Family is Forever

Family is Forever

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Its Been A While

I haven't blogged in quite some time. My life has been really busy lately. I just thought my life was busy before Jadie Kate. LOL! I can't even begin to tell you how full and complete I feel these days. The day I became Josh's wife was one of the greatest blessings in my life but becoming Jadie Kate's mom has got to be the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I know I'm a dork and being as how its 4:00am and my head is stopped up I'm probably not explaining myself correctly.

Sometimes I look at Jadie Kate and just cry. She is amazing. I thank God everyday for our little miracle. I pray that I will be the best mother I can be to her. I want Jadie Kate to know just how important she is to us.

I thought once she was born all those fears I had while I was pregnant would disappear. That's not the case. When I was pregnant with JD I had visions of what he would look like. I would get excited thinking about him hunting with Josh or playing t-ball. When he died, all those dreams went down the toilet. When I was pregnant with JK, I just lived for the day. I would celebrate each pregnancy week but I didn't have visions of what was to come. Sadly, I'm still having a hard time with this. I don't let myself see Jadie Kate as a toddler or dancing in a recital. I guess I'm scared that if I look too far into the future, my dreams will be taken from me again. I guess its not a bad thing to just relish in the now and appreciate this moment in time.

I went back to work on the 4th of January. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Jadie Kate stays with my sister, Molly. I drop her off around 7:45am and I try to pick her up by 4:00pm. I am so thankful for my sister. I know that JK is well taken care of. I miss being home with her all day and I find there isn't enough time in the day to get everything done. I'm learning to depend on Josh more and trying not to sweat the small stuff like the tub needing to be cleaned out or the kitchen needing to be swept. I have to constantly remind myself to slow down and remember what's important...

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