Peace...

Last night I wrote letters to my dad and my Grama T. Yes, I realize that they have both gone on to a Higher Place but I needed some closure. The letters were heartfelt. I had leftover guilt and anger towards my dad for dying so young. I felt guilty about not spending time with my Grama before she passed. In the letters I asked forgiveness, gave forgiveness and shared how much I loved both of them. I felt much better after writing them. Today I went to Publix and bought two helium balloons. My plan was to attach the letters to the balloons and let the balloons go. Yes, again I realize they wouldn't make it to Heaven. Symbolism, here people! Anyway, the letter was too heavy and weighed the balloons down. I shouldn't have left the balloons in the car so long. Damn heat! I took the balloons to my Grama's memorial since my daddy is buried in Wakulla. I let the balloons go. At first they just sort of stayed in place. I thought, "My goodness, I'm trying to let go of some guilt. Come on here!" Finally they began to float in the air. Then they got stuck under an eave of a roof! After a couple of minutes and much needed prayer the balloons finally flew up, up, up and away!

I had to post this entry because one, to share a way to provide closure and two, to point out the humor in things. Lord, you should have seen those balloons. I didn't think they'd ever fly away! As I was leaving the cemetary, I noticed these signs labeling the road. They all had 'peace' written on them! Pretty cool.

I'm getting a bit anxious about this move. I'm worried that all those old feelings of anxiety are going to come back. I'm nervous that I'm not going to have enough room in the moving truck for all my stuff. I'm scared to be starting a new job in the middle of the school year. I know that everything will be ok. I've been praying.