I'm sure I've said some of these things before so I'm just as guilty as the next person but in hopes that I don't make the same mistake twice, I'm blogging some 'not-so-helpful-things' to say to someone who has lost a baby:
1. God has a plan/It was God's will. I'm a Christian but you may as well have said, "F*@K Yourself." Whatever the plan is, right now I just feel like I've been "F*@cked over!"
2. You will have many more children. How the hell do I know if I'll have more children? It may not be "God's plan." Maybe my body can't handle another baby or maybe this will happen again. NOBODY KNOWS!!!!!!!!! The only person that can say this is my mom and when she says it, she doesn't incenuate that I'll birth the children myself. She always finishes the sentence with, "someway or another you will be a mom." I love my mother!
3. You sure had a long vacation. Five weeks sitting at home aside from the two d&c's and 20 days on antibiotics IS NOT a vacation!
4. How are you feeling? I know people mean well but come on? How do you think I feel? I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I use sarcasm and wit to cover it up but deep down, I feel like a load of crap!
5. You look great! Bullcrap! I have dark circles under my eyes, my boobs sag down to my stomach, my hips will NEVER be the same again AND I have nothing to show for it.
6. You didn't feel the baby stop moving? First off, I was only 25 weeks pregnant and he was my first baby. The stupid pregnancy books say you don't really start feeling the baby move until week 28. Second, fat girls don't feel them move until sometimes later than that! Third, have you met my husband? He is the most laidback, mildmannered person you will ever meet. I just figured his kid was the same way.
7. This one takes the cake... Granny isn't going to be around much longer. She had a dream about your baby. He's being taken care of in heaven. That is all fine and good but I don't want someone else taking care of my baby! I want my baby.
Ok, so I'm probably hurting people's feelings by blogging this. So, not my intentions. Like I've said before, I KNOW I've said the same things but today was just one of those days where my heart ached soooo bad that I had to let it out.
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2 comments:
Oh, I hear you loud and clear. When crisis happen I never know what to say or do because no matter the good intentions, emotions are on a roller coaster and things can be misconstrued or over analyzed or just seem plain inappropriate (and often they are). That's why I really haven't said anything, because I am at a loss of words and I know nothing I say can help, although changing the subject might ~ FYI: they announced on the radio this morning that Wheel of Fortune Tryouts will be here next month! Good times! Yep, avoidance, that's what I usually result to. Love ya! Rebecca
I love you Janie.
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