My Autobiography

So, a friend of mine had this on her myspace page since I'm self-absorbed and all, I thought I'd cut and paste it to mine and fill it out for myself.

Part 1: The Birth of You:
Were you a planned baby?: no, I think somebody forgot the condoms
Were you the first?: Yes
Who was present at your birth?: My mom and dad (I think), the doc and nurses. Were your parents married when you were born?: Yes. 9 months to the day!
What is your birthdate?: May 26th

Part 2: The Family
How would you describe your family?: Co-dependent and loyal.
Are your parents married? no, my mom's a widow
Siblings or an only child?: 1 sister
If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?: Oldest
What are your siblings names and ages?: Molly age 27
Which parent do you get along with best?: Mom
What do you fight about?: Nothing now.
Do you have step parents?: Yep, my step-dad, Gene

Part 3: The Friends
Do you have more than one best friend?: Sort of
Who are your best friends?: Jes, Wendi, Maggie, Julie O. (I have several very dear friends as well)
What do you like to do when you are together?: shop, gossip, used to drink with Maggie and Julie
Do you share the same interests?: For the most part, Yes
Which friend can you tell anything to?: All of them but it just depends on if I want an honest reaction or not as to who I tell what to

Part 4: Your Personality
How high/low is your self esteem?: My self-esteem hangs around the middle.
Are you an extrovert or an introvert?: It depends on the situation
Are you happy?: Pretty much.
Do you live life to the fullest?: Yep.

Part 5: Appearance
Are you comforable with the way you look?: After 31 years, yep!
Do you have any piercings besides your ears?: I used to have a belly button ring. Its just not attractive on people of size.
Describe your hair.: sort of a bob cut auburn color growing out
What make-up do you wear?: Clinique
How do you dress?: Pretty casually.

Part 6: The Past
Were you a strange child?: Yes, I thought way too deep into things. Way to mature for a kid.
What did you use to love that you no longer do?: fair rides, now they make me puke and getting drunk at Stetson's
Do you have the same friends?: pretty much
Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?: my dad's death at the age of 12

Part 7: The Future
What is your ambition?: Get married, be a mom and/or become an administrator for the school district
Are you scared of growing old?: I think a little
Do you want to get married?: Yep. but if not, I'm ok.

Part 8: The Outdoors
Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?: Depends on where that outdoors is.
What is your favorite season?: Fall
Do you like walking in the rain?: yes

Part 9: Food
Are you a vegentarian?: Heck no.
What is your favorite fruit?: anything covered in chocolate or candy apples
What food makes you want to gag?: cantalope for starters.
What is your favorite dessert?: Cheesecake Factory Oreo Cheesecake
What is your favorite restaurant?: Osaka's
Are you a fussy eater?: no

Part 10: Relationships and Love
Are you single or taken?: single
If taken who is the lucky guy/girl?: I'm still waiting on him.
Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?: It's got to be.
Do you believe in love at first sight?: Yes
Part 11: Experiences
What was one of your greatest experiences?: becoming an aunt
What was one of your worst?:My Grandma T. dying and me not being there for her during that time
Have you ever done drugs?: Yes,but nothing hardcore.
Have you ever thought you were going to die?: Once.
Have you ever suffered from depression?: Yes.

All in a Day's Work!

So, I went to dinner with a friend of mine I hadn't seen in almost 2 years. I was nervous about meeting him since it had been so long ago and since that time I had discovered the Cheesecake Factory, lol! You know, it takes hard work to look this good. We women sure do go through alot to care for ourselves. I bet I clogged up my pipes today with all the shaving I did! Then when I got out the tub, I had to put on like 3 different creams! Vitamin E on my scars, some $50 cream on my vitiligo and let's not forget the 3 step process from Clinique for my face. I worked hard to coordinate my undergarments with my outergarments. Which when you think about it, is just plain funny b/c I sure didn't put out. So he didn't see any of it anyway. I guess I did all those things for the satisfaction of knowing I looked and felt like a million dollars.

Massage Therapy

So Friday after school I went and got one of those hot stone massages. I used to get massages every 3 weeks but since I bought my house its been like 2 months. When I called to make the appointment the lady asked me if I had a preference over a man or woman. I said no, I really didn't care. Believe or not, I'm pretty comfortable with my body these days. Its taken alot of doughnuts to get to where I am. Just kidding. I have to say I love my body. I'm thankful that it gets me place to place without being in excruciating pain. Scars from recent surgeries remind me that I am cancer-free. The extra padding makes for a nice place for my nephew to lay his head when he is sleepy. And the vitiligo... well, it gives people something to talk about.

Anyway, the guy came in to do the massage and let's just say I was not impressed. I've had massages from men before and this was just plain terrible. It was almost like he was repulsed by my body. I can't explain it really, but if you've ever had a massage you know what I talking about. It was like he was just going through a routine not really caring that it was a person he was working on. The doctor who cut on breast was more gentle than he was.

I'm not quite sure the point of this entry except to say that to be a massage therapist one should appreciate different body types.

What is sexy anyway?

I was playing around with the camara tonight making different faces just cutting the fool. I looked at one, thinking the shot would be sexy and burst out laughing. (Don't worry, I wasn't doing anything wierd just making faces, all clothes on.) Instead of looking sexy, I looked pissed and to top it off, my double chin looked worse than ever. I don't think there is anything sexy about me. I'm beautiful, funny and cute, but definitely NOT sexy. Maybe sexy, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So, I guess I'll just have to wait.

Ever-Changing Perceptions

So I was driving by our local funeral home today when I noticed a few cars parked in the back. This is the same funeral home that planned my daddy's funeral. I got this horrible lump in my throat and my chest felt heavy. All I could think was, "How shitty to have to plan a funeral at Christmas." Then with tears streaming down my face, I laughed out loud and thought... "Yep, it is pretty shitty. I know, b/c I did it, on Christmas day at the age of 12 years old for my father." This is by no means a "feel sorry for Janie" entry. Nope, just sharing. Its funny the things one remembers from one's childhood. I am blessed to say that I don't have too many traumatic experiences to remember.

My mom and I were driving home from Tally tonight and reminiscing (I need to learn to spell that word!) over old times. She said to me, "I never realized just how disfunctional our lives were while I was raising you guys. I guess I went through the motions blindsighted." I laughed at her and said, "well, you did a mighty fine job covering up the disfunctionality." My sister and I went to one of the best private schools in West Palm Beach. We always had plenty of food, clean clothes and all that we needed. I remember thinking how sad I was for some of my friends at school. One girl couldn't see her mom b/c her mom was a bad alcoholic. Another friend got beat for making bad grades. I never knew we were disfunctional. Sure, my dad was an alcoholic but he never abused us and he always worked. My mom devoted her whole life to us. She waited 13 years to date other men after his death! Its funny, different people's perceptions. Better yet, its funny how people's perceptions can change. There were years that I resented my mom, thinking she was suffocating me b/c she was so protective. I see now why she did what she did. I wouldn't change a thing.

Ramblings

Tomorrow is the Friday before Christmas break. Most of my teacher friends hate getting out for Christmas so late. I like it because it keeps me busy all the way up until Christmas. My daddy died December 24, 1988. Perhaps you're thinking, "geez its been 19 years, get over it already." For some reason its not that easy. My friend Jes and I have a running joke that we sort of hold our breath from the day ofter Thanksgiving all the way up until December 26th for fear that something bad is going to happen. This year is going to be an interesting one. I'm not on any anxiety meds nor am in counseling. I don't think I'm acting any differently without either of the two. Sad to say, but I do feel like I'm holding my breath, exhaling ever so slowly, trying to enjoy the holidays yet very much aware that at a moment's notice, something can happen.

You know, I was driving home tonight from Tally feeling really on edge for many reasons... the weather was rainy and I was in the dark, the season in general and then the fact that there is a killer on the loose somewhere around this area who likes to kidnap women, cut their appendages (and I do mean ALL appendages off) and dump their bodies in the woods). I mean seriously, if I could have gotten ahold of some pot, it would have been mine! (ok, not really, but you catch my drift!) Then I thought, "Janie, you CAN'T live like this. What can I do to change this situation? First of all, as far as missing Daddy and Grandma, I have their memories and now we have Thomas. My aunt reminded that everyday is a gift and there is always something to look forward to. Then there was the terrible weather... well, I just have to be careful, I'm a good driver and as for the killer... I'm taking a self-defense course on Saturday, buying a gun and definitely not going anywhere alone. That's all I can do! For the sake of the family who has lost their loved one, I hope they find the bastard and let him have it.

My New House

I've been in my new house since September 15th. I guess its not new anymore. Its kind of like saying, the new Walmart, which has been open since June 2006. Anyway, as I was cleaning today I looked at the placemats and cloth napkins on my table. Its funny, b/c the purpose of placemats should be to put your plates on them and eat. Do we do that? No, when we sit down to eat we remove them from the table and use paper napkins! Are we the only family that does that?

Pictures

Last night we all dressed up in matching olive green shirts and met at J.C. Penneys for family pictures. If anybody has ever experienced family pictures you know it is like accomplishing a 5K race! Surprisingly enough, you couldn't have asked for a smoother experience. Everybody showed up ontime and in a good mood. I can't wait to get them back. We haven't had family shots taken since my mom and Gene were married in 2001.

Afterwards, we went to Logans (my favorite restaurant!). My sister and brother-in-law treated me to dinner for getting Teacher of the Year at my school. I'm sure blessed to have a great family. I love eating together as a family. Ok, enough with that. I'm starting to sound like a Publix commercial.

The Little Things

My sister and brother-in-law stopped by my house the other night to drop off my cell phone. Eric, my bro-in-law, asked Molly, "I wonder what Janie is up to tonight." Her reply, "I bet she's laying on the couch enjoying her new Direct TV." His response, "Man, she sure is lucky."

Its funny the little things in life we take for granted. My sister and brother-in-law are parents to a very active almost 10 month old baby boy. He sleeps very little and is constantly into things. While they'd NEVER trade in their precious Thomas, its funny how one can miss little things in life like vegging on the couch.

It's Taken Me 31 Years, 6 months, 3 weeks and 2 days...

Yep, that's how long its taken me to finally be OK with me! I've always known that I'm a beautiful girl, but I'm always trying to find ways to better myself. Subconsciously, I've put my life on hold thinking I'm not complete until I lose 60 pounds or I get out of debt or how about this one... I get married! Its not going to happen anymore. I am complete! I'm NOT going to do anymore fad diets or exercise until my eyeballs fall out. Now don't get me wrong, do I think its healthy to sit around watching t.v. and eating junk all day? Nope, absolutely not, but instead of weight being a constant priority, I'm going to focus on my health.

As for $$$. I'm doing the best I can. I thank God everyday that my car cranks and gets me from point A to point B. I have a fabulous job that I love and my bills are paid on time. What more can a girl ask for.

As for a man...well, if the right one comes along then great. If not, I'm not going to cry about it. Being a size 6 doesn't make a person more worthy of finding a man. I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and for the first time in a long time, I saw a gorgeous girl wearing a size 18. Her smile could knock the socks off of a GQ model! One chin or two, I'm worthy, strong and fantastic.

It's A Boy!!!

A very dear friend had her baby today. Its exciting and weird all at the same time. I said that tonight at dinner to my mom who kind of gave me a puzzled look and said, "Weird? Janie, your friends are in their 30's. They SHOULD be having babies." I just laughed at her and said, "I guess you are right." I guess she's forgotten that I'm in my 30's. So SHOULD I be having babies? HELL NO!!! Don't get me wrong, I want to be a mamma. I really want a husband. I've got a huge blank wall space above my couch just waiting for wedding pictures (really I'm not that shallow, I know there's more to marriage than wedding pics). But, I'm not going to marry any ole smuck who comes along and after teaching special kids all day, I'm sure as heck am NOT birthin' no babies on my own! A good friend of mine once said it's better to live alone than to be married and feel alone. (I think I quoted her correctly.)

I guess its weird because my friends having babies are the ones I used to spend Friday nights with at Paradise and Stetson's. They're the ones who got us free drinks by flirting. Nevermind the fact that I haven't had a sip of alcohol in probably 3 months and the last time I did, I got horrendous heart burn! LOL!

Well, that's about it, just felt like sharing that. Take Care!

Field Trip

So after a month of planning, phone calls, faxes and begging, I finally got a field trip scheduled for my kiddos. We got free admission to the Jr. Museum and thanks to Holly, we got free Happy Meals from McDonalds. Even my kiddo with the g-tube got to enjoy some ice cream! Most of you know that I teach children with severe language impairments. Some are autistic, others have chromosome disorders and some, just don't have a diagnosis. We only have 7 students but there are some days its like having 21! Because of their special needs, I really believe they need community based instruction (a fancy term for field trips), more so than the average kid.

Anyway, a couple of teachers found out about our field trip and really got upset. This is my second year at Pre-K and I didn't know that field trips were taboo. Apparently, other teachers have tried to go on field trips and they were told no. I'm not sure why, but my guess is $ and safety issues. Since we only had to pay for gas and we had 9 adults to 7 children I guess thats why we got to go. The more I think about the whole situation the madder I get. As a teacher, instead of being jealous, I would think you would be happy for my class. My program is different. Nobody else in our school has kids with the needs like mine do. Let's face it, these kids aren't going to graduate with a regular diploma. Out of 7 students, 1 parent chaperoned. For some of these kids, I think this was the first time they ate a Happy Meal! My point is, let them enjoy what little opportunities they do get. It really saddens me that people who are so-called educators think like that.

I've got to go plan something for January. Let the others be jealous!

You just never know...

So, back in October I went to see a dermatologist about my Vitiligo. For those of you who don't know what Vitiligo is, its the skin condition that Michael Jackson has. Its mostly prevalent in African Americans, but in rare instances (that would be me), white people get it too. All it means that you lose your skin pigment. I'm blessed in that I'm very light-skinned so its only really noticeable on me in the summer time. I was diagnosed with Vitiligo when I was like 19 years old. At that time, all the doctor said I could do was keep covered up in the sun b/c there wasn't any treatment for it. Over the years, I periodically did research on it and finally found a treatment for it. So, I went to the dermatologist to see if I was a candidate for treatment. The good news is, I am. He sent me home with a $50 tube of cream to use twice a day and follow-up in 3 months. The bad news is he wanted to play Inspector Gadget and check my moles. When I say, check... I mean check. I should have worn matching underwear that day! He found two that looked suspicious and wanted me to have biopsies on them. I really didn't want to but the doctor pointed out that I had 5 tattoos and two biopsies wouldn't kill me. I thought going to the gyno was bad. One of the biopsies was done on my boob. Before they did the biopsie they took pictures of it for a study they were doing. I'm pretty sure that's the closest to me being in porn I'll ever get! There I was in all my glory, and a hot intern had to take my picture. If there would been a hole, I'd of been in it! The other one was on my neck, so now I have what looks like a permanent hickie! So anyway, I left feeling pretty positive that nothing was wrong and since I didn't get a phone call within 3-4 days like the nurse said I should get, I figured I was in the clear but I called anyway to see why I hadn't gotten a clearance letter. She said b/c I wasn't clear and that both biopsies came back as having abnormal genes which means they should be removed because I'm at risk for cancer. So, now I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon to see what needs to be done. I think while I'm in there I'm going to ask him if can do some lipo too. Its crazy b/c you always hear about stuff like this happening to other people. I didn't mean to sound like a pompous ass, I guess what I mean is I've never had a broken arm, never been in the hospital, still have my appendix and tonsils, you know what I mean. So, I guess this means, no more tanning beds for me!

This One's For the Parents!

I think its Martina McBride that sings a song called, "This Ones For the Girls." She goes through the stages of womanhood beginning with teenage worries to old lady blues. All along the way, she cheers on women of all ages. I'm changing it up a bit and calling my entry, "This One's For the Parents."

When people ask what I do for a living and I tell that I teach pre-school aged children with "severe" disabilities I usually get a look of awe and a comment like, "It takes a special person to teach kids like that." Sometimes, I get a look of pity and a comment like, "I don't know how you do that day after day. I'd think that's depressing." And to that comment, Well, I'll admit that there are days when I've changed one too many stinky diapers or chased down one too many kiddos and I want to throw in the towel. Honestly, aside from teaching high school ESE (which those people should get an extra special place in heaven) this has got to be the most exhausting job I've ever had. The progress is slow, if any. Our facility is below standards. I'm CONSTANTLY second guessing myself: things like... If I'd have shown him the picture of the bus 4 times before it actually arrived we could have avoided a tantrum, is it really necessary to make him pull up his own pants if it pisses him off that bad? You get the picture.

Then there are the days when I realize that it is worth it. Days like Friday when a student signed "more" for the first time in the year and a half we've had him, or when another child said, "Hi, Janie." When I walked into the room.

Oh yeah, my point to this blog... see how self-absorbed I am? The parents. Way too many times, as teachers we place blame on the parents. I'll admit it. I've been that self-rightous-never-been-a-parent-but-I'll-sure-as-hell-judge-you-on-your-parenting-techniques kind of person. This year has been an eye-opener for me. We have NO IDEA what these parents go through. I've been quick to blame parents for their child's headbutting or screaming. Then I step back and think about my evening and compare it to theirs. I get off of work at 3:30pm, go to Wal-Mart alone buy whatever I want for dinner, walk in the park or visit a friend alone, have my dinner in front of the t.v., and go to bed when I'm ready, AFTER taking a bubble bath of course. Most of these parents are single, working until 5 or 6pm, driving 30-45minutes to and from work, have more than one child, and barely any time for themselves. Bubble baths are NOT an option because their child with autism can't be left unnattended and heaven forbid he go to sleep before 2:00am! Buying what they want for dinner? Not when you have a child on a gluten-free diet. Am I saying that these are excuses for parents of children with severe disabilities. Not at all. What I am saying is my hat goes off to each and everyone of them. Instead of placing blame, its my job to work alongside of them to help curb the headbutting and screaming. Its my job to point out the good things these parents do, like signing their notes everyday, sending their child to school clean and on time.

Back to the beginning of my blog. Yep, it takes a special person to teach these kids, but it takes an even more special parent to parent them. I go home at 3:30pm. Parents have nights, weekends and long-term care to think about. As for second-guessing, I can't imagine what goes through these parents' minds. I commend these parents. God has placed these special kids in your hands for a reason.

Ramblings of a Pre-K ESE Teacher

Happy Fall, Friends! I love this time of year. The leaves are turning colors, the humidity is dropping (wishful thinking) and it means one day closer to Christmas break!!!! I just had the urge to ramble so I figured I would. I've been in my new house for about 5 weeks now. I love it! Some nights I just sit on the couch and look up at my vaulted ceilings in awe. Please don't take this as me being vain. Nope, I'm very grateful for what I have. I know I didn't do it alone. Its just funny to think about how far I've come. My friend Maggie and I were laughing the other day about how we used to barely make rent each month (it was $280 for each of us!) It wasn't funny back then but it sure makes me feel good now.

I've had 3 housewarming parties. I LOVE having people over. I am very blessed and thankful to have so many wonderful people in my life. My brother-in-law and step-dad have also put alot of sweat into this place. I'm pretty much unpacked and have pictures on the wall. I have a big empty space above my sofa though. I'm keeping that space free in hopes of one day putting something really special there. That's all I'm going to say b/c I already sound like a huge dork!

Have you noticed just how many pregnant women are walking around out there? No offense to any of them at all. Its just funny, because for some strange reason, hormonal maybe, I'm going through this baby phase. There are days when I see these pregnant women and envy them. Don't worry, Its NOT going to happen. For one, Mr. Right has NOT fallen from the sky and two because of that I don't want to raise a kid alone for fear of screwing him or her up. I also know that pregnancy and childbirth are no day at the beach. I'm not crazy. I'm sure it's just a phase.

Other ramblings... you know, I never dreamed that I'd ever be settled enough to buy a house. For me, buying meant staying put, being trapped. I don't feel like that anymore. Which makes me wonder if maybe, just maybe, I can actually date without getting that sick feeling in my stomach, you know the one, where you're not sure whether you want to puke or do the other. The problem is where to meet guys. I'm too old and tired to go out clubbing, all my exes are married with kiddos, and church... nope, not happening (they're just not there.) I was waiting to lose lots of weight before finding someone but that's a pipe dream. I'm me, 5'3, size 16-18 (ok, ok, mostly 18-20) and I'm tired of feeling bad about myself for being a big girl. Its just not healthy.

I think that's about it. If you're ever in the neighborhood stop by! Love, J

Home Sweet Home!

Home Sweet Home!

I'm moved in...

Well, I closed on my house on Wednesday. I'm moved in... sort of. My step-dad, brother-in-law and a couple of friends came and helped load things up and move me in. Now, I'm just waiting on little things that I can't do. (putting up blinds, delivering my entertainment center, old bed to the Goodwill) I know I sound like a weinie but I carried, put together and loaded as much as I could. And now I have to wait. I HATE being out of control. Does anybody have any Xanex??? Just kidding, all that would do would make me MORE out of control. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful people to help me with things around here.

I LOVE my new house. Its so spaceous. I can't wait to send you pictures. I'm still in awe. Right now I feel like I'm housesitting for somebody else. I'm sure that feeling will go away real fast once I start making my house payments!

Well, the Badcock guys are here. Let me go check on things. AAAAGGGHHH!!!!

Should Haves and Would Haves

I was thinking the other day about life and just how things have turned out for me. I was thinking about all those wasted years spent feeling resentment for things not happening the way I thought they should have happened. I was thinking about my anxiety and the wasted nights nto sleeping but rather spent feeling guilty or worried about things I had no control over. After all that 'thinkin' I decided to make a list of 'Should Haves' and turn them into positives.

See from the time I was about 10 years old, I had my life planned out. So, these 'Should Haves' are things I thought I should have had by a certain age but am finally OK with the fact that it didn't happen.

*I should have moved away for college but if I had I would have missed out on family experiences.
*I should have married my high school sweetheart right after college but if I had I would have probably been divorced within 2 years. (All my close friends know this story all too well!)
*I should have had my first baby by age 25, my second one by 28 and my 3rd one would have been due any day now but if I had I would have been unable to enjoy the birth of my 2 nephews and niece. I wouldn't have been able to take them on trips or spend lots of money on crazy gadgets they talk me into. Thomas hasn't started that yet, but he will!
*I should have bought my first house by age 24 but if I had I wouldn't have been able to teach in China or Mexico nevermind packing up and moving to West Palm Beach for 10 months.

I guess thats about it right now. I'm sure there's more but I need to unload the boxes from my car. If all goes well I'll be moving into my new house next Tuesday!

Love, J

Happy Labor Day!

Good News! The seller took the bid on the house and I'll be closing September 11th. Eery, I know but that's 30 days from when the bid was made. So, my house is filled with boxes and I'm all set to go. Once I move in, I'll take some pictures and post them. I'm really excited about this opportunity. Scared, yet excited and proud.

Mom and I drove to Louisiana this weekend and picked up Thomas so Molly and Eric could put the final touches on their house. They should be here by Friday. Mom took the week off to keep Thomas. She and Gene painted Molly's old room, put down an adorable rug and crib for Thomas. Now granted the kids been home for two nights, but guess where he's been sleeping? With my mom! She bought a nanny camara today and she says that once she has that set up she'll feel more comfortable letting him sleep in his room. I am so happy to have my family back together. Its only been 6 years but it seems like a decade.

Wish me luck, I'm applying to FSU for the Ed Leadership program. This will open doors for me in the administrative realm of the school system. Its funny b/c less than a year ago I could NOT see myself in that capacity. Now I think I'm ready to learn the ropes. I may not get an administrative position for a while but in the meantime , I can work on the degree.

My class is tough this year. Ironically, I'm not as stressed as I was this time last year, but its tough nontheless. My co-teacher and I have 7 little friends with severe needs. 3 are autistic, 3 have chromosome disorders, and one we're not sure what his diagnosis is but we know he needs one! (our guess is he was born addicted to drugs, but we don't have proof) The hardest thing about the job is getting them all to the bathroom safely and pottying them without one of them running away. We don't have a bathroom in our classroom and all but two of them are in diapers!

If any of you have any tips for dealing with autistic friends, please share. They have got to be the toughest kids out there to reach. I guess I'm having a hard time sorting out learned bad behaviors versus true autistic behaviors. As a result, I think I've been too hard on them.

As for my chromosome kids, they are the sweetest, most enthusiastic kids ever. I just can't keep their attention for very long. I need some good ideas on how to play with both groups. (Trish, Rebecca, Heather, Tammy???) That may sound dumb to some, but their play isn't typical and by the time I sit down to play, they're running off to another area. My thought is to do some sort of directed play (so not ECERS, I know) by putting them in Rifton chairs and playing one on one with them with toys on the Rifton tray. They'll still get their free play but I don't feel like I'm teaching them anything by letting them roam.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I need to go walk my dog!

Love, J

Commitments

As I mentioned in a previous blog, I got pre-approved for a new house. While I am thrilled, I'm nervous. I'm thinking this is probably the scariest thing I've ever done. Has anybody else ever felt that way? All these things run through my mind, like what if I lose my job, what if my car breaks down, what if I can't shop at Target anymore...

People keep telling me this is an investment. I'm getting a good rate, I'm not financing more than I can afford and its BRAND NEW. I guess I'm scared that this means I'm settling down. Which is really stupid b/c I've been settled. I love where I live, my family is here and furthermore I can't see myself leaving. So, why the jitters?

I should know by Tuesday whether or not the seller agrees to my offer. In the meantime, please pray for me. I want to know that I'm making a wise decision. Love, J