2.8... not on the rictor scale!

I'm not even sure if I spelled that correctly, but I thought it was funny so I used it as my title. I lost 2.8 pounds this week! I'm trying not to put so much emphasis on weight loss but when I weighed in and realized I'd lost, I felt invigorated.

You know, I'm a big weinie. Today I had to go get my permanent crown put on. Geez, that hurt like hell. My nerve endings were really sensitive. I don't know about having babies. I may have to adopt.

Well, I Did It...

I finally told my boss that I was leaving at the end of the school year. It went better than I thought. Now, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Its taken me seven long months to realize that what I was looking for was with me all along. I guess I remember leaving West Palm Beach as a happy, go-lucky little girl. When my parents split up, my mom, sister and I headed North. I left my daddy, my grama, and best friend behind. As a kid, I would spend summers here and have all kinds of fun. I had no responsibilities. I also had memories of the Dairy Queen and Polar Cup on Military Trail, spending blazing afternoons at the Rapids Water Slide or walking across the street to the park by my grama's house. Consciously I knew moving here that my daddy and grama weren't here. My best friend from grade school lives out west. We haven't talked in years. It now costs about $25 to go the Rapids and you can just imagine my devestation when I discovered that the Polar Cup had been turned into a Mexican Craft Store and Dairy Queen had been vandalized! So, anyway, all those fond memories have been inside of me all my life, everywhere I've lived.

While this has been an expensive, lonely experience, its also been a learning one. I appreciate Wakulla County. I look forward to teaching again. (I've had a couple of possible job offerings, but nothing official, so could ya say a few prayers for me?) I've spent some quality time getting to know me, my dog, and letting go of some painful feelings I've had pent up inside of me. I've discovered that while I don't have my biological dad, there are alot of great male role models in my life. I've used the excuse about not having a dad to keep men away from me. That's another story for another day. Well, I'm hungry. The story of my life, right? Anyway, I'm going to go eat dinner and watch t.v. Tomorrow I weigh in at Jenny Craig. It's not going to be pretty, but I don't care. Tommorrow I'll tell you about the house I bought!

Its Cloudy Today

Its Saturday afternoon and my sinuses are killing me. My head feels like it weighs about 30 pounds. All I want to do is sleep. The problem is all I've done is sleep! I need to take Missy to the dog park, but I feel so tired and nauseated I'm scared to move. I went to the fair last night with my cousin, aunt and uncle. I had a terrific time. It was fun hanging out with them. I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life. I made a deal to ride the ferris wheel with my cousin. I made one loop around and had to beg the ferris wheel operator to let me off. You should have seen my cousin's face. (He's 13. Everything is embarrassing at that age.) After the ferris wheel my uncle rode on the rides with me. It was alot of fun. You know, I missed not having my dad while I was growing up, but I now realize there are so many other wonderful men in my life. Not that they ever replaced my daddy.

I'm feeling kind of bummed out today. I'm not sure exactly why. I hate these kind of days when I'm not sure why I feel like crap but I feel like it anyway. I had two dreams last night that have stuck with me today and that could be it. I hate when I have such intense dreams b/c I wake up feeling guilty. Don't worry, I don't dream about hurting people. I had my usual dreams about making people close to me angry, but not being able to figure out why. Sounds dumb, I know.

My Aunt Molly has to go in for heart surgery on Monday. She's one of my favorite aunts. We used to be really close. Things haven't been so good for her lately and now this. She's really young too. I know God has a purpose for everything. I just wish I knew what to do for her.

Well, its 4:30pm. I'm going to change out of my pj's and wipe the mentholatum off of my forehead and take my poor dog to the park! I'll just have to grin and bear it. I'm sure those doggy bags at the park have multi-purposes!

I'm No Saint but Come On...

OK, I know the Bible states, "Let he who has not sinned, cast the first stone." Well, maybe I goofed on the statement but you know what I mean. The point is, I'm no saint so I shouldn't be judging people but I've just got to vent about this. Since I was all out of clean underwear, I HAD to go to the laundry mat and wash clothes. I absolutely despise going to the laundry mat but I don't have washer/dryer connections in my quaint little apartment. Friends and relatives have been wonderful about offering their machines, but I don't like to impose. Anyway, I'm at the laundry mat tonight and I see this girl about six or seven months pregnant. She is outside puffing away on a cigarette! To top it off, she's drinking a Mountain Dew. That stuff is like liquid crack! I guess its years of teaching special ed and having friends who do everything perfect during their pregnancy but end up having children with special needs, but seeing that woman smoking pissed me off! I didn't say anything though, but later on while I'm folding my clothes I see her folding her clothes and she looks at me and says, "It really sucks to have to wear such f*%cking big underwear." This bold statement led into a conversation in which I find out she is a nurse! A nurse! Yes...Can you believe it? Lord, I just don't understand people.

Holdin Steady At...

Well, today is Tuesday and I went to my weigh-in session at Jenny Craig. I didn't lose or gain this week. I'm kind of bummed but then I think I did better than I could have done. I went to Tally this weekend and celebrated a friend's birthday by drinking 3 Coronas! Usually I have Bud Lite but they were out of it at the Bowling Alley. I haven't had beer in six months and I choose the weekend before weighing in to drink! Oh well, the main thing is I had the most wonderful weekend with my friends. I didn't come home all sad and yucky like I did two weeks ago. I'm going to go now and enjoy some reduced fat peanut butter and cool whip. The Jenny lady said it was ok to replace the olives I was supposed to have with pb since I don't believe in olives! Take Care!

6.2 down... a WHOLE LOT more to go!

I am happy to say, I lost 6.2 pounds this week on my Jenny Craig diet! I am sooooo proud of myself. I was tempted twice to go off the path. Once I was waiting for this lady at the mall in the food court no less and twice I stopped and bought dinner for a friend who had just had a baby. I prayed really hard and enjoyed the smells. Its funny how much I use food as a crutch. I eat when I'm bored, as a reward, to fulfill my loneliness. This week I learned to appreciate foods like canned pears and steamed carrots. Who'd of thought it... me and steamed carrots??? I also made a point to put alot of effort into my activities this week. I parked farther away when I went shopping, extended my walks with Missy (my dog) and tried to do stuff while I listened to t.v. I hope everybody has a great week. I get to go to Tally this weekend and visit with some friends and family.

Let me just tell you...

You know, I love my life and the wonderful opportunities I have but sometimes I think, can life be easy for once? So, today I get off work at 3:30pm (a nice little perk I'm going to miss once I return to the classroom) and have almost two hours before my Jenny Craig torture session, I mean appointment. My trip to Tallahassee screwed me over, you just can't eat Jenny Craig when everybody else is eating Sonny's Real Pit BBQ! Anyway, I have all this time before my meeting which is great because I have a couple of errands to run and Missy needed to be walked. I took Missy for her walk, which lasted 25 minutes versus our usual 15 b/c she refused to go potty! No problem, I have time. Then I went to Walgreens to pick up my medications. I swear I take more medicine than my 85 year old grandma! My allergies are out of control down here and then you know the damn anxiety and then I take synthroid for my thyroid which doesn't really work but nevertheless, I digress. So, I wait in the drive-thru debating on whether or not to skimp on one of meds this month but decided not to and paid the $136. If I don't take the allergy medicine I get all nauseated and want to puke. Nobody wants to be near me when I'm off my anxiety meds and well, the synthroid kinda controls my thyroid. You get the picture. ANYWAY, wouldn't you know it, the medications get stuck in the drive thru tube which causes me to hold up traffic. I just sat there laughing. You should have seen the little Indian pharmicist's face when I told him my medications were stuck. It took the manager at Walgreens 30 minutes to get the bag out for me. By this time its nearing 4:40pm but not to worry my Jenny Craig meeting is at 5:20pm. I had to go to the post office and get 2 cent stamps b/c I had all of these 37 cent stamps left over from Christmas. Of course, everybody else in Palm Beach County had to buy 2 cent stamps too. So, I decided to use the little stamp machine but I had to run back to my car and get change b/c I had used the last of my cash today to buy a Hershey Bar. Nevertheless, my bills and birthday card were mailed out. Thank God for that emergency change fund! I left the post office only to get stuck in traffic due to a car accident. I was re-routed and am proud to say I made it to my Jenny Craig appointment with enough time to pee and jump on the scale. Despite eating Sonny's and Chinese take-out over the break I still managed to lose 2 ounces! Ain't life sweet? So, I began this entry asking couldn't life be easy for once only to end by being truly thankful about many things... there are medications out there that help me, I have an absolutely terrific job with benefits and a salary that allows me to afford the medications, I have a car that gets me from one end of Palm Beach county to the other, I have change in my emergency change fund and finally, I have a terrific network of friends and family who read these crazy blogs I write!

And Life Goes On...

Hi there! My last post sounded really depressing. I know things will get better. I just always feel like crap when I have to leave home and return to West Palm Beach. I don't regret my move here. I have made some terrific friends, reunited with old friends and have enjoyed spending time with relatives I haven't been around in a while. Its also made me appreciate home and teaching. I feel rejuvinated and excited about next fall. My mom and I went looking for property in Wakulla and may have found a cute little place to buy on an acre of land. Property is crazy expensive in Wakulla. I knew things were like that here in WPB, but up north? Anyway,who knows what the future holds. I'm giving it to God. Something I've been struggling with for a while!

In regards to the whole Jenny Craig thing, I lasted two days and then blew it while in Tally. Since I'm home now I'm going to stick to it religiously. I want to at least lose the 20 pounds I've gained since I've moved here. I've decided that since I've been fat all my life, I'm gonna always be fat, just not this fat. We have a saying in our family, "when your stomach sticks out farther than your boobs, you need to lose some weight." Well, thats where I am at.

Today was the most beautiful day. It was cold enough to wear my leather jacket. Well, I've gotta run. Not really run, but I need to go. I'm meeting friends for dinner. Take Care!

Well, all of the festivities are over. I go back to work tomorrow. I spent a week in Wakulla and now I am home in West Palm Beach. I don't think I have ever been so homesick in my life! My chest hurts and I'm on the verge of tears. Sometimes I feel guilty for complaining about wanting to go home. I just finished reading my friend's blog about her little girl and I feel bad for feeling sorry for myself. I had a great New Year's Eve and enjoyed my visit to Wakulla. I'm just not in the mood to write. I'll write more later.