We made it to 34 weeks! Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!!! I'm officially scheduled for a C-section on October 27th at 12:30pm. Jadie Kate is still breech and with the difficulties I had last time with JD my OB suggested a c-section. I'm relieved. I feel like I have mentally labored for a long time and when d-day comes I just want my girl in my arms. I don't want to labor for hours and worry about what might happen. Its surreal though. I can not tell you just how thankful I am to have made it this far and in the back of my mind I want to believe that this time everything is going to be ok. Of course, there's this little part of me that says, "Don't get too excited. It ain't over yet."
I had my first baby shower on the 10th of September and I have another one today. I'm not as anxious today as I was on the 10th, so we shall see. I went to L&D to visit a friend of mine who was being induced. I almost threw up walking down the hall to her room, but nevertheless, I am still here and still pregnant.
Its funny how a person can put stuff out of their minds but its not really gone for good. There are parts of October 8, 2010, I can remember like it was yesterday. The emotions. I have never felt so empty, low, devastated and angry. JD's first birthday is in a little over 3 weeks. I have a picture of a yellow butterfly as my Facebook profile picture. I looked at it Thursday and was immediately filled with anger. I mean truely pissed off filled with anger. I guess I was having a pity party. I know JD is loved and cared for in heaven. I know he was sent to me for just a short time for a reason, but my heart still hurts that he's not here with me to love on. When all that anger struck all I could think was all I have are some damn yellow butterflies to remind me of my sweet precious boy! Of course, the next day, a yellow butterfly about collided with my face while I was walking off the playground! I guess JD was showing me a thing or two, huh? (Which I am grateful for the yellow butterflies!)
I love both of my children and am proud to be their mom. I am thankful for what they have taught me.
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