Day One with Jenny...

Today began my new journey with Jenny Craig. I did pretty well. I still have dinner left and an evening snack! Wow... I'm not even bloated from all the vegetables I've eaten today. Its sad how my whole day is consumed by food and what I'll have next. I'm driving down the road and see a Dunkin Doughnuts. All I can think about is stopping for a Tropicana Coolatta and donut holes! I did manage to walk today. I need to go to the gym but I figure small steps. So, I'll update you later on in the week as to how this whole diet thing is going.

Tis the season...

Well, this is the 17th Christmas spent without my father. (He died on Christmas Eve, 1988) I think this is the first Christmas in a long time that went smoothly. Usually, around the week after Thanksgiving until probably January 2nd, I'm an emotional wreck. I'm ok if I stay busy, working a second job, cleaning or just doing something, but if I have down time, I cry for no apparent reason. This year, it wasn't too bad, when I started to feel sad this season instead of stopping myself, I allowed myself to feel, something I don't do alot of. Maybe the therapy is helping, who knows?

My friend Jessica and I have this private thing we share regarding the holidays (her dad died around Christmas, too.) We laugh and say how much we love the season, you know... gift giving, decorations, cool weather and time with family and friends; yet at the same time we hate it and hold our breaths beginning November 24 until January 2nd, hoping nothing bad will happen.

So, this year was a first for me... not too much grieving and while I was sad that I wasn't with my entire family and friends I was appreciative to be with the ones I encountered!

New Year's Restitutions...I mean, resolutions!

Cliche? Maybe, As most American Citizens I have a few New Year's Resolutions. I was thinking back to some I have made in the past and I would have to say the funniest one I made was to reduce the amount of profanity I use! Ha! I think I may have increased it. I've decided that one is a lost cause. Its inherited on both sides of my family. Sorry, I digressed... Anyway, this year I'm working on becoming a healthier person: emotionally, socially, and physically. I think emotionally and socially I'm doing much better. (therapy, making the move to WPB, yadda, yadda, yadda) Physically is another story! I am NOT happy with the way I look. I have gained 22 pounds since June. Today I went to Jenny Craig and joined for 2 months. If it works, I'll extend my membership. So, I think I've officially tried all the possible weightloss program out there. If you need any advice on any of them, I'd be glad to share. My other resolution, is moving home. Right now, I feel at peace with my decision. I am excited about going back into the classroom. I am thrilled about buying my own place. I'm not looking forward to moving all of my crap back to C'ville, but I figure I can take a little each time I go home and maybe it won't be so bad. You know, I turn 30 this year. Some people would be depressed about this, but I'm not. I'm actually honored and feel blessed. I'm lucky to be alive after some of the things I've done. I've had all sorts of jobs and been pretty successful at them. I have sooo many people who love me (or at least they put up a good show)and I love them. Well, duties call. (I got a Tetris Plug N Play for Christmas!). Love, J

Who Says You Can't Go Home?

I found the lyrics online to the song I was talking about. I ordered the CD off of Amazon and it should be here shortly, then I'll download the song.


"I spent 20 years trying to get out of this place
I was lookin' for something I couldn't replace
I was runnin' away from the only thing I've ever known
And like a blind dog without a bone
I was a gypsyu lost in the twilight zone

I hijacked a rainbow and crashed into a pot of gold
I've been there, done that, I ain't lookin' that
The seeds I've sown, saving dimes, spending too much time on the telephone...
Who says you can't go home...

Who says you can't go home
There's only one place that call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy, born a rolling-stone, who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go back, been around all around the world and
that's a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go, who says you can't go home
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright...

I went as far as I could, I tried to find a new face
There isn't one of these lines that I would erase
I left a million mile of memories on that road
And every step I take I know that I'm not alone
You take the home from the boy, but not the boy from his home
These are my streets, the only life I've ever known, who says you can't go home

Who says you can't go home
There's only one place that call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy, born a rolling-stone, who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go back, been around all around the world and
that's a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go, who says you can't go home
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright...

[Guitar Solo]

I've been there, done that, I ain't looking that
It's been a long long road
Feels like I've never left, that's how the story goes
It doesn't matter where you are, doesn't matter where you go
If it's a million miles aways or just a mile up the road
Take it in, take it with you when you go, who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go home
Taken from
There's only one place that call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy, born a rolling-stone, who says you can't go home
Who says you can't go back, been around all around the world and
that's a matter of fact
There's only one place left I want to go, who says you can't go home
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright... "

Its My Life

Ok call me a copy cat but I had to try this out. My friend Trisha, who got me into this whole blogger business is always downloading cool videos onto her website so I thought I'd try it too. The other day I'm driving home from work and I'm listening to the radio station, WIRK 107.9, a country station when I hear this song that I'm totally engrossed in. Its hard for me to really get into songs because my mind usually goes 90 miles per hour, but this one was about travelling from place to place and the chorus is all about who says you can't go home? The singer goes into how great all different places are but the best place to be is home. I thought geez this song is all about me! Anyway, I'm listening to the song and I keep thinking, I know this guy. It sounds like Bon Jovi, but it can't be Bon Jovi because I'm listening to a country station. Sure enough, it was Bon Jovi! In case you don't know, Bon Jovi is my all time favorite rock group. Jon Bon Jovi is the sexiest man alive! Oh yeah, back to downloading the song. So, the video clip website doesn't have this new song available for download, but here is another one that hits close to my heart. I have been so blessed in my life to have had the opportunities I have had. I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do.

Watch Video:

IT'S MY LIFE (LIVE) (Bon Jovi)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Traffic Jams and Broken Nativity Scenes

I went Christmas shopping yesterday, trying to finish up before the last minute. I think everybody in Palm Beach county had the same idea. Anyway, I was in the mall parking lot trying to get over into another lane when an older women in front of me stopped suddenly and wouldn't pull up so that I could get all the way over. Needless to say, I blocked traffic for a little while (like 2 minutes maybe; but I wasn't out on the highway). Once the guy behind me got around me he rolled his window down and yelled out, "You f*&king b@#ch!" I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. All I could think was, "Thank God I don't have that kind of anger." Then I started laughing b/c I'm the farthest thing from being a b@#ch and besides that, if he wasn't such a damn weinie he could have driven over the curb and around me!

So, back to my shopping experience. The stores were jammed pack, isles full of crap, and it was hotter than hell. Kind of makes a person not want to be in the Christmas mood. To top it off, I went into SteinMart. I absolutely hate that store but I was looking for a present for my mom and I was at my wits end trying to find her something. I saw this cute nativity scene and I picked it up to find the price. As I put it back down the part I was holding came loose from the rest of it and guess what happened? The nativity scene fell and broke. I'm sure I'm going to be in deep trouble for that one when I get to Heaven!

I guess the point to my blog is kind of cliche, but this season shouldn't be about stressing over presents or holding up traffic. Its about the birth of Christ and family and friends. My mom and step-dad will be here in four days. I am so excited!Happy Holidays!

The Beauty of Life...mp3s and Choco Lucky Charms!

I ordered a mp3 player off of Amazon.com for like 30 bucks. Its nothing fancy but it works for me. I almost sent it back because it looked difficult to program. Once I read the directions I figured it out. It is sooooo cool! I had the best workout today because of it. I had to be careful though because I downloaded my favorite songs from my best CDs and I just knew that at any second I was going to bust out in song! Nevertheless, I restrained myself!

Afterwards, I stopped at the Family Dollar to pick up a few necessities and saw the most amazing discovery: Chocolaty Lucky Charms! Lucky Charms are one of my all time favorite cereals. I also like Cocoa Crispies so I thought Chocolaty Lucky Charms might be the best of both worlds. You know what? It is! Its those small things in life that make me happy!

Well, thats about all for now. I hope everybody is having a happy holiday. It is hotter than hades here and doesn't feel much like Christmas.

The Dog Park

I usually take Missy, my dog, to the dog park on the weekends. This weekend I had a terrible sinus infection so we didn't go until today. I was off today so I figured it would be a good day being as how most people should be at work. This is our routine... The minute Missy realizes we are at the park she starts drooling profusely. I used to take a towel and try to wipe it off but then I realized she's a dog and dogs drool. Anyway, Missy gets into the gate, runs around the park two maybe three times, if I'm lucky, and then runs and jumps on a bench next to some idiot who yells, "ooh, get away, you're slobbering!" At which point I want to say, "You think? Its a dog. You are at a damn dog park! Why the hell did you wear that outfit?" but I don't. I apologize profusely and usually offer them a papertowel. I try hard to keep her away from the benches but she gets tired and likes to take a break. I've got to be the most anti-social person out there but everytime I go, I try to stay away from the other people there. They are so weird. They always ask what type of dog she is and when I reply they say, "no, I think she may have a mixture of ..." You know what? I don't really care! I'm at the park for my dog to get some exercise and fresh air, not for you to analyze my dog. Well, this has been on mind for a while now. I used to get so anxious taking her out there. Now, I'm like to hell it with it. Its not like you can miss a 75 pound black irish setter running full speed ahead at you. So, if you see her coming, get off the damn bench!

My mother

As I was making my breakfast this morning something came to my mind which reminded me of my mother. Anyay, the point to this morning's blog is despite whatever circumstances may be, my mother has always made it seem like nothing is impossible. I can remember being 13 or 14 and went to Jacksonville for some sort of community camp thing. (Not the one where I met Trish and Deb!) Anyway, I didn't get a good vibe at this camp, they were all into Kum Ba Ya, and to top it off, there was mold in the bathroom! So, I begged the counselors to let me call my mom. (It took a day and a half of not eating and using up all the camp's toilet paper from crying so much.) Once I called my mom, she packed up my little sister, and trekked back to Jacksonville in our old maroon LTD stationwagon. She never questioned my decision, nor did she make me feel stupid for coming home.

So, the other day, I called her in tears, (I do this alot) complaining about my job and how lonely I am. She of course says, "let me know what I need to do and I'll be there." The funny thing is, she is serious! She would have my step-dad hook up his trailor and travel 400 miles to get my butt! Of course this time, I told her thanks but I need to finish out my contract here and that I really shouldn't break my lease because I'd be out $2500. Which her reply was, "I don't care. If you're that miserable, we'll work it out."

Growing up, my mom and I had our issues. Whose family doesn't? I still have a different type of respect for her that where if she says something it can make or break my day. But that whole issue is for another day and time! Now granted, some people may call this co-dependent or emeshed. I don't really care what they call it. The bottom line is, I know that she's there. She will help me anyway she can and for that I am eternally grateful! This picture was taken July 2004 at my sister's wedding. My mom is the one in the middle, in case you can't tell.

Am I crazy??? Don't answer that one...

Terri Clark has a song called, "I Wanna Do It All." She talks about seeing Paris in the fall, having babies, and the whole nine yards. I love that song because it reminds me of myself. I have been so blessed to have the opportunities I've had. Travelling to China, Europe, Mexico, New York, D.C., Texas... Not everywhere, but enough places to know that not every place is like Wakulla. I've lived in a house, a trailor, townhouse, and an apartment. Almost had to live in my car, just kidding! I've seen Bon Jovi twice. Three times come this February! I have a master's degree from FSU and I'm National Board Certified. I've even been Teacher of the Year. I've experienced delivery take-out food and ice cream trucks. (don't laugh, you don't get those things everywhere!) Geez, and I am blessed with some totally awesome friends and family too.

The thought of "settling down," buying a place and actually living there longer than a year used to send chills down my spine. But now, I'm at the part of that Terri Clark song where I want a house with a fence. Husband and child optional, but I want to live close to my mom and my friends. I want to be able to see my niece and nephew after school. I want to eat dinner with Wendi, Bobby and their gang.

Then I fear if I settle down, will I wish things were back to the old ways. Of course, I haven't been "out" (you know, Stetson's, Bullwinkles) in probably six months! Lord, if only those magic 8 balls worked. I've had friends keep telling me, "the first year is the hardest." "Give it time, Janie. Meet people." I've met people. I've given it time. This time has made me appreciate just how much I miss my family and friends. I've done it all.

To Be... Or Not To Be...

You know, when I was a little girl I wanted to be three things when I grew up: a missionary, country music singer and a teacher. I really didn't know how I was going to do it all, but by goodness I was going to be all three! If you include Kareoke night at Stetson's, I've managed to do all three. My passion, however is teaching. The nice thing about teaching is that you can be pretty much anybody you want to be. If you need quiet listeners, you can be a private investigator and use binoculars to look and see who's following directions. (don't try this on middle or high schoolers; they'll try to have you committed!) Sometimes, I've been able to be a missionary by helping a family find resources they may need and travelling to China to teach English. Anyway, my point is, teaching is what life is all about.

While I love the flexibility of my new job and the insightful trainings that come along with it, I don't feel like I'm a teacher anymore. I miss having my own classroom where I can lead and have a positive impact on children for a whole 180 days. In this job I have now, I don't know from one day to the next when the head haunchos will be sending me to a new day care center. While I can model for the teachers that I encounter, I can't change their attitudes towards their job or the way they view children. Yes, I can impact the children I see on a particular day, but its just not the same as establishing a repoire with the family and children in my own classroom. I'm also getting pretty damn tired of telling teachers to clean up puke off of mats before putting them away! (Hmmm...)

Now mind you, a couple of years ago I was ready to jump ship and do anything else besides teaching. I was pissed with the legislature regarding crazy policies related to testing and such. I was burned out and afraid to ask for support for children who needed additional care. My self-esteem had gotten really low and I felt like I just wasn't doing a good job. I understand now that people get burned out and they need change every now and again. I've had that change and now I think I'm ready to go back onto the battle field... oops, I mean classroom! Please pray for me over the next few months as I decide whats best for me professionally.

F-A-T

Tuesday night I played hookie from class and watched, "The Biggest Loser." I use to think that you had to be really fat to be on that show, so I wouldn't qualify. Man, was I wrong. I am REALLY fat! F-A-T: fat. I have gained 20 pounds since moving to West Palm Beach. Now granted some of it I can blame on my underactive thyroid, but that should be under control now and I need to lose some damn weight! I have tried Curves and L. A. Weightloss since I've been here. Now I am huffin and puffin it at L.A. Fitness (a gym). I bet I own every weightloss book out there. South Beach, Sugar Busters, Suzanne Somers, and I could start a library with all the Weight Watchers paraphenelia I own! So anyway, I'm watching "The Biggest Loser" and realize that there are girls on there my height and weight. I got all pumped up about losing weight while watching the show. Then reality kicked in: McDonalds, Taco Bell, KFC, Cake Icing, Cheesecake... you name it, I eat it. I'm not really sure why. Loneliness, boredom, the love of food. I also realized that I don't like to exercise. It hurts my body. I'm not much for pain. Then there's the fact that despite what the doctor says about my thyroid, I have no energy. I know some of you are thinking that I am a selfish brat for writing about this, but I'm not. I know how blessed I am. I can still buckle my seatbelt on an airplane and sit on rides at the fair. I can walk without having chestpains and run from cops when necessary (that hasn't happened in a while.) So, the bottom line is, I've got to make a plan. I'm not sure what it will entail. Maybe I'm a candidate for gastric bypass???

Homesick!

Its December 1st. I was in a training today and the trainer told us an Irish tradition that on the first day of each month you are supposed to say, "White Rabbits," three times for good luck. So, White Rabbits, White Rabbits, White Rabbits! Today is absolutely gorgeous. The weather is cool and clear. Its funny to see people shivering and wearing leather jackets, though. I mean it was probably only 65 degrees at the lowest!

Since Hurricane Wilma I've been really homesick. So homesick that I told my boss I didn't think I'd be back here next year. As the weeks go on things have gotten better, but I still miss my family and friends in Tallahassee. After being at CES for 8 years, I felt like my co-workers were apart of my family. You know the type that you can argue with yet you know you still love each other? My best friend Jessica has two children that I consider my niece and nephew and it kills me to be so far away from them. I'm afraid they will forget me or worse not love me anymore. I called Maggie last night in tears. I told her I was afraid I was going to lose my friends since I live so far away. (I know, I sound stupid, but its the anxiety and heh, it could happen.) Hopefully our friendship will only grow stronger but I'm still lonely.

I know I'd have to be a total moron to leave here right now. I have the best job in the whole wide world. They send in the best trainers from all over the world to train us, we get an hour for lunch and to top it off, my boss is absolutely amazing! I am an hour from Miami and 4 hours from the Keys. I also know that there is a reason I'm here. The unsettling part is not knowing for how long or why. I have friends and family here. Which by the way are terrific, but I just don't want to lose the ones I left behind in Tallahassee. Well, I've got to go downstairs to the laundry room and get my clothes before somebody steals them. Bye for now!