So, we got the news last Wednesday about what the doctors think caused JD's death. It wasn't chromosomal. They are chalking it up to a bad placenta. Hrmmm, the same placenta that malnourished my son is the same placenta that is causing infection inside my body and won't release itself! Tell me the irony in all of this, please?
I remember sobbing sighs of relief when Dr. McKinnie told us it wasn't chromosomal. My worst fear was that she was going to tell us we had something genetically wrong and shouldn't try to have more babies. Then I spent the next few days seriously pissed at her words. She told us we had a "healthy baby boy who died from placenta complications." I HAD a healthy baby boy. A HEALTHY baby boy. Sorry... I had to vent.
Not sure where I'm going with this entry. There so many things I want to write but can't. Maybe next time...
I do know that the main thing that gives me hope these days is the thought of trying to have another baby. I admit, it scares the crap out of me, but its also that tiny ray of light at the end of the tunnel too. Another baby will not replace my JD, nor do I want him or her to. I want my sweet angel to know how much I love him and that I am proud to be called his mother.
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2 comments:
Sometimes, even when you get the answer, it still sucks. :(
I am glad that there were no chromosomal issues, and that you and Josh can try again when you are physically and emotionally ready.
Praying for peace for you and Josh, and healing for your body.
I too am glad there were no genetic issues.
Either way this still bites big time.
Have I told you that I love you lately?
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