What happened to Jenny?

As I was reaching for something from the fridge the other day a friend of mine casually/sarcastically asked me, "What happened to Jenny Craig?" I politely replied, "I sat on her!" I had a series of blood work completed last week and I have a beautiful cholesterol count, normal blood pressure, no signs of diabetes... healthy. So here's my new plan for a while until my size 18/20's get too tight and I have to roll out of my car, I am going to work hard at loving me for me. Fat rolls and all! I'm going to TRY not to overeat but also not feel guilty for looking at hostess cakes. Yep, thats the plan. With that said, I have some Blue Bell ice cream callling my name!

This blog isn't really a complete story its more of what I like to call, "Sorting of the Mind." For me, this could take a while! No, seriously, just some thoughts I've had and thought I'd share. First of all, on the way home from WV I rented Dr. Phil's book on CD about loving smart. He usually gets on my nerves with his high and mighty attitude but I thought, "what the hell?" I must admit, it was a good book. So, it suggested that a good way to meet potential dates is to try the internet dating thing. As reluctant as I was I decided to join YET ANOTHER website and give it a try. My internet dating fiascos almost outnumber my weightloss schemes! As some of you already know, I have NOT had good luck with the whole internet thing. Anyway, I feel like I'm trying to sell my car when I do those ads. You know, I don't want to lie about my weight so I always check the box that states "could lose a few." "Runs Great vs. Could Use a Tune-Up" So far, I've only had offers from African Americans and 50-58 year old men who look like they should be on the pedofile list at school. I know you're thinking, "African Americans... ooh, Janie, you're racist! Well, no, I'm not. I've dated my fair share of other cultures, especially AA and I always find out that there is a "baby's mamma" or another "white chick" out there. Not playing that game again! As for the 50-58 year olds. I had a daddy. A good one. He's dead. I have a step-dad. I don't need another daddy. No offense to anybody who is in a great relationship with either an AA or an older man. I'm glad it works for you. So, the bottom line is what the hell is wrong with my ad? If you get a chance to look at it, go to yahoo personals and look me up.

My anxiety is on high this week. I went into my new classroom and realize I have ALOT to do before August 14th! Deep breath. I still have 2 weeks. I mean I used to inventory classrooms and rearrange them in a matter of 3 days. I CAN do this. Its just can I do this without hurting people's feelings by throwing shit out that doesn't promote developmentally appropriate practice? My Teacher's Assistant is absolutely wonderful and she helped me prepare the room for cleaning on Thursday. Friday, I cleaned the carpets. I took today off but tomorrow I will be going back at it. I used to get so pissed at our maintenance person at my old school b/c he was so anal about taking care of the building. Now, I understand why he did that. This new place does NOT have the same maintenance guy in charge.

I'm ending this blog on a happy note... my mom and I took some friends to Thomasville, GA today to get a car. After we dropped them off, she and I made a day out of it and shopped. I actually found a dress from Dillards and capris from Lane Bryant at the Goodwill IN MY SIZE!!!! I've been looking for this palm called a PonyTail Palm. We found them today at Lowes. I was thrilled b/c their not poisonous and I think it'll be cute at school. I introduced Mom to sushi and she liked it! We had a great day together. I didn't feel on edge and she even said she had a great time. You know, I live in a trailor, I drive an 8 year old CRV that's driver side window won't go down, and I don't have a penny in my savings account (sorry Molly, but I don't!) but I feel sooooo blessed. I have friends far and near who love me and I love them. My family is amazing. We have our differences but they always support me. I have the best job in the whole wide world... I get to play all day! For these things... I am thankful. Love you, J

Trailor does not equal white-trash

About a month ago, when Alberto came through a tree fell on my "new" house. Fortunately, it caused minimal damage. My house shook and as a result a shelf and some pictures fell off the wall. It scared the hell out of me and I'm sure I got whiplash from tensing up when the tree hit the roof. I collect Willow Tree angels and Dreamscicles. They all broke but I was able to super glue them back together. Oh yeah, so the point of this story...

The tree that fell was a huge oak that belonged to the property behind my house. That property is currently under construction so I had to go through the construction company to find out who owned it. It took two phone calls before I actually talked to a person. At which point the old man argued with me that nobody lived in that "old trailor" behind his property. So, I politely told him I had recently moved in about 3 weeks ago. Nevermind the fact that I've had people working on the place for a month before that! Well, the old man came and got the tree off the roof but left the damn tree trunk along with the debris in my backyard!

I realize that yes, I live in a 1970's mobile home and yes, the hitch is still attached to it but that does NOT make me white trash! I hope I don't offend anybody by using that terminology. I waited a week and nobody came out to move the tree. I went on vacation and nobody moved the tree. I called twice more and still no response. So, this Saturday morning, with trembling hands and a shaky voice, (remember my anxiety and how I HATE confrontation???) I called and luckily got the answering machine. My shaky voice became stern and I used my best teacher voice to say, "I've waited patiently for someone to remove this tree from my yard. I've called and no one has responded. If someone doesn't remove this tree by Monday afternoon, I will have to contact the property appraiser's office and my attorney. Thank you and have a nice day." Guess what I was awaken by this morning? The sound of a chain saw removing a tree from my backyard! Praise God, b/c I sure do not have an attorney!

While my house may not be valued at $200,000 and yes, you can hear creatures stirring underneath it, its my house. I am sooooo proud of it. My mother gave me the down payment for it and I've put alot of sweat and tears into making it comfortable. The land alone is worth so much. I didn't appreciate that construction goob head putting me off!

Wakulla...

If you've never been to Wakulla County, you should give it a try. Where else can you take your dog to the beach for a swim AND drink a beer. I am sooooo happy to be back home. I never thought I'd say that, but I am. Yesterday, I took Missy, my dog, to Shell Point. Did I mention I live 10 minutes from the beach? We had a great time walking on the beach. It was so hot though that I decided to go for a swim. I couldn't leave Missy on the shore by herself so I took her with me. What's the first thing you think of when you hear the name Labrador Retriever? Swimming, right? Not my princess. She did swim, but not without force from her momma pulling her in the water. You should have seen us. This 5'3 woman carrying a 70 pound dog in the water! She acted like she was gasping for air and her heart was beating 90 to nothing! Poor thing.

My house is coming along nicely. My uninvited house guests have moved on (mice.) I finished painting my kitchen cabinets today. My yard is looking better, I'm just waiting on my grass (yes, the legal kind!) to grow. I'd like to have a housewarming in August before school starts. Those of you who come will need to have an open mind though. While I think the place is absolutely fabulous, some of my friends may not. My tub is avocado green. Many of my closets and cabinets are covered by hand made curtains, need I re-emphasize hand made. (this means they are not even and could possibly fall at a moments notice, as they were rigged by me) Its a cozy sort of place. I figure one day I can have 3-4 bedroom house with a garage and garden tub, but right now this 1 bedroom mobile home with the 8x8 office will do just nicely!

I'm so grateful for this summer. I have enjoyed working on my place, spending time with neice and nephew and shopping with my mom. I am learning to slow down. I know its cliche, but 10 years from now, Nobody will remember that I planted sod in my front yard, but my nephew will remember that I watched him jump off the high dive at the city pool.

Our little angel

My new neice or nephew! Isn't s/he beautiful? I think s/he looks like me! My sister and brother-in-law came into town this weekend for a quick visit. My brother-in-law's aunt is a nurse. She was able to get Molly in for her first ultra sound! For those of you like me who are ultra-sound illiterate, that circular thing that looks like a fingerprint is the sac and the little dot is the embryo. (I think those are the correct terms??!) My friend's husband said it looked like a boob to him. I guess he hasn't seen any boobs in a while! It was quite exciting and an honor to be present for my neice or nephew's debut. I am on top of the world about this baby. I don't care if its a boy or girl. Molly is going to have another ultra sound done with her doctor in Kenner on the 31st of July. They will be able to hear the baby's heart beat and determine if there is more than one baby! Her hormone count was so high that we aren't sure how many are in there. Right now, her due date is March 10th.

F-A-T vs. PHAT?

My neice Kayleigh was over at my house Friday watching me put on make-up to go out. She said, "Aunt Janie, you are so beautiful. I want to be just like you when I grow, just not as fat." Hmmm, how does one reply to a statement like that? I thanked her and told her that she was beautiful too. Of course then I pondered the statement. It didn't hurt my feelings and it didn't make me cry (surprisingly, it didn't.) But it made me realize just how much my life revolves around my weight and just how often I talk about it when Kayleigh is around me. The poor girl has been to Weight Watchers, L.A. Weightloss AND Jenny Craig all with her Aunt J! It also made me think how sad it is that at the young age of 6, she already recognizes that being heavy is not a positive thing in our society.

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day about weight-related issues and how it affects my self-esteem in regards to dating. She mentioned that until I felt comfortable in my own skin it would be hard for me to find someone. I totally agree. I know that I am a beautiful person, but I do NOT like being heavy. Let's face it, the majority of men don't like heavy women.

I know some people reading this blog are probably thinking, "well if you don't like being fat, then get off your lazy butt and do something about it." I'm not writing this to get responses from people telling me that I'm pretty or how to exercise. I know what I need to do lose weight. I'm just writing this b/c its been on my mind alot lately and when Kayleigh made that comment I thought now would be good time to write about it. I'm not sure where I'm going with this entry either. The bottom line is I love food. I enjoy eating with family and friends. I love sweets, especially cakes from Publix! I have realized however that I do use food as a crutch and that's not good. I don't like to exercise. For one, that means I have to wear unflattering work out clothes and get my hair messed up. Second, I hate to sweat. Third, I don't care what anybody says, exercise hurts. I'm not one for pain. Don't worry, I also know that diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure runs in my family. I try hard to stay active and walk as much as I can. I'm just not consistent.

So, I guess I'm wondering, where is a happy medium? I don't want to look like Jabba the Hut, but I'll never be a size 8 either. For one day I'd love to eat and not look down at my stomach only to realize it sticks out farther than my boobs (nice image, huh?)I guess I'm the only one with the answers. I'm going to try to love me, ALL of me, and treat my body with the care it deserves, while eating my Publix cake, too! If I happen to lose a few pounds, great, if not, oh well, as long as I'm healthy. Oh yeah, last night on 'Oxygen,' Monique sponsored a beauty pageant for large women. It was great! Thanks Monique!

Home again, home again, jiggety jig

Wow! Its been almost a month since my last post. I've been busy. I have so much to write about yet, don't know where to begin. My "new" house has been one big adventure after another. A special thanks to my stepdad for helping me.

I finished up summer school on the 28th of June and left the next morning for West Virginia. I tell you what, teaching those kids this summer was probably the best thing I've done in a long while. I have learned so much. They reminded me to appreciate the simple things in life, to laugh at my shortcomings and most of all, to SLOW DOWN! I often go way too fast. I think it might have to do with my anxiety. My mind races faster than my body will work. This in turn causes extreme exhaustion. I have hypothyroid and despite taking medicine for it, I often feel like I'm walking in a fog. Anyway, enough of that, just trying to explain what I'm like sometimes.

My trip "up north" was terrific! I rented an absolutely perfect Chevy Malibu and made it a road trip. (I know you are laughing about the Malibu, but if you have ever driven with me in my car, you'd understand.) I spent the night in Cherokee, N.C. and enjoyed a little sight seeing on Friday. I only spent about $4 at Harrah's Casino. You know, I figured it was for a good cause!

On Friday, I ventured to Charleston, WV to visit my best friend Maggie in her new home. We had a fantastic time. It was great to see how happy she is. She has the most wonderful boyfriend and I am so glad for her.

Saturday, we drove to Pennsylvania for a friend's wedding. Thank the Lord Maggie was with me. First of all, I didn't realize just how far away this wedding was. We were about an hour south of Erie! If I'd of brought my raft, we could have went to Canada! I'm not complaining. Now I can say I've been to PA. Don't plan to go back anytime soon, though. The wedding was quite beautiful but it was a Catholic wedding and I had no clue as to when to sit or stand or what the heck to say. It lasted 2 hours!

Sunday was spent shopping and visiting with Maggie's parents. I feel right at home with her family. Monday I drove to Maryland to visit a college friend of mine who is expecting. We had a great visit. I got to have dinner with her family. Again, another family I feel welcomed by. Tuesday and Wednesday I stayed with Maggie in Charleston. It rained all night on the 4th so we didn't see any fireworks. That's ok b/c I was able to watch both episodes of 'Dog, The Bounty Hunter.' I usually don't get to watch it b/c I teach on Tuesday nights. Thursday was spent driving home. It was sad to leave but I was anxious to get back to C'Ville.

I don't know what it is, maybe its the summer school thing or maybe its turning 30 but I really appreciated this trip. I enjoyed the scenery: mountains, trees, flowers, etc. I bet I stopped at every visitor's center and picked up brochures for my new classroom. I also was reminded of how rich I am. I have so many people who love me and I them. It was comforting to know I had friends and family back home taking care of my place and asking me to check in while traveling. I could go on and on, but I need to eat breakfast. Wish me luck, I'm back with Jenny Craig. I'm really close to considering gastric bypass or duct tape for my mouth. Either should work!

Oh yeah! I got the best news on my way home. I'm going to be an aunt! My sister and brother-in-law have been trying to have a baby for the past 11 months and things have finally paid off. If the doctors are right, she is 5 weeks along. Please pray that things will go well for them. Have a great week