Friday, November 26, 2010
Pain
Its funny how my heart aches so badly for someone I never really knew. Yes, I carried JD inside of me for 6 months. I felt him kick but I never actually heard my son cry or felt the rise and fall of his chest. I have never hurt so badly in my whole life. I have never felt so totally out of control. I am miserable, angry and just plain pissed. My heart physically hurts. My doctor prescribed Lexapro for me to take.I am angered that I may have to take medication for something I had no say in. (I haven't taken it because I want to try and get pregnant again.) Then when I think about getting pregnant again, I am filled with fear. I am so afraid this will happen again. I feel so responsible for what happened. I was JD's mother. I was supposed to protect him. I failed my child.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Janie, you didn't fail him. You did EVERYTHING you could to make sure he was okay. It was out of your hands, although I UNDERSTAND the need to blame someone. Been there, done that....got the shirt and I go back there on bad days. It's easy to blame yourself because there is just no one else to blame. Just know on those bad days, I'm thinking of you and holding you in my heart.
Post a Comment