City Girl Gone Country

Yep, that's me... this weekend I went "woods-ridin." This would be Josh's idea of spending time with me while still having the chance to go hunting. Romantic... I know. LOL! I figure hey, it kept me from racking up my credit card at the mall and I got to spend time with my man. Of course, my dumb behind didn't think about the logistics behind, "woods-ridin" and brought along a 32oz Big Gulp of Diet Coke! Guess what?!? There are no port-o-lets in the Appalachicola National Forest. Those of you who know me, know what a prissy missy I can be. I have a hard enough time peeing in public restrooms for fear that someone will hear me! There was no stoppin' this Big Gulp from comin' out of me, though. So, Josh pulled off the road and I walked down into the woods and yep, I peed behind a tree. I'm proud of myself too. I only peed a little bit on the bottom of my jeans. All I can say is thank God I've lost weight b/c there is no way in hell I could have squatted like that at 200 pounds!

6 months ago today...

I met the most wonderful man in the world. We met at Applebee's on Capital Circle and talked for nearly three hours! I was hooked, but scared. Three weeks later, he told me he really liked me and wanted to be more than friends. Four months into the relationship he told me he loved me. Now, its been six wonderful months. Its hard to believe that one person can make you feel so amazing.

I still haven't gotten my flowers, but from what I've heard from some friends is that those usually come after he's done something wrong, lol! I'm learning those things just aren't important. What is important is asking if he can help me when I'm sick, holding me when I'm crying for absolutely no reason, and calling me when he says he'll call.

Its funny too, because when I first met him, I thought he was ok looking, but now, after six months, I think he's the sexiest, most handsome man ever. Everytime I see him I think he looks better and better!

I'm learning to overcome fears and self-confidence issues through this whole process. Before Josh, I had built a wall around myself. I only allowed people to see limited parts of who I was. I was fearful of losing people I loved so there was no way I would ever let a man get close to me. That wall is slowly crumbling. I'm realizing that life is so much richer when you let people in. Yep, its still pretty scary but the rewards are so much greater.

Its true what they say about absence making the heart grow fonder. Josh is in Fort Walton Beach working for the next month and a half. Fortunately, he comes home on the weekends. I miss him so much.

As far as marriage and children are concerned... I don't know what the future holds. We've talked about both but there are some financial things we both need to work out. Josh also has some family obligations (no ex-wives or kiddos) that have to be taken care of. There are days when I think I'm ready for marriage and babies and then there are days when I feel like I have it good right now. I have my own house, he has his... you catch my drift. Please pray for me. Pray that God will give me the peace I need to wait and hear His plan in all of this. Pray that if it is His will for us to be together it will happen.

Hmmm...

Why is it that I always feel like I have to be the best at everything? Why...Why... Why can't I be satisfied with the status quo? I have a good job that I actually love and I'm good at. I am thankful to have enough money to pay my bills but yet I feel like I need to do more. This is the first time in 10 years of teaching that I leave on time every afternoon without taking work home. Last fall, I applied to FSU's Educational Leadership program. This is an on-line program consisting of 8 classes that would allow me to go into administration upon completion of the program. I was supposed to take classes in the spring of 2008 but backed out. One, I don't know if I have what it takes to be somebody else's boss. Confrontations make me sick and I have a problem with wanting people to like me. So, I really didn't want to pay $1,000/class for something I may never use. I'm still paying on loans I took out for my teaching degree!

Anyway, I was asked to be apart of our district's leadership program. Its a two part process that is ideally intended for people who want to go into administration. My principal recommended me for part one last year. She kept encouraging me to go back to school. I am honored that she thought I had the capabilities to do so. This year, I'm taking level 2. I leave each meeting feeling pumped and wanting to take classes, but then once I get back into my everyday routine, I think about the added stress of taking classes. My new principal keeps putting me in these leadership positions as well. Again, I am thankful. I just hope that I do a good job.

So, I'm just not sure what to do. I love my life right now, but should I be thinking about the future and take these classes just in case?

The Fat Girl Inside of Me

Despite losing 50 pounds since January 2008, I still see myself as a fat girl. (hope that's not offensive to anyone) Don't get me wrong, I don't have an eating disorder or think of myself as unattractive. I was beautiful when I weighed in at 209 pounds. I just didn't have the confidence to let that beauty shine through. Anyway, the point to this entry... There are times when I say things like, "I have to watch myself around that icing," or "I need to get my fat butt off the couch and exercise." I think by saying those things, I've offended some people, especially those people who didn't know me before the weightloss. Comments like that aren't made to poke fun at other people nor am I trying to draw attention to the fact that I have lost 50 pounds. Instead, its my way of keeping myself in check. Furthermore, I will always be able to relate to being overweight. I will always have to watch what I eat. I will always have to exercise. As long as I'm aware of these things, I think I will have a better grasp on keeping my weight down!

Josh's Granny's 91st Birthday Party

Josh's family have big get togethers for birthdays. There were 5 people's birthday to celebrate in October. I got to meet Josh's 91 year old grandmother. I sure hope I look that good at 91! Here are some pics. I had a great time on the lake with everybody. I feel pretty much at home with all of them.

Halloween Legs

I have always wanted a pair of these tights and now I finally have a pair! They don't make these in big girl sizes if you catch my drift so this is the first year that I can fit into them.

Camping 101

Some of Josh's friends invited us to go camping with them this weekend. Believe it or not, I'd really been wanting to try it so... I did. We spent all day on the beach. The weather was perfect. Not too hot, not too cold and there was a fantastic breeze. I still managed to get sunburned though. Josh put sunscreen on my back, neck and shoulders. I put it on the front of me. Guess where I got sunburned? All the places I put the sunscreen! My knee caps even got red. What is that all about? I enjoyed some very delicious fruity drinks while vegging on the beach.

Josh's friend, Ross loaned us a two-man tent to sleep in. Thanks Ross! The queen sized air mattress Amber loaned me didn't quite fit in it so we slept on sleeping bags. Yes, Amber I actually took it out and tried it! LOL! Thanks to you too. It wasn't too bad except there wasn't a screen and I kept getting clausterphobic so I had to sleep with the front panel of the tent cracked. Guess what woke us up in the morning? Yep, mosquitoes!

I was worried I would have to pee in the middle of the night but fortunately I didn't! I don't like peeing in the woods and I didn't want to wake Josh to ask him to walk me to the nearest bathroom.

So the next time I go, here is what I'll remember... a tent big enough to hold an air mattress, aerosol insect repellant, maglite (you know the big one that can give people concussions) and my battery-operated fan.

All in all, I couldn't have asked for a better first time camping experience. Of course, my first choice will always be the Holiday Inn!



All of this for one night!?!


Putting the tent together. Notice, I'm not in the picture.


The finished project! Is my man good or what?


Harry A's after a great day at the beach... Go Noles! Yay, we beat Miami!


Pretty wildflowers and butterfly!

Bloggin' When I Should Be Woggin'

Yep, its gorgeous outside and so I should be outside but I had this need to blog so here goes... Hormones! I probably don't even need to type anything else. Its amazing what PMS can do to a girl. At the beginning of the week I was pissed at Josh and couldn't really put my finger on exactly why. Everything was his fault. I gained 2 pounds, his fault. I mean even the cramps I was having,was his fault. I didn't find any humor in that until Jes pointed out that I couldn't exactly blame him for that.

Monday and Tuesday were rough. I just knew things with Josh were over and my life just basically well... sucked. Fortunately, today is Thursday and I see sunshine again. I have to say a big ole THANKS to Amber and Jes for listening and counseling me. Mag thanks for the e-mail. She didn't even know the details but she said she was going to call me and that made all the difference.

Its scary the toll hormones play on a person. I even take Yaz which does make a difference. Before I was on it, I never knew when I was going to get PMS and you could guarantee I'd get it twice a month! Talk about bad news. Fortunately, with the Yaz I know when I'm about to get it so I do alot of self-talk to get me through the week. The wogging helps too. I can't fool anybody, I'm not a runner. I do intervals of jogging and walking so I call it wogging. I stole that word from Trish.

Poor Josh. He's a trooper. Now, I'll admit, sometimes it is his fault that the waterworks (tears) start, but I don't think he really means to hurt my feelings. I'm getting better at being more assertive. Now, I just ask him what did he mean by a certain comment or to rephrase what he is trying to say. He does and apologizes for hurting my feelings. The funny thing is, its me who normally takes things the wrong way. I told him Tuesday night that I understood if he wanted to run away being how crazy(hormonal) I am. He hugged me and reassured me that I wasn't crazy and that its normal to have feelings. God, I love him even more just typing this!
So, until the first of next month, I guess things will be fine! Pray for me, please.