Pet Peeves

I've been pondering this list for quite some time now and thought I'd share my list of pet peeves...
1. "fun size" candy bars: I mean really, come on... you have to eat the whole damn bag to make it count.
2. people who ask you how you are doing and don't wait for an answer
3. automated telephone services
4. those little napkin kits with the spork, salt and pepper. The napkin is rediculous!

January 1st, 2009

So, I started my diet December 31st 2007, and by June 15th 2008, I lost 50 pounds. I've managed to maintain that 50 pound loss give or take a few by some miraculous efforts. So, my plan is to start completely over to lose those last 20 pounds beginning January 1st 2009. This means, no more beer on Friday nights, no Twizzlers on Sunday afternoon, and for heaven's sake, no more Sonic grilled cheeses! I've got to get my fat behind back in gear with my running. I got sick a few weeks ago and since then I have found every excuse in the book not to exercise. No more excuses! I've got to do it for my health. I'm blogging this in hopes to keep myself accountable. We shall see. My prayer is that by my 33rd birthday I will be 140. That is not unreasonable.

Happy Thanksgiving 2008!

I can't express how blessed and thankful I am for all that I have. While its an overjoyous experience, its also a worrysome, scary feeling all at the same time. I'm not even going to address that right now. Those of you who know me, know where I'm coming from with all of this. I guess all I can do is pray, thank God for what I have and ask that He keep everybody safe during this holiday season.

Yesterday was great. We spent the morning at Josh's sister's house for his family's Thanksgiving celebration. Kelley took the picture I posted. Thanks, girl! Afterwards, we went to my sister's house for Thanksgiving with my family.

I didn't get up this morning and shop. I have a terrible cough that I can't get rid of. I feel fine except for this cough that keeps me up all night. Not sure what to do about it. I've tried Mucinex, Robitussin, etc. I'm one step from trying a shot of whiskey with honey!

I'm supposed to go hunting tomorrow so I have to get better! This will be my first experience. I've been woods ridin' and helped spot during bow season but this will be my first experience with dogs and rifles. We shall see! Poor Josh, with working otu of town and trying to spend time with me, he hasn't had much time hunting. I'm hoping he gets a big buck this season. Well, that's about it. Love, J

Thanks Aunt Sharon!

My Aunt Sharon sent me some old pictures from back in the day. Here are a few of them. It was really sweet of her and it brought back great memories...


Happy Birthday Cuz Erica!


Me with My Aunt Sharon


My Parents on Their Wedding Day... don't think I'll ever be fittin' into that dress!


The Last Time I Wore a Bikini...


Happy Halloween 1986

On Being Thankful

I'm stealing this quote from Trish's blog. "Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never ever have enough." I'm thankful for this quote. It couldn't have come at a better time.

I love Josh. I love him so much my heart actually aches when I'm not around him. (don't puke and no, I'm not smokin' dope) He's been working in Fort Walton Beach for the past month. We talk every night on the phone and we spend pretty much the whole weekend together but when he leaves on Monday mornings to go out of town, I cry. Its the strangest thing. At first, I think I was worried he would get over there and realize how much he misses his free time (you know, before we got together), now I think its because I worry that he's going to get hurt or worse. Is this normal? My sister says it is, but then again we both come from the same family. We're a couple of kiddos who lost our daddy when we were 12 and 8.

Will it ever get easier? I need to be thankful for what I've got and enjoy it all I can.

Halloween 2008

Here is a picture of me with my two favorite men on halloween!

City Girl Gone Country

Yep, that's me... this weekend I went "woods-ridin." This would be Josh's idea of spending time with me while still having the chance to go hunting. Romantic... I know. LOL! I figure hey, it kept me from racking up my credit card at the mall and I got to spend time with my man. Of course, my dumb behind didn't think about the logistics behind, "woods-ridin" and brought along a 32oz Big Gulp of Diet Coke! Guess what?!? There are no port-o-lets in the Appalachicola National Forest. Those of you who know me, know what a prissy missy I can be. I have a hard enough time peeing in public restrooms for fear that someone will hear me! There was no stoppin' this Big Gulp from comin' out of me, though. So, Josh pulled off the road and I walked down into the woods and yep, I peed behind a tree. I'm proud of myself too. I only peed a little bit on the bottom of my jeans. All I can say is thank God I've lost weight b/c there is no way in hell I could have squatted like that at 200 pounds!

6 months ago today...

I met the most wonderful man in the world. We met at Applebee's on Capital Circle and talked for nearly three hours! I was hooked, but scared. Three weeks later, he told me he really liked me and wanted to be more than friends. Four months into the relationship he told me he loved me. Now, its been six wonderful months. Its hard to believe that one person can make you feel so amazing.

I still haven't gotten my flowers, but from what I've heard from some friends is that those usually come after he's done something wrong, lol! I'm learning those things just aren't important. What is important is asking if he can help me when I'm sick, holding me when I'm crying for absolutely no reason, and calling me when he says he'll call.

Its funny too, because when I first met him, I thought he was ok looking, but now, after six months, I think he's the sexiest, most handsome man ever. Everytime I see him I think he looks better and better!

I'm learning to overcome fears and self-confidence issues through this whole process. Before Josh, I had built a wall around myself. I only allowed people to see limited parts of who I was. I was fearful of losing people I loved so there was no way I would ever let a man get close to me. That wall is slowly crumbling. I'm realizing that life is so much richer when you let people in. Yep, its still pretty scary but the rewards are so much greater.

Its true what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder. Josh is in Fort Walton Beach working for the next month and a half. Fortunately, he comes home on the weekends. I miss him so much.

As far as marriage and children are concerned... I don't know what the future holds. We've talked about both but there are some financial things we both need to work out. Josh also has some family obligations (no ex-wives or kiddos) that have to be taken care of. There are days when I think I'm ready for marriage and babies and then there are days when I feel like I have it good right now. I have my own house, he has his... you catch my drift. Please pray for me. Pray that God will give me the peace I need to wait and hear His plan in all of this. Pray that if it is His will for us to be together it will happen.

Hmmm...

Why is it that I always feel like I have to be the best at everything? Why...Why... Why can't I be satisfied with the status quo? I have a good job that I actually love and I'm good at. I am thankful to have enough money to pay my bills but yet I feel like I need to do more. This is the first time in 10 years of teaching that I leave on time every afternoon without taking work home. Last fall, I applied to FSU's Educational Leadership program. This is an on-line program consisting of 8 classes that would allow me to go into administration upon completion of the program. I was supposed to take classes in the spring of 2008 but backed out. One, I don't know if I have what it takes to be somebody else's boss. Confrontations make me sick and I have a problem with wanting people to like me. So, I really didn't want to pay $1,000/class for something I may never use. I'm still paying on loans I took out for my teaching degree!

Anyway, I was asked to be apart of our district's leadership program. Its a two part process that is ideally intended for people who want to go into administration. My principal recommended me for part one last year. She kept encouraging me to go back to school. I am honored that she thought I had the capabilities to do so. This year, I'm taking level 2. I leave each meeting feeling pumped and wanting to take classes, but then once I get back into my everyday routine, I think about the added stress of taking classes. My new principal keeps putting me in these leadership positions as well. Again, I am thankful. I just hope that I do a good job.

So, I'm just not sure what to do. I love my life right now, but should I be thinking about the future and take these classes just in case?

The Fat Girl Inside of Me

Despite losing 50 pounds since January 2008, I still see myself as a fat girl. (hope that's not offensive to anyone) Don't get me wrong, I don't have an eating disorder or think of myself as unattractive. I was beautiful when I weighed in at 209 pounds. I just didn't have the confidence to let that beauty shine through. Anyway, the point to this entry... There are times when I say things like, "I have to watch myself around that icing," or "I need to get my fat butt off the couch and exercise." I think by saying those things, I've offended some people, especially those people who didn't know me before the weightloss. Comments like that aren't made to poke fun at other people nor am I trying to draw attention to the fact that I have lost 50 pounds. Instead, its my way of keeping myself in check. Furthermore, I will always be able to relate to being overweight. I will always have to watch what I eat. I will always have to exercise. As long as I'm aware of these things, I think I will have a better grasp on keeping my weight down!

Josh's Granny's 91st Birthday Party

Josh's family have big get togethers for birthdays. There were 5 people's birthday to celebrate in October. I got to meet Josh's 91 year old grandmother. I sure hope I look that good at 91! Here are some pics. I had a great time on the lake with everybody. I feel pretty much at home with all of them.

Halloween Legs

I have always wanted a pair of these tights and now I finally have a pair! They don't make these in big girl sizes if you catch my drift so this is the first year that I can fit into them.

Camping 101

Some of Josh's friends invited us to go camping with them this weekend. Believe it or not, I'd really been wanting to try it so... I did. We spent all day on the beach. The weather was perfect. Not too hot, not too cold and there was a fantastic breeze. I still managed to get sunburned though. Josh put sunscreen on my back, neck and shoulders. I put it on the front of me. Guess where I got sunburned? All the places I put the sunscreen! My knee caps even got red. What is that all about? I enjoyed some very delicious fruity drinks while vegging on the beach.

Josh's friend, Ross loaned us a two-man tent to sleep in. Thanks Ross! The queen sized air mattress Amber loaned me didn't quite fit in it so we slept on sleeping bags. Yes, Amber I actually took it out and tried it! LOL! Thanks to you too. It wasn't too bad except there wasn't a screen and I kept getting clausterphobic so I had to sleep with the front panel of the tent cracked. Guess what woke us up in the morning? Yep, mosquitoes!

I was worried I would have to pee in the middle of the night but fortunately I didn't! I don't like peeing in the woods and I didn't want to wake Josh to ask him to walk me to the nearest bathroom.

So the next time I go, here is what I'll remember... a tent big enough to hold an air mattress, aerosol insect repellant, maglite (you know the big one that can give people concussions) and my battery-operated fan.

All in all, I couldn't have asked for a better first time camping experience. Of course, my first choice will always be the Holiday Inn!



All of this for one night!?!


Putting the tent together. Notice, I'm not in the picture.


The finished project! Is my man good or what?


Harry A's after a great day at the beach... Go Noles! Yay, we beat Miami!


Pretty wildflowers and butterfly!

Bloggin' When I Should Be Woggin'

Yep, its gorgeous outside and so I should be outside but I had this need to blog so here goes... Hormones! I probably don't even need to type anything else. Its amazing what PMS can do to a girl. At the beginning of the week I was pissed at Josh and couldn't really put my finger on exactly why. Everything was his fault. I gained 2 pounds, his fault. I mean even the cramps I was having,was his fault. I didn't find any humor in that until Jes pointed out that I couldn't exactly blame him for that.

Monday and Tuesday were rough. I just knew things with Josh were over and my life just basically well... sucked. Fortunately, today is Thursday and I see sunshine again. I have to say a big ole THANKS to Amber and Jes for listening and counseling me. Mag thanks for the e-mail. She didn't even know the details but she said she was going to call me and that made all the difference.

Its scary the toll hormones play on a person. I even take Yaz which does make a difference. Before I was on it, I never knew when I was going to get PMS and you could guarantee I'd get it twice a month! Talk about bad news. Fortunately, with the Yaz I know when I'm about to get it so I do alot of self-talk to get me through the week. The wogging helps too. I can't fool anybody, I'm not a runner. I do intervals of jogging and walking so I call it wogging. I stole that word from Trish.

Poor Josh. He's a trooper. Now, I'll admit, sometimes it is his fault that the waterworks (tears) start, but I don't think he really means to hurt my feelings. I'm getting better at being more assertive. Now, I just ask him what did he mean by a certain comment or to rephrase what he is trying to say. He does and apologizes for hurting my feelings. The funny thing is, its me who normally takes things the wrong way. I told him Tuesday night that I understood if he wanted to run away being how crazy(hormonal) I am. He hugged me and reassured me that I wasn't crazy and that its normal to have feelings. God, I love him even more just typing this!
So, until the first of next month, I guess things will be fine! Pray for me, please.

Sex and the City

So I bought the movie, Sex and the City. My friends and I used to religiously watch every single episode of the tv show when it was on. I can't believe I never went to the theater to see the movie but for some strange reason I didn't. So, I finally watched it last Tuesday night. It was a bittersweet experience. The whole time I'm watching it I felt like someone was missing... actually 3 people were missing: Maggie, Staci and Bobbie. It was wierd to watch it without them there.

Of course watching it only made my desire to go back to NYC even greater. Unfortunately, I have a bit of a cash shortage as do my friends. I don't think they would be offended for me admitting that. At least I hope not!

While the entire movie was great the last part of it really hit home. Carrie is at a book signing and she says something to the effect of, "why is it as women when it comes to relationships and marriage we can write our own vows, but we can't write our own rules?"

I'm at this point in my relationship with Josh where I really want to know where the whole thing is headed. We've said the "I Love You" thing. We see each other at least 4 days out of the week. (technically 6, if you count the next morning after spending the night.) So, what's next? Or, is there even going to be something next? Better yet, do I want something else or am I content with the status quo? Who freakin' knows? All I know is that when I'm not with him, I'm thinking about him. When I'm with him, all I can do is think about how handsome he is and how much I love him. Even when I'm pissed or confused with him, I'm still in love with him. Lord, I think I'm going crazy!

Dance Class Drop Outs

Well, Thomas and I didn't quite dig the whole "Aunty and Me" class so we dropped out. It was actually Thomas who plain as day told us that his dancing shoes were too tight and he didn't like going. He's 18 months old so we figured what the heck? Why make the kid dance if he hates it so much?

On a more positve note, my sister has been taking him to a "Little Critters" class at the Jr. Museum. He LOVES it. He pets snakes and baby alligators. I think we have a biologist on our hands.

My step-dad built a chicken coup and bought Thomas some chicks. Thomas thinks they're the greatest things.

Pictures, Pictures and More Pictures

Two Monkeys at the Zoo...

Missy aka "Mismee" and Thomas...

Too Hot for the Hot Tub...

I'm running again...

The weather has been fairly decent here in the great Panhandle so I've actually been able to run again. Today I ran for 8 minutes straight. I know for some that's not good but I had to start all over because I haven't ran since May.

It makes me feel really good when I run. I'm maintaining my weight. I fluctuate 4-6 pounds but overall I'm maintaining. I'm trying to sike myself up to lose the last 20 pounds but so far I haven't been successful. I enjoy beer way too much. Josh is leaving for Niceville in a couple of weeks. I'm hoping that while he's gone I can go on my 3 day protein kick and get back to the low carb deal. Wish me luck!

Good News

So I went to the dermatologist for a check up on my vitiligo and guess what??? The creams are working on most of the white spots so I'm slowly getting pigment back. Pretty exciting stuff.

On the downside of things, I am getting these ever-so-lovely dark spots above my top lip. Apparently birth control pills cause hormonal changes which cause the spots! So, the dermatologist gave me a prescription for a cream for that. When I went to get it filled I discovered that its NOT covered under my insurance so it costs a whopping $185!!! Guess I'll be using alot of foundation because there is no way in hell I'm paying that kind of money for cosmetic reasons.

Confession Time

I have a problem... it starts with a "b" and ends with a "g." Can you guess what it is? Its called "Budgeting." (Please note: this isn't a feel-sorry-for-me entry. I'm blessed to have money to pay my bills and a little left over for spending.) You'd think after 10 years of teaching, 7 of which I've lived on my own, I'd be a little better at budgeting. The problem is I have a Budlight taste for things and I'm living on a Natural Lite budget. Call me a redneck. I know its supposed to be wine vs. beer but I thought my analogy was funnier.

This month I'm going to try something new. I listed all my bills and paid them up front on paper. Then I subtracted the leftover money and divided it by 4. That's going to be how much I have to spend for each week. My problem is I can't say "no." I'm a sucker for fundraisers. I love to shop and eat out.

This summer I worked really hard to pay off all but one of my credit cards and wouldn't you know it... I've racked one up again! Lord, I hope this budgeting thing works.

I figured if I wrote it all down then maybe it help me be a bit more accountable. Who knows???