You know, when I was a little girl I wanted to be three things when I grew up: a missionary, country music singer and a teacher. I really didn't know how I was going to do it all, but by goodness I was going to be all three! If you include Kareoke night at Stetson's, I've managed to do all three. My passion, however is teaching. The nice thing about teaching is that you can be pretty much anybody you want to be. If you need quiet listeners, you can be a private investigator and use binoculars to look and see who's following directions. (don't try this on middle or high schoolers; they'll try to have you committed!) Sometimes, I've been able to be a missionary by helping a family find resources they may need and travelling to China to teach English. Anyway, my point is, teaching is what life is all about.
While I love the flexibility of my new job and the insightful trainings that come along with it, I don't feel like I'm a teacher anymore. I miss having my own classroom where I can lead and have a positive impact on children for a whole 180 days. In this job I have now, I don't know from one day to the next when the head haunchos will be sending me to a new day care center. While I can model for the teachers that I encounter, I can't change their attitudes towards their job or the way they view children. Yes, I can impact the children I see on a particular day, but its just not the same as establishing a repoire with the family and children in my own classroom. I'm also getting pretty damn tired of telling teachers to clean up puke off of mats before putting them away! (Hmmm...)
Now mind you, a couple of years ago I was ready to jump ship and do anything else besides teaching. I was pissed with the legislature regarding crazy policies related to testing and such. I was burned out and afraid to ask for support for children who needed additional care. My self-esteem had gotten really low and I felt like I just wasn't doing a good job. I understand now that people get burned out and they need change every now and again. I've had that change and now I think I'm ready to go back onto the battle field... oops, I mean classroom! Please pray for me over the next few months as I decide whats best for me professionally.
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Oh Janie I totally understand what you mean. It's one thing to work directly with the children and another to be shuffled around and not be able to build a relationship with each one. I am like you, I want to be right there in the "trenches" with the kids. When I was working for Makiy's pedi I never wanted to work in the front office, always wanted to be with the kids and families. It's so much more personal that way. I will pray for God to give you guidance on what to do. It does sound like you are incredibly homesick though.
Trish
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