Beer, Men, Chocolate, and Sushi:

Four things I can't seem to get enough of! The problem is, when consumed in an over abundance, bad things seem to happen. You know, weight gain, hang overs, and just plain feeling crappy. (Ok, I guess using the word 'consumed' doesn't really make sense in regards to the men for this particular entry, but let me explain!) So, a couple of weeks ago I noticed this guy teacher from our local high school had moved into my complex. I had noticed him when I taught there last spring but was too busy with other issues in life to talk to him. Since some time has passed and I am feeling more confident about myself I decided to pursue him. (sorry about the grammar) So, I bought some cookies and thought I'd take them over to him, you know, and welcome him to the neighborhood. (That way I could figure out if he was single or not.) My friend Maggie suggested I bake cookies or at least put the store bought cookies in a container to make them look like they were home made. I politely told her that where I come from, if a stranger gives you something home made, you definitely do NOT eat it, it could be poisonous. (do my South Florida friends agree???) So, I wait all day to deliver the cookies but he never comes home. I burned alot of calories going up and down those damn stairs checking to see if he was home! So, the next day, I ask around at school about him. Oh the priviledges of living in a small town! By 2:30pm I found out that he had a crazy ex-wife, two or three kids, enjoyed gambling and extra marital affairs. Boy, can I pick them? I'm sure glad he didn't get my cookies. So, I'm back to my old theory for finding a man... unless he falls out of the sky with a note from God that says, "Janie, I made him for you," I quit. No more, surfing the internet, no more baking... I mean buying, cookies. Right now, I'm going to concentrate on losing weight, enjoying my nephew (once he arrives) and being happy with the status quo. As for the beer, sushi and chocolate. I think I'm going to have to go cold turkey in those areas too!

While I'm waiting on my self-tanner to dry, I thought I'd update my blog. Well, Molly and Eric have an official date for Thomas' delivery date. (That sounds like he's being sent UPS...) Anyway, due to a lack of private rooms, my sister has agreed to wait and be induced Monday night. If Thomas doesn't arrive within 12 hours of labor, Molly will have a c-section. I don't know much about having babies but as much difficulty as she's had already, I'd go ahead and vote for the c-section. I don't think I'd want to labor for 12 hours. I won't be able to be there for his birth but I'm going over Thursday, March 1st and stay until Sunday. That way I can get in alot of 'Thomas time' (oh Lord, I already sound like a dork!)

As I wait, my anxiety is building. Of course it could be the combination of many things. One, I'm down to 37.5 mg on my anti-anxiety meds. I'm trying to get off of it and see if I can make it with exercise and therapy. If I can't I'll try something new. Recent studies have found that the one I'm on is linked to liver damage. I think its linked to me being tired and hungry all of the time, too (hence the weight gain???). Of course the quack of a doctor I saw last month said that could be depression. Trust me, I definitely know what depression feels like and this ain't it!

I also realized that I had a huge cup of diet coke with breakfast this morning. That's my next goal... to cut the diet coke. I swear I'm addicted. Do they have AA for that? If I don't drink it I get nauseated and a headache. If I drink too much, I get the jitters and clumsy.

Finally, there's the fact that I'm presenting at TCC this afternoon with my co-teacher, Amber. We are presenting on 'The Art of Co-Teaching.' Can you believe it? I tried co-teaching two years ago and could NOT do it. I absolutely adore the person I taught with, but I had my own issues (another saga for another day), and it just didnt' work. I also didn't give it enough time either. Anyway, Amber and I work pretty well together and that's what our topic is on.

Well, I've got to finish getting ready. Take Care! J

For the first time in a long time...

You know what? For the first time in a long time I am happy. Not in a crazy, living life half drunk happy. Nope, this is the I-have-300 dollars-left in my checking account till payday, oh God please don't let anything break-happy! You know what I mean. I am satisfied with me. When I look in the mirror, I see a beautiful successful woman who is encouraged about her future. Being married with kids or having lots of money or owning a big home isn't going to determine who I am anymore. (Which is a good thing, since I don't have any of those things, lol.) No, my doctor hasn't upped my meds, I'm just at peace. Its funny, because I'm starting to notice things like birds chirping, the fresh smell of clean clothes, and how beautiful my mother looks when she talks about the upcoming arrival of her first grandson.

Which, by the way, the doctor is planning on inducing Molly next Sunday evening, unless the baby decides to come sooner. Please keep her and Eric in your prayers. Molly is scared out of her mind. Can you blame her? Everytime I think about what she's about to do, my stomach hurts. I called her last Wednesday and she was cleaning her kitchen. For those of you who know my sister, you know that she doesn't clean, so this was a shocker. I think she's nesting. Her contractions are 10 minutes apart, so anyday now!!! I will be posting pictures as soon as Thomas graces us with his presence.

As for Jenny Craig, I'm still going strong. I'm only down 10 and half pounds, but I swear I'm losing inches. Clothes I haven't worn since West Palm Beach are actually fitting. I have more energy. Yes, energy. I've been able to jog for 20 minutes straight and I wasn't running from the police. Can you believe it? Well, I'm off to the gym. Write me back and tell me what's going on in your neck of the woods. Love you, J

Internet dating and bungee jumping

You know, I swear that going on an internet dating site is alot like bungee jumping without the proper gear on. NEED I SAY MORE??? Luckily this time I haven't had any bites, but I just got finished looking at the site and asking my self why in the hell did I pay $60 for this? I swear when you are contemplating joining they have a menu of great looking guys with decent jobs all of whom appreciate a variety of women. I'm beginning to think they hire these men for purely advertising purposes because now that I'm a member all of those guys have been replaced with country bumpkins, men who still live with their mommas, or have 5 kids! At first I thought, "Well maybe its where you are looking." So, I plugged in other zipcodes at random. More wierdos! Now, before anybody gets pissed reading this because they found their husband on the internet, I'm not saying they are all wierdos, so don't take it personally. Lord, this is exhausting. For $60 bucks I could have at least gotten a great looking tattoo!

What is Jenny Craig?

As I sit here enjoying my Jenny Craig cuisine I am reminded of an entry I've been wanting to write for a couple of weeks now. As you all know I HATE doctors. There are two types of people in this world who intimidate me, one group is lawyers and the other is doctors. While in my head I know that I am just as good as they are, in my heart there is this twinge of intimidation that I haven't worked through just yet. So, I muster up the courage to make an appointment for a physical. When I call, I specifically ask if I can get a physical and discuss my meds. "Why yes Miss Tucker, but you will have to wait until January 16th." "Not a problem," I say. So, on January 16th, heart pounding, palms sweaty, I gather my meds, vitamins included and go to my appointment. (I was sure to brush my teeth, wear my best drawers AND I shaved my legs!) After sitting for what seems like an eternity, I actually meet the doctor. She shakes my hand and says with a German/Swedish-I'm-not- from- America- accent (not trying to be racist just setting the stage), "What are we doing today?" So, I tell her. She huffs and says, "What?!! I can't give you a physical AND go over your meds in one visit. I have 7 other patients to see after your visit and they all have issues just like you do. I'd be here till 8:30pm tonight if I did all of what your asking." At this point I am taken back and start to get up and leave, but I figure I've paid my $15 and she's holding the prescription pad. I also decide that I do NOT need a physical from this brute of a woman. So we talk about my meds. She looks at my labs from October and asks me if I realized that I was borderline diabetic. WHAT?!! I mean I know I'm fat, I'm not stupid but when I called about my results they said everything looked normal. She tells me that if I lose weight I probably wouldn't get diabetes. You think? So, I tell her that I am trying to lose weight (the story of my life!) by going to Jenny Craig. She smirks and says, again in her German-Swedish accent, "What is this Jenny Craig?" So I tell her. She says, "I personally don't believe in diets. You should be able to do this by just eating sensibly. " Well, Hells Bells, if I'd of known that I wouldn't be fat, now would I? She then goes on to ask me how to spell Jenny Craig and what happens when I go off the diet? Yadda Yadda Yadda. Lord, the more I type this the angrier I get. So, I leave her office more determined to lose weight because of her third degree about Jenny. Can I just say, that I've researched weight loss plans. Hell, I've tried just about all of them. I read everything I can get my hands on. This plan works! Oh, sorry, I digressed. So the next day, I'm at work and tell my co-teacher about this doctor. About that time another teacher's daughter (who is 4!), walks in and here's me say Jenny Craig. She says, "Miss Janie, Jenny Craig, its what makes you lose weight." Now tell me, do you need a PhD for that?

I am the girl who...

Hi Friends! I hope everybody is staying warm and dry. Things are going well here. I am still happy where I live, I like my job and all is well. If you remember from a previous entry I told you that my niece and nephew (Jes' kids) bought me TKD lessons for Christmas. Well, tonight was my first and LAST class. I did fine until the instructor paired me up with this country bumkin from the sticks. He had been to a few more classes than me so he thought he knew everything. So, he felt it was his duty to teach me. Unfortunately, he didn't have a teaching degree and sucked. He mumbled and couldn't explain himself properly. I know I internalized the situation but all these bad memories came flooding through my mind and I was on the verge of tears, so I left. Yep, I left 15 minutes before the class was over. I started thinking about things like the time I tried out for the flag corp in high school, learning to line dance for the Miss Wakulla Pageant, playing softball for the church and cheerleading for the rec park in 6th grade (what a joke that was!) I was also upset because I knew before going that I am NOT coordinated and shouldn't be there. But I thought I'd be optimistic and try something new, have an open-mind. Bull- I am NOT coordinated and that is ok by me. I have just recently learned to drink water while walking on the treadmill. I am the girl who enjoys writing, scrapbooking, shopping, etc.

I stopped by my mom's after I left the class knowing that if I told her what I had done, she'd get onto me for being hard on myself and leaving the class early. I still needed to talk to her. Yep, she got onto me. She said, "What do you tell your kids when they have trouble learning a new task?" Its different, I think. Them learning to go potty or how to walk doesn't affect whether other people win or lose.

I'm proud of myself because my first instinct was to stop by McDonalds and get a cheeseburger Happy Meal, but I didn't. Instead I'm going to go eat my yummy Jenny Craig meal. First I need to scrub my feet. I had to work barefoot on plastic mats at TKD. Can someone say, "There's a Fungus Among Us?"

Whew, I feel a bit better. I hope everyone is doing good! Love, J