Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Good News!
Keep your fingers crossed and say some prayers... After a week home on vacation, my sister and brother-in-law have decided to try and move back for good. Eric has applied to several places around town. Hopefully someone will contact with a good offer. In the meantime, please say some prayers for me!
I make a difference... do I really?
Have you ever had one of those days where you just felt crappy? Maybe its because my sister and nephew left to go back to New Orleans today or it could be because I made some dumb remark, not thinking first, to somebody and offended them. I'm not sure what it is. All I know is I'm in a funk and I can't figure out how to fix it.
Last week there was a shooting in Panacea, a small fishing town just south of where I live. Come to find out the shooter was a kid I taught my first year as a teacher. As it turns out, the shooting is thought to be gang related and some of the other boys involved were students in some of the classes I taught last year. (rumors have said it was over a girl, drugs, theft) Its really depressing being a teacher, especially an ESE teacher. Statistics aren't good. Its funny because you read these catchy phrases like, "I make a difference, I teach. I touch lives, I teach." Hrmm... do I? I know, I know I can't save the world, but its hard to be even a little bit hopeful when I hear about things like this.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this entry, but I do know it makes me think even harder about how to handle situations. Even what some might call silly situations, like two 3 year olds fighting over a race car or being first in line, need serious thought-planned strategies.
An administrator from our district had the nerve to ask if our pre-k students really needed a character education plan. Well, until there aren't anymore shootings I think the answer is, "YES!!!"
I've been in some sort of education for 9 years now. Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it 30 years. Its depressing. The pay, the ratios, the way people pity me (including family members) for the career I have chosen and then to top it off, you find out a former student of yours takes another human beings life! I don't blame myself for what he did, but sometimes I feel like I'm beating my head against a wall trying "to make a difference," when the higher ups would rather spend their money elsewhere.
Last week there was a shooting in Panacea, a small fishing town just south of where I live. Come to find out the shooter was a kid I taught my first year as a teacher. As it turns out, the shooting is thought to be gang related and some of the other boys involved were students in some of the classes I taught last year. (rumors have said it was over a girl, drugs, theft) Its really depressing being a teacher, especially an ESE teacher. Statistics aren't good. Its funny because you read these catchy phrases like, "I make a difference, I teach. I touch lives, I teach." Hrmm... do I? I know, I know I can't save the world, but its hard to be even a little bit hopeful when I hear about things like this.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this entry, but I do know it makes me think even harder about how to handle situations. Even what some might call silly situations, like two 3 year olds fighting over a race car or being first in line, need serious thought-planned strategies.
An administrator from our district had the nerve to ask if our pre-k students really needed a character education plan. Well, until there aren't anymore shootings I think the answer is, "YES!!!"
I've been in some sort of education for 9 years now. Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it 30 years. Its depressing. The pay, the ratios, the way people pity me (including family members) for the career I have chosen and then to top it off, you find out a former student of yours takes another human beings life! I don't blame myself for what he did, but sometimes I feel like I'm beating my head against a wall trying "to make a difference," when the higher ups would rather spend their money elsewhere.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
What's a Girl to Do?
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions...
Its funny, I spent most of my life anticipating the day I'd grow up, move out of my house and not be responsible for anybody in my family. The day finally came and while I've enjoyed the past few years getting to know myself, I have to admit that I want my family back.
As you all know, my sister and brother-in-law recently had a baby boy who I can't seem to get enough of. I am here in Louisiana for spring break and loving every minute of it! So, the point of the my blog... my sister and brother-in-law have invited me to move here and live with them until I get settled into my own place. I had already planned on staying here over the summer and keep Thomas while Molly ties up lose ends at work. (she's decided to stay home with Thomas but has to work six weeks this summer to finish up some things.)
I'm not sure what to do. It would be great to move here for a number of reasons. Thomas for starters, but also the fact that Molly and I have begun to get to know each other as sisters versus me being her second parent. I really enjoy and appreciate her friendship. Financially this would be a good thing, too since Molly and Eric told me I could stay with them and save some $. (I think I could do it knowing that it would only be for a few months.) I found out the rent here is comparable to what I pay in C'ville but teachers make a lot more here.
On the other side of the coin, I have a pretty decent job in Wakulla. The actual work environment could be cleaner, ratios lower, and the pay could be higher but all in all, I like what I do. I have friends in Wakulla, my mom lives walking distance from me, and I feel apart of the community. I get a bit emotional when I think about leaving all of that.
I know many of you are reading this and probably thinking I'm ADHD being as how I just moved back from West Palm Beach. That move to and away from West Palm was a good thing and I don't regret either decision. Great things came about as a result of both.
Others of you may be thinking that since I'm so co-dependent that this is a way for me to "feed" that co-dependency. (moving to LA to be near Thomas and help Molly and Eric out.) The funny thing is, I don't think that's what it is. Molly and Eric are doing just fine. I am very proud of the parents they have become. When I come to visit, I help out but I don't feel taken advantage of. I also don't have that panicky need to do more. (a feeling I used to have before some great counseling.)
I've been praying about this alot lately and ask that you will pray for me as well. I don't want to make a hasty decision but the thought of being away from this little guy breaks my heart. I don't want to be the aunt Thomas sees a few times a year. I want to be apart of his life. I know ultimately its my decision whether to move or stay put but I'd love your opinion on the matter. Take Care!
Love, J
Its funny, I spent most of my life anticipating the day I'd grow up, move out of my house and not be responsible for anybody in my family. The day finally came and while I've enjoyed the past few years getting to know myself, I have to admit that I want my family back.
As you all know, my sister and brother-in-law recently had a baby boy who I can't seem to get enough of. I am here in Louisiana for spring break and loving every minute of it! So, the point of the my blog... my sister and brother-in-law have invited me to move here and live with them until I get settled into my own place. I had already planned on staying here over the summer and keep Thomas while Molly ties up lose ends at work. (she's decided to stay home with Thomas but has to work six weeks this summer to finish up some things.)
I'm not sure what to do. It would be great to move here for a number of reasons. Thomas for starters, but also the fact that Molly and I have begun to get to know each other as sisters versus me being her second parent. I really enjoy and appreciate her friendship. Financially this would be a good thing, too since Molly and Eric told me I could stay with them and save some $. (I think I could do it knowing that it would only be for a few months.) I found out the rent here is comparable to what I pay in C'ville but teachers make a lot more here.
On the other side of the coin, I have a pretty decent job in Wakulla. The actual work environment could be cleaner, ratios lower, and the pay could be higher but all in all, I like what I do. I have friends in Wakulla, my mom lives walking distance from me, and I feel apart of the community. I get a bit emotional when I think about leaving all of that.
I know many of you are reading this and probably thinking I'm ADHD being as how I just moved back from West Palm Beach. That move to and away from West Palm was a good thing and I don't regret either decision. Great things came about as a result of both.
Others of you may be thinking that since I'm so co-dependent that this is a way for me to "feed" that co-dependency. (moving to LA to be near Thomas and help Molly and Eric out.) The funny thing is, I don't think that's what it is. Molly and Eric are doing just fine. I am very proud of the parents they have become. When I come to visit, I help out but I don't feel taken advantage of. I also don't have that panicky need to do more. (a feeling I used to have before some great counseling.)
I've been praying about this alot lately and ask that you will pray for me as well. I don't want to make a hasty decision but the thought of being away from this little guy breaks my heart. I don't want to be the aunt Thomas sees a few times a year. I want to be apart of his life. I know ultimately its my decision whether to move or stay put but I'd love your opinion on the matter. Take Care!
Love, J
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