I make a difference... do I really?

Have you ever had one of those days where you just felt crappy? Maybe its because my sister and nephew left to go back to New Orleans today or it could be because I made some dumb remark, not thinking first, to somebody and offended them. I'm not sure what it is. All I know is I'm in a funk and I can't figure out how to fix it.

Last week there was a shooting in Panacea, a small fishing town just south of where I live. Come to find out the shooter was a kid I taught my first year as a teacher. As it turns out, the shooting is thought to be gang related and some of the other boys involved were students in some of the classes I taught last year. (rumors have said it was over a girl, drugs, theft) Its really depressing being a teacher, especially an ESE teacher. Statistics aren't good. Its funny because you read these catchy phrases like, "I make a difference, I teach. I touch lives, I teach." Hrmm... do I? I know, I know I can't save the world, but its hard to be even a little bit hopeful when I hear about things like this.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this entry, but I do know it makes me think even harder about how to handle situations. Even what some might call silly situations, like two 3 year olds fighting over a race car or being first in line, need serious thought-planned strategies.

An administrator from our district had the nerve to ask if our pre-k students really needed a character education plan. Well, until there aren't anymore shootings I think the answer is, "YES!!!"

I've been in some sort of education for 9 years now. Sometimes I wonder if I'll make it 30 years. Its depressing. The pay, the ratios, the way people pity me (including family members) for the career I have chosen and then to top it off, you find out a former student of yours takes another human beings life! I don't blame myself for what he did, but sometimes I feel like I'm beating my head against a wall trying "to make a difference," when the higher ups would rather spend their money elsewhere.