Found a Gray Hair

Is it any wonder that I found a gray hair today? By the time Jadie Kate arrives, I'm sure I will have a head full of gray hair, if I have any hair at all! While I was getting ready for work this morning I decided to check Jadie Kate's heart rate before I left. 105 was the highest I could get. I panicked and made a bee-line for my OB's office. The nurse told me to go straight to triage, so I did. By the time I was sent back to be checked out my blood pressure was 144/111. The CMA (I think that's the correct title) that took me back wanted to "reassure" me by checking Jadie Kate's HR herself. She says, "Now honey this usually doesn't pick up a HR unless you are at least 27 weeks, but we'll give it a try anyway." (Nevermind my blood pressure is already through the roof because I'm already freakin' out but I'm also only 25 weeks 5 days and I'm well over 200 pounds so common sense would tell you that the damn thing wasn't going to pick up her heart rate!) Of course, it didn't pick it up. A nurse came in about 5 minutes later and uses a regular doppler and finds her right away. I asked her what the HR is and she says, "Oh, this one doesn't tell the rate, but it sounds really good to me." All I could think was, "My God, I have died and gone to hell! And hell really is full of idiots!" She then tells me to lay on my side too see if my blood pressure goes down and wait for the on call OB to come have a look. We waited for about an hour and finally the nurse comes back and says that he said to go back to my OB's office and get an ultrasound because he is still in the middle of a delivery. So, Josh and I head back over to the OB's office and get an ultrasound. Praise God! Jadie Kate's heart rate was 157 and she was rolling all around and waving. The US tech showed us how JK is turning her body away from the doppler when she hears it so it muffles the heart rate! Only my child! I believe we are going to have our hands full. Thank the Lord she has her big brother up in heaven looking out for her! (She's doing somersaults in my belly as I'm typing!) 13 weeks to go!

25 weeks and counting!

I thought making it to the 25th week would bring me peace of mind. I guess, in a way, it did but on the other hand, there's still this lingering feeling that anything can happen. I know I need to let go and let God handle this. Being the control freak that I am, its quite difficult to do this.

I'm seriously thinking about going on medication after Jadie Kate is born. I'll wait and see if things get better but I have people tell me it won't. I'll just find more things to worry about.

We rented a doppler back in June and let me tell you, its the best $40 a month investment we could have made. Not only can you hear the heartbeat, but it tells you the beats per minute. I am also feeling her move more and more so that is reassuring as well.

I officially go back to work on August 11th. I've been spending a day or two here and there working in my classroom for the past couple of weeks though. There is so much to do to get ready. I'm anxious about that too. I'm not sure why. Its not like this is my first rodeo. I guess I just want November 3rd to be here so I can relax a little bit. Maybe going back to work will help the time go by faster.

Doctor McKinnie will induce me at 39 weeks if I want her to, so it looks like my due date will be October 27th. I'm all for it. Now, our next decision is whether or not to induce or go the C-section route. As of now, we really have no physical reason to go the C-section route. Mentally, I want one because I believe its the fastest, safest way to have my baby girl in my arms. We have 12+ weeks to decide, so in the meantime I am going to pray about it and see what happens. Jadie Kate seems to have a mind of her own, so she may very well make that decision for us, lol!

The emotions I feel these days are none like I've ever had before. Well, I guess I've had them, just not all at once. I am missing my JD, but comforted to know that he is still here in spirit. He reassures me daily by sending me a butterfly or some other sign. I have so much love for Josh these days. He is so patient with me and tries so hard. Good things really do come to those who wait, lol! Which makes me grateful that we have a forgiving God who despite some of the stupid things I've done in my life, He led me here to all of this happiness. Then, there is the excitement and out of control feelings I have for Jadie Kate. I am so thankful for the chance to possibly be a mom to a live, screaming baby. I guess all of these emotions explain why there are times I just burst into tears for no apparent reason, huh?

We Made It!

Yay! This past Thursday made 25 weeks with sweet Jadie Kate. The US tech is estimating she weighs 1 lb 10oz. That's 5oz more than JD. She is measuring on schedule and moving like crazy. While I am so relieved and excited, I can't help but still be cautious with my emotions. Thanks to everyone for the love and support.

I still haven't taken down JD's crib bedding. One day at a time, I guess. I have been really feeling guilty and missing him alot these days. I guess I'm mourning this time lost with him. I just hope he knows how much we love and want him to be apart of our lives.

I registered yesterday for some things for Jadie Kate. I remember registering for JD. I was so excited. I took my mom and my little list and had a great time scanning things. This time, I almost had to distance myself. It was as if I were performing a job on my list of things to do. It's not that important. What's important is having my baby girl here, with me, alive. When I was done registering, I rushed home and listened to the Doppler to make sure her heartbeat was strong.

Thank you God for one more week!

Scared, Hopeful, & Crazy

This Thursday, we will be 25 weeks pregnant with Jadie Kate. That's two days away. I am on a rollercoaster of emotions right now. I am hopeful that she lives but I can't also help but think that we could be saying goodbye. These days, when I feel out of control I bake, cakes mainly. Tonight I pulled a can of frosting from the cabinet and burst into tears when I read the label. Rainbow frosting. I didn't even think about it when I bought the frosting. So, here I am praying that this rainbow frosting is a good sign that everything is going to be ok with Jadie Kate. Call me crazy...

Nine months ago today, we found out our baby boy had no heartbeat. Nine months ago today, our world came crashing down. Nine months ago today, I seriously thought I was going to die with him. But here I am, nine months later, still alive, trying to make sense of my crazy world. I can honestly say I believe in prayer and I am eternally grateful for the prayers and support we have received from our family and friends.

I was looking at our wedding pictures the other day and had to laugh. I have changed so much since that day. I remember thinking how fat I was on my wedding day. I remember worrying that our guests would freeze and that the food would run out.

Then I look forward at my wedding pictures. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect day. I had everyone I loved (even those in Heaven) surrounding me on our special day. I was marrying the most wonderful man in the world and I truly felt like a princess. It's funny how things change your perspective.

I no longer worry about my weight or what people will think of my house. Perhaps I'm rambling, but today is a day for rambling. It's a day to remember how blessed I am and how truly thankful I am for what I have. Thank you, JD for helping me become the personI am today. Momma loves you!

Faith, Hope & Courage

That's the motto around the Register household these days.

I am currently 22 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Jadie Kate's heartbeat is strong and she appears to be measuring on time. I have plenty of amniotic fluid and as far as the doctors can tell, the placenta appears to be healthy. My TSH is within normal limits and my thyroid antibodies aren't nearly as elevated as they were with JD. TMI for the common reader I suppose, but putting it down in word, gives me a visual to look at, to give me that HOPE I am looking for.

I've met alot of wonderful people along my journey. As I approach the 25 week mark (16 days to go!)I am comforted to know family, friends and even people I don't even know are praying for us. Because of this I have the COURAGE to continue on my journey.

As for FAITH, I have put my faith in God. I pray without ceasing. I am so thankful for this second chance. I can't tell you how many times I've woken up at 4am and prayed.

I put a post on Facebook the other day about being nauseated. It wasn't pregnancy related nausea, but of course someone assumed it was. (I know when I put things on Facebook, I open myself up to unwanted comments, so I shouldn't get annoyed.) Some lady commented that I needed to praise God in the midst of my nausea. I wanted to tell her a few things but instead I'm venting here. There isn't an hour in the day that goes by that I don't thank God for what I have!

I try really hard to practice my new motto but with each week and each doctor's appointment, I feel like its going to be my last. I caught myself looking at micro preemie clothing the other day,so that if something happens like last time, I won't have to have my friends run out in a hurry and get something.

I am itching to register for my baby showers but I am fearful that if I do, something bad will happen. I felt like a sneak the other day when I went online and started a registry. I'm going to wait until week 30 or so and go into the store to do it.

On a lighter note, we got to have a 4D ultra sound of Miss Priss today. She is already shooting birds! That figures...