Baby Hadley

Got to meet my niece yesterday for the first time. What a precious angel. I haven't posted much on here about her because it just hurt so much to know that six weeks after her arrival, JD was supposed to be born. She was born 12-10-10, exactly 2 months after JD's arrival/departure. She was born with the cord wrapped around her neck three times and in a knot. The first thing the nurse said when she came out was that she shouldn't even be alive. We all know why she's alive. She has a guardian angel watching over her. Anyway, after two weeks in the NICU, we still have to wait a couple more weeks for the doctors to run more tests to see if there was any permanent damage to her brain. I feel like she's going to be just fine.

Josh and I went over to Kelley and Thomas' and held her. I just cried and cried. It was sort of therapeutic. As much as it hurt me to think about her arrival, it was so peaceful to hold her. I guess that's what bittersweet means. I had to block out the painful thoughts of my boy being gone and rejoice that Hadley is here.

Amber asked me how I felt afterwards. All I could say was bittersweet. You know, people are right. It probably won't matter if I have 10 babies. I will never be the same Janie I was before losing JD. Nothing is ever going to replace him. I just pray that the pain will lessen.