Ever-Changing Perceptions

So I was driving by our local funeral home today when I noticed a few cars parked in the back. This is the same funeral home that planned my daddy's funeral. I got this horrible lump in my throat and my chest felt heavy. All I could think was, "How shitty to have to plan a funeral at Christmas." Then with tears streaming down my face, I laughed out loud and thought... "Yep, it is pretty shitty. I know, b/c I did it, on Christmas day at the age of 12 years old for my father." This is by no means a "feel sorry for Janie" entry. Nope, just sharing. Its funny the things one remembers from one's childhood. I am blessed to say that I don't have too many traumatic experiences to remember.

My mom and I were driving home from Tally tonight and reminiscing (I need to learn to spell that word!) over old times. She said to me, "I never realized just how disfunctional our lives were while I was raising you guys. I guess I went through the motions blindsighted." I laughed at her and said, "well, you did a mighty fine job covering up the disfunctionality." My sister and I went to one of the best private schools in West Palm Beach. We always had plenty of food, clean clothes and all that we needed. I remember thinking how sad I was for some of my friends at school. One girl couldn't see her mom b/c her mom was a bad alcoholic. Another friend got beat for making bad grades. I never knew we were disfunctional. Sure, my dad was an alcoholic but he never abused us and he always worked. My mom devoted her whole life to us. She waited 13 years to date other men after his death! Its funny, different people's perceptions. Better yet, its funny how people's perceptions can change. There were years that I resented my mom, thinking she was suffocating me b/c she was so protective. I see now why she did what she did. I wouldn't change a thing.