Its a been a while... Life has been busy.  I went back to work in January when Jadie Kate was 11 weeks old and life has just been whirling by.  My sister, Molly took care of JK for us from January to May.  I couldn't have asked for a more perfect transition.  My sister was amazing with her.  I'm off for the month of June and  have thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my sweet miracle. I can't believe she's 8 months old already!

Jadie Kate has developed quite the personality.  She  looks just like Josh but she sure has my temper!  I'm glad in a way. I hope she will continued to be strong-willed and not take crap off people.  I'm beginning to brainstorm ideas for her first birthday party.  I am so excited.  I admit, there have been days when I couldn't think that far off for fear that it wouldn't happen.  I've relaxed a bit but the waves of anxiety still hit me from time to time.  I continue to pray ALOT and check on her about 5 times during the night while she is sleeping.  I want her to know just how amazing she is and how much joy she brings to us. 

There was a time in my life when I honestly didn't think that joy would return.  I often imagine my heart looking like one of those scrap paper art projects kids make in school.  You know the kind where the teacher draws the heart on the paper and the kids tear up scraps of red and pink paper and glue it inside the heart.  Silly, I know but visualize for me.  When JD died my heart was ripped into tiny little pieces and left on the floor.  Since Jadie Kate was born those pieces have slowly been put back together to make me feel whole again.  I'm still raw around the edges but I feel better. 

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post.  I've just had a lot of random thoughts roaming through my head so I figured I should write them down.  Its unreal to me that in a little over 3 months, I could have had a 2 year old busy little boy and a 1 year old fiesty little girl.  Instead, I have a two year old butterfly and beautiful one year old rainbow.  I am full of so many emotions: anger, guilt. regret, gratefulness, joy, sadness, excitement.  Its overwhelming at times.