Things to Do

I love my new house but sometimes it's hard work to keep up a house by yourself. I think I'm going to make a list for my future husband of things I'd like for him to do. I'm not stupid, I realize it may not get done but I figure if I have it on paper ahead of time, I'll have more ammunition when threatening a divorce, lol!

1. Change the air filters. My new house is "energy efficient." Whatever that means. Its a pain and expensive! I have an air filter in each bedroom (3) and one big one in the hallway. I thought I'd be smart and get the air filters that supposed lasted for 3 months. They don't last for 3 months! Nope, monthly, I climb up onto a step ladder, trying NOT to fall off from the dizziness inside my head, finagel the air vent open while trying hard Not to use 3 and 4 letter words, and sneeze as the air filter falls onto my head. Then I have to somehow put the other air filter up before my arms go numb and I fall off of the step ladder. Stop laughing. I realize its a 3 foot step ladder, but I'm almost a 200 lb woman. You do the math. Short fall, heavy splat!

2. Get the debris off the eaves of my roof so that the roof doesn't rot. I bought a six foot ladder to try and do this myself but couldn't make it to the top. I even tried hoisting my leaf blower up there and that caused a big mess!

3. Check the fluid in my car so my step-dad doesn't have to. He is a real trooper about it but he needs a break. Besides that, the other day I had to add antifreeze to my car when he wasn't around and it took me 5 minutes to figure out how to lift the hood! My poor neighbors heard a few choice words.

For now, I think that' s about it.

Carded for Sudafed

Ok, so the next time I get a burst of energy to vacuum my car or blow off my driveway, I'm going to take some serious drugs before venturing outside. I've developed a nasty cold thanks to my Friday night endeavors. Its really kicking my butt. I haven't exercised since Sunday. This is rediculous. If you see a fat chick with auburn color hair on the side of road puking, honk. Its just me throwing up phlem from getting overheated. Gross, I know but what can I say?

HOw funny is this? Did you know they card you for purchasing Sudafed? Yep, not sure why. I personally hate the stuff but it was either take the Sudafed or watch as my brain exploded out my ears. Yikes, I still need to change my air filters. That should be fun. I better go do that before the dizziness comes back!

Autism Bites!

So my friend Nicole sent me this link to a website called autism bites. I added it to my links. She has a son with autism. He is the most adorable little guy who is a real charmer and extremely bright. He has some great teachers, lol! Just kidding. Anyway, about the link, Nicole says that the couple that own the website have six kids with autism!!! Yowzers! They sell t-shirts with funny sayings on them to raise money for autism awareness. Some parents with children who have autism may get upset about them but Nicole thought they were hillarious. So, I figured it was ok to post about it. She has a great sense of humor about Kanan and I am amazed at her strength and determination with him. I'm going to go look at the website now. Maybe they have a t-shirt for crazy ESE teachers, lol! TAke Care!

ESE Teacher Confession Time

If you look back on things, its hard to believe I am an ESE teacher. Especially one for children with major special needs (I hope thats PC, Trish?) When I was in high school my mom made us volunteer at our local nursing home by playing BINGO with the elderly. I know they're not considered ESE, but they were old, some had speech problems, and well, to be honest, they made me uncomfortable. I hated every minute of it. I knew not to get close to any of them because next week they just might not be there.

Then there were the "special kids" at school. You know, the ones they kept out in the "green house." You knew to stay away from them for fear of the unknown. Which was part of the reason I even got into ESE was because I wanted to learn more about the unknown.

Next came college. While I was ready to overcome my fears, I wasn't quite ready to accept all people with varying abilities. Spring Semester of my Sophomore year, I took a class on mental handicaps. I think the appropriate term is developmental disabilities now, but MH was the term 12 years ago. As apart of that class you had to befriend a person with MH and spend 20 hours with them. I was paired with a lady in her 60's. Talk about uncomfortable. I'm ashamed to say it was awkward.

After graduation, I started teaching kiddos with learning disabilities and/or emotional disturbances grades 1st -3rd. I was cool with that. No big deal. I just knew I had finally become an ESE teacher. Whew, hoo! Then someone from the district asked me to take on coordinating our district's Special Olympics. YIKES! Begrudgingly, I did it. But like high school, I was so uncomfortable. We even went to state and I was a nervous wreck. Needless to say, Ashley, our Child Find specialist took it over the following year and had made amazing gains ever since.

Ok, so before people start making voo-doo dolls of me or blasting me as a hippocrite, let me get to the point of this entry. Its funny how one's peceptions changes over time. Two summers ago I had the chance to teach summer school to some high school students with developmental disabilities. WE had a blast. The girls told me about their crushes, the guys talked about cars, hunting and job related stuff. These kids are no different from typical peers. Some just need more guiding than others.

I don't know if my attitude has changed with maturity or what, but I love teaching these types of kids. They make me appreciate small things in life. They help me see the good in people. They make me want to be a better person overall. People will say things like, "Oh you must be a special person to do what you do." Nope, I'm no different than anybody else. Its the kids that make me feel special. Its the kids that have softened my heart and opened my mind.

I've had people pointblank ask me how God could be so cruel to let a child be born into this world like this. Or, what will be the quality of life for these types of kids? Well, as for the God question, I don't question Him. He has his reasons and when He's ready, He'll let us all know why He does what he does. As for the second question, related to quality of life. What's the quality of life for a typical kid? Its what you make of it. As teachers, parents, and caregivers, its up to us to help them find their way and make the most of it. We sure can't feel sorry for them either. They have enough obstacles to overcome as it is!

Ashley brought some of the guys over the other day to see me at Pre-k. It was touching that they remembered me. I think some point down the road, I'd like to teach high school again, but this time, teach kiddos with developmental disabilities. I also feel the need to get more involved with Special Olympics again. I need to make up for lost time. I'm closing this entry with a quote from Special Olympics. I'd like to have this on a plaque. Its funny b/c the whole time I was going through the Teacher of the Year process, this is what came to mind:

"Let me win but if I can not win let me be brave in the attempt."

New Links

So, I've added some new links to my blog page. Many things go through my mind as I think about each one. One is about my friend, Trish who after a normal pregnancy, gave birth to a beautiful baby girl with special needs. The other one I just added is about a couple in NJ who after IV found out they were pregnant with triplets. Unfortunately, one of the babies died at around age 4 months. I found their blog while looking at Trish's blog. I read hers daily. I guess my point for posting about each of them is that they really make me think about life and appreciate the little things. I saw a sign the other day that said, "Appreciate the little things in life, because tomorrow they become big things!" Its so true.

I haven't read the one about the short bus just yet, but I thought I'd post that one too.

So, if you ever have time and want to read some quality stuff, they both have great entries. Have kleenex handy, though. Its way better than Lifetime!

14 Down, 35 To Go!

I don't have any pictures yet to show you the transformation but I'm lovin' this diet I'm on. I started it on December 31st and as of January 24th I have lost a total of 14 pounds! Its funny how me the sugar diva isn't craving sweets. I even like to exercise. I think its the B12 shots giving me more energy. I'm actually able to keep up with my new little friend at school, who was born addicted to drugs. Any ideas on ways to help him let me know!

Things To Do On a Friday Night When...

you're single, broke and in a funk: (before I get into that, as my friend Wendi would say, "let me set the stage.") So I had my interview for the District Teacher of the Year on Wednesday. My mom bought me a very nice suit and let's just say I looked fantastic. I went in with a big smile and felt like I really charmed them. I wasn't even nervous. I'm thankful for everyone who prayed for me and gave me support. I didn't win, but I sort of figured I wouldn't b/c I teach Pre-K ESE. Its sad though b/c for a while I actually thought I could win. I'm not trying to brag on myself, but I work with some fantastic people who make it easy to do my job and my administrators make me feel like I'm important. I love what I do so I'm enthusiastic about it. My poor principal told me that the she was really proud of me and that the assistant superintendant was impressed with my interview skills. BUT... she said its the Pre-k thing that's against me in competitions like that. I was really upset at first but when I think about moving to a different school just to be recognized for an award I laugh.

I need to be at Pre-K. It's my passion for now. I know that God sent me there for a reason and one day I'll figure out what that reason is. Right now I think its for Playground rennovations. the fire marshall came in and told us that our playground is a fire hazard and all of it needed to be removed! I could have saved him his time and told him that over the phone! So, I'm developing a committee to devise a plan to rennovate the playground. We're unofficially in phase one by having our Family Fun Day. Monies earned from that will go towards providing some new equipment. Phase Two will be the trickiest b/c that's when I'm going to need the big bucks. Anybody with ideas on how I should go about this would be wonderful. I sort of have a plan but ideas are always appreciated!

Oh yeah, anybody interested in buying some "donation" tickets let me know. For some reason I can't call them, "raffle" tickets. We've got some cool prizes.

So, back to the title of my entry. Things to do... after getting the word that I didn't win, I was in a funky mood. One part of me wanted to lay on the couch, watch t.v. and eat ice cream.

Of course, I have this other part of me who when the going gets tough the going wants to go shopping. But being as how I don't get paid until January 31st. I opted against that part.

Fortunately, I have this alter ego who told the lazy part of me to shake it off and do something positive. First I took my dog for a long walk. Which was no easy task because we kept seeing stray dogs and Missy refused to walk without first trying to get in their territory. Then I cleaned. I mean I cleaned. I even used the leaf blower! My drive way is very small but I bet I blew that sucker off for at least 20 minutes! I got the shop vac down and vacuumed out my poor car.

By that time I was feeling much better and I received an e-mail from Sara's husband who reminded me of the reason I do my job. (Thanks Geoff!) Its not for the awards. Its for the kids. Which leads me back to setting the stage. I have a purpose and that's all that matters!

So, I'm fine now and I have alot of work to do. Take Care! J

Care-free and Fancy-Free

Is this the face of an angel or what? When I look at this picture I don't know whether to cry, smile or just stare. I'm not a mamma, but I couldn't be more proud if this I had birth this kid myself. I hope he's always this care-free and fancy-free!

I went back to work after Christmas break this Monday. Getting up early hit me like a ton of bricks. By Friday, I was somewhat back in the routine. It was funny, because I was sort of dreading going back. You know, my kiddos had been out of their school routine for 2 weeks. No telling how much gluten they were succombed to, lol! But it actually turned out to be a pretty cool week back. I got hugs from two of my boys and one gave me a big kiss on the cheek. Wasn't really expecting that! My friend who tantrums when asked to do something, just said "nope," instead of tantruming this week! I thought that was pretty amazing. My friend who screams to express his general wants and needs not only signed but attempted to verbalize some words. My buddy who falls on the ground to avoid walking, actually had some pep in his step. Nobody got bit or hit either! Wish us luck, we are getting a new addition to our classroom family. He was born addicted to crack. As I've said before, I don't know how parents with special needs kiddos do it. My hat goes off to them. Thank God I'm taking B12 and am on this diet. AS for the diet, I've lost 7 pounds total. Yay!

So, over the break I had to fill out this application for this project I'm doing. I wish I could have filled it out after this week. Before this week, I was sort of bummed about the progress my students were making and my teaching abilities in general. I also waited until the last minute to fill out the mile long application so it was rushed and my heart wasn't in it. Looking back, I can see just how much we really do affect these kiddos. While on paper, it may say, "make a snowman," there's so much more to what we're doing. Oh well, I'll just have to charm 'em in the interview part of the project. Gotta go clean. I'm having people over tonight.

Updates

So, I weighed in yesterday and lost a whopping 4 pounds! The doctor was shocked b/c he said my thyroid was out of whack and I need to up my synthroid dosage. Hrmmm, that could explain the sheer exhaustion and extreme sensitivity. So, its not all because I'm fat and hormonal (notice the air of sarcasm? I just love doctors!) He didn't say that, that's just what other doctors have told me before. The other strange thing was my triglycerite count was extremely high. For being a fat girl, I normally have normal cholesterol levels. So, I did some research and guess what? Your thyroid can affect your cholesterol levels! Go figure?

This diet works too. Today was the first day that I went out-out. I went to the movies and sat b/t two friends eating popcorn and didn't crave the first kernal. To top it off, we ate at my all-time favorite restaurant, Logans. The yeast rolls were right beside me and I didn't touch them! I even ordered grilled chicken, salad and veggies on a stick and only ate 3/4 of it. Lord, I pray this continues to work.

If you want a chance to clear your sinuses, go see "P.S. I Love You." Talk about a tear-jerker. It was funny with some great meaning behind it. It really makes you think.

Speaking of sinuses, most people who know me, know that I live life in a nauseated state most of the time b/c of my terrible post-nasal drip. Well, my hair stylist is pregnant and she had these things on her wrist called "SeaBands." So, I asked her about them. I bought a pair today. That's the best investment I've ever made. I'm scared to type about it for fear I'll jinx myself! Now if I could find something to stop the pnd I'd be in perfect shape!

Well, its late and I should be doing other things, like working on that project that's due Monday! Aaghhhh!!!!

Our Family Pictures

We had these pictures taken a couple of weeks ago. Molly coordinated the outfits and scheduled the appointment at Penneys. Its a Christmas miracle that we all made it on time and actually smiled for the camara. Well, most of us smiled, lol! We haven't professional shots done in several years.

New Year's Eve Party!

Who knew a New Year's Eve party could be this fun without the use of alcohol?

My stepdad went to a lot of work to set up a nice area in the backyard for New Years Eve. We grilled out, enjoyed fireworks, chasing Thomas and hanging out. I'm sad to say that I didn't make it to midnight. My sinuses were off the chain so after I left my parents I went home, took drugs to stop feeling nauseated, threw up the nausea drugs, brushed my teeth and went to bed. I have to say though, that I am feeling much better!

Happy New Year 2008!

So, I should be working on a project for school that's due January 7th. Instead, I'm procrastinating. I've been on MySpace, uploaded pics, watched t.v. and basically avoided work in general.

I don't have too many New Year's Resolutions this year. A big one of mine this year is to get out more. How am ever going to find Mr. Right if I'm always at home? Another, which seems to be one I've had for the past 20 or so years is to lose weight. Its not because I don't feel beautiful. I am beautiful. Its because I'm uncomfortable and tired all the time. I can't breathe when I bend down to tie my shoes and I need more energy to keep up with my little guys at work. Not to mention hanging out with my main squeeze (Thomas) who's been walking since he was 9 months old!

So, I've decided to go on this diet thats the new rave around the school district. Its called 'First Impressions.' You take diet pills and supplements, get weekly B12 shots, and eat basically a low-no carb diet. Its all under a doctor's supervision. I've been on the diet pills since Thursday and they really do work. I have to make myself eat. Those of you who know me, know that I obsess about eating. If I'm not eating, I'm thinking about what to eat next. I started the actual dieting yesterday. I don't even crave carbs! Is that crazy or what? I weigh in this Thursday. I'll keep you posted. Take Care! J

Merry Christmas 2007!

Santa and his Elves!

Thomas, Missy and ME!

A very sleepy Christmas bear.

Yummy ornament.

Hmm, these trees are just my size.

This Christmas was great. We had dinner together in my new house. I couldn't have asked for anything more. Its terrific that both Eric's family and ours get along so well. Thomas enjoyed picking ornaments off the tree. He wasn't much into presents. Eric smoked a delicious turkey. The rest of the food was catered by Winn Dixie and yummy dishes people brought with them. We did miss Gene. He was in Boyton visiting his mom.

My Autobiography

So, a friend of mine had this on her myspace page since I'm self-absorbed and all, I thought I'd cut and paste it to mine and fill it out for myself.

Part 1: The Birth of You:
Were you a planned baby?: no, I think somebody forgot the condoms
Were you the first?: Yes
Who was present at your birth?: My mom and dad (I think), the doc and nurses. Were your parents married when you were born?: Yes. 9 months to the day!
What is your birthdate?: May 26th

Part 2: The Family
How would you describe your family?: Co-dependent and loyal.
Are your parents married? no, my mom's a widow
Siblings or an only child?: 1 sister
If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?: Oldest
What are your siblings names and ages?: Molly age 27
Which parent do you get along with best?: Mom
What do you fight about?: Nothing now.
Do you have step parents?: Yep, my step-dad, Gene

Part 3: The Friends
Do you have more than one best friend?: Sort of
Who are your best friends?: Jes, Wendi, Maggie, Julie O. (I have several very dear friends as well)
What do you like to do when you are together?: shop, gossip, used to drink with Maggie and Julie
Do you share the same interests?: For the most part, Yes
Which friend can you tell anything to?: All of them but it just depends on if I want an honest reaction or not as to who I tell what to

Part 4: Your Personality
How high/low is your self esteem?: My self-esteem hangs around the middle.
Are you an extrovert or an introvert?: It depends on the situation
Are you happy?: Pretty much.
Do you live life to the fullest?: Yep.

Part 5: Appearance
Are you comforable with the way you look?: After 31 years, yep!
Do you have any piercings besides your ears?: I used to have a belly button ring. Its just not attractive on people of size.
Describe your hair.: sort of a bob cut auburn color growing out
What make-up do you wear?: Clinique
How do you dress?: Pretty casually.

Part 6: The Past
Were you a strange child?: Yes, I thought way too deep into things. Way to mature for a kid.
What did you use to love that you no longer do?: fair rides, now they make me puke and getting drunk at Stetson's
Do you have the same friends?: pretty much
Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?: my dad's death at the age of 12

Part 7: The Future
What is your ambition?: Get married, be a mom and/or become an administrator for the school district
Are you scared of growing old?: I think a little
Do you want to get married?: Yep. but if not, I'm ok.

Part 8: The Outdoors
Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?: Depends on where that outdoors is.
What is your favorite season?: Fall
Do you like walking in the rain?: yes

Part 9: Food
Are you a vegentarian?: Heck no.
What is your favorite fruit?: anything covered in chocolate or candy apples
What food makes you want to gag?: cantalope for starters.
What is your favorite dessert?: Cheesecake Factory Oreo Cheesecake
What is your favorite restaurant?: Osaka's
Are you a fussy eater?: no

Part 10: Relationships and Love
Are you single or taken?: single
If taken who is the lucky guy/girl?: I'm still waiting on him.
Do you think love is the best feeling in the world?: It's got to be.
Do you believe in love at first sight?: Yes
Part 11: Experiences
What was one of your greatest experiences?: becoming an aunt
What was one of your worst?:My Grandma T. dying and me not being there for her during that time
Have you ever done drugs?: Yes,but nothing hardcore.
Have you ever thought you were going to die?: Once.
Have you ever suffered from depression?: Yes.

All in a Day's Work!

So, I went to dinner with a friend of mine I hadn't seen in almost 2 years. I was nervous about meeting him since it had been so long ago and since that time I had discovered the Cheesecake Factory, lol! You know, it takes hard work to look this good. We women sure do go through alot to care for ourselves. I bet I clogged up my pipes today with all the shaving I did! Then when I got out the tub, I had to put on like 3 different creams! Vitamin E on my scars, some $50 cream on my vitiligo and let's not forget the 3 step process from Clinique for my face. I worked hard to coordinate my undergarments with my outergarments. Which when you think about it, is just plain funny b/c I sure didn't put out. So he didn't see any of it anyway. I guess I did all those things for the satisfaction of knowing I looked and felt like a million dollars.

Massage Therapy

So Friday after school I went and got one of those hot stone massages. I used to get massages every 3 weeks but since I bought my house its been like 2 months. When I called to make the appointment the lady asked me if I had a preference over a man or woman. I said no, I really didn't care. Believe or not, I'm pretty comfortable with my body these days. Its taken alot of doughnuts to get to where I am. Just kidding. I have to say I love my body. I'm thankful that it gets me place to place without being in excruciating pain. Scars from recent surgeries remind me that I am cancer-free. The extra padding makes for a nice place for my nephew to lay his head when he is sleepy. And the vitiligo... well, it gives people something to talk about.

Anyway, the guy came in to do the massage and let's just say I was not impressed. I've had massages from men before and this was just plain terrible. It was almost like he was repulsed by my body. I can't explain it really, but if you've ever had a massage you know what I talking about. It was like he was just going through a routine not really caring that it was a person he was working on. The doctor who cut on breast was more gentle than he was.

I'm not quite sure the point of this entry except to say that to be a massage therapist one should appreciate different body types.

What is sexy anyway?

I was playing around with the camara tonight making different faces just cutting the fool. I looked at one, thinking the shot would be sexy and burst out laughing. (Don't worry, I wasn't doing anything wierd just making faces, all clothes on.) Instead of looking sexy, I looked pissed and to top it off, my double chin looked worse than ever. I don't think there is anything sexy about me. I'm beautiful, funny and cute, but definitely NOT sexy. Maybe sexy, like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So, I guess I'll just have to wait.

Ever-Changing Perceptions

So I was driving by our local funeral home today when I noticed a few cars parked in the back. This is the same funeral home that planned my daddy's funeral. I got this horrible lump in my throat and my chest felt heavy. All I could think was, "How shitty to have to plan a funeral at Christmas." Then with tears streaming down my face, I laughed out loud and thought... "Yep, it is pretty shitty. I know, b/c I did it, on Christmas day at the age of 12 years old for my father." This is by no means a "feel sorry for Janie" entry. Nope, just sharing. Its funny the things one remembers from one's childhood. I am blessed to say that I don't have too many traumatic experiences to remember.

My mom and I were driving home from Tally tonight and reminiscing (I need to learn to spell that word!) over old times. She said to me, "I never realized just how disfunctional our lives were while I was raising you guys. I guess I went through the motions blindsighted." I laughed at her and said, "well, you did a mighty fine job covering up the disfunctionality." My sister and I went to one of the best private schools in West Palm Beach. We always had plenty of food, clean clothes and all that we needed. I remember thinking how sad I was for some of my friends at school. One girl couldn't see her mom b/c her mom was a bad alcoholic. Another friend got beat for making bad grades. I never knew we were disfunctional. Sure, my dad was an alcoholic but he never abused us and he always worked. My mom devoted her whole life to us. She waited 13 years to date other men after his death! Its funny, different people's perceptions. Better yet, its funny how people's perceptions can change. There were years that I resented my mom, thinking she was suffocating me b/c she was so protective. I see now why she did what she did. I wouldn't change a thing.

Ramblings

Tomorrow is the Friday before Christmas break. Most of my teacher friends hate getting out for Christmas so late. I like it because it keeps me busy all the way up until Christmas. My daddy died December 24, 1988. Perhaps you're thinking, "geez its been 19 years, get over it already." For some reason its not that easy. My friend Jes and I have a running joke that we sort of hold our breath from the day ofter Thanksgiving all the way up until December 26th for fear that something bad is going to happen. This year is going to be an interesting one. I'm not on any anxiety meds nor am in counseling. I don't think I'm acting any differently without either of the two. Sad to say, but I do feel like I'm holding my breath, exhaling ever so slowly, trying to enjoy the holidays yet very much aware that at a moment's notice, something can happen.

You know, I was driving home tonight from Tally feeling really on edge for many reasons... the weather was rainy and I was in the dark, the season in general and then the fact that there is a killer on the loose somewhere around this area who likes to kidnap women, cut their appendages (and I do mean ALL appendages off) and dump their bodies in the woods). I mean seriously, if I could have gotten ahold of some pot, it would have been mine! (ok, not really, but you catch my drift!) Then I thought, "Janie, you CAN'T live like this. What can I do to change this situation? First of all, as far as missing Daddy and Grandma, I have their memories and now we have Thomas. My aunt reminded that everyday is a gift and there is always something to look forward to. Then there was the terrible weather... well, I just have to be careful, I'm a good driver and as for the killer... I'm taking a self-defense course on Saturday, buying a gun and definitely not going anywhere alone. That's all I can do! For the sake of the family who has lost their loved one, I hope they find the bastard and let him have it.

My New House

I've been in my new house since September 15th. I guess its not new anymore. Its kind of like saying, the new Walmart, which has been open since June 2006. Anyway, as I was cleaning today I looked at the placemats and cloth napkins on my table. Its funny, b/c the purpose of placemats should be to put your plates on them and eat. Do we do that? No, when we sit down to eat we remove them from the table and use paper napkins! Are we the only family that does that?