Random Thoughts

Tuesday I went and met with an insurance agent regarding life and short term disability policies. Morbid topic but something that I've been putting off for years but I knew it had to be done. During the meeting I had this flashback from a time 19 or so years ago. My dad came home laughing about how his boss took out a policy on him in case he lost a finger or limb while working. He was a mechanic. Two months later, my daddy died. Needless to say, it was an uneasy meeting on Tuesday. The poor agent kept asking me if I was ok and reassuring me that this wasn't a big deal.

As I was driving to the beach yesterday I kept thinking about fears I have. Some, because of life's little experiences are legitimate, others not so much. As a Christian I try every day to put my faith in God and hope that He'll pull me through. He has in the past... but there are times when I feel uneasy.

This weekend seeing Thomas in the hospital made my heart ache. There was nothing we could do to help him. He didn't understand what was going on and all we could do was hold him and reassure him that everything was going to be all right. At one point, with tears in her eyes, my sister said, "I can't even imagine the pain and anxiety parents of children with chronic illnesses must feel." I've been an ESE teacher for 10 years. I have a dear friend whose little girl has several medical needs. I read her blog, I comment and "empathize." While my comments and empathy are both sincere actions, I have absolutely no idea what she and her husband must go through on a daily basis. While Thomas' situation is like comparing apples to oranges with my friend's situation, some things remain the same. The anxiety of not knowing what will happen next. The frustration of knowing there's nothing you can do to comfort your child. I guess, there again, is where you give it ALL to God. Take nothing for granted and make every moment count. I admire parents. I especially admire my sister and brother-in-law. Its just so hard to believe that the girl who would lose her cat in the mountainous clutter of her bedroom and the boy who had to be taught that Nirvana t-shirts and Rustler jeans were NOT considered dressing up turned out to be two fabulous parents.

A silly fear I have is being arrested. So far, I haven't had any reason to be arrested and so far I haven't been. I guess I watch too much Lifetime television but it is a fear just the same.

A legitimate fear I have is being overcome with depression. Due to life's circumstances there have been a couple of dark times in my life but thanks to exercise, thyroid regulation, prayer, friends, family and therapy I was able to come out of those dark places. (long, grammatically incorrect sentence but you catch my drift) I have a friend of a friend who lives with chronic depression. It is a scary thing and its real. How do you help someone like that? How do you help them help themselves?

Again, I guess that's where one's faith comes into play.