So, I applied for this job at the pre-school where I work. They were hiring an ESE staffing specialist who would be housed at our pre-school. The person would concentrate on our pre-k and the Dick Howser center. (they get the ESE kiddos birth to 3). I interviewed quite well. I looked good too. (Thanks for the suit, Staci!) After all my hard work to prepare and look exceptionally professional, I didn't get the job.

You know what? It was a good experience and I'm glad I didn't get the job. Since August, I've been struggling with where I belong. I loved pre-k, but was overwhelmed with teaching 18 little friends with varying disabilities. The building we teach in is old and I'm sure infested with mold. The water is bad and we don't have enough help. I just thought I wasn't doing a good job. You know me, when the going gets tough, the tough tries to get out as fast as she can!

In November, through a partnership with Elder Care services, we were given a foster grandma. She is amazing! She sees things that sometimes my co-teacher and I overlook because we are so busy with day to day tasks. She also helps take the load off of us. (we still have to change stinky diapers though) My co-teacher is awesome too. She has helped me to see just how much we are teaching these kiddos. Its amazing how much they are doing for themselves. Melanie talked to another teacher, (something she wouldn't have done in August.) Dominick put his hands in glue. Will signed, "Go, bye," AND blew me a kiss! Lord, what was I thinking applying for that other job? I have finally found my nich! Now, I still come home dirty and tired. I don't have all the right answers nor do I claim to but I'm learning!

I'm creating a list of things I've learned so far while at pre-k. Here are some of them:
1. If a pre-schooler says they gotta go, YOU better go!
2. Its ok to cry at pre-school. Teachers can too!
3. Opening your own carton of chocolate milk IS a big deal.

I'll add more later! Love you, J

Part Two of Things You Shouldn't Skimp On

My aunt called after I wrote part one of this post and said I really should tell people my bra size on the internet. I told her, "Why lie? Its not like you can't see them!" I know what she meant. She's just has more class than I do. (Love you, Aunt Barbara!)

So, I got my January paycheck and went shopping. I decided to bite the bullet and go to Lane Bryant. I told the sales clerk, "Look, I teach preschoolers. I don't have time for my drawers to fall down to my knees all day. I'm a pretty decent size girl, but I don't have a butt. What do you suggest?" With a straight face, she suggested two types of underwear. I bought 10 pair! I told her if they didn't work to expect to see me back the next day to return them. Guess what... they stayed up! I also bought two bras. They came with these air pockets to put in them. You know what, they work! They actually help hold my ta-tas up. I look really good. I think it actually takes away from the rolls that my stomach creates. So, a little over $150 later, I have 10 new pair of drawers and two bras! I am a new woman.

Aahh... apartment living

Can I say that I absolutely LOVE my new apartment? It is tiny, but it is clean. There isn't any yard to play in, but there aren't any field rats either! Life got busy and I haven't updated in a while so here goes... I was really planning on waiting out life in the trailor until I found something to buy. I guess the straw that finally broke the camel's back was going without heat or air for the month of November. Let me tell you, if you've never lived in a mobile home you don't know what you're missing. When people tell you there's no insulation, there's no insulation! We had some nights back in November when it got down into the 20's! I am a well-insulated woman but I just couldn't take it. Family and friends were gracious to offer their homes but I don't like sleeping over at people houses. You're probably wondering why I didn't just pay to get it fixed. WELL, the DAMN thing was under "warranty." Unfortunately, the deadbeat who installed it kept putting me off and putting me off. I finally called the guy I'm owner-financing with and told him I couldn't deal with things any longer. He said that as soon as he got the place sold, he give me my down payment back. PRAISE GOD! He thinks he will have it sold by the end of January. Cross your fingers and toes! I'm just not sure what I want to buy so I decided to just rent for a while. For some, this is pissing away money. For me, its time to think. I tend to jump into things without thinking sometime. (you know, like buying a fixer-upper when I have no fixer-upper skills WHATSOEVER!)

So, back to my apartment, last night I heard this scurrying noise and panicked. Then I laughed. I paniced because I thought the rats were back. I laughed because I remembered I lived in an apartment and the scurrying was just my neighbors... humans.

This place is BRAND NEW. No one has lived here before. Its insulated. It has heat and air. Still no garden tub, but lets just say I'm not afraid of falling through the floor when I shower! I was even able to salvage my door bell from my old house and install it here. (am I crafty or what?) No weird smells or spider webs. Back at the trailor, Everytime I turned around I smelled something foul and prayed it wasn't a dead animal stuck in my ceiling. Well, that's about it. Take Care! J

My Merry Christmas Letter

I wrote this letter and sent it out with Christmas cards. In case I didn't put one in your Christmas card here is what it said...

Dear Family and Friends,
I hope this letter finds you safe and enjoying all that life throws at you. Let’s see , where to begin? Mom and Gene are doing good. Mom got a promotion with DCF. Gene works for Wakulla County Sheriff’s department and part time at Wal-mart. (Yes, Wakulla got a Wal-Mart!)

My sister and brother-in-law are expecting a baby. Thomas Ralph Clore is scheduled to make his grand entrance around the first of March. I can hardly wait! Molly and Eric are naming him Thomas after Eric’s father and Ralph after our dad. I love the symbolism behind the name. He’s the beginning of something really terrific for all of us.

As for me, I left Palm Beach County schools in March to move back to Wakulla County. I love d my job but was terribly homesick. I miss the great friends I made during my short stay and feel it was definitely worth the adventure. I purchased a half acre of land in Wakulla county that had an older mobile home on it. March-May was spent remodeling it. After six months of dealing with random catastrophes (i.e. a giant rat, a tree falling on my roof, and no heat or air during the month of November) I moved out. I am now renting a small BRAND NEW apartment in Crawfordville. Its cute and did I mention , free of rats?

I am teaching pre-k ESE children at Wakulla Education Center. Its hard work, but I’ve got the sweetest kids ever. I’m thinking about applying to FSU to begin work on an educational leadership degree in the fall. This degree will open more doors for me. I love teaching but retirement on a single teacher’s salary isn’t going to cut it! I turned 30 this May and still no sign of Mr. Right anywhere, so I have to be prepared.

I’m not the best with calling but please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Call or visit when you can. I have a futon ! Oh yeah, one more thing Happy Holidays!
Love,
Janie

HI Friends! I hope everybody had a great Thanksgiving. My mom and I left Wakulla around 5am this morning and headed for LA to visit my sister and brother-in-law. Let me say, I amNOT a morning person. I thought I was going to die! It was worth the trip. I haven't been over since Katrina hit in 2005 so it was a shocker to see the leftover damage. One year later, people are still living in FEMA trailors, signs are blown out, and the trees on the interstate look like they were planted crooked. We haven't even seen where the real damage hit, so I can only imagine. My sister and brother-in-law almost have their house repaired but its been a slow process.

They took us down to the Quarter to eat at a restaurant called, 'Brennans.' We had to dress up to get in! Molly had made reservations and had asked if they would be serving lunch off the menu. They said yes. Imagine our surprise when we got there and all they were serving was breakfast! I didn't say anything but my mom and I looked at each other in confusion. Call me ungrateful, but we had not traveled six hours to eat poached eggs! Anyway, I opened my little narrow mind and called it a learning experience. I have forgotten how absolutely delicious food is here! We had the most amazing meal. The company was great too! We each had a three course meal. I got something called egg portuguese. I sure hope my Weight Watchers' leader isn't reading this. After we ate we hit a sale at KMart. It sucked so we went home. I took a 2 hour nap in a comfy recliner. By the time I woke up, it was time to eat again! So, we ventured out to an Asian Buffet. I can't believe I ate AGAIN!

My sister has a doppler so we got to hear Baby Thomas' heartbeat. I can't wait to meet this little guy. Molly looks so cute. For once, her belly sticks out farther than mine!

Molly has to work tomorrow. So, Mom and I plan to meet her for lunch and then do the casino. Yes, I know, we're real traditional kind of folks! I'm just too tired to venture out shopping. Besides, they serve FREE beer at the casino! Take Care! Love, J

Things You Shouldn't Skimp On

Ok, I've been dying to write about this. Some of you may think I'm getting a bit too personal or have totally gone over the edge but I just gotta do it. Growing up, my Grandma Tucker told me there were two things you should never skimp on. Now, for those of you who didn't have the pleasure of meeting my Grama T. you really missed out. She was a hardworking woman who gave her all. Despite her lack of book knowledge, she had the most wisdom of anybody I have ever met. (She also made me feel like I was the most beautiful, wonderfully made creature on this planet!) Sorry, I digressed... Anyway, she always told me, "Janie, there are two things you should never be cheap with. One is shoes and two is a good bra."

I've valued her words and kept them close to me for many years. There was a time, I have to admit that during college I bought cheap shoes just because they were cute. After nine years of teaching and gaining 50-60 pounds, I don't do cheap shoes ANYMORE!!!

As for bras, isn't that the truth? She'd say to me, "Janie, when your forty, you don't want your breasteses (yes, she said 'breasteses') to hang down to your belly button." Now, I've worn bras for the past 20 years. I've ventured from training all the way to a 44 C. Now we're getting personal! I've tried underwire, padded shoulder straps, lunch lady bras but I just can't find a bra that I really like! Once when I was in college, (remember the fen-fen days?), I wore a 36C and could wear Victoria Secret bras. Those were great but unfortunately, they don't make bras for the larger woman. So, if anybody can recommend a cute bra that actually holds my boobies up without using steel and straps that slide, let me know.

As I've aged with wisdom, I've decided to add to Grama's list. Two other things you don't skimp on are underwear and feminine products. I can't tell you the last time I've found a good pair of underwear. Who in their right mind can stand thongs? Who wants yarn going up their crack? then theres 'grannie panties.' They're great if you want the world to know what size and color drawers you have on everytime you bend over! I used to be a fan of Victoria Secrets' drawers but for some reason these days I notice they sag in the butt. You know what I mean. It looks like you took a dump and left it there. I bought these cute underwear from Hanes but after one wear the damn things end up under my butt cheeks instead of over them! (sorry, I know that's graphic.)

Another issue I've been dying to write about is femine protection products. Don't ever buy generics. Trust me, I've tried. You may as well use a corn cob for a tampon or cardboard for a pad.

So, if you've learned anything from this entry it should be this: don't skimp on shoes, bras, underwears or feminine protection products. Trust me on this! If I've offended anybody, I'm sorry but I've been dying to get this off my chest.

Just Checking In!

So, seriously, I should be up doing something but instead I'm here on the computer, procrastinating. Its just a beautiful day to do just that. My dog Missy is right here beside me procrastinating as well. I need to wash clothes, cook this organic meat I bought a couple of weeks ago before it goes bad, file, plan for my class, yadda yadda yadda. Instead I'm enjoying wasting time, with ok, maybe a twinge of guilt. Why, when we waste time do we feel guilty? Who knows?

My cousin had her baby this past Thursday. Its amazing how much the baby looks just like her big sister at that age. They are sooo cute together.

I'm going to visit my sister for Thanksgiving. I can't wait to see how big she's gotten. (She's pregnant, remember?) I went shopping the other night with some friends and found the coolest race track I want to buy my new nephew for Christmas. I should probably wait until he's born. We'll have so much fun with it. I can't wait for him to be born. I'm going to spoil him rotten. He's going to have his own toy box at my house and everything. (Am I a dork or what?)

The sweetest thing happened yesterday afternoon. I called my friend Maggie and she asked me if I wanted to pick out her colors for her wedding or should she go ahead and do it?I laughed and told her its her wedding and I'll just be there to support her. She said, "but you're my maid of honor. I want you to have a say." I was stunned. See, she isn't having a traditional wedding so I just figured she wasn't having a maid of honor. I was so overjoyed you'd think I'd have cried. Guess what? I didn't! I think the therapy is working!

You're probably thinking after reading this entry that I'm bi-polar, bouncing from one topic to the next. I'm not. Just catching you all up on things. Well, I really need to get busy. Take Care! Love, J

This time, I lost more than weight!

I thought some of you would appreciate this... You know how I'm on this Weight Loss kick with Weight Watchers. (12 pounds so far!) I normally go to the meetings here in Wakulla but on one particular occasion, my friend Jes and I decided we'd try a meeting up in town. You know, we wanted to see if they did anything different in the big city. Jessica and I took our seats on the back row and anxiously awaited to hear what the leader had to say. This leader informs us that we're going to get in groups and share. I don't know about you but I'm not one for "getting into groups and sharing" with complete strangers. Just as we were reluctantly about to get into our group my cell phone goes off. (I'm usually very careful about muting it but this one time I had not!) In an embarrassed panicked sort of way I managed to fumble through my purse and answered the phone. Jes and I hurried out of the meeting apologizing that I had an emergency and had to leave. Saved by the bell! Oh, but it gets better... We get down the road to do some shopping when I notice my wallet is missing. Guess where it was? Yep, at the Weight Watchers meeting! It had fallen out of my purse as I was fumbling for my phone. There's more... apparently, I don't have any kind of contact information in my wallet, you know like a phone number to call in case my wallet were to be found. What I did have was a check from my mother with HER information on it. So the Weight Watcher lady that found my wallet called my mom and told her they had found my wallet. To some this may be no big deal but if you know my mother you'd understand. Let's just say her anxiety is worse than mine! The good news is, honest people found my wallet, the bad news, I had to explain to my mother that I had lost my wallet. Yes, even at 30 years old, that still bothers me!

Happy Halloween

Have you ever felt like you had a hot air balloon on your shoulders for a head? That was me today. I think I'm allergic to something in my classroom b/c since school's started I've been in the doctor's office on a monthly basis for sinus trouble. I've been to the ENT too. I've had x-rays, but they can't find anything. GO FIGURE.

Today would have been alot of fun if I hadn't of gone from wanting to puke to wanting to stop my headache from hell. All our little friends came dressed so cute in their Halloween costumes. We had a parade around the school, stopping at various places to get candy. Afterwards, we had a party. It went off without a hitch. I am so grateful for all the parental support we got. The children had a good day. I have to admit it was a bit challenging trying to help Buzz Lightyear and the Fairytopia Princess go potty without peeing on their costumes but we did it! I was a red M&M. I've had that costume for 9 years! I wore it my first year teaching. It was alot looser back then.

I haven't made it to the gym this week and I have to admit I'm sort of bummed about it. I have had plently of time but just too sick to go. I managed not to gorge myself today so I shouldn't have gained anything. Hopefully tomorrow I can go. The doctor gave me steroid shot and I'm feeling pretty good.

Well, I should go. I' m tired and I think for the first time in 3 nights, I just might be able to sleep. TaKE cARE!

Put Your Big Girl Panties On and Deal With It!

How funny life is. I know that's probably not grammatically correct but who cares? I woke up this morning determined to wear my 'big girl panties' and deal with things. (Sorry, don't take that statement literally and you'll be fine!) I thanked God for my new furnace that heats my whole house and the electricity that allowed my alarm clock to go off so that I wouldn't be late for work. I got in my beat up ole Honda and drove the 3 miles to work, yes I said 3 miles and thanked Him for that. As I mopped up spilt milk, I had to laugh out loud at the fact that I make almost $40,ooo a year to wipe up spilt milk and play all day with people I truly love. I am truly blessed. I don't have money or a fancy car, but I have so many wonderful people in my life and for that I am grateful!

My Plan

So, my last entry was a real blagh fest. The whole time I typed it, I thought, "well Janie, what the hell are you going to do to fix things?" So here goes:
1. my weight, okay, Tammy, you don't have to write me a long sweet letter like the last time. I am beautiful. I know this, but when I can't breathe when I bend over to tie a kid's shoe, its time to take action. Rebecca, don't laugh, but I'm back on the weight loss train. This time its Weight Watchers. I actually feel in control. So far, I've lost 10 pounds in two weeks. Go me! I don't expect to lose that much from here on out but 1-2 pounds a week will suffice. I actually crave exercise. Is that sick or what?
2. my love life, I keep hearing people say, "when you're not looking it'll happen. So, I've decided to hell with it. No more internet dating, no more feeling lonely. I'm going to concentrate on me, have fun with my friends and see what happens.
3. my car, I can't buy a new one right now. Possibly in February or March. Until then, I will test drive a variety of cars, research prices on the internet and continue to improve my credit.
4. my home, currently I am doing an owner-financing deal. In June, I'll be able to get a loan from a bank and this place will officially be mine. At that point, I will put a big-ass FOR SALE sign out front and in the newspapers and get rid of this place. In the meantime, I am going to be looking for a NEW townhouse with minimal yard issues and trees that are firmly planted in the ground! Once I sell this dump, I will buy a new home.

So, that's my plan.

Keeping Up With the Jones'

Prologue... not sure if that is the right term, I have a friend of mine who says its setting the stage. Anyway, whatever it is, I started writing this entry on October 9th but put off finishing it because I wasn't sure what else to write. I also don't want people to think I'm a spoiled brat who isn't appreciative about what I have. Lord knows, I am! This entry isn't a feel sorry for me plea either. Just a girl expressing her thoughts...

Sh... sit real still. Can you hear it? Its the sound of silence. Why you ask? Well, its because my satellite is out of commission. You know the funny thing? I kind of like it without the t.v. If I didn't have a contract I think I'd have it turned off. Seriously, the power people came today to install a new pole and ironically now my satellite isn't getting a signal. It could be until Saturday before I get any t.v.! GASP!!! How will I ever survive? (By the way, I paid the bill, its not that)

Oh, before I write about my feature title, I should let you know that my sister is having a boy. We got the ultrasound photos last Wednesday and he is definitely a boy! Quite the gymnast too. He was standing on his head with his legs wide open for all the world to see his little manhood! Molly and Eric have decided to name him Thomas Ralph. He will be called Thomas or Tom. Thomas after Eric's dad and Ralph after our father. I know, not very popular names but its the sentiment behind them. Also, the placenta has reattached. Keep praying. Only 18 or so weeks to go. She's at 17 now.

While I'm so excited about this little guy I'm also worried. Shocker I know... me worry? Seriously, I'm afraid I won't get to bond with him because they live so far away. Also, I'll be the aunt he's not allowed to spend the night with because she lives with her dog in a trailor. We shall see...

Oh yeah, so the reason for my title. Its so funny how people compare themselves to others. One is never skinny enough, or lives in a nice neighborhood or drives a good enough car. Why are we like this? Why do I constantly compare myself to other people? I've been pondering this for a while now. Growing up, I always had to be the best. I had to make the best grades, look my best, etc. Funny, how despite the good experiences I have about growing up, those same memories are also contaminated with worries. If only I'd had meds and therapy back then! Now that I'm older there are times I am angered that despite having a master's degree as well as made several other accomplishments, all I have to show for it is a car with way tooooo many miles on it and a trailor that's so old that we're not really sure just what year it was made! There's a group of us that all graduated from college together. We call ourselves the 'London girls' because we all studied abroad one summer and became great friends. We try to see each other at least once a year. I love those girls. Of the six of us, though, I always feel less than, or not quite adequate. Crazy, I know but I do. They always seem to have it together. Most of them are married, with children. They all live in gorgeous homes, etc. Then there's my sister. Do you know how humiliating it is to call your baby sister to ask her if you can borrow her credit card because you don't have one of your own? Nevermind the fact that she's branch manager of a bank and drives a Lexus. I'm not a bad person. I work very hard for my money. In fact, I always seem to have at least two jobs. Why don't I have something to show for it?

Again, this isn't a pity parade for Janie. Maybe it is. I don't know. I've been harboring these feelings for some time now and felt the need to get them on paper. As I've mentioned before, I am grateful for the experiences in my life. The places I've been, the tasks I've accomplished, even my green CRV that I have to open the driver's side door when I'm in the drive-thru window b/c the window won't go down. So, why... why do I feel the need to be like everybody else? (I'm not asking for comments. Just questioning myself.)

Inside my head

I don't know if its this way for all people with generalized anxiety but for me it can be really exhausting. I was thinking about it the other day and discovered that if I'm not worry about something, I'm feeling guilty for not worrying! I'm always on guard waiting for something. Not necessarily something bad but just anticipating the unknown. I don't like these feelings. The good news is I have begun to recognize times when I'm not having these anxious moments. I am learning to soak up these moments in hopes to generalize them.

An example... this weekend. I had planned to spend Sunday working in my classroom. There' s nothing urgent there that needs to be done but I just wanted to clean and change out some toys. So Saturday I kept thinking how I really didn't want to go and if I went then that meant my Sunday routine would be out of wack, but if I didn't go then it would mean I'd have that much more to do on Monday. Can you see how this can be tiring and over something really unimportant?

It's 6:00 am Monday morning and if I go back to bed, I can get another hour's worth of sleep! Bye!

It's now Wednesday night and I'm trying to finish this blog.
Another one I face daily... is worrying about making someone angry. You know, its one thing to actually do it, apologize and move on. Its another to stew over it. An example... this past Friday, I was late to work. I didn't call in but I had been sick the day before so I figured if I was a few minutes late they know why. My boss met me at my classroom. She wasn't angry with me, she just reminded me that if I'm going to be late to call. No big deal, right? Not for Janie. NO, I obsessed over the whole day. There are other issues but if I share too many you'll know all my secrets. Well, I'm tired. I need to go! Bye!

Mickey moved back to Disney!

Update on the the rat situation... I think we found the culprit. I don't know what I'd do without my mom and stepdad. I called them on Tuesday afternoon as I was rushing out the door to teach my evening class to tell them that I smelled something bad in my kitchen but I couldn't find where it was coming from. My stepdad came over after work and found one dead rat in the trap. I feel kind of bad typing it but those little cheeseheads (ha ha literally) have caused me so much grief. knock on wood, since Tuesday, I haven't heard or seen any evidence that there are more rats anywhere in my house. Keep your fingers crossed.

Picture It...

You know, I love my job but it sure is exhausting. The other morning as I was showering I realized I washed my hair with my shower gel! Good thing the Preparation H is kept AWAY from the toothpaste! Just kidding, I fortunately don't have to use PH just yet.

Picture it... 18 three and four year olds all of whom have some type of developmental delay with two teachers in a room without a bathroom! Half of our little friends aren't completely potty trained so that means when they gotta go, they gotta go! This year, I've heard several comments that my co-teacher and I have the most neediest class they have ever seen. Gee, go figure??? I have one who is a runner, who is on the low end of the autism spectrum. You know, he screams for what he wants because he can't talk. He still uses a sippy cup and is NOT potty trained. My other most challenging little guy is developmentally at about an 18 month old level. He is in diapers and doesn't seem to respond when you call his name to go somewhere. Our other 16 friends vary from time to time in their developmental age so there are days when it looks like I 'm teaching a bunch of people who are bi-polar.

I'm not complaining, just setting the stage... the funny thing is, despite all our bi-polar behaviors (me included sometimes!), I think I'm where I belong. I love getting hugs and being able to make a boo-boo better just by kissing it. I love it when my friend with autism grabs my hand asking me to swing him. Its exciting to see a child try to make the first letter of their name.

So, I guess it frustrates me when we have the county's most precious resources and nothing is being done to help them. 18 kids with special needs is way TOO many for two teachers to do an effective job. Valuable teaching time is wasted going back and forth to the bathroom. Most of our walkways aren't covered and due to construction, the children have to walk in the rain to get places. We have the most beautiful gym and can't use it because its where the county stores chemicals! My co-teacher and I bring bottled water from home each day to give to the children because the water in our classroom smells like sewer water. Don't get me started on field trips! There's no money in the budget for that. The list goes on and on. I'm saddened yet I don't know what to do or where to begin doing it. I guess its all politics and until my little 3 and 4 year olds start taking the f-cat nothing will be done!

My Beautiful Niece or Nephew

Hi friends! These very tiny pictures that I can't seem to enlarge are of my niece or nephew. Thanks for all the prayers. Molly went for an ultra sound the other day and heart beat is really strong. From the beats, they think it may be a girl. Her placenta hasn't torn anymore and they things are going to be ok.

Molly didn't tell me just how traumatic her trip to the hospital was until the other day. When she noticed the bleeding she called her doctor right away. The stupid nurse told her she could come in if she wanted to but she was probably "just" miscarrying so there wasn't much they could do! Molly called Eric and told him to meet her at the hospital. hospital. He made it to the hospital just as they were doing the ultrasound. He said they were both crying and panicked only to look up at the ultrasound screen and see their baby looking right at them and waving! (see the middle picture) This baby is a fighter! She/he has guts and I personally think she/he has a pretty great profile. lol. Again, thanks for the prayers. Only about 20 more weeks to go.

Rat Poison and Mission # 4

Ok, so I don't know how to edit these things. You should read the post below this one first and then these pictures will make sense.

I dare anybody that I do not know to write some nasty comment about my method of rodent control. (I had to add this b/c a friend of mine, recently got some nasty comments from some really stupid people about a post she had written about her children. She is the most awesome mom and is so in love with her children and yet some bozos wrote rude things!)

Disney is the only place Mickey should be!

No, your eyes aren't playing a trick on you. Yes, this is a picture of my silverware drawer filled with not only silverware but tortillas, bits of chewed up napkins and chopsticks!

Before I explain how these items got here, let me explain the set-up of my kitchen... I have a cabinet under my sink where I keep my trash can. Next to that cabinet is my dishwasher. On the other side of the dishwasher is a row of drawers. This is what I found in my drawers!

If you haven't figured it out already, I have a rat. Can you imagine how mortified I was to open my silverdrawer and see this? The little f*@k&r had somehow managed to get trash from my trashcan to the drawer on the other side of my dishwasher! I immediately called my pest control guy who told me there was nothing he could do better than what I could do. So, after crawling around on my hands and knees to try and find any holes I had left open, (which I couldn't find!), I put down two little snappy traps. The next morning, the bait was gone from one of the traps and the whole trap missing from the drawer I had put it in. At this point, I am in tears. I am not a dirty person and I don't appreciate rodents! So, I call my mom. Mom talks to my step-dad who suggests I get sticky traps. So, this time I put out sticky traps. The next morning, both traps are gone! I am at my wits end at this point so I go to ACE and buy one more mouse trap and this thingy that supposedly puts off noise that only rodents can hear. This mouse trap is designed so that the rodent crawls into it, dies from the poison and gets stuck in the trap. Notice I said "mouse trap." This morning I wake up to see black stuff all under my cabinet. It looks like a black crayola crayon exploded. Obviously, I don't have a mouse. Whatever I have is larger than a mouse and since it couldn't fit in the trap it chewed its way through the trap to get to the bait. The black explosion stuff was the leftover trap! Today, I made a trip to Home Depot and bought the largest RAT trap I could find, almost lost three fingers on my right hand baiting it, and stuck it under my sink. I have also purchased some very lethal poison and distributed it around my cabinets. Don't worry, if you come over to eat, we'll have take-out! I also wash my dishes before each use!

This "new" house experience has taught me many things. One of which is, if someone says to you, "Boy have I got a deal for you. It'll just take a little fixing up." You'd better slap their face and run the other way! Well, there's a beer calling my name and I have a comfy couch to sit on. Ta Ta for now! Love you, J

I need some dating 101

Well, I had a very nice time this afternoon. The allotted hour went well. We had quite a bit to talk about. He isn't a troll and has an amazing smile. So, we ended our little meeting with both agreeing to meet again sometime. He even said, "see you later." Now, we'll see if that was just a conversation piece or if really meant it. I wouldn't mind meeting again.

Its funny though, I'm new at this dating stuff. I've only had one serious relationship and that relationship came about from being childhood friends. So, if I were to date this guy or someone else, I'm not sure what the next step is. I know I sound dumb, but what do people do on dates? I'm not talking anything sexual. Trust me, I'm just fine in that category! Not that I'm a slut... Geez, I'm rambling!

I think I worry way too much. I'm glad I'm going back to counseling next week! One thing that bothers me is that sometimes I think I'm way too simple and maybe I'm not dating material. (this isn't a feel sorry for me campaign, I'm just stating my feelings) I'm not into politics. I can't fix stuff, I can break it but I sure can't fix it! Sometimes I can't remember whether its the sun or the earth that revolves. I think its the sun. The earth rotates. I'm not that much into sports unless someone I know is playing. I like football but I don't understand it. None of these things matter to me but I'm not a slug. I enjoy people. I enjoy traveling. I love nature, as long as there's a/c and plumbing involved somewhere close! I love to laugh. Well, that's that. Sorry, Rebecca, no funny story this time!

Ok, I Lied...

Hi Friends! I've gone and done it again! I know I said I would NEVER participate in internet dating again, but its been nine months since my last fiasco, I'm bored and lonely, so, I gave it another shot. I'm meeting this guy for the first time tomorrow. I'm nervous as hell and have tried to come up with every excuse in the book to cancel. I did something smart this time and made dinner plans that begin about an hour after I have to meet this guy. So, if its bad, there's no, "lets meet again tomorrow," to end the date. I've learned my lesson!

You know, its not like he doesn't know what I look like. I've sent realistic pictures of me so he knows I'm not a size 6. I just feel so self-conscious about it. Which I know, its dumb, b/c its not like I try to do anything about it. I'll post tomorrow and let you know how this turns out.

As for my job, I love it. I'm tired though. I'm exhausted and lost my voice after the first week of school. I have ditched make-up b/c the stuff just melts off of my face due to the heat. I try really hard to not let myself get overwhelmed but I want to do it all and be perfect. That's really hard when you have 18 children and only two adults. All that crap I teach to my CDA students has gone right out the window. How the hell do you have time to change the water table between every use? And, come on, did any of us have to go to therapy for cutting out pre-made dittos? Come to think of it, maybe that's why I've been in therapy? On a happier note, I personally think I got all the cute kids, challenging but sweet. We have one who is on the LOW end of the autism spectrum. You know, non-verbal but screams. Doesn't eat anything unless it has about a 1,000 carbs in it. We have another who has a deleted chromosome disorder. He functions on about a 2 year old level and is also nonverbal. I've got one who poops his pants EVERYDAY on the playground and when I "encourage" him to clean his ownself he screams bloody murder. I'm learning alot and having fun doing it. I know it'll get better. I love getting hugs and watching them play. It makes it all worth it!

In regards to my "new" house, I'm having a love-hate relationship with it. I will NEVER purchase a used home again! That's all I have to say about that. I keep telling myself, "its only for a little while longer, the payment is cheap, you can do this."

Well, I think that's about it for now. I love you and miss you, J

Now What vs. Enjoying the Moment

Again... another attempt to sort out those anxious feelings...

Its funny how one day I can be peachy keen and then the next I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m learning how to appreciate those peachy keen days instead of anticipating the bad ones. When I get anxious my mind wanders and I’m flooded with guilt. I feel guilty about not exercising or eating healthy. I feel bad b/c interest has accrued on my credit card. I feel like a failure for not being able to meet the needs of all my students. Yadda Yadda Yadda… What I have to realize is that I am one person. I will exercise and eat healthy when I am ready. I pay my bills. I have a passion for teaching and with that passion I can do great things.

My friend Maggie moved back to West Virginia. While I am soooo happy for her, I still feel this deep sense of loss over the fact that she isn’t right around the corner. I fear we will lose that sisterly bond we have. What I have to realize is I can’t control this loss. My real sister moved hundreds of miles away 5 years ago and I’m closer to her now than I was when we lived in the same house.

Its taken several years for me to feel complete. I have a cute house on a beautiful piece of property. I have a wonderful job where when I’m not anxious, I can have so much fun. Its just that I can’t help but wonder, “now what?” Instead I need to enjoy what I have right now in the moment. Well, I’ve got to go eat dinner. Bye!

What happened to Jenny?

As I was reaching for something from the fridge the other day a friend of mine casually/sarcastically asked me, "What happened to Jenny Craig?" I politely replied, "I sat on her!" I had a series of blood work completed last week and I have a beautiful cholesterol count, normal blood pressure, no signs of diabetes... healthy. So here's my new plan for a while until my size 18/20's get too tight and I have to roll out of my car, I am going to work hard at loving me for me. Fat rolls and all! I'm going to TRY not to overeat but also not feel guilty for looking at hostess cakes. Yep, thats the plan. With that said, I have some Blue Bell ice cream callling my name!

This blog isn't really a complete story its more of what I like to call, "Sorting of the Mind." For me, this could take a while! No, seriously, just some thoughts I've had and thought I'd share. First of all, on the way home from WV I rented Dr. Phil's book on CD about loving smart. He usually gets on my nerves with his high and mighty attitude but I thought, "what the hell?" I must admit, it was a good book. So, it suggested that a good way to meet potential dates is to try the internet dating thing. As reluctant as I was I decided to join YET ANOTHER website and give it a try. My internet dating fiascos almost outnumber my weightloss schemes! As some of you already know, I have NOT had good luck with the whole internet thing. Anyway, I feel like I'm trying to sell my car when I do those ads. You know, I don't want to lie about my weight so I always check the box that states "could lose a few." "Runs Great vs. Could Use a Tune-Up" So far, I've only had offers from African Americans and 50-58 year old men who look like they should be on the pedofile list at school. I know you're thinking, "African Americans... ooh, Janie, you're racist! Well, no, I'm not. I've dated my fair share of other cultures, especially AA and I always find out that there is a "baby's mamma" or another "white chick" out there. Not playing that game again! As for the 50-58 year olds. I had a daddy. A good one. He's dead. I have a step-dad. I don't need another daddy. No offense to anybody who is in a great relationship with either an AA or an older man. I'm glad it works for you. So, the bottom line is what the hell is wrong with my ad? If you get a chance to look at it, go to yahoo personals and look me up.

My anxiety is on high this week. I went into my new classroom and realize I have ALOT to do before August 14th! Deep breath. I still have 2 weeks. I mean I used to inventory classrooms and rearrange them in a matter of 3 days. I CAN do this. Its just can I do this without hurting people's feelings by throwing shit out that doesn't promote developmentally appropriate practice? My Teacher's Assistant is absolutely wonderful and she helped me prepare the room for cleaning on Thursday. Friday, I cleaned the carpets. I took today off but tomorrow I will be going back at it. I used to get so pissed at our maintenance person at my old school b/c he was so anal about taking care of the building. Now, I understand why he did that. This new place does NOT have the same maintenance guy in charge.

I'm ending this blog on a happy note... my mom and I took some friends to Thomasville, GA today to get a car. After we dropped them off, she and I made a day out of it and shopped. I actually found a dress from Dillards and capris from Lane Bryant at the Goodwill IN MY SIZE!!!! I've been looking for this palm called a PonyTail Palm. We found them today at Lowes. I was thrilled b/c their not poisonous and I think it'll be cute at school. I introduced Mom to sushi and she liked it! We had a great day together. I didn't feel on edge and she even said she had a great time. You know, I live in a trailor, I drive an 8 year old CRV that's driver side window won't go down, and I don't have a penny in my savings account (sorry Molly, but I don't!) but I feel sooooo blessed. I have friends far and near who love me and I love them. My family is amazing. We have our differences but they always support me. I have the best job in the whole wide world... I get to play all day! For these things... I am thankful. Love you, J

Trailor does not equal white-trash

About a month ago, when Alberto came through a tree fell on my "new" house. Fortunately, it caused minimal damage. My house shook and as a result a shelf and some pictures fell off the wall. It scared the hell out of me and I'm sure I got whiplash from tensing up when the tree hit the roof. I collect Willow Tree angels and Dreamscicles. They all broke but I was able to super glue them back together. Oh yeah, so the point of this story...

The tree that fell was a huge oak that belonged to the property behind my house. That property is currently under construction so I had to go through the construction company to find out who owned it. It took two phone calls before I actually talked to a person. At which point the old man argued with me that nobody lived in that "old trailor" behind his property. So, I politely told him I had recently moved in about 3 weeks ago. Nevermind the fact that I've had people working on the place for a month before that! Well, the old man came and got the tree off the roof but left the damn tree trunk along with the debris in my backyard!

I realize that yes, I live in a 1970's mobile home and yes, the hitch is still attached to it but that does NOT make me white trash! I hope I don't offend anybody by using that terminology. I waited a week and nobody came out to move the tree. I went on vacation and nobody moved the tree. I called twice more and still no response. So, this Saturday morning, with trembling hands and a shaky voice, (remember my anxiety and how I HATE confrontation???) I called and luckily got the answering machine. My shaky voice became stern and I used my best teacher voice to say, "I've waited patiently for someone to remove this tree from my yard. I've called and no one has responded. If someone doesn't remove this tree by Monday afternoon, I will have to contact the property appraiser's office and my attorney. Thank you and have a nice day." Guess what I was awaken by this morning? The sound of a chain saw removing a tree from my backyard! Praise God, b/c I sure do not have an attorney!

While my house may not be valued at $200,000 and yes, you can hear creatures stirring underneath it, its my house. I am sooooo proud of it. My mother gave me the down payment for it and I've put alot of sweat and tears into making it comfortable. The land alone is worth so much. I didn't appreciate that construction goob head putting me off!

Wakulla...

If you've never been to Wakulla County, you should give it a try. Where else can you take your dog to the beach for a swim AND drink a beer. I am sooooo happy to be back home. I never thought I'd say that, but I am. Yesterday, I took Missy, my dog, to Shell Point. Did I mention I live 10 minutes from the beach? We had a great time walking on the beach. It was so hot though that I decided to go for a swim. I couldn't leave Missy on the shore by herself so I took her with me. What's the first thing you think of when you hear the name Labrador Retriever? Swimming, right? Not my princess. She did swim, but not without force from her momma pulling her in the water. You should have seen us. This 5'3 woman carrying a 70 pound dog in the water! She acted like she was gasping for air and her heart was beating 90 to nothing! Poor thing.

My house is coming along nicely. My uninvited house guests have moved on (mice.) I finished painting my kitchen cabinets today. My yard is looking better, I'm just waiting on my grass (yes, the legal kind!) to grow. I'd like to have a housewarming in August before school starts. Those of you who come will need to have an open mind though. While I think the place is absolutely fabulous, some of my friends may not. My tub is avocado green. Many of my closets and cabinets are covered by hand made curtains, need I re-emphasize hand made. (this means they are not even and could possibly fall at a moments notice, as they were rigged by me) Its a cozy sort of place. I figure one day I can have 3-4 bedroom house with a garage and garden tub, but right now this 1 bedroom mobile home with the 8x8 office will do just nicely!

I'm so grateful for this summer. I have enjoyed working on my place, spending time with neice and nephew and shopping with my mom. I am learning to slow down. I know its cliche, but 10 years from now, Nobody will remember that I planted sod in my front yard, but my nephew will remember that I watched him jump off the high dive at the city pool.

Our little angel

My new neice or nephew! Isn't s/he beautiful? I think s/he looks like me! My sister and brother-in-law came into town this weekend for a quick visit. My brother-in-law's aunt is a nurse. She was able to get Molly in for her first ultra sound! For those of you like me who are ultra-sound illiterate, that circular thing that looks like a fingerprint is the sac and the little dot is the embryo. (I think those are the correct terms??!) My friend's husband said it looked like a boob to him. I guess he hasn't seen any boobs in a while! It was quite exciting and an honor to be present for my neice or nephew's debut. I am on top of the world about this baby. I don't care if its a boy or girl. Molly is going to have another ultra sound done with her doctor in Kenner on the 31st of July. They will be able to hear the baby's heart beat and determine if there is more than one baby! Her hormone count was so high that we aren't sure how many are in there. Right now, her due date is March 10th.

F-A-T vs. PHAT?

My neice Kayleigh was over at my house Friday watching me put on make-up to go out. She said, "Aunt Janie, you are so beautiful. I want to be just like you when I grow, just not as fat." Hmmm, how does one reply to a statement like that? I thanked her and told her that she was beautiful too. Of course then I pondered the statement. It didn't hurt my feelings and it didn't make me cry (surprisingly, it didn't.) But it made me realize just how much my life revolves around my weight and just how often I talk about it when Kayleigh is around me. The poor girl has been to Weight Watchers, L.A. Weightloss AND Jenny Craig all with her Aunt J! It also made me think how sad it is that at the young age of 6, she already recognizes that being heavy is not a positive thing in our society.

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day about weight-related issues and how it affects my self-esteem in regards to dating. She mentioned that until I felt comfortable in my own skin it would be hard for me to find someone. I totally agree. I know that I am a beautiful person, but I do NOT like being heavy. Let's face it, the majority of men don't like heavy women.

I know some people reading this blog are probably thinking, "well if you don't like being fat, then get off your lazy butt and do something about it." I'm not writing this to get responses from people telling me that I'm pretty or how to exercise. I know what I need to do lose weight. I'm just writing this b/c its been on my mind alot lately and when Kayleigh made that comment I thought now would be good time to write about it. I'm not sure where I'm going with this entry either. The bottom line is I love food. I enjoy eating with family and friends. I love sweets, especially cakes from Publix! I have realized however that I do use food as a crutch and that's not good. I don't like to exercise. For one, that means I have to wear unflattering work out clothes and get my hair messed up. Second, I hate to sweat. Third, I don't care what anybody says, exercise hurts. I'm not one for pain. Don't worry, I also know that diabetes, heart disease and high blood pressure runs in my family. I try hard to stay active and walk as much as I can. I'm just not consistent.

So, I guess I'm wondering, where is a happy medium? I don't want to look like Jabba the Hut, but I'll never be a size 8 either. For one day I'd love to eat and not look down at my stomach only to realize it sticks out farther than my boobs (nice image, huh?)I guess I'm the only one with the answers. I'm going to try to love me, ALL of me, and treat my body with the care it deserves, while eating my Publix cake, too! If I happen to lose a few pounds, great, if not, oh well, as long as I'm healthy. Oh yeah, last night on 'Oxygen,' Monique sponsored a beauty pageant for large women. It was great! Thanks Monique!

Home again, home again, jiggety jig

Wow! Its been almost a month since my last post. I've been busy. I have so much to write about yet, don't know where to begin. My "new" house has been one big adventure after another. A special thanks to my stepdad for helping me.

I finished up summer school on the 28th of June and left the next morning for West Virginia. I tell you what, teaching those kids this summer was probably the best thing I've done in a long while. I have learned so much. They reminded me to appreciate the simple things in life, to laugh at my shortcomings and most of all, to SLOW DOWN! I often go way too fast. I think it might have to do with my anxiety. My mind races faster than my body will work. This in turn causes extreme exhaustion. I have hypothyroid and despite taking medicine for it, I often feel like I'm walking in a fog. Anyway, enough of that, just trying to explain what I'm like sometimes.

My trip "up north" was terrific! I rented an absolutely perfect Chevy Malibu and made it a road trip. (I know you are laughing about the Malibu, but if you have ever driven with me in my car, you'd understand.) I spent the night in Cherokee, N.C. and enjoyed a little sight seeing on Friday. I only spent about $4 at Harrah's Casino. You know, I figured it was for a good cause!

On Friday, I ventured to Charleston, WV to visit my best friend Maggie in her new home. We had a fantastic time. It was great to see how happy she is. She has the most wonderful boyfriend and I am so glad for her.

Saturday, we drove to Pennsylvania for a friend's wedding. Thank the Lord Maggie was with me. First of all, I didn't realize just how far away this wedding was. We were about an hour south of Erie! If I'd of brought my raft, we could have went to Canada! I'm not complaining. Now I can say I've been to PA. Don't plan to go back anytime soon, though. The wedding was quite beautiful but it was a Catholic wedding and I had no clue as to when to sit or stand or what the heck to say. It lasted 2 hours!

Sunday was spent shopping and visiting with Maggie's parents. I feel right at home with her family. Monday I drove to Maryland to visit a college friend of mine who is expecting. We had a great visit. I got to have dinner with her family. Again, another family I feel welcomed by. Tuesday and Wednesday I stayed with Maggie in Charleston. It rained all night on the 4th so we didn't see any fireworks. That's ok b/c I was able to watch both episodes of 'Dog, The Bounty Hunter.' I usually don't get to watch it b/c I teach on Tuesday nights. Thursday was spent driving home. It was sad to leave but I was anxious to get back to C'Ville.

I don't know what it is, maybe its the summer school thing or maybe its turning 30 but I really appreciated this trip. I enjoyed the scenery: mountains, trees, flowers, etc. I bet I stopped at every visitor's center and picked up brochures for my new classroom. I also was reminded of how rich I am. I have so many people who love me and I them. It was comforting to know I had friends and family back home taking care of my place and asking me to check in while traveling. I could go on and on, but I need to eat breakfast. Wish me luck, I'm back with Jenny Craig. I'm really close to considering gastric bypass or duct tape for my mouth. Either should work!

Oh yeah! I got the best news on my way home. I'm going to be an aunt! My sister and brother-in-law have been trying to have a baby for the past 11 months and things have finally paid off. If the doctors are right, she is 5 weeks along. Please pray that things will go well for them. Have a great week

Men your age don't climb trees...

As you know, this summer I'm teaching students who are labeled, 'Trainable Mentally Handicapped.' I am having a blast. My kid who makes phalic symbols with the play dough has "graduated," so things have eased up a bit. I do miss my blind student, who by the way told me his mom was friends with the lady who took the cat I got out of the shed by my house. Anyway, he now has the cat! I love small towns! Anyway, the point of my blog tonight...

One of my students asked me if I had a boyfriend. Then she corrected herself by saying, "Oh no, you should have a husband." I laughed and said, "No, honey. He hasn't fallen out of the sky yet." My motto is until a man comes to me with a sign from God that says, "take him he's yours," I'm not dating anymore! Of course my sweet little student didn't understand my whole joke about falling from the sky. So, she giggles and says, "Miss Tucker, you're so silly. Guys your age don't climb trees!" Man, do I love my job! Hey, I guess I better stop looking up then.

Tonight, I dropped off birthday presents to my surrogate neice and nephew. As I was about to leave my 5 year old neice, who ran out of the bathroom wearing ONLY her costume jewelry, puts her hands on her hips and says, "Aunt Janie, you're NOT leaving until I get a kiss!" How sweet!

I love children. I love all kinds of children. I don't even mind typical high schoolers as much, now that I don't teach them. My neice had her summer dance recital Saturday evening. It was absolutely terrific. However, it was absolutely long! Next time, I'm bringing a pillow to sit on. Just kidding. Besides sitting on the seats, the other hard part was watching all of those kiddos and wanting one of my own. I know God has plans for me. I also know his timing isn't mine and lord know's I can't exactly have a child right now (no husband, no room, $$). It just wouldn't be fair to the kiddo. Well, that's enough blabbering for now. Oh, the picture at the top is of my neice and I at her dance recital. Is she a princess or what? Who does take after? Love, J

Life, or something like it...

So, I'm teaching summer school. Its funny b/c at my last school you had to beg to teach summer school. At this high school they begged me to teach b/c nobody wanted to do it. I figured, whats a month? Besides, I could use the money. I never know when somethings going to need fixing around my new place. Anyway, I am having the best time. I had my doubts at first and almost quit. I knew I was going to teach students who are labeled 'Trainably, Mentally Handicapped.' I was looking forward to it. I'd planned on taking them on field trips and just basically having a great time. Then on Tuesday morning when I arrived they gave another student. He is a typical kid except that he's visually impaired. He has tumors that are causing him to go blind. He is in summer school to improve his Science grade. The problem is since he can't see, guess what he needs me to do? Read and help him answer the study guides! So, I thought, how the hell am I supposed to devote all my attention to him and work with my other kids? I'm glad I didn't quit. I am having so much fun! The kid whose blind, is absolutely amazing. He is so cool with my two TMH kids. (sorry, that wasn't politically correct.) One of my TMHers gets really paranoid for no apparent reason and then gets irate with me. The VI kid will talk him out of it and helps him feel involved. My other TMHer has Down Syndrome. She is hillarious, and quite smart. She is in love with everybody and is always doing great, as she puts it. Anyway, its amazing how its all worked out. I've been able to put one kid at the computer while the other one does seatwork and I can work with my VI kid. The other two ESE teachers have been sending me kids who finish their assignments early and they will read with my VI kid so I can work with my TMHers. God really does provide! My latest issue however has been this new kid they sent me who is Emotionally Handicapped. He enjoys making fallic symbols with playdough and saying totally inappropriate things. Only five more days with him! He has spent quite a bit of time running errands for me and sitting in the hallway to read his novel he is using to earn his credit to graduate. That makes it not so bad. I love my job. There was a time not too long ago when I had lost my zest for teaching. Praise the Lord I think its back! Well, its late and my dog is telling me she needs to go out. Take Care!

Life in the Big Woods

As I mentioned in my last entry I am a princess. I don't know much about fixing things. My way of fixing things is to cover them up. I thought it would fun fixing this place up. Its something I've always wanted to do. It is fun, but it gets frustrating when I have to rely on other people. My parents have been absolutely terrific. I owe them big time! My friends have been awesome as well. Despite all the mishaps, I absolutely love it here. My yard is going to be gorgeous once I grow some grass... yes, the legal kind! I need to haul off some old metal and close in the ditch that goes to my well, too. I've really enjoyed making curtains, hanging pictures and coming up with themes to meet my creative style. The hard parts have been having tons of iron in my new well and having to change the filter weekly, coming home to a wet kitchen floor b/c the pipes are leaky. Discovering a soft floor b/c my dishwasher wasn't installed properly and now my floor has rotted, and then bending down to put my scale under my bathroom sink and noticing that the pipes are duct taped! On the positive side, I've called the guy I am buying the place from and he has made it all good. Its just a roller coaster ride not knowing from one day to the next what's going to happen. What is it with me and water???

Oh yeah, so now I'm living in what I'd like to call the country. I figure since I'm right next to the national forest, don't get reception on my cell phone unless I stand in a certain spot outside (remember the show Green Acres?) and Dominoes doesn't deliver, I can say I live in the country. Its relatively quiet except for the crickets and occasional snake slithering by. Its funny, I can handle police sirens and bass from cars driving down the road but you let me hear a bump or an animal rustling by and I'm freaked. I've decided that I have mice or birds living in my ceiling. Some nights I can hear them running back and forth making their little animal noises. I don't really like them being here since they don't pay rent but what can I do?

Today, I was out finishing my flower beds when I heard this crying noise. I tried to ignore it but soon realized it was a kitten. I'm a glutten for strays so I went over to see if I could find it. There is this old runned down house next to mine that has a shed behind it. The dad gum kitten was stuck behind the water pump inside the shed! I prayed a huge prayer and climbed into the shed and got the kitten. It was so cute and little. It couldn't even walk yet. I couldn't keep it so I took it to the animal shelter. I felt bad but I really don't need a cat. It ended up being a good thing b/c the lady at the shelter said the kitten was so small that it needed to be bottle fed every hour! Not me. I sure need my sleep. Well, I've rambled enough! Take Care! J

The Princess of Quite Alot

I am a princess... there's no doubt about it and for those of you who know me, you know that I am the girliest princess there is. I don't like to sweat, I own lots of pink, and I absolutely hate to get dirty. Anyway, I thought I'd "set the stage" with that lead in to tell you about my gardening experience. I don't know if its because I turned 30 last Friday or its my Grandma Tucker's genes coming out in me, but I've gotten into this planting flowers thing. I'm trying really hard to spruce up my "new" house. So, anyway, I went to ACE yesterday and filled my CRV with all types of flowers. Marigolds, Heathers, some bushes I forgot the name of, a small palm tree, those elephant ear looking plants and a plant that attracts butterflies. I bought a ton of potting soil and a couple of bags of mulch too. I forgot to buy a shovel so I had to go back inside and get one of those. Of course, I'd been collecting "yard ornaments," as my friend Jes would say, along the way. No pink flamingos, Rebecca! No, just those little windchimes, fake rocks and flower markers.

I'd been racking my brain as to what to use for a border around the plants when low and behold on my way home what to my wandering eye should appear but a huge area under construction. For those of you that aren't familiar with Wakulla County, its loaded with limestone. Well, tons of that stuff had been broken up into small rocks and it was lying everywhere! I pulled my car into the site and loaded it with limestone.

You should see my yard. Its looking better and better each day! I had to go back to ACE today and buy more flowers and bushes because I just didn't feel like the job was complete. I also stopped by my rock bed and loaded up on some more limestone. I sure hope that stuff isn't toxic.

So, anyway, back to me being a princess... Of course, I don't think to put on tennis shoes. NO, I had on my Old Navy flip flops. This would have been ok, if I hadn't of gotten a pedicure last Friday. Despite the scrubbing and lathering of lotion, my feet still look like I went mountain climbing! Its a good thing I stopped getting acrylic nails. My finger nails looked like I had been digging for worms! My mom bought me the cutest gloves but I forgot to use them. My body hurt soooo bad when I got finished planting. Needless to say, I slept like a log. When I get it all land- scaped I'll send you some pictures. Love to all! J

Until Further Notice...

CELEBRATE EVERYTHING!!! (Quite a change from my last entry.) Needless to say I am feeling better. I'm trying to lower my caffeine intake, there's only 2 more days left with my fantastic students, and my house is almost finished!

So, for those of you who don't know me, I'm a bargain shopper. No, I'm a bargain junkie. One day, on one of my numerous trips to Bealls Outlet I bought this cute little plaque that says, "Until Further Notice, Celebrate Everything." This is my new motto. When things really piss me off, I'm going to try and think about things to celebrate. So, here's my list of things to celebrate:

1. new boxes of Crayola crayons
2. hugs from little children that leave their handprints on the seat of your pants
3. blowing bubbles
4. mascara that really is sweat/tear proof
5. rebate coupons
6. doggie kisses

There are tons more things to celebrate but I since I started this post on the 17th of May I figured I'd better finish it and put it on display. I'll update you on my house and 30th birthday later.

List of Pet Peeves...

My awesome friend, Trisha, who also has a blog created a list of pet peeves/things people might not know about her. I'm borrowing her idea. Why, you might ask? Because, I am in a pissy mood. My students are out of control, my house is STILL not finished, and I've consumed way too much caffeine. Hopefully by doing this I will relieve some stress.

1. Why in the world is the women's plus size section located right beside the petite section? I already know that I'm fat and putting my size clothes right beside cute little petite clothes just rubs it in more!

2. Dealing with obnoxious teenagers. I've decided that I don't really like teenagers right now. At least today. They are mouthy, loud and terribly messy.

3. People who act like they carry the world on their shoulders. Some people are so dramatic. (like me, right now?) If you want to see people with burdens try looking at single parents wondering where they are going to get the money to pay their light bill, or a family with a child who has a life-threatening illness or severe special need.

4. Piles of old newspapers. My motto... after you read it, throw the damn thing out. I HATE clutter!

5. Rude people who work in retail. If you don't like people, don't be around them. Geez...

Thats about it right now. I know I'm not unique when it comes to pet peeves but it sure feels good to vent!

Somethings Gotta Give

Hi friends! I am happy to tell you that I should be moving into my "new" home next Tuesday! The guy I'm buying the place from will still need to put a skirt on the bottom and fix or should I say add a window to the spare room but it will be liveable by next week. I feel like there is so much to do but its all out of my control. I don't like that, but my anxiety hasn't gotten too out of hand so I'm ok.

I'm still praying for a job at either the pre-K or CES. Please continue to pray for me. I know that I'll be happy at either place. High school is NOT my cup of tea! I am definitely looking forward to working on my house and doing some landscaping. Don't laugh, its actually quite therapeutic. Who'd of thought, the girl who hates to sweat enjoys gardening???

LeeAnn Rhimes has a song out called, "Somethings Gotta Give." That song is all about me. I will be 30 years old in exactly one month. While I know that I'm blessed with all that I've done in my life, my fantastic family and friends and the places I've traveled, I still don't feel complete. I know my timing and God's is different so I need to be patient but come on... my time clock is ticking here. I want a husband and kids.

My mom wanted to see the Chip-N-Dales so for Mother's Day, my sister and I bought her tickets to see them in Gainesville. I know, most daughters buy their mothers passes to health spas or take them out for tea, not us. Since I live the closest and am single, I got the priviledge of taking Mom to the show. It was better than I thought it would be, despite being in Gator territory! I've never seen so many horny women in my life. It was kind of scary. The whole time all I could think was, "Gosh this is disgusting." All I want is one man, he doesn't even have to look like these men, just someone who is stabile, will love me with 10 extra pounds and make me feel like the diva that I know I am. Is that too much to ask for? I don't think so and so, I will NOT settle!

By the way, I'm back on Jenny Craig. I need something to get my fat behind in shape. Until next time... Somethings Gotta Give!

Please tell me its 5' O Clock Somewhere???

I'm tired. No, I'm exhausted. I don't even have the vocabulary to describe how I feel today. Can you hear the violins??? I know I'm not the only one who is tired. We all have our issues. Lord, my students were out of control today. Everytime I'd go to teach a lesson or present an assignment someone would piss and moan about it. I finally told about three them to shut up, or go home. Yes, I did! Ok, enough about school stuff. There's only 5 weeks left with these kiddos. Still no word regarding a job for next year, though.

Spring Break was terrific! I spent time at the beach, worked on my house, got a new tattoo, visited friends and family and just basically relaxed. I thought I'd pretend to be back in college and drink all week. I've decided I can't do that anymore! After drinking myself silly on Tuesday, I spent Wednesday hugging the porcelain god! Why do I think I'm still 21? I can NOT drink like I use to. My intestinal tract doesn't appreciate it, nor does the rest of my body. Those couple of hours of relaxation are just not worth the events of the next day!

I started back on Weight Watchers and joined a local gym. Its been ok this week. Today, I'm going to make myself go workout though. If not, I'll be in bed by 8pm! This getting up at 5:45am is killing me. I am NOT a morning person.

There's not much to write about so until next time... its 5'O Clock Here!

Life IS a bowl of cherries...

Hi friends! I've felt so out of sorts these past few weeks without access to a computer. My hard drive at school was considered evidence for an investigation (I was NOT involved in the investigation!)and so I just got it back this past Tuesday. I feel more in touch with the world now! My co-teacher has been terrific about letting me use her computer but I didn't feel comfortable writing blogs or searching for things on someone elses computer.

So, here I am back in Wakulla. I forgot how beautiful it is here in the spring. I wake up to the sound of birds chirping, as opposed to police and fire sirens! The early mornings are rough, as I have to be up by 5:45 am to be on time for work. We have to be at school by 7:25am but we get out at 3pm. I like having longer afternoons. Until my house is finished I am living with my friend Maggie in Tallahassee. She was gracious to let me and my dog stay with her.

My anxiety hasn't been too bad since I've moved back. I have been doing alot of deep breathing, taking walks and LOTS of praying. The kids I work with are tough. By tough I mean they are between the ages of 15-20 years old. Disabilities include language impairments, behavior disorders, learning disabilities and mild mental handicaps. They all are on special diploma which basically means if they want a real job after graduation they have to get a GED. Most of them come from rough family backgrounds. I have a couple who have done some time and a couple who I'm sure are well on their way. They can't pass the FCAT but are smart enough to know that they are in ESE. (Do you catch my drift?) Some of the boys enjoy making CD's. They are quite talented! Seriously... I have a couple who play football and basketball and one that's on the weightlifting team. There again, this is great but without a regular diploma, they can't get drafted by universities. (a couple have already been asked, only to find out they can't go to college with a special diploma!) The girls are all excited because prom is coming up soon. I'm kind of excited too. I think I may chaperone. Its fun being back here at the high school I graduated from. The other cool thing is that I remember alot of the kids from when they were an elementary school.

I was driving home from work the other day questioning my decision to move back. I was thinking about my HUGE cut in pay, leaving my centers on such short notice, etc. Then I was reminded that despite having no money (what's new???), I can pick my niece and nephew up after school. I can have dinner with my mom. My dog has a backyard to run around in. I feel like I belong. So, there's no questioning of my decision anymore.

I'm going home!

Well, this is it. My internet will be disconnected on Saturday, March 11th. Not sure if I'll be able to make it. I'm such a technology freak these days. I had planned to have dinner with my friend Rebecca last night. She called me and said, "I hope you don't mind, but I invited a few extra friends as well." I showed up to see about 12 people from work! It was heartwarming to see that many of my co-workers at dinner for me. Of course, it could have just been there excuse to drink! I really had a great time. They even gave a nice going away gift; a tartwarmer from Yankee Candle Company. I LOVE candles so it was a perfect gift. Rebecca paid for my dinner. We ate at Outback. It was yummy! The waiters and waitresses came out and sang to me and gave me the largest piece of cake you've ever seen. I shared with the people at the table and even had some left over for breakfast!

I'm exhausted. Not sure if its the stress of moving, hormones or all the crap I've been eating. Jenny Craig would NOT be happy with me! I hope that once I get moved I won't eat so much and can get back into exercising. I guess I should finish packing. I have to take down my curtains and put a few odds and ends in boxes and I'll be finished! What a terrific journey this year has been. Now I'm off to embark on new territory.

Peace...

Last night I wrote letters to my dad and my Grama T. Yes, I realize that they have both gone on to a Higher Place but I needed some closure. The letters were heartfelt. I had leftover guilt and anger towards my dad for dying so young. I felt guilty about not spending time with my Grama before she passed. In the letters I asked forgiveness, gave forgiveness and shared how much I loved both of them. I felt much better after writing them. Today I went to Publix and bought two helium balloons. My plan was to attach the letters to the balloons and let the balloons go. Yes, again I realize they wouldn't make it to Heaven. Symbolism, here people! Anyway, the letter was too heavy and weighed the balloons down. I shouldn't have left the balloons in the car so long. Damn heat! I took the balloons to my Grama's memorial since my daddy is buried in Wakulla. I let the balloons go. At first they just sort of stayed in place. I thought, "My goodness, I'm trying to let go of some guilt. Come on here!" Finally they began to float in the air. Then they got stuck under an eave of a roof! After a couple of minutes and much needed prayer the balloons finally flew up, up, up and away!

I had to post this entry because one, to share a way to provide closure and two, to point out the humor in things. Lord, you should have seen those balloons. I didn't think they'd ever fly away! As I was leaving the cemetary, I noticed these signs labeling the road. They all had 'peace' written on them! Pretty cool.

I'm getting a bit anxious about this move. I'm worried that all those old feelings of anxiety are going to come back. I'm nervous that I'm not going to have enough room in the moving truck for all my stuff. I'm scared to be starting a new job in the middle of the school year. I know that everything will be ok. I've been praying.

Thoughts to share...

Its funny how I came to West Palm Beach looking for Mr. Right. At this point, Mr. Right Now would be nice! Just kidding. I didn't find Mr. Right but I sure have gained some closure on some things. While some are funny, others make me teary.

A funny one deals with when I was about 3 years old, I went to Lion Country Safari here in Palm Beach County. While I was there, a goose bit me on my back. I remember it to this day. For the past 27 years, I've held a grudge on every species of birds. Up until a couple of months ago I was petrified of ducks and geese. I finally realized the other day that that was just one goose. Who knows, maybe I was in his territory? Anyway, as I was looking out at the lake behind my apartment I happened to see a momma duck with her little ducklings. My heart softened! They were so cute and the momma was so protective. Maybe I've actually overcome my fear?

On a more serious note, I've come to let go of some old guilty feelings I've stored up for over 17 years! I'm learning to enjoy life. Stop and smell the roses. I feel incredibly rich because of all the places I've been and the friends I've made along the way.

While I'm nervous about teaching high school I know it'll be ok. I've done it before, I can do it again. Its only 2 and a half months, right?

I guess that's all for now. Take Care, J

Adios Amigos!

Hi friends! Alot has happened since I last wrote. For starters, my head grew into my mushroom hairdo! I went to Tally to present at the Early Learning Conference. My friend Maggie and I presented together. We did a fabulous job. So good that people were upset because our first session filled up so fast that not everyone who wanted to attend could. The coordinators asked us to present again in the afternoon! We had only planned to present during one session. The CEO of Kid's Inc personally thanked us! This conference did wonders for my self-esteem. A special thanks to all my friends who were willing to help me with materials and quotes regarding inclusion.

Ok, so on my way to Tally this Friday I received a call from Wakulla County Schools asking me if I'd be willing to come back and teach at the high school. As you know, I've been planning on moving home, just not this soon. I don't like being this far away from my family and want to be where I am needed. Anyway, I am moving back to Tally Tuesday, March 14th. While I feel guilty about leaving my present job on such short notice, I feel that this is what I need to do. I've been praying about this for quite some time now and God has made a way for me to go home. Maggie is willing to let me stay with her until my house is finished. An old friend of the family has a job for me this summer. I was able to get out of my lease without getting into trouble and to top it off, my step-dad is coming down to help me move!

Some may think that I am scattered and flitter around from place to place. That's fine, let them think what they want. I believe that God has a plan for us all. Some of us just take a while figuring out what that plan is! For the first time in my life I finally feel complete and satisfied with my decisions. I came to West Palm Beach looking for Mr. Right...oh yeah and a new chance at life. I haven't found Mr. Right, but so many other great things have happened since I've been here and I've been able to tie up some unfinished business I've had for some time.

Professionally, I have grown in so many ways. I know more about early childhood education and hope to use what I've learned when I return to Wakulla. My self-esteem has soared tremendously. I know that I can make it, where ever I am. I am not obsessed with losing weight but instead I am working on trying to be healthy by exercising, eating right, and taking care of my body. Spiritually, I have come to depend on God more than I've ever done before. He really does provide!

I will not be on blogger for a while after March 10th, as this is when my internet service will be disconnected. Please know that I keep all of you in my prayers and cherish the relationships I have with you. My e-mail address will remain the same and I'll check it when I can. I'm going to keep my same cell number for a while. I will let you know when I change it.

Some say I'm crazy for wanting to go back into the classroom. Maybe I am. My therapist says I am fine and I tend to believe her! We shall see... In the meantime, thanks for all the prayers. I know they are what keeps me straight!

I'm in a funk!

Reason number 200 for moving back to Wakulla: My hair dresser. Ok call me shallow, but there's nothing worse than getting a bad haircut! Today I went and got a haircut. I showed the lady the picture and everything. I guess I should have emphasized "Long Layers!" Now I look like I have a mushroom growing on top of my head! I am presenting at a conference next Saturday and I look like a shroom! Thank goodness I have a week to figure out what to do with this mess. Maybe I can get a wig. I am so bummed right now.

Something to Make You Think... or laugh

Thanks to everybody for their input on the 'Am I Normal' blog. Nope, I'm not, but who is? I guess its been so long since I've had free time in the afternoon that I just wasn't sure what to do. Come to think of it, I've NEVER had free afternoons before now. I used to teach, tutor, work retail or have school business to take care of. I never realized just how many great people I have in my life until now. I love you guys!+

Anyway, I just thought I'd share some things that have been on my mind lately. So, yesterday I'm at the laundry mat and I happen to look over at the super laundry machines. You know, the ones that cost $3.00 a load. I'm not really sure why people would mix all their clothes like that, but oh well. Anyway, I happen to read the warning sticker on the machine and it says, "WARNING: do not put people in here." What I want to know is, who the hell tried it for them to say that?

Ok the second thing thats been on my mind is about those candy machines. You know the ones I'm talking about. The kind you put a quarter in and get candy. I'll admit it, I'm a sucker for those machines. The gross thing is, just how unsanitary those things are. Lord only knows what kind of germs are all over them. I've got to stop getting candy from those machines.

Ok, last thing, I promise. Please let me start out by saying I'm a pretty big girl myself, so I don't know how ladies larger than me do this but I'm at the mall today and I see this woman, packing about 300+ pounds, apple shaped, not pear, and wearing heels! First of all, even wearing my Clarks, after a while my feet hurt at the mall. I can't imagine what she must be feeling. Second, how the hell does she balance herself being apple shaped and wearing heels? Hmm, things to ponder.

Well, I've got to go eat my Jenny Craig dinner. Yum!

Am I Normal?

I'd really love some feedback from everybody on this one. I realize that yes, certifiably I am a bit crazy but I'm curious if I'm doing what the norm does or if I'm being an introvert. Here is my routine: I work, come home or run errands (gym, groceries, drug store, etc) then I come home, cook dinner, eat, walk Missy, watch t.v. while playing Tetris and then I go to bed. Somewhere in there I may check my e-mail, call my mother and/or friends. (My friend Maggie says that this is normal, but sometimes I think she is just being nice.)

My weekends really worry me. Friday night, I went out with a group of friends from work. We had a couple of drinks over dinner and by 7pm, we all went home. My friend Rebecca was willing to go to a movie with me but I was so darn tired. Now mind you, they all went home to their husbands, me, I went home to my dog. By 9:00pm I was in bed!

Saturday, it was disgusting outside, thunderstorm city, but I spent an hour at the gym to make up for Friday night's beer and buffet. Then I went home, watched tv, went to the laundry mat, cleaned my house and played Tetris. ( Is it ok for an almost 30 year old to play Tetris this much?) Sunday, I tutored, called a couple of friends to check in, went to the gym, Target, took Missy to the dog park and now I'm home.

I don't know if its because I spend so much time socializing at work, but I am exhausted on the weekends. Sometimes, just the thought of putting on real clothes and holding a conversation makes me tired. I'm not depressed. I know that in less than 4 months I'll be back in Wakulla. Yippee!

I'm sure its just the anxiety trying to get the best of me, but I'd love some input on this entry.

Hugs and Kisses, J

Gone With The Wind!

I thought this was funny so I'm going to share... For those of you who don't know, I have a terrible love for cake icing, especially from Publix. Well, today a little girl had a birthday party at school and wouldn't ya know it, she had a cake from Publix! Since I've been doing this Jenny Craig diet (3 weeks) I've been icing clean. Well, I couldn't take it today. So, I asked for a piece of the cake. I wrapped it up on a paper plate and put it on the hood of my car to load my crate and backpack. Wouldn't you know it, the wind blew my cake across the parking lot! I figured that was the Jenny Craig gods stopping me from indulging.

2.8... not on the rictor scale!

I'm not even sure if I spelled that correctly, but I thought it was funny so I used it as my title. I lost 2.8 pounds this week! I'm trying not to put so much emphasis on weight loss but when I weighed in and realized I'd lost, I felt invigorated.

You know, I'm a big weinie. Today I had to go get my permanent crown put on. Geez, that hurt like hell. My nerve endings were really sensitive. I don't know about having babies. I may have to adopt.

Well, I Did It...

I finally told my boss that I was leaving at the end of the school year. It went better than I thought. Now, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Its taken me seven long months to realize that what I was looking for was with me all along. I guess I remember leaving West Palm Beach as a happy, go-lucky little girl. When my parents split up, my mom, sister and I headed North. I left my daddy, my grama, and best friend behind. As a kid, I would spend summers here and have all kinds of fun. I had no responsibilities. I also had memories of the Dairy Queen and Polar Cup on Military Trail, spending blazing afternoons at the Rapids Water Slide or walking across the street to the park by my grama's house. Consciously I knew moving here that my daddy and grama weren't here. My best friend from grade school lives out west. We haven't talked in years. It now costs about $25 to go the Rapids and you can just imagine my devestation when I discovered that the Polar Cup had been turned into a Mexican Craft Store and Dairy Queen had been vandalized! So, anyway, all those fond memories have been inside of me all my life, everywhere I've lived.

While this has been an expensive, lonely experience, its also been a learning one. I appreciate Wakulla County. I look forward to teaching again. (I've had a couple of possible job offerings, but nothing official, so could ya say a few prayers for me?) I've spent some quality time getting to know me, my dog, and letting go of some painful feelings I've had pent up inside of me. I've discovered that while I don't have my biological dad, there are alot of great male role models in my life. I've used the excuse about not having a dad to keep men away from me. That's another story for another day. Well, I'm hungry. The story of my life, right? Anyway, I'm going to go eat dinner and watch t.v. Tomorrow I weigh in at Jenny Craig. It's not going to be pretty, but I don't care. Tommorrow I'll tell you about the house I bought!

Its Cloudy Today

Its Saturday afternoon and my sinuses are killing me. My head feels like it weighs about 30 pounds. All I want to do is sleep. The problem is all I've done is sleep! I need to take Missy to the dog park, but I feel so tired and nauseated I'm scared to move. I went to the fair last night with my cousin, aunt and uncle. I had a terrific time. It was fun hanging out with them. I'm so lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life. I made a deal to ride the ferris wheel with my cousin. I made one loop around and had to beg the ferris wheel operator to let me off. You should have seen my cousin's face. (He's 13. Everything is embarrassing at that age.) After the ferris wheel my uncle rode on the rides with me. It was alot of fun. You know, I missed not having my dad while I was growing up, but I now realize there are so many other wonderful men in my life. Not that they ever replaced my daddy.

I'm feeling kind of bummed out today. I'm not sure exactly why. I hate these kind of days when I'm not sure why I feel like crap but I feel like it anyway. I had two dreams last night that have stuck with me today and that could be it. I hate when I have such intense dreams b/c I wake up feeling guilty. Don't worry, I don't dream about hurting people. I had my usual dreams about making people close to me angry, but not being able to figure out why. Sounds dumb, I know.

My Aunt Molly has to go in for heart surgery on Monday. She's one of my favorite aunts. We used to be really close. Things haven't been so good for her lately and now this. She's really young too. I know God has a purpose for everything. I just wish I knew what to do for her.

Well, its 4:30pm. I'm going to change out of my pj's and wipe the mentholatum off of my forehead and take my poor dog to the park! I'll just have to grin and bear it. I'm sure those doggy bags at the park have multi-purposes!

I'm No Saint but Come On...

OK, I know the Bible states, "Let he who has not sinned, cast the first stone." Well, maybe I goofed on the statement but you know what I mean. The point is, I'm no saint so I shouldn't be judging people but I've just got to vent about this. Since I was all out of clean underwear, I HAD to go to the laundry mat and wash clothes. I absolutely despise going to the laundry mat but I don't have washer/dryer connections in my quaint little apartment. Friends and relatives have been wonderful about offering their machines, but I don't like to impose. Anyway, I'm at the laundry mat tonight and I see this girl about six or seven months pregnant. She is outside puffing away on a cigarette! To top it off, she's drinking a Mountain Dew. That stuff is like liquid crack! I guess its years of teaching special ed and having friends who do everything perfect during their pregnancy but end up having children with special needs, but seeing that woman smoking pissed me off! I didn't say anything though, but later on while I'm folding my clothes I see her folding her clothes and she looks at me and says, "It really sucks to have to wear such f*%cking big underwear." This bold statement led into a conversation in which I find out she is a nurse! A nurse! Yes...Can you believe it? Lord, I just don't understand people.

Holdin Steady At...

Well, today is Tuesday and I went to my weigh-in session at Jenny Craig. I didn't lose or gain this week. I'm kind of bummed but then I think I did better than I could have done. I went to Tally this weekend and celebrated a friend's birthday by drinking 3 Coronas! Usually I have Bud Lite but they were out of it at the Bowling Alley. I haven't had beer in six months and I choose the weekend before weighing in to drink! Oh well, the main thing is I had the most wonderful weekend with my friends. I didn't come home all sad and yucky like I did two weeks ago. I'm going to go now and enjoy some reduced fat peanut butter and cool whip. The Jenny lady said it was ok to replace the olives I was supposed to have with pb since I don't believe in olives! Take Care!

6.2 down... a WHOLE LOT more to go!

I am happy to say, I lost 6.2 pounds this week on my Jenny Craig diet! I am sooooo proud of myself. I was tempted twice to go off the path. Once I was waiting for this lady at the mall in the food court no less and twice I stopped and bought dinner for a friend who had just had a baby. I prayed really hard and enjoyed the smells. Its funny how much I use food as a crutch. I eat when I'm bored, as a reward, to fulfill my loneliness. This week I learned to appreciate foods like canned pears and steamed carrots. Who'd of thought it... me and steamed carrots??? I also made a point to put alot of effort into my activities this week. I parked farther away when I went shopping, extended my walks with Missy (my dog) and tried to do stuff while I listened to t.v. I hope everybody has a great week. I get to go to Tally this weekend and visit with some friends and family.

Let me just tell you...

You know, I love my life and the wonderful opportunities I have but sometimes I think, can life be easy for once? So, today I get off work at 3:30pm (a nice little perk I'm going to miss once I return to the classroom) and have almost two hours before my Jenny Craig torture session, I mean appointment. My trip to Tallahassee screwed me over, you just can't eat Jenny Craig when everybody else is eating Sonny's Real Pit BBQ! Anyway, I have all this time before my meeting which is great because I have a couple of errands to run and Missy needed to be walked. I took Missy for her walk, which lasted 25 minutes versus our usual 15 b/c she refused to go potty! No problem, I have time. Then I went to Walgreens to pick up my medications. I swear I take more medicine than my 85 year old grandma! My allergies are out of control down here and then you know the damn anxiety and then I take synthroid for my thyroid which doesn't really work but nevertheless, I digress. So, I wait in the drive-thru debating on whether or not to skimp on one of meds this month but decided not to and paid the $136. If I don't take the allergy medicine I get all nauseated and want to puke. Nobody wants to be near me when I'm off my anxiety meds and well, the synthroid kinda controls my thyroid. You get the picture. ANYWAY, wouldn't you know it, the medications get stuck in the drive thru tube which causes me to hold up traffic. I just sat there laughing. You should have seen the little Indian pharmicist's face when I told him my medications were stuck. It took the manager at Walgreens 30 minutes to get the bag out for me. By this time its nearing 4:40pm but not to worry my Jenny Craig meeting is at 5:20pm. I had to go to the post office and get 2 cent stamps b/c I had all of these 37 cent stamps left over from Christmas. Of course, everybody else in Palm Beach County had to buy 2 cent stamps too. So, I decided to use the little stamp machine but I had to run back to my car and get change b/c I had used the last of my cash today to buy a Hershey Bar. Nevertheless, my bills and birthday card were mailed out. Thank God for that emergency change fund! I left the post office only to get stuck in traffic due to a car accident. I was re-routed and am proud to say I made it to my Jenny Craig appointment with enough time to pee and jump on the scale. Despite eating Sonny's and Chinese take-out over the break I still managed to lose 2 ounces! Ain't life sweet? So, I began this entry asking couldn't life be easy for once only to end by being truly thankful about many things... there are medications out there that help me, I have an absolutely terrific job with benefits and a salary that allows me to afford the medications, I have a car that gets me from one end of Palm Beach county to the other, I have change in my emergency change fund and finally, I have a terrific network of friends and family who read these crazy blogs I write!

And Life Goes On...

Hi there! My last post sounded really depressing. I know things will get better. I just always feel like crap when I have to leave home and return to West Palm Beach. I don't regret my move here. I have made some terrific friends, reunited with old friends and have enjoyed spending time with relatives I haven't been around in a while. Its also made me appreciate home and teaching. I feel rejuvinated and excited about next fall. My mom and I went looking for property in Wakulla and may have found a cute little place to buy on an acre of land. Property is crazy expensive in Wakulla. I knew things were like that here in WPB, but up north? Anyway,who knows what the future holds. I'm giving it to God. Something I've been struggling with for a while!

In regards to the whole Jenny Craig thing, I lasted two days and then blew it while in Tally. Since I'm home now I'm going to stick to it religiously. I want to at least lose the 20 pounds I've gained since I've moved here. I've decided that since I've been fat all my life, I'm gonna always be fat, just not this fat. We have a saying in our family, "when your stomach sticks out farther than your boobs, you need to lose some weight." Well, thats where I am at.

Today was the most beautiful day. It was cold enough to wear my leather jacket. Well, I've gotta run. Not really run, but I need to go. I'm meeting friends for dinner. Take Care!