Before I got pregnant, I had a friend suggest that I read one preggo book and stick with that. She said if you read too many you will run yourself crazy. So... I followed 'What to Expect When You're Expecting.' That book sucks. I will NEVER read that book again, nor will I give that book to anyone as a gift! I know, I can't blame a book for what happened, but the book was so nonchalont about everything.
Life is full of irony and unpredictability. During my pregnancy, I wondered if I should get some parenting books and read up on breastfeeding and childrearing. I decided to wait and just focus on being pregnant. Now, I'm reading books on grieving and googling websites on the loss of your unborn child. I pre-registered for childbirth classes that were to begin November 2nd. Instead, I will be attending a support group for mothers who have experienced an 'early loss.' I feel so blag today.
I'm a 35 year old woman married to the man of my dreams. May 15th,2010, my husband Josh and I found out we were going to be parents for the first time. October 8th,2010, during a routine 25 week checkup we discovered that our baby boy was stillborn. Life as we knew it came to a hault. Now, 10 months later, we are anxiously praying that our precious butterfly leads us to our rainbow!
Family is Forever
Just Us
And They Say All I Do Is Play...
"It is cheaper to build a child than repair an adult."
Waiting...
Blog Archive
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October
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- Before I got pregnant, I had a friend suggest that...
- Thank You DKR!
- Guilt and Regret
- Sweet Dreams Little Man
- Life Before JD
- Yours Not Mine...
- What Will You Be for Halloween?
- JD's Birth Announcement
- Butterflies, Rainbows and Shooting Stars
- A Pair of Shoes
- So Now What...
- JD's memorial
- Labor of Love
- Our Story
- When Life Gives You Lemons...
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October
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Links
About Me
- Proud Mommy To An Angel
- I'm a big city girl who was transplanted to a small town at the age of 12. I tried moving back to the big city only to realize that I missed that small town in the panhandle of Florida. So, after 10 months of city life, I packed up and moved home.
2 comments:
Janie, I am so glad to see that you are finally expressing your true feelings about the birth and loss of JD. I'm not implying that you weren't being truthful; I think you were just trying to spare others' feelings. Please don't. You will truly benefit from expressing your feelings, and finding meaning in all of this, and experiencing growth as a result. Your blog about not holding JD longer, and not having your picture with him made me feel very sad for you. Please don't second guess your decisions made at that moment. No one gave you a guide to handle those moments. Even if they had, it wouldn't be YOUR guide, just A guide. You reacted HONESTLY. We can all look back and find things that we should have handled differently. But there is no point in beating yourself up for things you cannot change. Remember your earlier blog about control? This is one of the things you cannot control. Holding JD longer would not fill your arms now, and that is what you really want. You are learning some very difficult lessons right now, and it's unfair that you have to learn them this way. I truly hope you can find a place where you feel some peace about JD. Please don't blame yourself for anything. You did all that you could. Rest easy with that thought, and give yourself a break. Still love ya.
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