Wow! Its been a year since I've blogged last. So much for keeping current. :) Anyway, been dealing with some things and thought it might be good to blog it off.
Josh and I have been trying to have another baby since JK, our rainbow was 10 months old. We had tons of test ran and all they can say is that I am old and should lose some weight. Can't change the age part but have managed to lose 20 pounds but no luck. I have used OK, Clomid, even an IUI, but still no baby! Doc recommended IVF but we just do not want to exhaust our savings for that. We considered adoption but there is no guarantee with that route and feel JK is too young to understand.
Its funny how when I was pregnant with JD, our butterfly, that I just took things for granted. I just knew we were going to have 3 kiddos. This past year was really therapeutic for me. Through prayer, support groups, and lots of patience from my husband, I was able to finally grieve and let go of some raw feelings I have carried since losing JD four years ago. I was hoping that by letting go of some things, we would be able to have another baby.
Don't get me wrong, I am BLESSED beyond words. My husband is amazing. My precious baby girl (who is a big 3 year old now) lights up my world. I enjoy my job. We have resources to take small trips. We have a family/friends support system that is unimaginable. The list goes on and on...Yet, I have this nagging feeling that there's more yet to come.
At times, I feel selfish for wanting more children when I have so much already, but still...
So, for now- I want to work on being content. Being grateful for the things mentioned above. Just being...and if God blesses us with another rainbow then so be it and if not, then that will mean more spending money for my trip to Europe in 15 years with my little rainbow. :)
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