and crib for Thomas. Now granted the kids been home for two nights, but guess where he's been sleeping? With my mom! She bought a nanny camara today and she says that once she has that set up she'll feel more comfortable letting him sleep in his room. I am so happy to have my family back together. Its only been 6 years but it seems like a decade.

Wish me luck, I'm applying to FSU for the Ed Leadership program. This will open doors for me in the administrative realm of the school system. Its funny b/c less than a year ago I could NOT see myself in that capacity. Now I think I'm ready to learn the ropes. I may not get an administrative position for a while but in the meantime , I can work on the degree.

My class is tough this year. Ironically, I'm not as stressed as I was this time last year, but its tough nontheless. My co-teacher and I have 7 little friends with severe needs. 3 are autistic, 3 have chromosome disorders, and one we're not sure what his diagnosis is but we know he needs one! (our guess is he was born addicted to drugs, but we don't have proof) The hardest thing about the job is getting them all to the bathroom safely and pottying them without one of them running away. We don't have a bathroom in our classroom and all but two of them are in diapers!

If any of you have any tips for dealing with autistic friends, please share. They have got to be the toughest kids out there to reach. I guess I'm having a hard time sorting out learned bad behaviors versus true autistic behaviors. As a result, I think I've been too hard on them.

As for my chromosome kids, they are the sweetest, most enthusiastic kids ever. I just can't keep their attention for very long. I need some good ideas on how to play with both groups. (Trish, Rebecca, Heather, Tammy???) That may sound dumb to some, but their play isn't typical and by the time I sit down to play, they're running off to another area. My thought is to do some sort of directed play (so not ECERS, I know) by putting them in Rifton chairs and playing one on one with them with toys on the Rifton tray. They'll still get their free play but I don't feel like I'm teaching them anything by letting them roam.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I need to go walk my dog!

Love, J

Commitments

As I mentioned in a previous blog, I got pre-approved for a new house. While I am thrilled, I'm nervous. I'm thinking this is probably the scariest thing I've ever done. Has anybody else ever felt that way? All these things run through my mind, like what if I lose my job, what if my car breaks down, what if I can't shop at Target anymore...

People keep telling me this is an investment. I'm getting a good rate, I'm not financing more than I can afford and its BRAND NEW. I guess I'm scared that this means I'm settling down. Which is really stupid b/c I've been settled. I love where I live, my family is here and furthermore I can't see myself leaving. So, why the jitters?

I should know by Tuesday whether or not the seller agrees to my offer. In the meantime, please pray for me. I want to know that I'm making a wise decision. Love, J

Picture Perfect!

The whole gang! This took about 7 times to get right!!!

Attempt #10 for a perfect shot!

Cousins!!!!

Posing Thomas.

Naked Thomas.

Thomas 5 months.

Maddison, age 2. Erica's oldest.

Belle, age 5 month. Erica's youngest.

When we were kids, my mom and aunt would take us kids to Sears and have our pictures taken as a group. So, we all decided to carry on that tradition. We had NO idea what we were getting ourselves into. These are the best of the best. If you look on Molly or Erica's myspace page you can see ALL the attempts. What a mess!

Life is GOOOOOOOD!!!!

Life is good and I am sooooo happy!!! I've had to wait to do an update until things were official but it looks like Molly, Eric and Thomas will be moving home the middle of September! They're not sure where they are going to live as of yet. They've put their house on the market but things are slow right now, especially in New Orleans with it being hurricane season and all. Right now, they're considering renting in my apartment complex. I can NOT tell you thankful I am about them moving home. This summer was terrific. Ok, the actual living in New Orleans caused my anxiety to sky rocket but the opportunity to care for Thomas and spend time with my sister was worth every moment.

As for me, I got a pre-approval for a home loan this week. The interest rate is just right and so I put a bid on a 3/2 just down the road from where I live now. Its still under construction. I'm not getting my hopes up. I'm just praying for the Lord's will. So far, He's done a great job keeping me straight so I'm leaving all of this to His plan as well. This whole house buying thing is a bit scary but I love living here and don't plan to move anytime soon.

My family and I went to dinner last week at a restaurant right on marina. Its not a fancy restaurant but the view of the water makes up for the cosmetics of it. I thought how wonderful it is to live in such a beautiful place. I live less than 30 minutes from the beach and there are at least 4 rivers to canoe in. (I use the word canoe rather loosely, poor Staci!) You can actually swim with the manatees! My point is, I am happy.

So, school starts back August 13th. The kiddos come on August 20th. I have ALOT of work to do before Open House. This year, my co-teacher and I will be teaching 7 students. 4 have autism and the other 3 have chromosome disorders of some sort. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. I want to make a difference in their lives, but I'm not sure about what all to do.

Well, I should go. Love, J

Makily, Truly A Miracle!

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for my friend's daughter, Makily. If you get a chance and want to get an update here is her website address. http://www.caringbridge.org/fl/makilyangel/
Makily and her family are an inspiration to me. They are examples of what dedication, determination and a strong support system will get you. The Lord has used Makily in so many ways. She is proof that God still uses miracles.

Just Breathe

Do you ever take time out of your day to just breathe? I love the show "Grey's Anatomy." They often play this song that has the lyrics "just breathe." I used to think it was a dumb song until I really thought about the words.

I realize that we all breathe in some form or fashion or we'd be dead but it wasn't until I started doing yoga (I've been twice and notice I say it like I'm a pro, lol!) that I really understood the importance of deep breathing. It's calming. I've noticed that sometimes just by breathing deeply, I can calm my nerves, stop a headache, or even fall asleep.

My New Picture

I was in a wedding two weeks ago. So, before the wedding, I went to Clinique and had a makeover. On the way to the wedding I stopped by my parents' house to give Thomas a kiss. If you look really close you can see the lip prints on his cheek. Poor kid!

Humble Pie and Crow

My good friend Pat uses the saying, "I guess I'll eat crow for that one." I'm not sure if that's the exact way she says it but the reason she uses it is when she's made a mistake and has to admit it.

So today, I'll be using Pat's saying, "I guess I'll eat crow for that one." My brother-in-law is doing some repair work on my vehicle while I'm here in New Orleans. One of the things that has needed fixing is my driver's side window. It needs a new motor. For the past year and a half, whenever I go through a drive-thru I have to open my door because my window won't go down. If you need a humbling experience try it some time! The last straw was when I got stopped in downtown New Orleans and the police officer pulled a gun on me b/c I opened my door instead of rolling down my window. Sorry, I digressed...

Back to eating crow. So, for a $130 I bought a new motor for my window. The cashier told me that if I brought back the old one, I could get $30 back. Today, I went to pick up the motor only to realize that I had lost the receipt! I'm fairly organized but I have a terrible habit of throwing things away. I don't like clutter. Luckily, they gave me the motor but they would only give me a gift card instead of $30 cash. I got pissed and told them no, if they weren't going to give me the cash I wanted my motor back. Boy, do I sound like my pre-school students or what? All I could think about was what in the hell would I do with a gift card to Auto Zone.

Now, I didn't curse at the lady or raise my voice but I was adament about taking my old motor and going home. I got in the car and my sister calmly asked me what I planned to do with a broken motor. I told her what the lady offered me and she reminded me that there was plenty to buy at the Auto Zone for $30. If anything, I could buy $30 worth of gum and soda.

I came home and scowered my bedroom, pants pockets, and my purse (which wasn't cluttered) but I was unable to find the receipt. So, it looks like tomorrow I will be eating some humble pie and asking for a gift card. I'm laughing about my behavior as I type this but I am really embarrassed about going back to the store.

Clarification

Because I have anxiety I thought I should clarify what I wrote in my last entry. I'm not against being a mom. I personally feel its the greatest yet hardest job there is out there. I just feel that right now, its not for me, being alone and all. Maybe one day, it'll happen for me but if not, I'm fine being an aunt. Ok, I feel better now!

I'm fine for now!!!

So back in May I wrote this poor pitiful me entry about how depressed I was about the way my life has turned out. I think I'm done mourning.

Despite some of the mishaps here in New Orleans, this summer has been a good one. I realize that I LOVE being an aunt. Not a momma, but an aunt. Being an aunt means you don't do midnight wake-up calls (poor Molly and Eric), you don't spend your whole week cleaning your home only to have dozens of kiddos come and destroy it at your children's birthday party (great party by the way, Jess!). What it does mean is you can give them ice cream before dinner, you can take them to Chuck E Cheese and at the end of the day you return them to their rightful owners!

I also realize just how much I appreciate my 98 Honda CRV. Its paid for!!! I love my one bedroom apartment. When something is broken, I call maintenance. It takes me 2 hours tops to deep clean the place.

Finally, being single means I can pack up and go whenever and whereever I'd like.

I'm blessed. I'd still like to lose some weight but hey, we can't have it all, now can we? So as I long as I don't watch 'A Wedding Story or 'A Baby Story' I'm fine for now.

Traffic Court

How many 4 month olds can say they've been to traffic court? Well, now my nephew can! I got directions off of Mapquest to go to a place called Algiers to pay my ticket. Mapquest said it was 18 miles away and to allow 28 minutes. Well, it took me more than 28 minutes. More like 78 minutes! By the time I found the place I had paid twice to take a toll road, stopped at two Chevrons for directions AND driven the wrong way down a one-way street. I realize that I don't have the best sense of direction but I am not a total moron and I do know how to read. Sweet Thomas took pity on me and slept the whole way there. I think he knew I could not handle screaming this morning.

(If you read a couple of entries down you'll understand why I couldn't pay online. ) To top it off, I never carry cash with me. The Lord was looking out for me though. I had two dollars in my purse for the tolls and found an emergency stash of 10 ones in Thomas' diaper bag. I needed five of those ones to pay to park across the street from the court house.

I parked the car, hefted my 20 pound nephew into my arms with his diaper bag and purse on my shoulder. No stroller today, being as how the court house is not handicapped accessible and had 10 steps to climb to get into the door. The court house was old and dirty, shocker... like everything else in New Orleans. An 80 year old lady security guard told me where to go to pay the ticket. I went into the room where a guy wrote some code on my ticket and told me to take it to the desk in front of his. That lady told me to have a seat and wait because the ticket wasn't in the system. She took the ticket to the lady sitting two desks away from her. That lady couldn't figure out how to spell my name or where I was from so she yells across the room, "Janice Tucker... what is this city you're from?" Geez, where do they find these people? So, she finds the amount for the ticket and gives the ticket back to the first lady. $181 she says. So I ask her if she takes credit cards because the back of the ticket says, cash, cashier's check, money order or credit cards. Since I didn't know how much the damn ticket was before I got there I only had a credit card. She tells me she only accepts cash and personal checks. Yep, personal checks!!! Being as how I don't carry that kind of cash with me, I wrote her a check, got my receipt and left. I waited to cry until I got into my car. Thomas did too!

Oh how funny is this... while I wrote my check the cashier lady offered to hold Thomas. That was really kind of her. My sweet Thomas made a little surprise while she was holding him! Let's just say we had a code brown situation, hee hee!

While I'm going to be really sad to leave Thomas and Molly, I can not wait to go home. This is the most ass backwards place I have ever been in!!! Only 11 days left. Pray for me... I need it. Maybe its a good thing that I cry instead of getting angry. Bad things could happen if not!

ADA

I was thinking about this the other day and I thought I'd post it... Whenever Thomas and I go out I take him in the stroller. He is almost 20 pounds and I carry enough extra weight around without his.



So, we were killing time the other day waiting for Molly and Eric to get off of work so I thought I'd stop in this store called Rainbow. We don't have one at home but I remembered it from when I lived in West Palm Beach. Its a store that carries cheap, trendy clothes for Plus-sized girls. Let me emphasize the word cheap. If you hand wash the stuff you might get 3 wears out of it.


We stroll into the store, or should I say, I hefted the stroller with baby in it up into the store being as how NOTHING in this part of Louisiana is handicapped accessible. I never knew how annoying those little lifts could be. (you know, the entrance doesn't match up to the outside so they at a step.) I've always been a stickler for ADA accomodations being an ESE teacher and all but now that I have Thomas with me I really notice.

My point to the story... so once get inside I realize that all the racks of clothes are jammed together. There is NO WAY I can look at anything in there. You'd think that since its a store for large women the aisles would be bigger!

Because of Katrina

So, I got a ticket for running a stop sign in downtown New Orleans on June 16th. "Running" sounds bad. What actually happened was that I yielded instead of coming to a complete stop. Thats not the point, the point is, I got a ticket and I need to pay it. There's a website you can go to pay online. For the past 20 or so days, I've been going to the website to try and pay it only to discover that the ticket isn't online. My sister asked around at work and they said that there's nothing I can do until the police officer puts the ticket into the system. I'm supposed to have 30 days to pay it but the officer wrote that payment was due by July 11th! They said the police officers are bad about not putting the ticket into the system on time. So today, me and my nephew are driving down to traffic court to find out what the hell is going on. I hope he pulls that stuff he pulls when we go to the mall. (He HATES the mall.)

Personally, I 'd rather not pay the damn thing, but I don't like the idea of having a suspended license over something like this. This will be my contribution to Katrina. Everything around here is because of Katrina. You know what, Katrina was two years ago! Find another excuse! I'm sorry for the people who lost loved ones or their personal valuables in the storm but two years later, websites shouldn't be down, and police officers shouldn't be giving me the wrong phone number to call to find out how much my ticket will cost! Seriously, I've sent 2 e-mails, left 3 voicemails but have gotten no response. Molly's friend said that's because that site and office I am calling is out of order because of Katrina.

Wish me luck. As pissed of as I am about driving downtown to pay this damn thing, you'd think I'd show it by being mean. Nope, I'll probably cry. The story of my life!

Words Cannot Express How I Really Feel

About 2 and a half years ago a dear friend of mine was drugged, sexually assaulted, and left to die by a couple of local boys in our community. Thankfully a friend just happened to stop by as the boys were leaving and discovered what had happened. Anyway, the case was initially handled by our good ole boy local system and evidence was contaminated. One of the rapists comes from a prestigious family in the community. Are you catching my drift???

The trial finally began yesterday only to be dismissed this morning by the judge. I don't know the exact reason for the dismissal but from what I've been told it had to with a typographical error in one of the reports. Over the past two years my friend would mentally prepare herself to go to court only to have the defense request a continuance. Her character has been slandered by the media on numerous occasions. Today's attempt is on this website http://www.wctv.tv/home/headlines/8192942.html.

Basically what I get from this is that when someone is raped, they are the ones who are put on trial NOT the rapist. This defense attorney basically stated that if a woman gets drunk (which was NOT the case in this situation) she is granting permission to be raped! As a result of this judge's decision, permission has been granted to the men our county to go out and assault whomever they want to because not a damn thing will be done about it. It also goes to show what money and a good last name will do for you!

I am outraged. I don't know exactly what to do. So, I did what I always do when I feel helpless, I wrote. I wrote a letter to the newspaper. It was a little bit more professional than this blog entry but basically stated the same things. Not that my letter is going to change the judge's decision or make my friend feel better but I felt like I had to do something.

I ask that you pray for my friend and her family. Thanks! J

Thomas and Bella Cuddling

Thomas says, "Ok, this is nice. I can do this."