Worry, Fear, and Avoidance

What do all of these have in common with one another? I guess if one worries about something its because one is afraid of the possible outcomes which in turn causes that person to avoid certain situations. You can read into this as much or as little as you want to. I was walking my dog this morning and these were the thoughts running through my mind. And I wonder why my neck hurts and I have a headache?!?

I see this pattern all the time. I haven't been running since my 5k in early May. Pathetic? I've been exercising other ways: biking, swimming, lifting weights, etc... but as for running, not a chance. So today, I got up and made myself run. As I ran I thought about why I was avoiding it so much. I guess for two reasons: one, fear I would have to walk halfway through the run and two, I was afraid I would puke. (I'm having terrible sinus trouble again!) I had to laugh at my analysis of the situation. Who cares if I have to walk? At least I'm exercising. As for the puking, I'm going to be sick whether I sit my fat behind on the couch or if I run. So, why not run and lose those last 20 pounds? Geez Louise!

Then there's this whole dating thing. I don't know if you even call it a dating thing. I've been on two dates with the guys. Both of which were successful. We had a date planned for Saturday but I had to cancel due to an impromptu family event that I felt I needed to attend. My point, all is good but what do I do? I overanalyze. I worry that I'll be "too distant." I worry that I'll invest too much into this relationship and then get dumped. I guess its because one, that's just my personality and two, baggage. Yep, good ole baggage. There's baggage from losing my dad at such a young age and of course there's baggage from just past dating relationships in general. I act like I'm special or something. I think everybody has baggage. Its just what I do with mine that will make or break me. So, for this situation I think I'm going to steal that old cliche' "its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." Now, don't go getting any ideas, I'm not saying I'm in love. I'm saying I've got to give this a shot or how will I learn?

Boy, do I feel better?!! I can't believe I wasted so many years on therapy and medication. Just kidding!