ESE Teacher Confession Time

If you look back on things, its hard to believe I am an ESE teacher. Especially one for children with major special needs (I hope thats PC, Trish?) When I was in high school my mom made us volunteer at our local nursing home by playing BINGO with the elderly. I know they're not considered ESE, but they were old, some had speech problems, and well, to be honest, they made me uncomfortable. I hated every minute of it. I knew not to get close to any of them because next week they just might not be there.

Then there were the "special kids" at school. You know, the ones they kept out in the "green house." You knew to stay away from them for fear of the unknown. Which was part of the reason I even got into ESE was because I wanted to learn more about the unknown.

Next came college. While I was ready to overcome my fears, I wasn't quite ready to accept all people with varying abilities. Spring Semester of my Sophomore year, I took a class on mental handicaps. I think the appropriate term is developmental disabilities now, but MH was the term 12 years ago. As apart of that class you had to befriend a person with MH and spend 20 hours with them. I was paired with a lady in her 60's. Talk about uncomfortable. I'm ashamed to say it was awkward.

After graduation, I started teaching kiddos with learning disabilities and/or emotional disturbances grades 1st -3rd. I was cool with that. No big deal. I just knew I had finally become an ESE teacher. Whew, hoo! Then someone from the district asked me to take on coordinating our district's Special Olympics. YIKES! Begrudgingly, I did it. But like high school, I was so uncomfortable. We even went to state and I was a nervous wreck. Needless to say, Ashley, our Child Find specialist took it over the following year and had made amazing gains ever since.

Ok, so before people start making voo-doo dolls of me or blasting me as a hippocrite, let me get to the point of this entry. Its funny how one's peceptions changes over time. Two summers ago I had the chance to teach summer school to some high school students with developmental disabilities. WE had a blast. The girls told me about their crushes, the guys talked about cars, hunting and job related stuff. These kids are no different from typical peers. Some just need more guiding than others.

I don't know if my attitude has changed with maturity or what, but I love teaching these types of kids. They make me appreciate small things in life. They help me see the good in people. They make me want to be a better person overall. People will say things like, "Oh you must be a special person to do what you do." Nope, I'm no different than anybody else. Its the kids that make me feel special. Its the kids that have softened my heart and opened my mind.

I've had people pointblank ask me how God could be so cruel to let a child be born into this world like this. Or, what will be the quality of life for these types of kids? Well, as for the God question, I don't question Him. He has his reasons and when He's ready, He'll let us all know why He does what he does. As for the second question, related to quality of life. What's the quality of life for a typical kid? Its what you make of it. As teachers, parents, and caregivers, its up to us to help them find their way and make the most of it. We sure can't feel sorry for them either. They have enough obstacles to overcome as it is!

Ashley brought some of the guys over the other day to see me at Pre-k. It was touching that they remembered me. I think some point down the road, I'd like to teach high school again, but this time, teach kiddos with developmental disabilities. I also feel the need to get more involved with Special Olympics again. I need to make up for lost time. I'm closing this entry with a quote from Special Olympics. I'd like to have this on a plaque. Its funny b/c the whole time I was going through the Teacher of the Year process, this is what came to mind:

"Let me win but if I can not win let me be brave in the attempt."