Ramblings

Tomorrow is the Friday before Christmas break. Most of my teacher friends hate getting out for Christmas so late. I like it because it keeps me busy all the way up until Christmas. My daddy died December 24, 1988. Perhaps you're thinking, "geez its been 19 years, get over it already." For some reason its not that easy. My friend Jes and I have a running joke that we sort of hold our breath from the day ofter Thanksgiving all the way up until December 26th for fear that something bad is going to happen. This year is going to be an interesting one. I'm not on any anxiety meds nor am in counseling. I don't think I'm acting any differently without either of the two. Sad to say, but I do feel like I'm holding my breath, exhaling ever so slowly, trying to enjoy the holidays yet very much aware that at a moment's notice, something can happen.

You know, I was driving home tonight from Tally feeling really on edge for many reasons... the weather was rainy and I was in the dark, the season in general and then the fact that there is a killer on the loose somewhere around this area who likes to kidnap women, cut their appendages (and I do mean ALL appendages off) and dump their bodies in the woods). I mean seriously, if I could have gotten ahold of some pot, it would have been mine! (ok, not really, but you catch my drift!) Then I thought, "Janie, you CAN'T live like this. What can I do to change this situation? First of all, as far as missing Daddy and Grandma, I have their memories and now we have Thomas. My aunt reminded that everyday is a gift and there is always something to look forward to. Then there was the terrible weather... well, I just have to be careful, I'm a good driver and as for the killer... I'm taking a self-defense course on Saturday, buying a gun and definitely not going anywhere alone. That's all I can do! For the sake of the family who has lost their loved one, I hope they find the bastard and let him have it.