Potatoes... Patotoes

My endocrinologist finally called me back after a week and a half of me annoying/calling her. Of course, she told me the same thing the maternal-infant specialist did... nobody knows for sure why these sort of things happen... they just do. You know, for all these people's help, I could be a doctor too! Anyway, what kept pissing me off was her use of terminology. She kept referring to the loss of my baby as a "miscarriage." Now granted, two months ago, thats what I would have called it too. I've come to learn that what I had was a "stillbirth," NOT a "miscarriage." A miscarriage occurs before 20 weeks. A stillbirth can occur after that. Bottom line, I didn't bring my boy home from the hospital alive, so I guess it doesn't matter which word you use.

I guess I wanted her to use the correct terminology because I wanted to remind her just how rare my situation was and that people need to take this seriously and NOT wait so long to call me back. I'm sure someone who's had a miscarriage wouldn't appreciate that comment. I didn't mean that one is more painful than the other. Losing a baby is losing a baby... no matter what stage of pregnancy one is in.

Have I mentioned lately just how scared shitless I am to try this again? I am afraid that I will lose yet another baby or worse, cause one to have a disability and he or she suffer.

I currently have absolutely no faith in doctors, btw... JOsh keeps reminding me that they are humans too and sometimes they just don't know. He tries to compare their profession to mine and reminds me that sometimes despite my greatest efforts I can't meet the needs of my kiddos. He has a point, but I'm not buying it... I have a degree in education... NOT medicine. BIG difference. I guess if I've gotten anything out of all of this its that I need to be a more proactive teacher. I need to advocate for my students and try to find ways to help them achieve. Well...I'm rambling at this point and since its 2:06am, I'll try to go back to sleep!